What Do You Mean I Can't Control Everything, Why Not

TANZ DEBIL

Blixa Bargeld and F.M.Einheit, Moers, Schlosspark,1990/06/02

photo edit by eleonore nitsch (rgnrkzdk)

by Nathan Lerner Rainy Day, Tokyo, 1981

running on a different operating system

to brush most people's probing aside

is effortless, deflecting blows so they never see you - I've had to catch myself noticing people in weak moments. they make you feel like some unfathomable pillar

created by something ancient or alien, or maybe just yourself.

I despise the predatory element,

a weakness seen

that could blend in better -

now it’s something kind,

learning what makes people tick. I wonder if other people like me exist

building fortresses of knowledge

no one suspects we possess -

I catch myself studying people,

watching from outside the circle

of normal human interaction.

it’s not malicious,

just different -

a compulsion maybe, or just curiosity distilled into methodical observation.

it started as survival,

now I notice the pause before a practiced lie,

the subtle shift in posture when someone feels threatened -

all these blaring, bright neon signs I used to try to mimic.

sometimes I wonder if they can tell

I’m building libraries of their expressions,

cataloging their reactions

and how they signal belonging - it’s exhausting work.

sometimes I catch someone watching me,

an eye-meet, wonder-if they’re like me moment, or if they just sense something off

and wrong -

we were constellations once,

maybe now there’s just a slight delay

in recognition,

while I wonder if they’re like me

collecting a moment for too long.

Mark Mothersbaugh of DEVO (1977) by Ruby Ray - A tangle of wires and knobs transforms the guitar into an experimental sound machine.

If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading

Two women conduct marksmanship training at Roosevelt High School, Los Angeles, 1942.

“Untitled” by Daisuke Yokota ☀ Chemical erosion on darkroom print ⌾ Surface becomes substance

You are an art. The perception of you is an interpretation.

You are the artist. Embrace the pain, embrace the unknown.

For art is subjective but only the artist truly knows its actual meaning.

“Stay close to anything that makes you glad you are alive.”

— Hafiz

Romeo Gigli velvet coat in Vanity, Ottobre 1989. Photographed by Alistair Taylor-Young. Headpiece by Simon Costin.