This Is The Chaos I'm Here For Damnit. I Wanna Eat This As A Long Form, Slow Burn, Multi-chapter, Identity

If my isekai self-insert can't be Dick Grayson's twink older brother, Mitchell Grayson, because he's "a Gary Stu" and would become "overpowered", then I want my second choice to be an inky blob of Eldritch knowledge that manifests in Fawcette City once a week to be a guest on WhizKid's Radio/Podcast.

My segment is gossiping about the secrets of heroes and villains, but vaguely or only about really useless information. Or occasionally incredibly specific instructions. Sometimes Billy and I answer questions from Chirper or Readdit.

"Who is the Red Hood?"

"The grandson of Batman's most beloved teacher. It's causing some issues."

"What is Superman's biggest secret?"

"Superman spot-checks the lead levels of infant formula whenever he's near a grocery store."

"Is there anything I need to know right now?"

"There's an unattended lit candle in the dorm room across the hall from yours - the door with the three pink post-it notes and the whiteboard with the purple butterfly sticker. You should call the RA before a badly hung scarf catches aflame in two minutes."

"What is the meaning of life?"

"Why do you want meaning? Isn't being alive enough?"

"Do you have a favorite human?"

"Yes."

"Is it me?"

"Perhaps."

Fucking thieves using ai for all the wrong fucking reasons I hope they become a better person someday and are choked with guilt for their shitty actions

How To Lock All of Your Fics At Once On Ao3

Someone has probably already done this but

For anyone looking to lock their works for only registered users over on Ao3 in light of the sudowrites scraping thing here is how you can lock all of your fics at once.

Log into Ao3 and go to your Profile, Works or Dashboard

At the top under you’re user name there are four buttons pick Edit Works

Second row of buttons on the right chose All and then hit Edit

Scroll down past all of your works and then keeps scrolling until you find Visibility  change it to Only Show to Registered User

(If a fic is over the tag limit you have to edit those down to make edit to the work.)

Hit Update All Works at the very bottom and you are done all of you fics should now have a little blue lock next to your user name on each fic.

I bet he only really had a contingency plan for Damian just as a therapy thing. Like how some people write fanfiction. Everyone else's plans was the equivalent of "meme on them", "join them", or "pretend I'm Batman trying to talk Superman out of mind control (again) (wear chapstick, this could get gay)"

Tim Drake (1998): I don't make contingency plans because I have friends, unlike Batman who is a friendless loser

Tim Drake (2009): My contingency plans have contingency plans

Titan's Tower was really Jason's Cuteness Aggression acting up, send tweet

Mitch Grayson might be my isekai self-insert proxy but that's not hurting anyone

Sorry y'all, it's story time. When I was a kiddo my siblings and I got to see the Batman Forever movie in theatre - you know, the one where Dick was around 21 and had an unnamed older brother? My older sister quickly called dibs on having Robin as her favorite character and, as imperious older siblings do, assigned me to having his brother as my favorite. So, I dutifully admired my tragic hero for several months until I realized that my guy only existed in one movie and had no appearances in comics or merch or anyone's memory.

Lately though, decades later, he's been constantly on my mind. I think the reveal of the nameless Prodigy and Dick's older half-sister Melinda as characters wove some new paths in my memory banks or something, because "Mitch Grayson" is just resonating. (Maybe, just maybe, Dick was always meant to be a younger brother.)

Imagine the classic Robin origin, but with Mitch as an older brother; how would things change? Who would Mitch be?

In my head, it's Batman, Robin, and Hoodlum, not the Dynamic Duo but the Terrific Trio. I imagine Mitch as being a few shades more angry, a little harder hitting than his baby brother. He'd be 12/13 to Dick's 8/9, and I imagine he'd be as obnoxiously protective and smothering as a traumatized older sibling, fiercely and almost rabid to protect the only blood family he has left. He's meaner and it'd take more effort on Batman's part to convince him not to merc Zucco. Mitch admits to having a different idea of justice than Batman, but is willing to keep to his foster father's rules.

Mitch is, perhaps, enough of a little shit to drive Batman into reading self-help and parenting books, if not outright therapy.

I think Dick would still bounce to form the Titans eventually, but this time without being fired and kicked out of his home. Definitely would be after a fight, though. Something about having two overprotective, high-handed assholes always trying to keep him grounded. Mitch is perhaps unhealthily codependent.

Despite his little brother leaving the city, Mitch stays firmly in Gotham. It's partly because he knows that he'd otherwise just follow Dick around and his brother's right that that isn't healthy. Mitch has to grow and face his own struggles with letting his loved ones live independently. He's very much like Bruce in this way.

In his civilian life, Mitch is a lawyer who focuses on introducing superhero protection measures, especially for younger heroes. A lot of laws he bases off of the ones for child performers regarding caretakers, pay, schooling, etc. If an adult cape is going to mentor a young cape, that adult better be ready to prove they can provide for that kid, including their mental health and also a way to leave the cape lifestyle should the kid want the out.

Also, provisions for cape-on-cape crimes. Specialized court procedures for people with secret identities, so they can testify or defend themselves legally.

Maybe in this universe he happens to be shadowing Harvey Dent on a certain day. Maybe he stops the events that lead to Two-Face.

Mitch is shorter than Dick, more physically like the traditional acrobat. Where Dick has their father's build and their mother's features, Mitch has a more willowy athleticism and their father's jawline. His Hoodlum uniform has a full mask once he hits puberty and grows a mustache like John Grayson's.

