Snape Chalk Pastel

you cant go back

There is a thing that deeply disturbes me about Severus' behaviour in SWM. He just wrote a very important exam on a subject that we know he loves and deeply cares about. He probably had been diligently preparing for it for a very long time, was anxious and aspiring how all the studious kids usually are. A normal teen behaviour is sharing how you wrote it with your friends – this is exactly what the Marauders do. But Severus approaches no one, talks to no one. Lily is hanging out with her other friends – he isn't invited to spend time with them, nor is he exchanging at least a couple of words with Lily personally. While she clearly has other people to chat with, Severus doesn't talk to any slytherins, not Mulcibier or Avery or anyone else. And he doesn't seek anyone out too, he just settles with reading alone like it's normal. Yes, he is introverted, but even the most introverted person would like to share such an important event with someone close to them.

It's like Severus had absolutely no one in that school who cared enough to hear about his pride and joy of writing the exam well, or his worries on getting something wrong. It's like he didn't even expect anyone to care. It is clear from everything in that scene that he is painfully lonely and largely ostracised, that him and Lily aren't particularly close at that point, and that he doesn't have any "gang" or any good friends in slytherin either.

One of the things that changed for me in my 10+ years fandom break is my view of Severus Snape. A decade ago, 20 didn't seem so young as it seems now. Who I was at 20 is nowhere close to who I was at 38.

Severus started spying at 20. It's possible that the man we see in canon is similar to the man he would be when finally free to be himself, but this time around, I can't help but wonder how much of what we see of Severus Snape is a carefully constructed lie.

I took so much as true the first time around, and this time I'm questioning all of it. Maybe he hates the Malfoys. Maybe he hates Potions. Maybe Professor Snape is just a role for him, a living performance, and he'd act totally different once Voldemort was defeated.

I can see also him, after playing a role nearly half of his life, struggling to figure out who he is and what he wants.

I made a Severus Snape playlist on Spotify. I hope you like it :)

I saw a Snape playlist here on Tumblr recently, I had this playlist for a long time so I decided to post it.

Little pose practice

I like to think the death eaters begrudgingly took Severus to some of their parties. He wouldn’t be this at ease at them, but maybe he actually enjoyed himself.

you won’t lose me to thunder or lightning

Blaming Snape for creating Sectumsempra is like blaming a woman for carrying pepper spray in her bag for self-defense after being repeatedly harassed by a specific group of men. Can you really blame a victim for creating a weapon to protect themselves against their tormentors, while at the same time praising the Marauders' ingenuity for creating tools to spy on, stalk, and invade others' privacy purely for fun and bullying?

What kind of ridiculous logic is that?!

Soy una persona autista. Normalmente me pongo los cascos incluso cuando estoy con amigos o familiares. Eso me provoca un sentimiento de culpa al pensar si estoy siendo contradictoria: “¿Estoy haciendo esto porque me siento incómoda con mi familia?” La realidad es que no. Mi familia es de las pocas personas con las que me siento a gusto, segura. Con ellos, todos mis fantasmas pasados, todas mis heridas, sienten lo que es el alivio, lo que es el bienestar, lo que es estar tranquila. Ahí sé que no todo es hostil, y que, por lo tanto, no es necesario estar en alerta.

Ahí es cuando pienso que quizás no es una contradicción, que más bien es un acto de supervivencia. Como un puente que une dos necesidades que, a veces, no saben funcionar juntas. Una necesita protegerse, quiere estar a salvo y a gusto, y aunque se encuentre en un lugar seguro, solo sabe actuar de la única manera que ha aprendido: aislándose, permaneciendo en la intimidad, en las sombras. La otra necesita amor, no quiere estar sola y disfruta de la compañía.

La música se vuelve un ritual, un intento de calmar un momento abrumador, una forma de abrir una puerta entreabierta. A veces solo llego a asomarme; no quiero abrirla del todo por el miedo que siento. Algo me susurra y me aconseja. Ese algo me dice que aún no es seguro abrirla por completo. Es una voz que probablemente parte del miedo, una advertencia disfrazada.

Es una lucha constante entre mi necesidad de estar conmigo misma, de intimidad, y mi necesidad de conectar.

