Hey Katherine :) (its Michaela) I Love Your Blog! I Also Love The Show 19 Kids And Counting With The

What is your biggest regret? None of that "i don't have any regrets" nonsense. Everyone regrets something.

Haha wow, you’re strict! Alright, I promise, no nonsense. To answer your question, it’s not quite that I don’t have any regrets, but I’m too young to have any serious regrets. I regret things like…dating a guy who was too young for me. (That was my biggest regret for years) For a while, I decided that what I really regretted was breaking up with him before I was ready, and not letting the relationship just run its course. Now I’m back to regretting dating him in the first place. I regret dating a guy who didn’t share my faith. I regret not writing down the phone number a guy gestured to me through an airplane window, cause that would have made a great story, but now it’s just a “what if?” I regret being an immature child who was accidentally insensitive and self-righteous and judgmental at times when I came into contact with people who were hurting. Most recently, I regret not taking University seriously and expecting to get my marks as easily as I did in high school. So you know what I mean, I regret little stuff. Nothing that I’ll carry with me to my dying day and whisper on my deathbed. But I agree with you that everyone regrets something. I don’t subscribe to the “it was exactly what you wanted at the time” or “never regret something that made you smile” mentality. I know I’ve made mistakes. So, so many mistakes. Countless mistakes. And there are lots of times that I know I hurt someone and I would like nothing better than to erase that decision I made so that the person wouldn’t be hurt anymore. But that’s life. My mom told me that no one expects me to be perfect (except me) and when we screw up, all we can do is apologize and keep moving forward, trying to do better everyday. Maybe if I’m lucky, my regrets will always be little, silly stuff like they are now. But if I was a bettin’ woman, I’d wager that someday, I’ll have a really big, really painful regret. But I hope when that day comes that I’ll remember that I can’t hold on to my regrets forever, and that I’ll be able to forgive myself and accept my imperfection and embrace the love and grace that God offers me despite me constant failings. :) Peace and love! -Katherine 

have you ever experienced or witnessed a miracle?

Hmm...I don't thiiiiink so. Obviously, I've seen lots of divine stuff: tongues and interpretation, slain in the Spirit, prophesy, etc etc. I'm been in the room with people who were healed. Two examples come to mind: 1) A woman with chronic pain for years instantly pain-free. 2) A girl with scoliosis literally feeling her spine being straightened.

The former is from YC, October 2012 and the latter is from YB2, August 2012. I've heard so many first hand witness accounts from friends, family, and church family who report amputated arms growing back and countless healings. If you count a healing as a miracle, then the answer is yes. I actually, for some weird reason, put miracles in a different category, so I'm inclined to say no. Haha Have a great day! Peace and love! -Katherine 

Is your hair naturally curly or straight ?

Sighh...straight. Very straight, haha. I shouldn't complain because it's very obedient and easy to manage, and I appreciate that, but I do truly love curly hair. I'm considering a perm when it gets longer :P 

I think it's great to talk about stuff like this because the more uncomfortable you make it, the harder it is to address. This is a great treatment of the lust/porn/masturbation issue, and I wanted to share it with y'all! :)  -Katherine

Editor’s Note: I’ve received countless emails, messages and questions regarding about lust, porn and masturbation. I’ve had my tumblr since November of 2011 and I think it’s time that I write something about this very touchy and sensitive topic. What you’re about to read are things that I’ve learned in the past as I wrestled and struggled with this sin. These are things I’ve learned either from different people, from different books, and from God through His word and His Holy Spirit. I understand that every single guy and gal are on a different journey with this sin. So I’m not saying that what I  write on this entry is what you should do, rather the purpose of this blog entry is to encourage, empower, and enlighten others as to how to face this battle and come out victorious through Jesus Christ. My desire and prayer is that you would find encouragement, wisdom, knowledge and hope that there’s an answer and a solution. I can testify to that for I am a living testimony. There’s victory over this struggle and the answer lies in Jesus Christ and I pray that you would see that through this blog entry. Let’s get started shall we? :)

I was first exposed to porn when I was a little kid. I can’t remember exactly how old I was but I remember I was really young. How? It might’ve been when I was at my friends house and his parents weren’t home and we thought it was a good idea to mess around with his parents movie. I’m not sure how and where exactly I got my eyes exposed to porn but I was young. 

From that point I just started watching porn and it became a routine and I didn’t think it was wrong. I wasn’t a Christian either so I thought it was natural for guys to watch and masturbate. Little did I know that my foolish choices at that time was going to affect me when I became a Christian.