He is unapologetically gay. His social media accounts have steady uploads of the aerial routines he still does, along with silks and hoops and gymnastics. All those Waynes are thrill-seekers, after all. Sometimes he can be convinced to perform at Haly's or in a music video.

There's an incident over a year after he and Jason nearly die in a warehouse in Ethiopia. The Joker very publicly is holding a Wayne gala hostage and is live streaming the event. So it's very publicly seen that Mitch Grayson very purposefully swings a heavy antique chair at the Joker's head.

The trial is held outside of Gotham due to Mitch being unlikely to have a fair one as a well known Gotham celebrity and lawyer. It's an open-and-shut case of self-defense, though the prosecutor leans hard into Mitch's testimony that he'd known the chair would kill the Joker if he managed to land the hit. Mitch cites the trauma of being in the Joker's power again as being the reason why he chose to use lethal means - it's very Ender's Game; "Knocking him down won the first fight. I wanted to win all the next ones, too, right then, so they'd leave me alone."

He does some time in prison. The notoriety keeps him from falling into Amanda Waller's hands. #freemitch trends on Chirper in Gotham the whole time. Mitch and Bruce have several deep conversations about justice, and killing, and love.

Hoodlum loves the Robins; Hoodlum loves Batman; Hoodlum loves Gotham; Hoodlum loves his family.

Hoodlum eventually becomes Jason's title when he's grown up from Robin and ready to carefully and obnoxiously b(r)other the new kid. Tim soars in the Flying Grayson's colors and can always depend on his Hoodlum.

Mitch's new helmet looks like a snarling gargoyle. His colors are muted, but there's still a flash of red-yellow-green somewhere on him.

Grotesque takes to the skies and Mitch flies with his family.

The absolute BEST Harry Potter fanfic I have ever read in my LIFE is "Harry Potter and the Lack of Lamb Sauce".

It has Chef Gordan Ramsey (Hufflepuff) coming to Hogwarts to be Potions Master in Harry's 6th year. It sounds like it should be a silly crack fic but I swear to you on my love of stories that this shit will have you hooked.

If you ever loved the Harry Potter series and felt betrayed by J. K. Rowling's words and actions, please read this fic. It reminded me so much of WHY I found such comfort in Harry Potter. It brought me back to staying up late on school nights and talking with my friends. It brought me back to being young and learning friendship lessons from fictional books. It brought back screaming in rage into a pillow, and tears at 2am, and the deep grief that comes from having loved a person, real or not, so much.

I revisit this fic about once a year. It's intense. It's wonderful. I just felt the need today to scream that adoration into the Tumblr void; maybe it can help somebody else.

For the authors and the curious

LISTEN UP MOTHER FUCKERS

SEE THIS WEBSITE? 

ITS CALLED WOLFRAM ALPHA

THIS IS THE BEST GODDAMN WEBSITE FOR ACADEMIC SHIT. FUCK GOOGLE. 

THIS MOTHERFUCKER WILL LET YOU SEARCH “HOSPITAL BEDS IN CHAD VS. IRAN” 

AND IT GIVES YOU A STRAIGHT GODDAMN ANSWER 

MAYBE YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN DOCTORNESS OF THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES COOL SHIT 

HAVING TROUBLE WITH MATH?

HOLY SHIT

OR MAYBE YOU WANNA DICK AROUND

WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT

During the AIDS crisis it was not uncommon for queer couples to adult adopt each other so they could make medical decisions or be allowed to legally inherit.

If gay marriage gets repealed, this whole country is going to become Alabama.

Be gay, do crime, get those benefits.

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

Meanwhile, the youngest Madara is frowning at the both of them. His older self pats his cheek, his smile matching that of his counterpart, "Don't worry, you'll understand someday." He narrows his eyes and carefully does not mention how hard the other man had gotten during the eldest's threat. (Even less needs to be said about his own intense arousal)

"There's a slight difference, then. I have no issue watching my lover explore himself as long as I am involved in some way, and I am very fond of watching..." He tilts his head as best he can while in the alternate's violent grip. "I do wonder why you're not over there, then. Surely one of them would be distracted away from yours if you gave them something nice to play with."

It is strangely uplifting to know that he isn't the only one who is so inappropriately attached to his lover.

-

SugarTobi and youngTobi shiver and aren't sure what caused the chill that had simultaneously run down their spines. Then again, youngTobi isn't aware of very much at the moment as he cuddles closer and begins to sloppily kiss his way up gvTobi's chest. SugarTobi laughs quietly and pulls the younger away to kiss him. He motions with his hand and catches his alternate's attention.

"You good to keep going? I think this one is, at least."

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

SugarTobi will be taking that admission as permission and presses a kiss to the back of gvTobi's neck, "Let me help you out with that, hm? Help you take the edge off..." he begins stroking lazily, mouth hot against his elder's neck. "Mm, mine does that too, but...they always wear those gloves. They're sooo sensitive there...gods..."

The youngest of them watches with rapt attention and reaches out without really thinking to brush his fingers lightly over the seals on gvTobi's shoulder, asking almost shyly, "Can I help?"

SugarMadara raises an eyebrow at his shorter alternate, "Really, yours is so obstinate? Try giving mine a command..." He smirks again in his lover's direction, knowing the man can hear him, "He knows he will be well rewarded if he's good~ I'll call a halt if you get too outrageous."

The youngest Madara hums quietly and reaches out to take his older self's naked hand. "Perhaps they shouldn't be the only ones giving a show?" He kisses the palm, eyes challenging. The elder of the two chuckles.

"We do seem to be a little overdressed for this, don't we?"