There Is Something 2 Be Said About How Rodya Killed The Pawnbroker With The Blunt End Of The Axe. Like

I love Dostoevsky. I just don’t love him, I’m a Dostoevsky’s girl, I’m whatever he would want me to be. When I say I love him I don’t mean I just love ‘love’ him but I relate to him in every way a person would relate to another person, I relate to the words he wrote and I even relate to the words others wrote about him. In reality I would just do anything in my power to relate to him, my whole personality and the way I turned out as a person is based on Fyodor Dostoevsky. SO IF YOU EVER SEE DOSTOEVSKY TELL HIM I LOVE HIM.

I'm not sure if I dreamt it, thought it up, or just read it somewhere.

But I had this notion that some of us can relate to the moon more than we'd think and not for the typical reasons like loneliness and such, but for wanting a self.

The moon... Half of it is hidden, and the other half can only be seen by the reflection of the sun's light, not its own. Even this is controlled by other entities, i.e. the sun and the earth. The moon cannot even control how much of it will be visible and how much hidden and not even when. The moon exists by other entities' rules. The moon is wanting a self and agency. Perhaps that's where the notion of its loneliness comes from. We see the moon as beautiful and divine. Some even used to pray to it. What we don't see is what's behind that beauty. The moon is lonely in its suffering.

"There are times when I am convinced I am unfit for any human relationship."

–Franz Kafka, Letters to Felice

Franny Choi, from “Catastrophe is Next to Godliness”

“Dickens told me,” Dostoyevsky recalled in a letter written years later, “that all the good, simple people in his novels … are what he wanted to have been, and his villains were what he was (or rather, what he found in himself), his cruelty, his attacks of causeless enmity towards those who were helpless and looked to him for comfort, his shrinking from those whom he ought to love… . There were two people in him, he told me: one who feels as he ought to feel and one who feels the opposite. From the one who feels the opposite I make my evil characters, from the one who feels as a man ought to feel, I try to live my life.”

― Fyodor Dostoevsky, Letters of Fyodor Dostoevsky to his family and friends

read classic poetry in the bath.  scratch shakespeare quotes into your desk.  keep black-and-white pictures in a golden locket.  learn the language you’ve always wanted to learn.  dance in the rain, even if you’re not sure how.  read wikipedia pages on unsolved mysteries at two in the morning.  live your life the way you want to, make your own rules, become who you’ve dreamed of being.  because really, who’s stopping you?

Bookstores always remind me that there are good things in this world.

— Vincent van Gogh