At the age of 15 I gave my life to Christ. I still remember coming home from that youth conference and just feeling so fired up! God now gave me new eyes, new mind, new heart and new life. I knew that any lustful activity just needs to stop because the bible tells me so and it’s wrong. I was on a good streak and I lasted at least 3-6 months of not watching, not doing. But something went wrong. All of a sudden the whole “I’m not suppose to do this because it’s wrong and the bible says it’s wrong” no longer held any weight or power to stop me from succumbing to a lustful heart and this is where my battle with lust started.  I remember hearing a good message and thought to myself, “Man, that message was so convicting, God I will never do go back to those lustful things. I’m done.” Or meet with my accountability partner and have a long “prayer session” and after that I would feel good. Or set up all these rules of do’s and don’ts but at the end of all these things I’ve mentioned, I would end up doing the very same thing I hate doing. Can you relate to my story? I’m sure most of you can if not all.  So what is wrong exactly? What is lust? And if you’re struggling with lust and any other forms of lustful activity how do you fight it? What do you do?

First you have to know that SEXDRIVE and Sexual Desire isn’t the problem nor the issue, LUST is. SEX isn’t the answer or the solution to your LUST problem, Jesus is. God created you and me with sexual desires and drives to be with someone. But the enemy twisted the truth about our sexuality through Lust. Lust is craving sexually what God has forbidden.To Lust is to go beyond attraction, appreciation of beauty or a healthy desire for sex. It is very self-centered and selfish and it makes these desires more important than God.

I mentioned earlier that in the past I’ve failed spectacularly in the area of lust even though I heard a powerful message, or met with my partners or even got rid of ‘stuff’ I found myself going back to the same patterns. Why? mainly because I’ve held the wrong standard for holiness. The wrong source of power to chance. And the wrong motive for fighting sin. My ideas and thoughts about being holy was completely twisted. I thought If I don’t watch/look at porn or masturbate for certain amount of time I’m doing pretty good. I thought I can rely solely on my partners and I’ll be fine. And I thought setting down some strict legalistic rules will help me stay on my toes I was wrong.

But the main reason why we pursue holiness and choose to deny lust along with it’s other forms is because of this: God created us for so much more. He designed us to be satisfied with Him and to translate that satisfaction and pleasure to someone through sex in marriage. He isn’t withholding our sex drives by not watching or masturbating, rather He is saving us for a life filled with love, joy, peace and satisfaction. He is saving us for something so much better. Yes it’s not easy and it’s a fight and a sacrifice but in the end it’s worth it.

As Christians we need to remember that nothing that we can do or add to make us justified before Him, Christ did all the justification. Not watching porn, or masturbating isn’t gonna add up a ‘points’ to God, or make us more worthy, rather it’s sanctifying us and leading us towards a life of holiness and purity.

If we understand this truth about how we stand in Christ, all of a sudden our motives and hearts towards lust changes from “I’m not gonna do it coz it’s wrong” to “I’m not gonna do it because I don’t wanna break my Father’s heart.” That’s a huge difference. The other one is motivated by legalism and will power and the other one is motivated by love and grace.  God’s standard of holiness is radical. Ephesians 5:3 says this:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or any kind of impurity.. because these are improper for God’s holy people.

God’s standard of holiness is this: Not even a hint! - That means if you struggle with lust then get rid any kind of triggering factors that encourages you to fall into that sin. If that means you need to get rid of your TV in your room, have your parents/spouse/friends create a password for your computer, throw away any provocative magazines that come to your mail, refrain from any movie that most likely have sensual sin, ANYTHING. Get rid of it, stay away from it, Not even a hint. 

So does that mean we can’t look at the opposite sex coz we fear of committing lust? No. Of course not. Truth is, it is not lust when we find someone to be so attractive, to have a strong desire for sex, to be excited about sex within marriage, to experience sexual temptation. It only becomes lust and sinful when we go past those things I’ve mentioned above. It is important to distinguish these things and to know what’s lust and what’s not. What’s natural and what’s sinful. it’s not about approaching your sin in a legalistic way, but instead it’s about being obedient to God and being good stewards of the life and the body He has given us.  Now what, how do you exactly face and fight this battle? What do you and how do you prepare yourself when Satan comes at you prowling like a lion ready to deceive you? Identify any lust trigger factors. There are numbers of factors that can trigger you. And when you identify these factors it will help you better equip and prepare yourself.

