Body Positivity Rant

Whats your opinion of bisexual people?

Hey :) Thanks for your question! How shall I put this? Bisexual people fall under the umbrella of “all people” and I have only one single opinion on all people: All people are beautiful and wonderful and lovely. All people are worthy of love and respect. All people are treasured fiercely and intimately by their creator. All people are loved by God and by me. 

Regardless of age, gender, colour, creed, religious views, sexual orientation. Regardless of their past. Regardless of whatever they might think is wrong with them. 

That is the only opinion I will ever offer on people, in general. And really, it is NONE of my beeswax who other people love/are attracted to/sleep with.

I have talked a bit more in depth about the conflict between homosexuality and the church here, here and here.  In every single one of those questions, I and the question-asker both specifically used the word “homosexuality”. Now that I think about it, I suppose you could generally apply the opinions expressed in those posts to anyone of the LGBTQ community. In conclusion, it doesn’t matter who you are. It doesn’t matter what you believe or how you live. My job is to love you. Period. And that’s what I’m gonna do. :)  

Thanks for the question! Peace and love! -Katherine 

On twitter I’m seeing dozens of threads from Black activists warning people against burnout, giving all sorts of useful tips about preventing and managing it for the sake of a long-term, sustainable effort.

On tumblr I’m seeing a hell of a lot of young white kids yelling at anyone who actually follows those steps, and acting like burnout is a moral falling rather than a well-proven psychological phenomenon.

Be careful who you get your information from. Don’t let guilt lead you to make choices that will harm both you and the movement.

Today is #WorldToiletDay. Did you know 2.5 billion people - 36% of the world’s population - don’t have access to a clean and safe toilet?

Learn how we work with communities around the world to end #opendefecation and provide clean and safe toilets for all: http://uni.cf/1qrPCSk

Hey! Have you heard the song I Celebrate the Day by Relient K? It's from their Christmas album. They are my favorite band, and it is one of my favorite songs by them. I was wondering your opinion on it. :)

Hey! I don't know a lot of Relient K's work, but thankfully, I do know that one! It's possibly, if not my favourite, one of my favourites from that album. I quite like it! I especially like the line "I celebrate the day that you were born to die, so that I might one day pray to you to save my life." I think that's beautiful. The chorus is interesting: "The first time that you opened your eyes,did you realize that you would be my saviour?" It's a good question. A lot of people think he always knew. Some people think that He acquired His divine wisdom gradually, or that He took advantage of His god status selectively. Or perhaps He was a human vessel so thoroughly empty that He relied on God for everything, and He couldn't begin proper reliance until His human brain had developed sufficiently. It's really a very difficult question because we have no idea how this dual identity even worked for Him  - fully God and fully man…like, what? So I very much appreciate the question they pose in this song. But yeah, I love it. I think it's a great song. 

A PSA for all the white, straight, cisgendered, able-bodied, neurotypical peeps.

You are privileged. 

If you are all of the things listed in that title, then you are VERY privileged. 

If you are not aware of your privilege, it’s because that’s how privilege works. You don’t see the disadvantages other people face because those disadvantages don’t exist for you. You don’t see social inequalities because society was designed for you to move through it with ease. Society was built by people like you for people like you. That’s privilege. 

But also, if you’re not aware of your privilege, or - even worse - if you willfully deny the existence of said privilege, you’re either blind or selfish or some arrogant, ignorant combination of the two. 

FURTHERMORE. When someone tells you that you are privileged, that is not a personal affront?? Nobody is attacking you by telling you that you’re privileged. They’re just stating a fact. E.g. Me saying “you are privileged.” is not an attack. Me saying “you’re either blind or selfish or some arrogant, ignorant combination of the two.” is an attack. You see the difference? Good. I regret nothing. Moving on. 

I understand that being privileged can feel uncomfortable because it’s like daily, societal survivor’s guilt. I understand that you don’t want to talk about how life is easier for you than for your friend/coworker/family member because of the colour of your skin, or your gender identity, or your sexual orientation, or your genetics. Nobody has any control over that. And yeah, I get it. You’re a good person. You would never oppress anybody because of any of those things. 

STOP BEING AN OVERLY SENSITIVE BABY. This. Is. Not. About. You. Suck it up and face the facts: we live in a deeply unjust society, and you’re on the benefitting side of that injustice. Getting offended about it when someone points out your privilege doesn’t help. Denying your privilege doesn’t help. Making up some stupid reverse kind of discrimination doesn’t help. Claiming that you can’t be privileged because your life sucks doesn’t help. Feeling guilty about it doesn’t help. 

Literally the only appropriate response to your own privilege is to acknowledge it, acknowledge that other people are not so privileged, use your privilege to draw attention to the fact that not everyone is privileged, and work to correct social inequalities. That’s it. Do that. Instead of getting blustery and defensive when someone tells you that you’re privileged, just go do that. ffs. 

thank

Where do you draw the line at what's appropriate sexually before marriage?