Soy tan sensible que, a veces, interactuar con otros se me hace demasiado. Interactuar se vuelve una lucha por ser vista, por pertenecer a los lugares en los que mi cuerpo está, pero no los siento como propios. Es una lucha de identidades, de querer ser vista por alguien verdaderamente, ya ni siquiera sé por quién. Lo busco desesperadamente: puede ser un familiar, un amigo, o quizás solo quiero ser vista por mí misma.

Solo quiero ser vista, y no a través de fragmentos de otras personas. No quiero que mi identidad se forme a partir de cada señal de rechazo que recibo, a veces disfrazadas de comentarios inofensivos, otras veces simples miradas, y en las peores ocasiones, señales claras de que no quieren que forme parte de ese lugar. También está la ansiedad de no saber qué hacer con eso. ¿Qué puedo hacer? Lucho, ¿pero para qué lucho? ¿Qué busco exactamente?

En esos momentos me siento como el monstruo de Frankenstein. Ese monstruo que ni siquiera tiene nombre y que, como un niño pequeño, camina torpemente a la deriva. Una criatura hecha de partes ajenas, incompleta, tan extrañas que hasta a mí misma me cuesta comprenderlas.

Cada rechazo dibuja una nueva identidad. Una identidad creada sin consentimiento, armada con pedazos de otros, que ni siquiera son propios. Una identidad formada por comentarios que resuenan como ecos, por prejuicios que desfiguran partes de mi identidad, por palabras degradantes que hacen daño a mi autoestima. Que se acumulan en capas para construir una narrativa condenada desde el inicio a vagar en busca de pertenencia, amor, comprensión, como si ese fuera su único destino, ser incomprendida desde el principio.

El deseo de buscar una identidad propia se hace presente y no se detendrá hasta que lo consiga

I’m not a big fan of Dali's paintings, but the way this man writes and his sketches are much better than his paintings for far. I absolutely love it. I have his tarot and it is a mix between a compilation of his sketches with collages. As a tarot reader, I love doing tarot readings with his cards, inspire me a lot.

Salvador Dalí Snake charmer 1966

what is "FD"?

FD is “Forever Dawn."  It was the original sequel to Twilight (Before New Moon and Eclipse were written) and was what Breaking Dawn is based on.   From Stephenie Meyer’s website:

The basic story is the same. Bella and Edward get married and go to Isle Esme for their honeymoon. Bella gets pregnant with Renesmee. The birth just about kills Bella, but Edward makes her a vampire in time. Jacob imprints on Renesmee. Alice has a vision of the Volturi coming to destroy the Cullens with the "immortal child” as their excuse. Alice bails. Bella’s shielding abilities turn the tide in the Cullen’s favor, along with Alice bringing home another half-vampire to prove that Nessie isn’t a danger.

The things that are different:

Jacob and Bella are not nearly so close. None of the events of New Moon or Eclipse exist; Edward never leaves, so Bella and Jacob never bond. Jacob’s feelings for Bella remain at crush level.

Due in part to Jacob being a smaller character, the werewolf pack is only sketchily developed. It exists as a whole, but there isn’t much information about the individuals. Most of the wolves do not have names.

The entire story is written in Bella’s perspective. Because of this, there is a lot more emphasis on the pregnancy phase.

Jacob isn’t there at the delivery, naturally, so he imprints on Renesmee a few weeks later when Bella is visiting Charlie.

With no New Moon or Eclipse, Victoria and Laurent are both still alive. Laurent stays happily with Irina and sides with the Cullens in the confrontation with the Volturi. It is Victoria rather than Irina who informs on the Cullens to the Volturi. She creates a new friend, Riley, to make the actual accusation. She doesn’t want Aro to know about her agenda—or the fact that the baby is only half-vampire, of which she is aware.

The wolves kill Victoria. She is the only casualty at the final confrontation.

The last chapter ends the same way, but there is an epilogue. It involves Max (J. Jenk’s assistant). Bella’s initial interaction with him is a little bit longer and, feeling she owes him a favor, she gives him her number and tells him she will help him out in return if he ever needs a favor of his own. Max gets himself into some trouble, and Bella gets to play Superman.