Time of day- Is it at night, after work, when you’re tired etc.

Locations- could be alone in your room, friends house, etc.

TV- be responsible on what you feed your eyes.

Books/Newspapers/Magazines- Be radical about what your read.

Music- Be mindful about the songs you listen to.

Internet - this is obvious.

People/relationship- are you in a healthy & godly relationship or not?

Now that you have your list, pray and ask God to give you solid brothers/sisters to help you in this fight. People who would be genuine about your struggle and will faithfully strengthen and build you up. You can have all these lists but unless you genuinely repent from this sin and have strong hatred towards this sin and a strong and burning desire to be victorious in this area, nothing will happen. Unless you  seek friend and get someone to keep you accountable and really take action, you will only find yourself stumbling over and over again. You weren’t meant to fight your battles all by yourself. Jesus sent his disciples always in pairs that means we are meant to work with people and encourage others in our walk.

I have to say one thing though, accountability is great but you have to set your mind and heart on the right place with this. In the past I’m afraid to act on my sin because I don’t wanna disappoint my partner or I want to have a ‘good thing’ to say whenever we meet. This is a wrong mindset. Accountability isn’t meant for that. It’s about partnering, walking, and encouraging the other person not relying. At the end of the day you rely on Jesus’ grace & love and His Spirit to empower you and strengthen you daily. 

In my own experience and walk, here’s some really practical ways to develop and cultivate a godly lifestyle:

Spend time with God through prayer, reading His word and worship. - Pick a book in the bible. Start your day with prayer and asking God to give you a hunger for his word daily. Read one chapter a day and journal your thoughts and what God has revealed to you that day. Make it a habit to memorize a short passage. Pursue intimacy with Jesus and make it your priority.

Be in community. Serve in your local church & community. - by doing this you are being proactive and getting out of the house and cultivating a healthy godly lifestyle. Talk with other Christians and just get out there instead of staying home.

Cultivate godly habits. - Read books that encourages you to love and go deeper with God. Listen to songs that encourages you to fall in love more with Jesus. Whenever you’re at a store, coffeeshop, etc, ask for the Holy Spirit to give you opportunities to minister to people either through praying for them, encouraging them with simple words or buying them lunch or coffee. The pleasures that you get from these things are priceless.

i’ll close with this one. There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ. You’ve probably failed in the past but I know deep down inside your heart you’re disappointed but you’re not close to giving up. There’s still a part of you that wants to strive for victory and there is coz God is working in your heart already as you read this. So even after you read this blog and still find yourself stumbling, get up and start all over again. Godliness and Holiness isn’t an overnight fix, it’s a lifetime and it’s a process. The last thing you want to do is give up. Don’t listen to the enemy, and grab onto Jesus right away. He loves you and will never give up on you. Ever. As long as you’re alive and breathing, you have a chance to change, and repent. His grace is sufficient for you are His child and He’s got his grip on you and will never let you go because He has called you to be a vessel and instrument to this perverse world. 

If you want to cultivate a lifestyle of walking in purity and holiness, then you need to abide in Jesus Christ. In John 15 Jesus talks about us abiding in him coz apart from him, we can’t bear any fruit. Apostle Paul talks about how God can’t be deceived, what we sow either in the Spirit or flesh, then that’s what we will reap. You can’t expect to bear fruits of the Spirit or come close to victory over porn, lust and masturbation if you’re daily sowing in the things of the flesh instead of the things of the Spirit. But If you abide in Christ, set and fill your minds with godly things, and ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with His presence everyday, I promise you, and it may even surprise you but the urge, desires and cravings of lust will slowly and eventually start to fade away because it will be replaced with the Fruits of the Spirit. We will bear the fruits of Christ and the fruits of godliness and holiness but that’s only possible if we abide in Christ daily. Look to Jesus, He is greater and powerful  than any of your present trials and struggles. 

Grace and Love in Christ, Mark Muldez.

"Being a Christian doesn't mean you're perfect, it just means you're forgiven."

You know, sometimes I think we miss the whole point of GRACE. It’s not a one-time thing (thank God), like we become a Christian and we pray that prayer, and then in that moment, everything in our past is wiped away, and then we have to be perfect form that point on. Like all our past mistakes are forgiven but we’re not allowed to make any more.

