Holy Shit Today Has Been Horrible

people vaguely saying 'the horrors' as shorthand for 'life problems, don't worry about it' in conversations where the problems are not going to be delved into has got to be one of my favorite new Ways Of Speaking that has emerged. like it's polite and vague and succinct enough for impersonal conversation but also extremely honest. it's very funny. The Horrors. we all know of them.

KATU

Burning ballots pulled from inside smoking Vancouver ballot box; hundreds of ballots lost

KATU was on the scene at Fisher's Landing in Vancouver early Monday morning, where heavy smoke was seen coming from inside a dropoff ballot

they're burning ballots in the US now btw. in case you wanted to know where things are at.

Edit: to clarify, locations mentioned are Vancouver, Washington and Portland, Oregon. This news story does not involve Canada.

Important info: Context: Dropbox location was Fisher's Landing Transit Center near Southeast 162nd Avenue Hundreds of ballots lost, voters should contact the Clark Auditor ASAP Clark Auditor contact info: clark.wa.gov/auditor Can confirm your ballot was received on: vote.wa.gov

Since July is Disability Pride Month

(as opposed to every other month when we're all demure about disability rights /gentle sarcasm)

I wanted to highlight one of my favorite artists: Liberal Jane.

something that’s so frustrating to me is when people (usually able-bodied people lol) tell disabled people how sad/uncomfortable their very existence makes them.

“it makes me so sad to look at u” “just thinking about how hard everything must be for u makes me want to cry” “i cant imagine living like that”

like. that’s your fucking problem to deal with. don’t put your feelings on us like that. we are not a receptacle for your ableism and guilt.

disabled people are not doing anything wrong by just existing. we don’t need to be told how uncomfortable it is to see a person who looks different from most other people existing in public, or even in their own homes. it just feels so unnecessarily cruel, even if it isn’t “intended” to be. it’s not our job to process your feelings + it’s not our job to change for you. fuck off.

“We hope this email finds you well” babe, the only emails I hope find me well are the ones from Archive of Our Own

feeling trapped

i think one of the things i'm struggling with the most is the feeling of being trapped. it's what the majority of my nightmares focus on, either with memories of real events or invented trauma-based dream nonsense, but i haven't parsed out exactly why this is such an issue for me still.

for all intents and purposes, i'm not trapped anymore. i've been out of that environment since 2008. i've been no-contact with my abusers since 2018. i'm married, living in a different county, in my own house with my partner and two dogs. i am the least trapped i've ever been.

though i do feel trapped in my body- it's maddening sometimes, having to deal with my chronic illness and disability on top of this mental health baggage. it's frustrating. but i don't really think that's what the issue is, with this trapped feeling.

i know it somehow relates to my trauma, but i can't put my finger on why my brain feels the need to process this now. what even is there to process? i was trapped. often physically, always psychologically, but like why does my brain keep telling me there is something deeper about this that i'm not understanding? it's like having a word or phrase on the tip of my tongue. there is something but i don't know what.

one of the reasons my therapist suggested writing online, anonymously, is because my trapped feelings can be triggered when i want to talk about my trauma but get stuck in the potential consequences of doing so with my identity attached. my abusers have both, separately, threatened me with lawsuits should i ever attempt to report them again or go public with my story. defamation, libel, countersuits if charges are pressed again. as if i would even want to go through the trauma of legal proceedings, all over again, since all it ever did was make my life harder. that court experience was worse than some of the rapes i remember.

so i'm writing, to see if putting this out into the world helps this feeling. or maybe it will help something else inside of me. part of me wonders if i'm just using it as an excuse to lean into the trauma more, since feeling broken down is more comforting than feeling strong, even now. the pain of it feels safe.

petition for chronic pain to just

not

please make it stop i beg

I do not ask this lightly, the Missouri AG’s office has started a site to build a list of trans people. Clog the system. That’s the life of a trans kid who gets another day on this earth. Spam the fuck out of it, it’s not sophisticated. You don’t need to use a real email. Post as much as you’d like