I Could Fix Him. I Could Make Him Worse. Good For You. I Could Gently Take The Weapon Out Of His Shaking,

I could fix him. I could make him worse. Good for you. I could gently take the weapon out of his shaking, blood-soaked hand and hold him until he finally believes that he doesn't have to be defined by all the ways the world has hurt him. Then we could ruin the lives of everyone who has ever treated him like he's a monster who doesn't deserve love.

Hold me closer

Author: @sabine-leo

Wordcount: 1529

Hurt/Comfort/Fluff

Tom x Reader

Summary: In a world where distancing is required, a safe hug from a friend can go a long way to keep one sane.

Note: I felt as if I should send out a virtual hug to everyone in need. Hope you are safe and well! This may turn into an ongoing friends to lovers story. Who knows what my twisted mind will come up with.

A blended hue of orange, red and violet tinted the darkening sky while leaves in similar shades danced to a silent melody before your window. It was -after all- still your favourite time of year. Inside your cosy home a fire was crackling and the scent of fresh brewed tea lingered in the air. You were about to put another log onto the fire when you heard an elusively familiar knock on your front door. Frowning, you looked to the door and walked over covering your face with a mask that lay ready on a shelf in the hallway. When you opened the door, a tall shadow blocked the view onto the side road. A dark ballcap and mask hid a face you hadn´t seen in person for a while now. Even though his face was mostly hidden, the smile that lit up his features shone through his hauntingly blue eyes but was somehow reluctant.

“Tom…” You smiled under your mask and opened the door fully.

“Oh my, it is so good to see you…” He started and you felt that he had to restrain himself from reaching out to pull you into one of his famous hugs.

He looked into your eyes and tilted his head a bit.

“…I needed to see a friendly and familiar face.”

Laughing softly, you answered. “You´d see more of that face when you would have video called me.”

“Not the same.” Was his quiet answer. Tom teetered on his feet for a moment before directly looking at you again. “Do you…” He started and stopped himself again. A sigh escaped him before he could start again. “Do you think I could come in?” Before you were able to answer he continued. “I haven´t had any close human contact in the last 3 weeks. You know I am fully vaccinated and I tested myself before walking over here.”

“Come in Tom, I just made tea and started a fire.”

His eyes shone a little brighter. He waited for you to clear the doorway before walking in himself and closing the door behind himself. “Tea sounds brilliant.” He began to take of his jacket, shoes and ballcap. Tom ruffled his longer curls and looked at you. His movement was a little bit off if you´d be honest to yourself. His voice quieter than usual. “You do look even better in person than on my bloody phone screen.” His mask went into his jacket before using the disinfectant you had positioned on the shelf next to the coatrack.

Laughing quietly, you walked further into your living room, flopping down on your sofa. “Probably because there is more to me than just a face. Maybe you forgot over time.” Tom grinned and got himself a cup out of your kitchen cabinet before joining you in your living room. Since you had been friends for over 8 years now, he knew his way around in your home, as you did in his.

Tom sat down on your comfy wingchair opposite of you and just looked at you for a moment. Silence had never been uncomfortable between the both of you. You did enjoy lengthy and good conversations but comfortable silence was a gift in itself. The possibility of just being together, enjoying each other’s company without words…it was invaluable.

But today it seemed that Tom was not comfortable with just silence. “This damn pandemic…” He started and ruffled his hair. “…do you think it´ll be over one day? I mean, almost two years in and we are still keeping distance from one another.”

You poured tea into both of your cups and took in a deep breath. “I really don´t know but I sure hope so.” Looking up into Toms eyes with a comforting smile made him sigh.

“Without wanting to sound shallow…and I know I am very privileged…but I do miss…” He stopped himself.

“What?” You asked.

Tom snorted and sounded exasperated at the same time.

“Doesn´t matter how I phrase it. It will be the most dispensable problem of all.” Toms’ words made you look at him with a pang of worry in your gut. “It is not dispensable when it hurts you and makes you feel bad.” Tom rubbed his legs before he blurted out “I miss human contact. Hugs. God knows I am a big hugger. I hate keeping distance. I hate not being able to reach out or always having to think about my movement and restrain my natural behaviour. And I hate only seeing my friends, YOU, over a damn screen.”

Your heart broke for your friend, who clearly showed signs of physical and mental malaise now.

“Tom…” you started before he interrupted you.

“You know what, forget it. I should go. I should´ve just called and pulled myself together.” He was about to stand up.