See, I have this weird complex-type thing where I’m almost convinced that I have to be absolutely perfect and I can’t handle it if I’m not. And I think that among my peers, there are more people like me than I thought. So let’s all stop, take a breath, and accept the fact that we will fail. Let’s stop hating on ourselves because “I’m not patient enough”, “I don’t have enough faith”, “I doubt God”, “I’m a terrible person”. The last one isn’t even true, for anybody. And the rest of those flaws are not the end of the world.

Because, grace means that it’s OKAY that we aren’t perfect! That is the very reason why Jesus died. The blood he shed for us covers every time we slip. I KNOW I’m not good enough! So did Jesus. That’s why He gave us His Holy Spirit to live in us and complete us, to fill the areas where we are lacking, to give us the spirit of Christ, to adopt us into His family, and give us eternal life. In my weakness, His strength is revealed. I am not enough, but He lives in me, and He is. THAT is grace.

Grace means it’s okay to be human. GRACE is what distinguishes Christianity from any religion, because it means that we don’t have to be good enough. Thank God, I don’t have to be good enough, because I never could.

This is a journal entry of mine slash a letter I wrote to my friend from a couple years ago:

“March 5, 2011

That perfect girl I want to be…she doesn’t exist. That’s the truth. Let the truth set you free. Jesus knows us. He knows that our hearts are deceitful and wicked and betray our best intentions. He knows we’re gonna screw up daily..many times a day in fact. He knows that we haven’t the faintest glimmer of hope of being the person we think we’re supposed to be, but He doesn’t want us to be that person. He just wants us to be us and let Him use us. He just wants us to choose to give Him EVERYTHING, the good and the bad to Him, because He made us, and He doesn’t make anything He can’t use. That’s when our weakness is replaced by God’s strength.

If we were perfect, what would we need Jesus for? We could get to Heaven on our own then! But that’s not the point. We are accutely aware of our own inadequacies and failings and it is because of that that we can truly appreciate the magnitude of His infinite love and GRACE, and what He did for us on the cross.

So yes, don’t be comfortable with your mistakes. By all means, try your best to be the best you can be, but don’t hate yourself when you make a mistake, or when you feel like your character is flawed beyond repair. Instead, embrace the redeeming power of Jesus’ blood.”

One of my favourite quotes is from a song by Lecrae, called Background. The lyrics say “Cause if I do this by myself I’m scared that I’ll succeed, and no longer trust in you, cause I only trust in me.”

We are nothing without Christ. So why do we try so hard to be something without Him, and why are we so surprised and dismayed when we fail time after time? Embrace being imperfect, and embrace the grace that says it’s okay.

"We are all meant to be mothers of God. What good is it to me if this eternal birth of the divine Son takes place unceasingly, but does not take place within myself? And, what good is it to me if Mary is full of grace if I am not also full of grace? What good is it to me for the Creator to give birth to his Son if I do not also give birth to him in my time and my culture? This, then, is the fullness of time: When the Son of Man is begotten in us."

Meister Eckhart (1260-1328)

The anti-refugee stance is closer to collaborating with ISIS than standing up to it.

Dave Pell (via blakebaggott)

THIS IS WHAT IM SAYING

Jesus is radical. Grace is radical. The Gospel is radical. Christianity isn't for the faint at heart.

The Law and The One Who Made The Law

On Sunday, I was helping out with the kiddies program in the morning church service. I LOVE being with the kids, but this morning I felt that there was something wrong. The lesson was about sin, and I think that the message the kids were supposed to take home was "Don't Sin." We told them stories about people who did drugs and stole stuff and ran away from homes and discussed the various mistakes these people made, and defined sin and then told them that the people in the stories met Jesus and cleaned up their lives and went on to do a whole bunch of really great things for God. 

I'm sure it sounds like a very positive message at first glance, but something really unsettled me about it: 

It's all well and good to tell the kids to obey their parents and tell the truth and share and don't do drugs and stay in school. However, why are we so focused on all these rules for how we should behave and not on The One who made the rules? 

Cause see, the gospel is not a behaviour-control program. The church does not exist to make sure that everyone is following the rules. And Jesus didn't die so that we would have to be perfect. 

What I'm trying to say is that instead of telling these kids what they can and cannot do, we should introduce them to Jesus, and tell them about his amazy-crazy, upside-down inside-out, spin-you-all-around LOVE. I think that we should tell them that Jesus knows them better than anyone else in the world and that He loves them more than anyone else in the world does. I think we should tell them that they are His precious treasure, His beloved son/daughter, the apple of His eye. I think we should tell them that He has an awesome plan for their life and that He's gonna do great things in them and through them. Finally, I think we should tell them that He loves them so much that He died for them, so that their sins would be repaid and they could go to heaven. Don't you think that such a message would be far more effective than "Don't do this. Don't do that." I feel like if they knew the one who made them and loves them, they would be naturally less inclined to seek fulfillment in thrills, drugs, alcohol and sex ANYWAY, and we wouldn't have to try and hammer it into their skulls so much. 