I’m pretty conservative, so kissing is my limit. Like, I don’t want hands going ANYWHERE, not even above the belt. :P I try to follow these rules: 1. No clothes are coming off. 2. Don’t touch me anywhere that would be covered by a bikini.

I just do this because the road to sex is a very slippery slope, and I’m worried that once you start down that slope, it’s really hard to stop. And to me, it’s too much of a risk to take, so I’d prefer to stay faaaaaar away from that slope at all, and make absolutely certain that nothing’s gonna happen. I just don’t know how strong my will power is, and I’d really prefer not to find out, haha :P

Thanks for the question! Peace and love! -Katherine

My stance on...

gender identity

labels

pronouns

gender expression

clothes, piercings, tattoos, medications, therapy, hormones, surgeries, accomodations

sexual orientation

relationships between consenting adults

You can do whatever you want forever.

This applies to...

me

you

everyone

Don't understand someone's identity/orientation/labels? Doesn't matter.

Don't "agree" with someone's pronouns or their interpretation/description of their own identity? Fuck off. Who do you think you are? Your opinion is neither desired nor relevant.

Kill the cop inside your mind. Don't be a dick.

Dress Codes and Modesty Culture: It’s more complicated than a few well-placed buzz words.

All across North America, from Labrador City, Newfoundland, to West Jordon, Utah, students are protesting dress codes which they deem sexist and inappropriate. There are many people camped out on the other side of the line professing that it is actually an issue of self-respect. 

Sexist? Yeah, probably. 

On the one hand, it is true that the length and width of boys’ clothes are not policed as strictly as girls’ and that the reason girls’ clothes are being policed is because they are told that the sight of their exposed skin will be “distracting” to the boys in their classes. Both of these facts support the platform that the entire dress code system was essentially created for males’ benefit, which opens up a number of other issues. For example, doesn’t this kind of system propagate the idea that women’s bodies are men’s property? If men are telling us what we can and cannot wear in order to keep them...docile....we can’t help but hear the message that our bodies exist only to please them, and what we want to wear doesn’t matter, because it’s not about us. It’s not about the way we want to express ourselves or our comfort level, it’s about keeping everybody flaccid. Right? Wait...

But what about self respect?

On the other hand, everybody wants affirmation. And depending on how much you value your own opinion of yourself, and what that opinion is, your threshold for affirmation will be lower or higher. If you have a high threshold for affirmation, you will value affirmation which is “expensive” to obtain: praise for your hard work, or someone’s appreciative insights about your soul. If you have a low threshold for affirmation, you will seek affirmation which can be more cheaply won. And the attention you get for your body is cheap: easy to obtain, freely given, and next to worthless in terms of earning respect. And we all know how to get that kind of affirmation. And for some people, that might be the reason you like showing a bit more skin. If you’re one of those people, I just want to tell you that your own opinion of yourself is the most important one, and I hope that you see yourself for who you are: smart, powerful, beautiful and above all, worthy of respect. If well-meaning modesty pushers feel the same way I do about cheap attention, I can see why they would encourage young girls to cover up, and to seek only more valuable forms of affirmation. 

Wait, THAT’s your definition of self respect?

The problem here is that I’ve read phrases like “your body is a priceless treasure, waiting to be found by the right person, and dress codes only suggest that you keep it in the chest until then.” OKAY. Once again, metaphorically referring to a girl’s body as a treasure is another form of objectification. It is literally directly comparing someone’s corporeal form to a box full of rocks and metal. Our bodies are not something that anybody can possess. It’s a physical manifestation of ourselves, it’s the vessel with which we navigate this natural world. AND THEN. It says “waiting to be found by the right person.” Okay so, not only are our bodies somebody’s possession, it’s not even ours? We are not the ones who get to take ownership of the treasure WHICH WE INHABIT? We are waiting for someone to come along and possess our bodies? What? 

It’s. Just. Not. That. Simple.

What I would like to say to both anti-dress-coders and pro-dress-coders is this: It’s just not that simple. 

It’s not enough to simply say that it is sexist to police girls’ clothes and not boys’. 

It’s not enough to simply say that it’s not about sexism, it’s about self-respect. 

