Vhsige

Awoken

I never remember to brush my teeth

Until im back on the chair again

I cannot retreat under bright florescent light

Gingivitus

Invites the worst thoughts in me

Pulling decay from me

Sawtooth away

Surgical like a syringe

Blood is drawn

Steel spider

Crawling deeper in my mouth

Bated breath for viscous liquid

I cant swallow

Pain awakens me to my mortality

A specimen in a jar

Waiting to die but im already dead

Like roadkill in a jar

What is love?

Shut the fuck up

You silly poet

I do not need to yearn for love

Love is nothing

Instead I lie with my lover

I fart

He tells me its okay

Then he farts

Life is at peace

Life is perfect

Ratatouille 2099

The sink is dripping. Blood splatter reminds me of taking the hit. The sink is dripping, dragging like a cigarette. A delicacy, my final delicacy in a world I call dreary. What was once dreamy...

I have too much time to get lost in my thoughts so my therapist thought it worthwhile to write them out instead, write them out while the rat sleeps. Unfortunatley I just dont get much time to do that. With the neural link my concious mind is a dream state, and in my agitated restless state I may give the rat nightmares.

I was rereading the history of Ratatoiulle, of Remy controlling Linguini to create one of the most successtul restuarants in Paris. Back then it wasnt accepted to have the rats at all of course. I guess I got kinda stuck on the idea of how despicable rats were. How despicable they lived. Now were all despicable, and its just so damn normal.

Truth be told i never thought the rats were wierd until I started getting really high on weed. I felt like I, on my own, was something seperate from this rat. This congealed flesh that had grown with me to be a part of me. I feel...crazy.

I had to stare at my rat sleeping to understand things. Or maybe just to feel closer to who i was again. I watch it work in my dreams, watch it waltz the Ratway when I go out clubbing, high out of my mind. How can I or anyone be anything other then a rat? How could I remove a part of my face and still scream?

Rats were known to once inhabit the sewers in droves, living in darkness. Now we all live in darkness, in holy smelly darkness at the hands of rats.

-Burt Esener, Rat Philosopher

Me trying to wrestle an intrusive thought out

Like a dog that has something in its mouth

Its not supposed to.

"Let go, let go, LET IT GO! OPEN!"

I was there

Right there

I was simply, in heaven

And I felt nothing

And everything was ok.

Maybe ill just end my sentences with an asterisk instead of a period because I always feel the need to clarify something I said later*

I need my space...

What the fuck even is space?

pacing around the house.

S.

Thoughts on Serial Experiments Lain

The show exists for me in a very nostalgic place. It makes me think about what the meaning of Nostalgia is to begin with. When I looked up the definition on Merrium Webster it was something to the effect of melancoly and overly sentimental longing for the past. More bizzare the American Heritage Foundation said it may be fatal in one of their definitons. Apparently it used to be an actual diagnosis. It's interesting to me to distinguish what i think a word means, and then learn what it really means through its history. Lain longs for a home in her humanity, though it never really existed at all. What was once an illusive almost supernatural world full of meaning lost its meaning as she drove herself deeper and deeper into the wired. Her connection to home grew more and more painful as reality dissappeared and she still hung onto what reality used to mean. It's a lot like how we today become dissallusioned with life as we spend all day online, constantly connected to dozens of platforms and screens of different kinds. The technology might look more obviously bizzare and disturbing in Lain with the tubes and wires and buzzing but our own world I think provokes the same emotion if you ground yourself to reality. The problem is i think searching for something that was never real. I think for a moment Lain let those walls down with that final hug.

All thats left of our stars

Our memories from far away

A shrinking light

Is it dying?

Or just disappearing?

The tape tapers off into silence

Before everything grinds to a halt

Guts regurjitated out its mouth

A cry silenced by aching pain

And the void of space

Its all black tape...

Readers, make sure you have all your favourite Ao3 fics downloaded.

Writers, make sure you have copies of all the fics you have posted on Ao3.

I don’t want to be alarming, but things could get really bad really fast. OTW shared this today on Twitter, and I'm a bit worried about it 😅

Ao3 is a non-profit organisation. If they have to start paying taxes, I have no idea what will happen.