Don't get me wrong, we do tell the kids all the stuff I said up there. We tell it to them all the time. My church is not remiss in informing the children of their infinite value to their creator. I just think that if Sunday morning's service was the only one a child had ever been to, they would think that church was just a list of Do's and Don'ts. So I believe that instead of just talking about sin, we need to prevent a more holistic view of the relationship between God and humans. I think we need to present the gospel to these kids in BIG BOLD ITALIC CAPS every single time we see them, because knowing the love of Christ is infinitely more important than knowing the rules. 

That's all.  Peace and love!  -Katherine

Short Story: Beauty is a Beast

            You know that moment when you step off the schoolbus in the afternoon, or when you shut your bedroom door behind you, or lie in bed at night, and just breathe deeply, finally completely alone. You know the person you are in that moment? That’s the real you, with all your true hopes and dreams and values. Nobody can watch you or judge you, or tell you what to do or who to be. People should be that person more often.

        I see it a lot. People are always totally themselves around me. I’m your corner store cashier. I’m like a part of the wallpaper. Because honestly, what effect do I have on the rest of your life outside this miniscule window of time for your trip to buy chocolate or scotch tape? It’s amazing the things I can learn about people as a cashier just by simple observation. I’ve worked here at my tiny corner-store-attached-to-a-pharmacy on the corner of my street for two years, and we sell everything from a turnip to tweezers. In two years of working 7-11 every day of the summer and 7-11 every Saturday and Sunday during the school year, I’ve gotten to know most of the people who live in our neighborhood, through routine visits and fragments of conversation here and there.

 For example, elderly Mrs. McAllister lives all alone at the top of the hill with her four cats, whose photos she carries in her purse. Boots is the black one with white paws, Snowball is all white, Mittens is yellow with a black triangle on his forehead and Tommy is orange striped. She buys a 2L of milk and a Big Turk chocolate bar every single Saturday morning between 7:00 and 7:30 without fail.

 I expect Mr. Watkins visit around 9 every second Sunday morning. He always buys Werther’s hard caramel candies, Purity cream crackers, a bottle of ginger ale, a loaf of bread and bologna. He carries two tiny school photos in his wallet of his grandchildren, Jeffrey who is in grade five this year, and Alyssa, who is in grade two. They love the caramel candies.

 Finally, there’s a tall, dirty blonde boy around my age who seems to live on Nestea and Peppermint Lifesavers. He visits my store faithfully every day at around 10 during the summer to get his fix and still comes back every Saturday and Sunday morning during the school year. I know that he likes the Red Hot Chili Peppers, that he plays basketball and that he goes to the school on the other side of the city even though he’s not zoned for it. Name? Not a clue. I call him Lifesavers-Guy in my head.

 I’m writing all this down because I want to tell you the story of a boy and girl. Well mostly a girl, but the boy is in it a little bit. The girl’s name is Purple-Monster-Girl. Or at least, that’s what I call her.

 She appeared on the scene around the end of June, right after I had finished grade 11. That day I was teasing 13-year-old Joshua about his first date that night as I put his comic book and Sour Patch Kids into a bag. He was beet-red, right to the tips of his ears and was probably all too happy to escape when my attention was diverted. The little bell above the door tinkled and I looked up to see who it was. My first impression was that she looked really...for lack of a better word, Normal. I wish I could say she looked Mysterious, or she was gorgeous but she looked sad, but she just looked perfectly normal. She was about 5’7’’, with dark brown hair falling in loose waves to her shoulder blades, looking like she had let it dry on its own. I will say she has a really pretty face, with nice skin. She was wearing knee-length cut-off shorts, a black tshirt with a colourful graphic on the front that matched her turquoise converse. She wasn’t stick-thin but she wasn’t chubby by any means. She was just...normal. She had two earbuds stuck in her ears.

 She picked up a bag of Doritos, a purple Monster energy drink and a pack of Stride Spearmint gum. When she brought it to the counter I pointed at her ear and said

 “What are you listening to?”

 She cocked her head and looked at me for a second, as if sizing me up, then she said

 “Nothing. People are just less likely to try and make conversation with me if I have them in.”