“Sit back down and drink your tea!” You said a bit on the stern side.

Tom looked at you and flopped back down.

“Firstly!” You started. “It is not shallow and it also isn´t dispensable. You are a physical human being. You have a good selected circle of close friends with whom you can be yourself and that got ripped away in what felt like a split second.”

Tom closed his eyes at your words and sighed but nodded.

“Secondly…” You proceeded when you saw that he was indeed listening and thinking about your words. “…there isn´t only physical health.” You paused for a moment. “Don´t be ashamed to talk about what you need to get through all of this unscathed. Yes, you are privileged and you do give back a lot through various aid organisations and just by being who you are…but it all starts with you being healthy…body and soul. So, tell me…what do you need?”

Tom gulped and needed to take in a deep breath. When he stood from his seat a second later you froze. Would he leave like he wanted to minutes ago?

His gaze met yours and he slowly held out his hand while his eyes pleaded you to close the distance. He had come that far. Had told you what ached him. But he needed you to willingly take the step towards him.

Slowly you stood and placed your hand in his. The shudder that went through him, the anticipation of physical human contact echoed through you too. Living on your own, without close family nearby could take a toll out of you in a worldwide pandemic. And there was no shame in admitting it.

Tom pulled you close. His strong arms came around you and held you against him while his head came to rest on top of yours. He actually trembled for a moment before he very slowly relaxed into the hug. Softly stroking his still rigid back with one hand and listening to his fast-beating heart with your ear against his solid chest made a tear escape your eyes. How much effort had it cost him to come to your door and ask for help? How often had he tried and talked himself out of it?

“Hold me closer…” The whispered ask nearly broke you into pieces. You wrapped yourself fully into his hug and pressed in.

You actually lost track of time. How long you just stood there and held each other was beyond you. But Toms heart had calmed down, his body not tense anymore. When you leaned backwards and tilted your head upwards you saw him smile down on you with wet streaks down his cheeks.

“Thank you…” he croaked and closed his eyes when you softly brushed another tear away that fell out of his blue eyes.

“Not for that! Never for such a thing as this! I needed this too.” You admitted and hugged him once more.

“You are an angel (Y/N)…” Tom started and kissed the top of your head in a heartfelt thank you.

Slowly you unwrapped yourself out of his arms and smiled. “How about I make us some new tea and you get the fire going again. We are having a slumber party tonight.”

Tom couldn´t stop himself from grinning even though his eyes still glistered. “Are we now?!”

You nodded and went into the kitchen. “Yes indeed! Since we just opened up our own hug-a-friend bubble we might as well stay in it a while longer. Tend to the fire and choose your poison: Movie, music, conversation.”

Tom smiled and felt a heavy load falling from his chest. “Yes, my lady!” He went outside to grab some more logs from your stack of dry wood. For the first time in a long while, he felt like himself again.

When you came back with a new pot of tea you saw Tom sitting on your sofa. The fire was well stoked and music was playing. His eyes followed your movement when you poured the tea. He smiled when you sat down next to him and spoke. “Music it is…”

“For now…” He smirked and lifted his arm. His voice was like dark chocolate when he added “Come closer, darling.” When you just grinned at him for a second, he grinned back lopsided and pulled you in.

~TBC~

General Tom Tags: (tags are open if you want to get added)

@lots-of-loki @traceyaudette @ellaenchanted91 @catsladen @dr-kayleigh-dh @mrsstyles033 @usedtobegoodfriend96 @hiddles-thomas @noplacelikehome77 @ladyblablabla @myoxiisbroken @lumoswinchesterkazy2y5 @viviandarkbloom06 @snoopy3000 @archy3001 @itscalledfandomsweetielookitup @faeriedelalune-blog @lil-mewlingquim07 @alexakeyloveloki @nonsensicalobsessions @gingerwritess @kingtwhiddleston @mylokabrennauniverse @wolfsmom1

@amazinggraces-world @tanishahka @coniumalces @emomemelordess @devilbat @cest-le-temps-de-lamour @adefectivedetective @karnita-mexicana @marvelc00kie35 @stressedoutsteph @maggiefollows @bi-spider-noir @klbates22

@my-fuckin-problem @deathofmissjackson @vesper-lou @bluefrenchfries604 @maybell88 @moonstar86 @lokilvrr @thisismysecrethappyplace @wiczer @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore

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drmeowingfangirl

3 years ago

i, too, would like to be loved by a stephen strange in every universe.

midnight miseries, muttered comforts

Pairing: Stephen Strange x Reader

Summary: Plagued by nightmares, you seem to be the only thing keeping Stephen tethered to reality.

