I Swear I Get Sad If I Wake Up And One Is On The Floor

Simeon, I want you!!!

Good Morning RAD!

Diavolo (over the morning announcements): Good morning, everyone! I hope you're all having a pleasant start to the day. Today at lunch, some Devi Scouts will be stopping by to sell cookies, so be sure to be nice to them. Also, we have Satan and Mammon here to apologize for... the incident in the lab yesterday.

Satan (grabbing the mic): Good morning, demons of RAD. I just want to say, I deeply apologize... that you're all a bunch of weaklings! Honestly, what kind of demon can't handle a tiny explosion?

Mammon (yelling from the back): Yeah! It was a science class for crying out loud! Stop being such wimps and grow a pair!

Lucifer (trying to pull Satan away): Satan, that’s enough—

Satan (clutching the table): And to whoever ratted out Beel for eating the teacher’s lunch—Mammon and I are coming for you after school!

Mammon: Yeah, you made my baby brother get punished! We’re not lettin’ that slide!

Satan (as Lucifer drags him away): You can all burn in hell! Oh wait—you’re already there, you pathetic losers!

Diavolo (long pause): Well... that went well.

Lucifer: Diavolo, I think it’s safe to say... no more public apologies.

Diavolo: Agreed. I was so sure they'd behave this time, too. So sure...

Lucifer (sighing): I should’ve known better.

"just stay neutral and dont take sides" um no. fuck you and fuck israel. free palestine 🇵🇸

I’ve seen a lot of crude jokes going around about the CEO assassination, and I just want to say one thing.

I think we should do worse.

Live reenactments on site. Several scheduled a day, like the shows at Disney parks. Someone brings brownies to pass around for the 10:30am showing. Everyone chants “DENY, DEFEND, DEPOSE” as the shots are being fired. People clap at the end. Someone pops one of those party poppers filled with monopoly money. The real Adjuster is in the crowd. People leave the place with a huge smile on their faces. “Sorry I was late, Boss. I was watching The Adjustment.”

Falling asleep in one of the House of Lamentation's common rooms can be a gamble. At best, somebody kindly carries you back to your room and tucks you in. Or maybe they leave you where you were, but drape a jacket or blanket over you.

Sometimes they go overboard, and you wake up with too many blankets. It's sweltering hot and excessively heavy. You thought the brothers were just being supportive in a weird way until Mammon accidentally revealed everyone is trying to break the record of 23 blankets and three duvets.

Sometimes you wake up with a full manicure and facial in progress. Asmo likes the practice.

Sometimes you wake up wearing Lucifer's reading glasses or Mammon's sunglasses. The Anti-Lucifer League must have thought you make a good hiding spot.

Sometimes you wake up with fresh food next to you. Particularly if you fell asleep near mealtime. The strong smell of Devildom cuisine rouses you awake, and you catch Beel trying to tip-toe away.

Sometimes you find... offerings. Bottled tea, or sticker sheets, or a coin placed on your cheek. Levi started taking pictures and in thanks decided to make a shrine dedicated to his idol (you).

Sometimes they draw on your face. The first person to do so will leave a marker for anyone else who happens to feel creative. You've woken up with whiskers, a mustache, fake eyes drawn over your eyelids, money signs drawn on your eyelids, swirls and hearts, a goatee, a big unibrow, and you're pretty sure the twins are the culprits behind a game of tic-tac-toe.

Sometimes you get notes. Simple reminders, or a notice that Lucifer's left the house so please make sure to check that everyone's behaving when you wake up. Occasionally you wake up completely covered in post-its with silly messages.

Sometimes you get kisses. They leave no trace, unless their sender gets carried away and sticks around.

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

Headcanon that the demons and angels don't have that instinct when somethings wrong.

MC *feels the hairs on their arms stand up*: Somethings wrong

Solomon *feels a pit in his stomach*: I agree

Demons and Angels: What the fuck

*Something goes wrong*

The Demons and Angels: What the F U C K 🤯😱🤯

Jeff the killer general smut headcanons:

Jeff is definitely into knife play. I mean... I firmly believe that he would carve some stupid drawings on his act partner.

He's into bondage. Jeff tries to convince at least himself that he's strong enough and he's in control, due to the fact of his physical weakness and megalomania.

Jeff's also into self harm! Killer will fuck the brains out of himself until he'll shot blanks and have a biggest headache.

He has some bugs in his asshole. Due to being scared of Jane getting to him at night, he oftentimes sleeps outside the Slendermansion, wandering around.

Due to being generally unhygienic, as part of self-harm, he scratches his ulcers frequently and openly and likes them scratched by an act partner as well, especially if they're trying to fight him away.

He's also a junkie, and that makes his urge to scratch even more.

Jeff is a KILLER after all, so i guess his into a little chase, but because of his control complex he never goes to far. He already had a "bad" experience, his pray got away and he had to migrate. That was a lot of pain in his ass and Jeff's also lazy so he made a word for himself to control his "inner animalistic nature".

He likes to get high during or after the act, and it can cause him to do werider crap. For example, Jeff is hungry often, since he hasn't much money due to being an addict, so he might start to bite the act partner.

For Jeff, if there's a hole there's a goal: he doesn't have a preference for a partner's gender. However, keeping his past with male bullies in mind, he will probably be much more violent with male victims.