 Something told me I should have been at least a little bit offended by that, but I wasn’t at all. I just felt like I had passed some secret character test. She left the store and I was left shaking my head.

 “Weird chick.” I thought, and that was the last I thought of it, until she became a recurring presence. She came back every now and then for her purple Monster and  Stride Spearmint, though the junk food varied, sometimes chocolate, sometimes candy, sometimes chips.

 Around mid-July when I was selling popsicles and soft serves to droves of sticky, smiling children, she started coming in at 7 in workout clothes. She stopped buying junk food then too. It was around this same time that Purple-Monster-Girl met Lifesavers-Guy. She happened to come later that day, and both of them approached my counter with their usual purchases at the exact same time. Sometimes, replaying the scene in my head, it strikes me that it’s just like a movie. He stepped back like a gentleman and gestured for her to go ahead of him. She just looked up at him, right in his eyes and almost literally glowed at him, like, her smile looked like he was a child who had just said his first word. While I rang in her purple Monster and Stride Spearmint and she gave me the exact change without me asking her, Lifesavers-Guy asked her the pivotal question:

 “What are you listening to?”

 I looked at her quizzically. Would she be as honest with him as she was with me? She wasn’t. After a glance at me so fast it was almost imperceptible, she took one earbud out, smiled and lied. This is a perfect example of how people are themselves around me. She had no trouble admitting that she wasn’t really listening to music to the corner store cashier, but to this stranger, this boy, who might judge her, she had to lie.

 “Red Hot Chili Peppers.”

 And what a lucky lie. Lifesavers-Guy’s face lit up and they chatted eagerly all through his order, in which I had to tell him his total twice because he wasn’t paying attention the first time, and out the door. I could see them standing on the sidewalk outside the store. She laughed a lot and he smiled shyly, then they switched their phones and gave them back. I just grinned.

 As the days scorched and summer wore on, I sold a cool drink to every customer who walked in the store. August was giving us a beating this year. I stood behind my counter and watched harried fathers buying a box of cereal early in the morning, little old ladies buying tea bags and muffins, and people of all ages rushing in to pick up a card for various occasions and asking to borrow my pen. And I watched Purple-Monster-Girl and Lifesavers –Guy. Not in a creepy way, I mean when they came in the store. Sometimes, if he was alone, he bought Stride Spearmint or a purple Monster with his traditional order, or she bought Nestea or Lifesavers to accompany her drink and gum. Purple-Monster-Girl’s early morning workouts seemed to be working for her too, because the soft curves of June has transformed to taut, toned lines for August. As summer died with blazing red and orange sunsets, I saw them come in together sometimes holding hands. If one or both of them were in the store when Red Hot Chili Peppers came on the radio, I saw them smile like they shared some kind of secret. It obviously wasn’t such a huge secret if I was in on it, but nobody thinks of that.

 I guess they just felt special, as only new couples can. They were like a modern day Romeo and Juliet. Actually, scratch that. Let’s say they were like a modern day Beauty and the Beast. Not that either one of them was ugly and the other one was beautiful, I just think that story is infinitely more romantic than Shakespeare’s tragedy because it’s about seeing people for who they really are and looking past outward appearances. Anyway.

 The days grew shorter, the soft serve machine went into storage, and Purple-Monster-Girl, Lifesavers-Guy and I all went back to our respective schools for our last year. My time spent behind my corner-store counter was cut from seven days to two. But I still got visits from my favourite couple on the weekends. It was around the time that Crayola crayons and loose leaf were in big clearance bins at the front of the store, and big boxes of mini chocolate bars were on display that I saw Purple-Monster-Girl’s hair straightened for the very first time ever. She wasn’t wearing her workout clothes this Sunday. She was wearing shorts that were, in my humble opinion, too short. If not for the weather, at least for propriety. And she wore the same tshirt I had first seen her in. It hung on her differently now. It slipped right past her flat, toned stomach and didn’t even catch on her hips.

 And there was trouble in paradise for our neighborhood lovers. Or at least, that’s how I interpreted it. One chilly morning early November, I was organising a magazine rack and shaking my head at celebrities exploits when the two of them approached the store, seemingly in a heated discussion, judging from their faces through the glass. They stopped talking as soon as they entered the store. The tinny radio music couldn’t quite handle the oppressive silence, and only made it awkward when Red Hot Chili Peppers came on. I pretended to be totally absorbed in perfecting the magazine display, until they had paid for their items and left, still in silence.

