Got An Oil Change And The Guy Told Me I Needed A Tire Rotation. Lmao, The Tires Are Rotating Every Time

friend: i'll pick you up at 5

clock: 5:01

me: wHeRE teh fuKc

good morning everyone!!! Guess what day it is

Samuel: Why are you on fire?

Corvo: That’s just how my day is going.

ahem

how a cat looks at you when you turn on the light in a dark room they were sleeping in

No offense but I want to be stupidly in love with someone. I want to be an utter fucking dumbass with someone and them have the same amount of chaotic energy. I want to go absolutely feral and them be just as into as I am

im gonna need to see ur license and regist-  oh gosh mr washington i apologize have a nice day sir

not now son, daddy’s trying to take a selfie