"I've come so far but I've got so far to go." 20 strikes me as a very odd age indeed. You're two decades old. You're no longer a teenager. You have a different digit at the beginning of your age. I mean, you've had the same first digit since you were 10 years old. And we can all agree that 10 is a very young age. It's a big deal. You're entering into the decade of your life where so many things are supposed to happen. Between the ages of 20 and 30, you might finish post secondary education, start a career, fall in love, move out, get married and have kids. All of those things might happen while the number 2 is the first debit of your age. And I'm not gonna lie, that freaks me out. Adding to my disquiet is the fact that one of my friends is 20 and got engaged just the other day. I'm thrilled for her and panicked for me, and it's implications regarding the stage of life I am entering. Might I add that it did not help when my father said "that's how old I was when I got engaged." It does not worry me that I am single and will not be engaged at the age of 20. What worries me is that I might be expected to be engaged at the age of 20. There's only one day's difference between being a teenager and being an adult. Teenagers have a reputation for doing dumb stuff. But adults are expected to make informed, logical decisions in life changing situations. I know that 24 hours is not going to make that big a difference in my decision-making skills. 20 is a grown up age. But it will not belong to a grown up life. I still live at home. I still ask my parents' permission. I still eat Nutella with a spoon. I still have stuffed animals. I still hate homework. I still have sleepovers. I still get stupid little crushes. For all intents and purposes, I am a child! And yet I feel as though at the age of 20 I'm supposed to undergo some transformation and move out and have a career and find a mate. And then you begin contemplating the future. Do you know what it feels like when all the moments yet to come have weight and they press down on you? When all the breaths yet to be breathed turn to lead in your lungs? When you're suffocating under the expectations of others and your own expectations for yourself? The future is heavy with paths to be chosen, mistakes to be made, hearts to be broken, prices to be paid. Like a stormcloud with rain, it's full of successes and failures, joy and sorrow, triumphs and disappointments. And you begin to wonder, how on earth am I to weather these storms of life without an umbrella? I'm not entirely gloomy about this birthday. I know the future has limitless potential for optimism and that life is what you make it and I'm very excited to become an adult! I can't wait to move out and try new things and explore brave new worlds. That being said, I'm also straight up terrified. And with that thought, I bid you goodnight.
With regards to your homosexuality conversation as a gay Christian man, I don't agree with this. For a number of reasons. I believe God would want everyone of his children to be happy. I am not having sex until marriage but, when I marry my boyfriend I want to adopt children and live a normal life. I have always had a very strong devotion to The Lord, I love him, and I know he loves me. He made me this way for a reason. I don't believe he would condemn me for sharing my love.
Cool! It’s awesome to get your input on this; thanks so much for stopping by to chat :)
I think that also makes perfect sense. After all, Psalm 37:4 says to delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. And later on in that same chapter, it says “The Lord directs the steps of the Godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.”
Okay so I have a question, and you totally don’t have to answer it! But if you’re down to answer it, what’s the deal with your church? Are they cool with your life plan, cause that would be awesome, and I haven’t as of yet come in contact with a church like that. So I’m just really interested to find out.
Thanks! Peace and love :)-Katherine
I live ur blog :)))))))) so much
Aww! :) Thanks bro!
I would just like to throw it out there that if God can use me, God can use ANYONE. My friend once said something to me to the effect of “I wish I could be like you. You’re so amazing and spiritual and wise.” HA! We were texting, so to that I replied “L.O. - freaking - L.” And I told her exactly what I’m about to tell you…in less than 140 characters. You get the extended version.
My friend looks up to me, but she doesn’t see the insecurity, the fear, the lack of discipline, the pride, and all the GUNK that messes up the inside of my heart. She reminded me of an instance where I was giving her advice and she said that I said the exact right thing. I remember that particular moment very well. It was the moment where I was sitting there praying silently, “God, I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m way out of my league here, I really need your help! Give me the right words to say!” And He DID!
Not because I was worthy, but because I was willing.
See, we don’t have to have it all together before God can use us. We don’t have to be mature and confident and eloquent and spiritual and have great faith and know everything to be used by God. In fact, if we were able to minister to people on our own, what would the point even be? If we could witness to people all on our own power, what would we be witnessing about? There’s a verse in the bible that says “I will boast in my weakness because in my weakness, God’s strength is revealed.” Paul wrote it. And that’s the whole point. We can’t do this on our own and that’s the beautiful part where God’s holiness fills in all the gaps in us. In Him, we are whole.
So it’s not up to us to “convince” anybody of anything. Truth is truth, and we are called just to give it all to God and let Him flow through us. We need merely be the mouthpiece, and He will do all the work on their hearts, through His Holy Spirit. Doesn’t that take the pressure off? One pastor once said “I couldn’t save a blade of grass.” And it’s true, we can’t save anybody, God does that.
So my whole point is that no matter who you are and how bad you think you are, God CAN and WILL use you, if you’re willing.
A great resource I drew upon as part of my inspiration for this post was the message of pastor Brad Noel at a youth conference in 2010. He called his message “Lessons in FAITH from Doubters, Wimps, Jellyfish, Murderers and Whiners.” Here are some examples of Bible “Heroes” he gave who did great things for God, and definitely didn’t have it all together! Gideon was afraid and insecure. Elijah didn’t think he was spiritual enough. Peter denied Jesus in a moment of panic. King David was an adulterer and a murderer. John the Baptist felt that he couldn’t hear God’s call anymore.