And here’s why:

I will use myself as an example to explain why. I am a fiercely independent, wickedly stubborn, feminist hippie free spirit. In my personal life, I will wear tank tops and shorts and skirts as I see fit, not as any male tells me makes him comfortable. HOWEVER, I do so with this knowledge:

Biology is a thing. Psychology is a thing. Culture is a thing. It has been scientifically proven (I’m sorry, it really really has.) that individuals born with a penis and high levels of testosterone respond with arousal moreso to visual stimuli, which individuals born with vaginas and high levels of estrogen respond with arousal moreso to everything else (auditory, olfactory, touch, and emotional stimuli). Furthermore, as taught to us in most introductory University Psych courses, people can be conditioned to have a specific biological response to a specific neutral stimulus if that stimulus is always followed by a stimulus which is biologically pertinent. The dogs hear the bell then they get fed. Result: the dogs salivate when they hear the bell. Men see breasts then they have an orgasm. Result: men become aroused when they see breasts. AND WE LIVE IN A CULTURE THAT HAS DEVELOPED IN SUCH A WAY TO PORTRAY THE NUDE FEMALE FORM IN MEDIA AND ADVERTISING ONLY IN HIGHLY SEXUAL CONTEXTS WHICH CREATES AN INEXTRICABLE CONNECTION BETWEEN FEMALE NUDITY AND SEX IN OUR BRAINS THAT HAS BECOME SO DEEPLY ENTRENCHED THAT WE THINK IT’S BIOLOGICALLY HARDWIRED FOR MEN TO BE AROUSED BY BREASTS. 

So I make clothing choices with the full knowledge that I cannot stop men from looking at me. And that depending on the man and his personal preferences, there is a good possibility that my cleavage could cause some increased bloodflow. It’s up to me to decide whether I want that to happen, whether I don’t want it to happen, or whether I simply don’t care. But I am always aware, as I get dressed in the morning, that I do live in a world wherein someone could call my cleavage “distracting”.

Oversimplification ignores the real issues. 

And here’s the issue: people who protest dress codes want to pretend that we don’t live in that world, and people who promote dress codes want to pretend that the fact that we live in that world is not a problem. 

The dress codes are just the tip of the iceberg. I understand that women want to wear what they want, and do what they want, and sleep with whom they want. Part of the current liberal feminism is sexual liberation. However, the dress code is a prominent example of modesty culture. Modesty culture suggests that girls have the responsibility to prevent men from being aroused by them. This is less severe instance of victim blaming, which originates in rape culture. Rape culture suggests that girls have the responsibility to prevent men from raping them. In both of these situations, the blame is sadly misplaced. Rape Culture and victim blaming exist because we live in a Misogynist society. The means that we live in a society that discriminates against women, belittles women, objectifies women, and violates women. It’s all well and good to say that women should be allowed to do, say and wear what we want, but the fact is that we live in a society where that is unsafe for us sometimes. 

So the moral of the story: If you protest dress codes, you need to realize that the dress code is not the problem. It is a symptom of a systemic illness of society, and like a fever, this symptom might actually be manifesting itself to protect you. And if you promote dress codes, you need to realize that the fact that we even need dress codes is indicative of a much bigger problem in our society. My advice to both of you is that you’re fighting on the same side and you don’t even realize it. Instead of fighting for or against dress codes, let’s all focus on unlearning harmful philosophies and behaviours to create a safer environment for women, and then dress codes wouldn’t even be that much of an issue. 

Are you aware of the process of courting before engagement? It's like hands-off dating until you're engaged and then only hugs and hand-holding until you're married. How do you feel about this, is it something you would do?

Hello! I am indeed aware of such a process! In fact, one of my best friends is Muslim and that’s basically what they do…it’s like hands-off dates with a chaperone. I know it sounds sooo tiresome, but the whole point is to find out whether you are interested in spending the rest of your life with this person. And honestly, it sounds to me like they’re perfected the art of dating.

I am very incredibly interested in what it would be like. I think I really would try it. I don’t think that it’s necessary to remain pure, and I’ve always looked rather askance at the concept of saving your first kiss for your wedding day (simply because I think it’s a tad extreme, and unnecessary). So I don’t exactly think that it’s the right way to do it, but I think it sounds very interesting. It might be a good idea :P

I find that the physical aspect of a relationship has the potential to cloud judgment. Provided I can determine whether or not I’m physically attracted to someone and be aware of it (which I can, I dunno bout you :P) - because physical chemistry still is and always will be a very important part of a relationship - I think that it’s a “smart” way to do dating. You spend your time productively finding out how your values and worldview line up, and discussing thoughts and ideas instead of just, like, macking. :P

Because as important as physical chemistry is, it’s not what holds a marriage together. Mutual respect, appreciation, admiration and commitment is what holds a marriage together. And it’s possible that the way most people do dating focuses too closely on the physical aspect, and doesn’t prepare them for the future. So I think the process of courting *could* potentially produce stronger marriages. 

So in theory, I’m all for it. In practice…….

Honestly, I don’t even know if I could do it :P Well, I guess I could. I probably wouldn’t like it though :P When I’m in a relationship, the mental energy I devote to the physical part is divided evenly between paranoia about PDA and “I can’t wait to kiss him again”. So I think in one way, it’d be best kind! In another, it would annoy me. Thankfully, my love language is not physical touch! It’s words of affirmation, so I think that as long as I got to talk and text, I’d survive. 

Haha that was probably a long of information about me you didn’t need to know. But hopefully, it helps you understand my perspective. :) 

Thanks for the question! Peace and love! -Katherine