HAZEL + Sarcasm (she's Autistic Your Honor!)

how it feels to wash your hair and brush your teeth and have clean clothes on

when swimming’s so easy you start doing bonus quests now

This had me laughing for a solid 5 minutes.

Quietly losing my mind over the fact that Elon Musk has straight up orchestrated a coup of our executive branch and like....I don't even know what, if any, system we have in place to fix this. Like... He's just taken control of the money and locked out the actual appointed officials. What the fuck.

love the word lackluster. well it sucks because it’s not shiny

When I was in the hospital, they gave me a big bracelet that said ALLERGY, but like. I'm allergic to bees. Were they going to prescribe me bees in there.

people who don't wear glasses are so weird like you just wake up and your eyes are pussy fresh??

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