As most of us probably know, these guys are prominent heroes and role models of the Bible. Gideon was always portrayed to me as a great warrior and leader. Elijah performed more miracles than any other prophet in the Old Testament. Peter founded the first early church with his oration skills. David was called “a man after God’s own heart”. John the Baptist seems like the ultimate example of selflessness and humility in his fervent witnessing. And yet, these guys weren’t superheroes! They were normal people, like you and me.
Finally, I can testify that if you ask God to give you the right words, whether you realise it or not, He will. You would be surprised how He uses the randomest stuff you say. Or do. I weep at the realisation that my words have actually made an impact on people. Because I know that it’s all God using me. And it’s so humbling. I can’t believe that God would use me, as messed up and undeserving as I am. I mean, I can’t even handle my own mortal life, let alone my own eternal life, and DEFINITELY not someone else’s eternal life! I need Jesus, and astoundingly, He doesn’t need me, but He wants me! And He actually sees me as something lovely, and something useful! I am so honoured that I am usable to God.
And like I said, if God will use me, He will definitely use you. The world sees your physical qualifications, but His eyes roam the earth, searching for a devoted heart. Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. Have enough faith to stop trying on your own and give it all the God, and watch the mountains move as the Holy Spirit flows through you.
I've invited some wonderful women to share their experiences on evolutions and revolutions in life for our series "The View From Here :: On a Life in Transition". I hope you appreciate their words ...
Hey guys! This is a monumental occasion! My friend Leigha, whom I admire tremendously for her fearless activism, independence and heartbreakingly beautiful writing talent, asked me to be a guest writer on her blog!! :D Above you'll find the link to my post :) Also, while you're there, poke around and check out some of her stuff. If you like what you read here, you definitely won't be disappointed! Love y'all! Peace! -Katherine
Societal Conditioning? New Rant yayyyy!!! Today I filmed like four rants and this is the first :)
God does not expect you to be a Wall Street executive. God does not wish you were making six figures. God does not wish you had a happy-go-lucky personality. God does not wish you would just “Get yourself together already!” We are not on our own. We are not broken beyond repair. We are not doomed to be our parents (2 Kings 21:21; 2 Kings 22:2). We are not condemned by our heavenly Father for being in process (2 Peter 3:15). He knows us and loves us and is working patiently in and with us
“God made us then whispered “think symphony, not solo.” Individually capable, collectively unbelievable.”
— Bob Goff (via littlethingsaboutgod)
If you could ask God one question what would it be?
ONE question? Haha ahhh I have so many. They pass in and out of my head several times a week, and for some reason, I never think to write them down. Okay so here’s how I picture it: Right now, I’m a human, and I’m young human at that. Which means I have a mortal, finite view of space and time, which is by definition extremely limited. On top of that, as my mom says to me, “you can be as smart as you want, but until you have lived as long as I have, you will know nothing.” And it’s true, I’ve lived 19 years in a cute, white-picket-fence, sheltered, caucasion, north-american, privileged life. I know nothing! So I picture me getting to heaven and it’s like my soul, that right now can only kind of taste the infinite, is completely freed of my brain and my emotions and my body and now I’m infinite, I’m free-floating, outside of space and time and none of the restrictions that bind me here on earth exist anymore. I’m part of infinity, I’m living in infinity and I can see everything. All of space and all of time, and I picture it as one huge “OHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" moment. Suddenly you can see a gazillion and one connections between seemingly randomly events in your life, and you can see how a butterfly flapping their wings affects the death of a star on the other side of the universe, and you can see how a trivial choice someone made on the other side of the world generations before you affects your life. And you see, woven through everything, is God’s overriding, all-consuming, overwhelming love and grace. You can literally see his fingerprints in the planets and everything just clicks and you’re like “how did I never see this before?” And then I won’t have any of the questions I have now because I won’t be missing the pieces of information that my poor, human head is currently incapable of containing and comprehending. So it’s not like I’m waiting to see God so that I can ask him to explain this one mystery that’s been bugging me my whole life. However, I will share with you the latest mind-bender I was contemplating, just this morning. So there’s a theory that the curse of original sin is passed on through the father. Because Jesus had a human mother, but was conceived through the Holy Spirit. So He didn’t have a human father, and He was perfect and sinless so obviously, He wasn’t affected by the original sin curse like all other humans. And yet He was fully human and fully God. So I’m sitting there musing about this interesting idea and then I’m like, where did the other 23 chromosomes come from?? Like yeah, the immaculate conception was a miracle, but God uses science and nature as His tools, and Jesus was obviously a fully functional human, so He had to have 46 chromosomes…right? So what were they and where did they come from? Hmmmm. And I said to myself, I really will have to get God to explain that to me when I see Him. So there you go! :) Peace and love! -Katherine
That full thing about sex was deep. As a christian who has drifted away, I took more out of that than any devotion. Good work, Im not gonna stop - but I respect your decision.
WHAT! DUDE MAN BRO. (Okay, I know I just effectively destroyed any illusions of me being deep). But wow, thank you for taking the time to come tell me that. :) I appreciate that a lot, and your respect for my decision! The respect is reciprocated for yours. :) Mostly I'm just glad you actually took the time to read it and moreover, actually got something out of it.
You're awesome and I love you. Thanks :)-Me
please see pinned post. queer christian currently deconstructing my faith and trying to unlearn religious legalism and prejudice. pro choice. sex is a spectrum. gender is a construct. protect trans kids. stop nonconsensual surgeries on intersex babies. black lives matter. indigenous lives matter. land back. free palestine. (canada) every child matters. (canada) no pride in genocide. i'm a white settler living on stolen land trying to be anti-racist and anti-colonialist.
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