Imagine An Older Child—not Even A Child, Someone In Their 20s—and They Have A Younger Sibling That
Imagine an older child—not even a child, someone in their 20s—and they have a younger sibling that they resent for committing no sin but one: being born.
That's their sin, their younger sibling's sin. It isn't a sin, to be born, but it is a sin for the older sibling. Because that child has the love of a mother—a different mother from the older sibling's mom.
Because the older sibling's mom was a tyrant, a monster under the guise of a beautiful woman. Her shadow had horns and a tail, a flame to burn the soul of the older sibling. They did everything for their mother: took care of her as a child as if they were the adult, they killed themselves trying to be the best of the best, straight A's and top marks. But it wasn't enough. They did everything, they even sold their body (in every what way you like) just to get to a point that they think their mother would finally acknowledge and be proud of.
It never came.
And years later, the older sibling meets a child with their mother's eye shape and nose and lips and cheeks and hair (maybe not in the way it was biologically structured, but in the way that was taken care of by their mother, the same techniques and mannerism). But in their eyes were kindness and love and care and perhaps every positive thing to exist. The eyes of the older sibling wasn't like that. It was tired, forlorn, miserable, empty.
This was a child from a different mother. A different mother who had the same face as their mother did, but with every positive thing poured on her. Their mother was abusive and neglectful, in all the ways one could be. The younger sibling's mother was a radiant 36 year old. That wasn't their mother. Even if she had her face.
Dialogue prompts:
"I want to hold on to the resentment. To resent her 'til my last dying breath."
"I guess she still has me wrapped around her finger."
"It's not fair, no. That I have to suffer the crossfire between the mom in your past and my mom now. But the world isn't fair, isn't it? I want my older sibling just as much as you wanted your mother."
"I have the mother you wished for, but I still long for the love of my older sibling like they wanted the love of my mother."
"I think it was brave of her; it was brave of her to let my younger sibling meet me, knowing that I was the sin of her past, the reminder of her mistakes, and the proof of her monstrosity. She let her youngest child see that, because they wanted to meet their older sibling, and she loved her youngest. She bore herself, risked losing what she loved, because she loved them."
"I wish you were never born. I wish you would kill yourself. But that wouldn't do anything. That'll just make me regret my words and make your mother grieve. So there's nothing we can do, but live and move forward, even if we can never cross paths again."
"Maybe, in the future, we can meet again and we'll be happy. But maybe, it's better if the two of you don't exist for me, and I don't exist for you."
"I hate you as much as an older sibling should love their younger one. I don't know how to stop hating you. I don't think I ever will."
"No, we don't. We don't have the same mom. Mine was a nightmare, yours was a dream."
"Even now, I don't think I could imagine a version wherein the circumstances were the same...and I'd have loved you as a mother should have."
"She's a great mother. Just not to me."
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Rewatched Saltburn and I'm obsessed with Farleigh and Oliver's tutoring scene. The essay specifically. For those who don't remember: Oliver did his homework and all his assignments and genuinely gave a well thought out essay for their summer assignments. Farleigh shows up hungover and late and didn't even read the books. But the teacher immediately loves Farleigh and is chatting him up with an interest he barely tried to show Oliver. Even after Oliver gives his presentation and shows that he's clearly a much better student than Farleigh. Obviously this is the real start of their rivalry. But it's also such a beautiful look into their characters and how they mirror eachother. Farleigh understands Oliver's essay, I believe. But like the teacher he's bored by it. The knowledge and work is there, but the presentation of it is boring and strange. Academic and correct, but lacking the appeal to the audience. (Which, can we talk about the fact Farleigh was genuinely listening at all? The teacher zoned out and switched channels, but Farleigh was interested and paying enough attention to know the exact number of times Oliver used the word "thus" in his essay. They respect each other truly even if they despise eachother at this point, and refuse to acknowledge the grudging respect.) So Farleigh does what he does best, he gloats over Oliver. He picks apart the style of the essay and it's presentation rather than addressing the central argument or topic. This delights the teacher and frustrates Oliver who is like, "so you're going to critique the style of my essay rather than it's substance? Seems a bit lazy" and that's the core component of these two characters.
Farleigh is ALL about presentation. He knows how fragile his pedistal is placed up and in view for everyone to see. He's a charity project, just like every other rando of the month. Sure he has some familiar connection, and that's given him a leg up in this world. But it's still shakey at best. He always has to give the correct performance, say the right words, keep his audience on HIS side. Unless he wants to get knocked down with the rest of the common rabal that he knows he's belongs with, but can't stand the idea of. So yes, of course he picks apart the one thing he knows Oliver is failing at. He takes his one advantage over Oliver and uses it mercilessly to both entertain and secure his audience on his side. (I wonder if the positions had been different some how, if Farleigh would have had anything to say about the substance of the essay itself. He was paying attention to it, did he want to have a real academic conversation? Did he possibly want to try and connect to Oliver in that way? A real and non performative way with someone who's so similar to him?)
As for Oliver, obviously his character is intelligent. He does the readings. He does the research. He puts the time and effort in to *learn* in the way Farleigh never does. And it must infuriate him that his essay is so easily pushed to the side for a cheep critique that doesn't even address the central argument of his essay. Of course he would hate Farleigh from the start for that. It's such a quick negation of all that Oliver has to offer and give just because it's not wrapped up in a pretty bow. And that's just his character. The substance is there, the intelligence is there. But it's not enough. It will never be enough. Because Oliver doesn't know how to translate it to his audience in a way they'll care about. He learns and tries to mimic, but it always falls short because he just can't seem to figure out the way to blend in and present himself so seamlessly as Farleigh.
And that's why they're such perfect mirrors of each other. They're both intelligent and clever. But they've found different ways of getting what they want and proving themselves. Farleigh is the face and the presentation, Oliver is the substance and body. In another world imagine what these two could have done and been if they hadn't been pitted against each other for the same prize. And the fact Oliver definitely deliberately shoved Farleigh out at the perfect time so he wouldn't get hurt and killed? Oliver and Farleigh respect and admire the other. But their tragedy is they can never be on the same page or team because the world they're in says there is only room for one. And they'd both do anything to get that title.
I legit watched "Willow" just for Tony Revolori, I will cry if they release season 2, like, 12 years later and it's not Tony anymore. I nearly cried when Graydon died but kept my hopes high, because if there's anything fiction is good at, it's never killing off characters.
Even worse when you abandon it before you get to that part
What I hate about writing is when I have to write so much before I finally get to the part I actually wanted to write.
Guys, guys, guys!!
It’s a good app, try it. I’m not the type to use planner apps or planners in general, my life is a mess. But…like, I like this app??
IT HAS A FONT STYLE DESIGNED TO HELP AT LEAST A BIT FOR DYSLEXIC PEOPLE??
It does have premium but without it, it works just fine.
The format itself is minimal but easy to navigate. It has helped me fix my sleep schedule a bit, but, like, you still need to have the discipline to actually follow the schedule you plan for yourself. No planners will help you if you don’t follow through with it. Creating tasks and reminders are easy and you can use OneSec which:
And this is what it mainly looks like, I customized my appearance to be purple tho
I know I’m bout to get like, three likes but I’m just happy to be here honestly
Nijimura Shuuzou is god.
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