Word Count: 920

Warnings: nightmares, hurt/comfort

a/n: the trailer really drove me to write for strange huh

It was some time close to four when you woke. The duvet had been inconveniently pulled from your body, leaving you exposed to the freezing air of the morning. As you blindly reached out in hopes of retrieving the blanket, and therefore some semblance of warmth, you felt the mattress shift beneath you.

“Stephen,” you whined. “Baby, it's too early for this.”

You'd grown used to him working late into the night, staying up to shift through books or study new spells and incantations. It was an integral part of who he was; despite being one of the smartest people you knew he always needed to know more.

You had tried to force him into something that resembled a healthy sleep schedule but given that your partner was as stubborn as an overconfident bull there was little you could do to intervene with his late-night, (or rather, early morning) work sessions.

With an irritated and tired sigh, you begrudgingly turned over with all the displeasure of someone who really wasn't thrilled to be awake before the sun was up.

However, the frustration that had already begun to forge the words on your tongue dissolved due to the sight you were met with.

Stephen's breathing was erratic, his skin pale and damp with sweat. His lips were slightly parted and each sound that passed them was pained and whimpered.

“Darling, wake up,” you tried. “You're dreaming.”

Although his brows were creased, the remainder of his features were surprisingly calm, as if he were attempting to maintain composure to make sense of what he was seeing unfold in his mind.

“Stephen–” Your hand met his cheek and the levee in his mind seemed to give way. He hissed as he began to convulse against the mattress. The soft linen sheets had snared around his body and his subconscious mind grew panicked as he failed to kick them off.

“Hey, hey shh, it's okay.” Your hands gently found his shoulders. “It's okay.”

He shot up with such sudden force you saw his muscles twist painfully beneath his skin. His breathing was as desperate as a man drowned and his eyes were wide. Your hand brushed delicately over the nape of his neck and promises that he was safe fell past your lips in hushed whispers. Slowly, he came back to you.

He swallowed harshly, his palms rubbing harshly at his eyes.

“It wasn't real,” you promised.

“But what if it was.” His voice was tight, pulled taut over each word.

“Then you don't have to concern yourself with it, not now.” You tried to comfort him, to soothe him with gentle words of solace. But genuine fear still clouded the blue of his eyes and his hands shook more violently than usual.

You drew them to you carefully, deftly tracing the coarse red lines and his scarred skin. With the slightest hint of applied pressure, you could feel the metal rods and bolts hidden beneath his flesh, each working to hold his bones together. Stephen sighed, the sound falling somewhere between calmed and defeated.

“You carry so much on your shoulders, Stephen, but not everything has to be a warning of our impending doom.” You kissed each of his knuckles. “Even you are allowed to have nightmares.”

He swallowed again and you frowned, seeing just how hard he was trying to hide the true extent of his fears. He carried the weight of the world, shouldering the responsibility of protecting reality and all those within. And never once did he complain. But you could see it, on nights like this more than any. You could see just how much all that responsibility bore down on him, how the pressure ground against his mind and wore him down; it left his eyes tired and dull.

You released his hands in favour of timidly brushing the stray strands of hair from his brow. “You're also allowed to not be okay.”

He wanted so desperately to lie, to tell you he was alright and you needn't worry. He didn't want to burden you with things he didn't yet understand and therefore couldn't protect you from. But your tone was so tender and filled with warmth he knew the softening of his expression had given him away before he so much as opened his mouth.

“Could you– could we just...” He trailed off, eyes growing misty. Knowing well enough what was being asked of you, you shifted closer to him.

He fell into your arms, the weight he'd been carrying finally giving way as he crumbled against you. You lay back on the mattress and his body was a welcome weight against you. His head fell against your shoulder and the combined efforts of his stubble and warm breath against your neck sent a shiver down your spine.

You toyed with the silver strands of his hair, delicately brushing your fingers down his neck and along his back. His breathing remained shaken, a low rattle that barely escaped past his lips. He still sounded so weak you were almost certain he'd break. However, with each gradual stroke of your hand against him, his breathing grew steady.

The sun had already clambered back into the sky, and its soft light filled the room. You couldn't tell how long it had been since you'd woke, yet neither of you paid it any heed. Stephen allowed his mind to fall silent and he fell asleep with the sound of your heart beating steadily against his ear, keeping him tethered to what was real.