What Are The Odds That A Bot With The Same Name As One Of My Rapists' Daughters Follows Me Today Lol

every day living with my disabilities is just an endless refrain of “the world does not treat me gently so i must treat myself gently, even when it’s hard” and i must never ever forget that

petition for chronic pain to just

not

please make it stop i beg

I was just thinking about how weird it was that my mother never let me have a job, she was so against me working. and then I realized:

I had a job. She didn't want me to waste time flipping burgers when she could be pimping me out. That was my job, to her.

My sense of self and understanding of my own situation is so shattered that it's taken me like 15 years to even put that together.

I know I'm literally just a trauma dumping blog but I'd just like all the fandom & art accounts I follow to know that they make my life better. Thanks friends. I suck up your good content the way SpongeBob needs water at Sandy's house.

Remember this: you are not lazy, you are sick. You are not useless; you are in recovery. You are not unproductive; you are trying your best to live your life while dealing with your health all the time. See the effort it takes to be you. And appreciate the things you do for yourself, be proud of you because you are still going.

abusive dad, approaching at random: WHY DIDN’T YOU GET THIS THING DONE ALREADY?!

me: what? you didn’t tell me to do it

abusive dad: DOES EVERYTHING NEED TO BE DRAWN OUT FOR YOU?? YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BE TOLD!! HOW OLD ARE YOU?? CAN’T YOU DO ONE SIMPLE THING??

me: so you can’t even be expected to tell me when you want me to get something done? i’m supposed to read your mind?

abusive dad: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW!!! WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING?!!

me, internally: wtf even is this. was this just an excuse to scream at me. ah. thats what it was.

abusive parents will go off about how expensive it is to keep you around and how they have no money and what a fucking burden you are and they don’t see the irony?

dude. you MADE me. what the fuck were you thinking. stupid idiot loser. go back to that moment and don’t have sex. problem fucking solved. what the fuck do you expect me to do, die now that you decided having kids is inconvenient? wow. maybe you should have thought this thru.

Jesus Christ this fucking disorder. I've had someone screaming and crying inside my fucking head all day and it's taking everything in me to not let them front and I just wanna lay down inside like ten blankets and not have to be real