 Chocolate Santas, chocolate Snowmen and chocolate Reindeer were flying off the shelves and we had our first snowfall. I smiled at all my customers and wished them a Merry Christmas as they left the store. The same five annoying Christmas songs played over and over the store speakers for a month straight, and everybody was jolly. And I watched tiny changes in Purple-Monster-Girl. Dark eyeliner rimming her eyes. A lower neckline than I’d ever seen her wear. Her hair was more often straight and more seldom wavy. She was still beautiful, but she packaged it more. She looked like beauty was no longer natural, but something she put on like a mask when she got up every morning. The day after school let out for Christmas vacation, they came in together, looking happy again. He kept his arm around her waist, not possessively, just kinda chillin there, like he was supporting her, or protecting her. And I saw the way he set his jaw.

 New Year’s Day the corner store was open. It closed only Christmas Day and two other forced holidays under the labor law. Anyway, I sold a lot of Advil, Tylenol, Coffee and Gatorade that morning. I didn’t try to make conversation with those customers, I just kind of smiled gently at them. One such girl laid a box of Advil on the counter with a purple Monster energy drink and a pack of Stride Spearmint gum. She didn’t really resemble the one who came in five months ago and told me there was nothing coming through her earbuds. Her whip straight hair had been highlighted with caramel streaks. That looked great to me. What didn’t look great was the tank top that looked two sizes too small and the painted-on jeans which revealed stick arms and legs and a waist so tiny it looked like it would fit between my finger and thumb. I stared at her for a few seconds in wonderment. There were dark circles under her eyes and her cheekbones had become very defined. I passed her her plastic bag of three items and wondered who she had kissed at midnight.

 It evidently wasn’t her boyfriend. No more did they enter the store together or buy each other’s items. Red Hot Chili Peppers on the radio elicited a stony face from him and...nothing from her, no recognition whatsoever. A week after we went back to school I watched Lifesavers-Guy stalk resolutely past the Monster cooler and refuse to let his gaze wander to the gum display next to the counter. I didn’t make any eye-contact with him as I rang in his Nestea and Lifesavers.

 The following month saw weather as cold and blustery as the night the enchantress sought refuge in the Prince’s castle. Business was slow. I sold contact solution, Benadryl, Root Beer and Reese’s Pieces. At home, I did homework and I started watching Beauty and the Beast again, to relive my childhood. I only saw the beginning before I fell asleep though. I saw the Beast shut himself up in his tower, ashamed at his own appearance, despising himself and repulse any human companionship. I felt bad for him. After all, who said he was ugly? Only society’s socially constructed ideas of “beauty” made him think that. It only took the right person to see the real him, and to see how beautiful he actually was. But I digress.

 Lifesavers-Guy came to the store less, probably because Purple-Monster-Girl still visited faithfully to get her energy drink and gum. She never put food with it, but I did get a few surprises. One morning I was just listening to 10-year-old Jess tell me about the latest Nancy Drew mystery she had read, in between mouthfuls of Skittles. Purple-Monster-Girl slipped in somewhere around the falling action. After Jess left, Purple-Monster-Girl placed her traditional energy drink and gum on the counter and then plopped down beside it a box of condoms. I said nothing, just looked at her. She wouldn’t meet my gaze. I rang through her order in what was supposed to be disapproving silence but I don’t know if she got the vibe. That was Saturday. The next morning I sold her more Advil.

 Three weeks later it was uncommonly crowded in my tiny store. Purple-Monster-Girl was coming in as Lifesavers-Guy was going out. Manoeuvering around her, he placed his hand ever so lightly in the small of her back, an unconscious, tender touch, but drew it back suddenly as though stung. A moment later she turned around to get her Monster from the cooler and I could see why. Her thin, tight shirt revealed every vertebrae in her back in sharp relief, clearly visible through flesh and fabric. I looked at her with sad eyes. She wasn’t the normal girl she was in June. Seven months had transformed her into an entirely different person, one who was quite evidently underweight. One who...was buying a pregnancy test. Heaven help us. I glanced quickly at her face, but her gaze was focussed somewhere past my left ear. I could only hope that I didn’t see her back here in nine months buying baby formula. After THAT experience, I examined all the labels on our condom boxes, and concluded that she should have bought the ultra-strong ones. They were 98.2% effective, which is a whole 1.2% more effective than the normal kind, but my faith in them was shattered forever.

