Migraine Aura + Splitting/ Spiraling = Fucked

This. Oh man, this.

Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

If my mental illnesses weren't enough, the seasonal cold has been sitting on my head making my mind even more cloudy and jammed. How is any of this fair?

I write this with

melancholic music

blasting in my ears.

It's comfortable,

relatable.

It's hopeless,

as I long to be.

i'm so sensitive that sometimes my brain makes my emotions go numb as a self-defense mechanism

And many, many valleys of sorrow and mountains of death.

Marina Tsvetaeva, from a diary entry featured in Earthly Signs Moscow Diaries, 1917-1922

Time to go underground and push everyone away after an overwhelming weekend.

You stumble at my doorstep again

with the sly smile and sparkly eyes

that I fell in love with at once

and you pull me close

keep my heart in your warm hands

while you whisper our names together,

oh, how my heart just beats right of your hands.

I love you, with the pieces and mirrors

and blood and tears,

I love you with all my breaths and being.

👁️ ✨

— In the Future, Jay Hulme, in '100 Queer Poems, an anthology' (2022)

[text ID: I've forgotten what my face looks like / but can easily describe my spine. / The way it bends under pressure, / the way it curves, but will not break.]