Happiness Have Hit Her Like A Bullet In The Back,

Happiness have hit her like a bullet in the back,

Struck from a great hight,

By someone who should know better than that!

THE DOG DAYS ARE OVER. THE DOG DAYS ARE DONE.

- florence and the machine - the dog days are over

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«...I stand on the threshold and involuntarily look back in all senses - both material and mental. The TARDIS patiently waits for me, setting all navigation systems before its first flight with me on board. It's all going to end now, I think, catching the subtle line between what was and what awaits me ahead. And now, as I literally tear these words from my heart, vainly trying to figure out how to properly end this story, I look at the TARDIS in the yard, and it kindly flashes its light at the top, agreeing with the overwhelming nostalgia of the past, standing in this very present, into which I dove headfirst, like into a black hole. My days at the academy were over, and somehow, after everything that happened to me, it brought only a vague smile to my lips, not bitterness nor regret. Freedom was beating in my chest, and I could hardly believe that I had really managed to break free from the shackles and leave my whole life in Deca behind. I was sad, yes, that cannot be denied.

But I was free. I had longed for freedom for so long, I wanted to traverse the expanses of space without the label of Time Lord. It was all behind me - Theta Sigma's life was reaching its last moments before it would return billions of years later on the pages of this paper. The strange boy from the academy, who accidentally was picked into the group of top students and got involved in a ton of things, disappeared, leaving only a ghost of memories in the mind as a reminder. Now there was only the Doctor, who would save and protect, burying Theta's name as deep as possible in history. I didn't like Theta, and at the threshold, I felt a sharp aversion to everything I had experienced - there was no turning back, I understood that when I realized how much I hated the academy. Not in a bad way, of course, but having realized the true freedom at the doors of the TARDIS, I would prefer it to the academy.

Therefore, when I stepped over the threshold of the TARDIS and began my endless running through the Universe from one corner to another, I warmly smiled, watching the disappearing landscape of red Gallifreyan fields from a small screen, as if a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I was not born on Gallifrey - even then I felt it, and it was not my fate to rot here until death.

The Doctor will be a wanderer. Running from planet to planet, studying and investigating new and new things. I did not know that so many adventures awaited me after the escape, but I was glad to meet any circumstances with open arms. Theta was not fond of surprises, but the Doctor craved them every minute.

Now, it seems that the Doctor's days will soon be counted. I begin to run away from him, and I realize that running is what I do best...»

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just a random idea that popped into my head while I was working on a fic

like how would Doctor, now fully aware and actually free from his duties(let's say, 14th for example) would perceive himself in the past? I mean, I'm really curious about how actually 14th Doctor feels when... Welp, he doesn't have to be the Doctor anymore. There's so much to it for exploration honestly, not only his trauma healing process but finally making his mind up and proceeding everything what happend to him in the past, including his academy years (INCLUDING KOSCHEI ima make another post for this one later)

And I was thinking that maybe Donna would recommend him to start writing some kind of diary just to settle everything down in order in his absolutely chaotic memory. And he would start writing, realising so many things that he always feared, that he always wanted to run from, all the mistakes he never wanted to look onto again - and he will look, not with the eyes of Doctor, because Doctor would never look so openly back, but with eyes of someone else. Of someone who's now fully understanding. Of someone who's finally free from saving the Universe every Tuesday.

gotta take my meds now brb/hj