I Don't Actually Give A Fuck Whether Fatness Is An Indicator Of Health Because Health Shouldn't Indicate

sometimes a healthy relationship isn't 50/50 because it can't be, and that's okay.

disabled people who cannot take on an equal portion of the work in a relationship deserve to be loved too, if that's what they want. and as long as their partner is getting the support they need, and is happy to take on that work, then what's the issue? it's nobodys business but your own the way that works in your relationship.

if you or your partner are disabled, and you can't split the work in the relationship 50/50, that's okay. you're not abusive, or a baby, or unloveable because of that. I promise

I hate how abusive parents love to imply that you know nothing about the 'real world', as if they're sheltering you and protecting you from the big evil out there, so you're 'naive and innocent' and don't know how bad it is outside, but what they're really 'sheltering' you from are survival skills and vital knowledge of how to function in the world! They sure are not sheltering you from evil! They're not sheltering you from abuse! They're not sheltering you from cruelty and violence and apathy in the face of suffering! They're not sheltering you from how it feels to be unprotected and isolated in an environment in dangerous individuals! You have all possible experiences of that! You have intimate and extended knowledge of that! You even know how to survive living with them! But self care and taxes, that is the gatekept information. God forbid you know how to live independently.

"Have you considered that depression is causing your pain?"

"Have you considered that constant pain is depressing?"

Crazyheadcomics

It's a grey goose for dinner kinda night ifkyk

abusive dad, approaching at random: WHY DIDN’T YOU GET THIS THING DONE ALREADY?!

me: what? you didn’t tell me to do it

abusive dad: DOES EVERYTHING NEED TO BE DRAWN OUT FOR YOU?? YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BE TOLD!! HOW OLD ARE YOU?? CAN’T YOU DO ONE SIMPLE THING??

me: so you can’t even be expected to tell me when you want me to get something done? i’m supposed to read your mind?

abusive dad: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW!!! WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING?!!

me, internally: wtf even is this. was this just an excuse to scream at me. ah. thats what it was.

How abuse affects your friendships and relationships

Friendships/relationships

Abusive childhood teaches you to stay in abusive relationships

Children of abusive parents are more likely to tolerate abusive friends

Abuse will make toxic friendship feels normal.

Abusive parents teach us to chase people whose love we think we can ‘earn’ or obtain by removing boundaries and suffering more abuse.

Abuse can trick you into believing you have to love people unconditionally even if they abuse you.

Abusive fails to teach you the signs of an abusive relationship.

Abuse makes us scrutinize our own actions and behaviours, but never others’.

Abuse will make you completely disregard subtle red flags in friendships.

Long term neglect can make us long for any kind of attention

Neglect makes us extra vulnerable to Love Bombing and Mirroring

Abuse makes us vulnerable to Future Faking.

Abuse makes us tolerate more pain than anyone normally would tolerate in a friendship/relationship.

Abuse can teach us that neglect, lack of positive attention and engagement, lack of consideration for our needs and wants, is normal and acceptable in our friendships and relationships, leading us to tolerate it.

Living in abuse and using fantasy and idealism to endure the reality, will encourage the development of Magical Thinking in adulthood.

Abuse makes us emotionally vulnerable to grooming, and likely to bond with groomers.

Abuse makes it impossible to notice the signs of an abusive relationship.

Abuse can groom you to accept and tolerate abuse from others.

Sense of self

Neglect causes low self esteem.

Abuse greatly amplifies the human fear of being unlovable, unwanted and dying alone.

Being raised in abuse can make you feel like you’re 'not normal’ and make it difficult to relate to people.

Abuse can make you feel like you’re a constant inconvenience and always left out.

Abuse forces you to keep secrets that alienate you from friendships or feeling like a part of community

Abuse in isolation makes us feel like the world abandoned us.  

Attachment disorders

Abuse can lead to intense, over-attached, idealized, unstable, disorganized, or detached and fragile attachments as opposed to stable and healthy ones with boundaries and realistic expectations.

Neglect can cause abandonment issues, which then cause intense stress, anxiety, insecurity, and overall traumatic response to a break of a friendship/relationship

Neglect can cause craving of being ‘taken care of’ or ‘being the caretaker’ rather than pursuing equal and completely mutual relationships

Abuse can lead you to bond intensely with a 'favourite person’ which puts you into a position where you can easily be groomed or exploited, and unable to get out of it.

Abuse leads into idealizing people who show us even the minimum of kindness.

Abuse can make us crave ‘feeling important’ even from abusers

Parentification

Parentification teaches you to take care of other people as a Survival Strategy

Abusive parents can set you up to live as a resource to others

Abuse teaches you to keep your pain secret while tearing yourself apart to care for other’s pain.

Socializing

Abuse starves us out of conversation, touch, gentleness, community, and it can be painful to introduce ourselves (back) to it.

Abuse makes casual socializing anxiety-inducing and frightening.

Social abuse can invoke social anxiety.

Abuse can make attention feel dangerous.

Abusive parents can sabotage you socially, making your real entrance into social life only after you get away from them, and by that time you’ve missed out on valuable development of social skills and you’re starting with a disadvantage

Suffering the pain of abuse alone can make you feel like isolating yourself and being away from people is the only safe way to exist.

Suffering long-term abuse can make you intensely doubt people’s intentions (and sometimes you might be right).

Abuse can make any criticism in a social situation extremely painful and triggering for us

Abuse can create strict double standards for how we’re allowed to live and feel, and what others are allowed.

Intimacy and closeness will trigger emotional flashbacks, painful memories and personal crisis, making you unwilling to try and be close to people.

Long term abuse makes it painful for us to receive or accept comfort.

Abuse can make us feel indebted for comfort.

Abuse makes us feel like we’re craving abuse when we’re only craving comfort

Abuse makes us look for positive attention in non-effective or dangerous ways.

Abuse can make you blame yourself for any social interaction that hurts you.

Abuse makes us dismiss our own discomfort with others.

isn’t it weird how you can just grow up without a single person caring about you or looking out for you and with extra brutalizing on the side and you’re still alive and almost completely coherent but in so much pain and bursting with paranoia and insecurity and self doubt while all the people who did this to you are just. business as regular. where is the karma.

found this today

Please use these terms correctly. Not doing so will deeply harm the people who actually have experienced trauma, gaslighting, triggers, and people who have NPD.