 The next Saturday, everbody was buying boxes of Barbie valentines and candy hearts and Hershey kisses. But not Purple-Monster-Girl. I caught myself staring at her stomach, looking for a bump. I knew it was too soon, but I did it unconsciously anyway. She just looked as shrunken as ever to me. However, to my immense relief, this shopping trip featured a box of tampons. I actually had to restrain myself from sighing in relief.

 The ides of March rolled around and a lot of green was on sale everywhere. I saw garlands of four leaf clover and plastic cut-outs of leprechauns and the young and middle-aged elementary school teachers who bought them for their classrooms. And quite suddenly, Purple-Monster-Girl disappeared. Saturday morning when the bell tinkled I didn’t even look up, until I heard a much heavier footfall than what I was used to, and beheld a strange man in a suit buying Pepsi and a muffin. I waited and waited and waited. The end of my four-hour shift came and still no sign of her. Nobody made any utterance of where she was. They didn’t need to.

 Near the end of March, I served a woman whom I had never seen before. It wouldn’t be weird to me because I do that all the time, except for a striking resemblance to a girl who used to come in here all the time, and the fact that she was buying a purple Monster energy drink and a pack of Stride Spearmint gum. And did I mention this corner store JUST HAPPENED to be just over the hill to the hospital? The woman’s hair was disheveled and she bore unmistakable signs of fatigue in the shadows under her eyes and the droop of her shoulders. She spoke in hushed tones to the woman standing next to her, whom I assumed was her sister of friend. Completely unintentionally, I caught snippets of their conversation. “ ...still refusing to eat...heartrate dangerously low...better in time for prom...” As I handed her her receipt, I smiled at her and wished her a good day as sincerely as I could.

 That night, I tried to finish watching Beauty and the Beast but I only got as far as the dance in the ballroom and Belle wearing her beautiful yellow dress. I reflected that yellow doesn’t look good on many people. In the meantime, I knew the rose in the tower of the castle was wilting. Time was running out. This Beauty felt more like the Beast and I didn’t know if she would get to dance with her prince. This story of a girl and boy is shaping up more like a Shakespearian tale than a Disney movie after all.

 A couple weeks later, I looked up to see a tall, dirty-blonde boy enter the corner store. He didn’t pick up Nestea and Lifesavers this time. He went straight to the Monster cooler and picked out a purple one, then a pack of Stride Spearmint gum, then on the counter next to them he placed a greeting card. There was a cartoon Teddy bear on the front with a bandaid on his head and big bold letters above it: “Get Well Soon!” I wanted to say something, but what would I say?

 “I’m sorry your ex-girlfriend who dumped you because she’s sick and whom you’re obviously still in love with is in the hospital”

 Yeah, no, that’s a little creepy.

 I thought for a second, then threw caution to the winds and just said

 “How is she?”

 He looked up as though mildly surprised that I was speaking to him, and took a minute to process my question.

 “She’s doing better than she was.”

 I nodded. “That’s good.”

 Then he left.

 I remember clearly Saturday, April 28th Lifesavers-Guy came in my store again. He didn’t buy a single thing, just marched straight the counter and said

 “Can I show you something?”

 I was completely taken aback and slightly apprehensive. In the past, such a question had precipitated photos of cats in various attitudes of idleness, of school portraits of grandchildren, but I didn’t know what to expect from this teenager.

 “Sure.”

 He reached into his pocket and pulled out a photo. It was of a couple under an arch decorated with swaths of white tulle and flowers. He wore dress pants, dress shirt, vest and tie and she wore a beautiful yellow dress, a perfect fairy tale dress. I recognized the dark hair with caramel highlights and the smile I had seen the day they met – the same glowing smile like a child had said their first word. She still looked skinny but I could see signs of returning curves, like back in June when I described her as “Very Normal.”

 “That was at her prom last Saturday.” He said.

 I looked up at him. “She’s beautiful.”

 He smiled. “I know.”

 That night I went home and finally finished watching Beauty and the Beast.  As Belle and her Prince kissed at the end and fireworks went off, I reflected on how thankful I am that there are people in this world who know true beauty when they see it.

 You know that moment – when you step off the schoolbus in the afternoon, or when you shut your bedroom door behind you, or lie in bed at night, and just breathe deeply, finally completely alone – you know the person you are in that moment? That’s the real you, with all your true hopes and dreams and values. Nobody can watch you or judge you, or tell you what to do or who to be. You should be that person more often. Who cares what anybody thinks? Because I can promise you there is somebody out there who will love the true you.