What Is Your Opinion On Abortion? Especially In Cases Where Consummation Was Due To Rape?

The only secrets I cannot keep are my own.

Not that I don't want to.

If I had my way, every single other person in the world would only ever see the carefully made-up, touched up, photoshopped, filtered, edited, reviewed and revised life. They would never know the dark spaces in my heart where the fear and insecurity reside. They would never see the times when I tripped on the cracks in the sidewalk of life. They would never even bear witness to the grimace at the text from the boy I want but can't have. Would never even know that I'm human enough to feel emotion. If I could, I'd smile and lie my way through every conversation, every interaction. I'd keep all the anxiety, all the "I can't do this", all the self-loathing, all the pitiful, sad, scared parts of me locked up deep inside. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty happy, well-adjusted, social person. But I have the parts of me I'm not so proud of, and I have my moments when they seem like the ONLY parts of me. As do we all. 

But these secrets, they're destroying me. I physically cannot exist pretending that I have no struggles, no problems, no flaws. Thankfully for me, I have people around me who care about me. I have a fabulous mama who thinks I'm fabulous too. I have absolutely wonderful friends who love me and because they love me, they tell me the truth. And by sharing my sorrows with them and confessing my downfalls to them, my secrets don't have that power over me anymore. My secrets no longer loom as a mountain that I'll never scale. They're not captives inside me anymore. They're not clamouring against my ribcage to escape my chest. They're not gripping my throat and choking me anymore. My secrets aren't my demons anymore. I've been given love and advice and perspective and the distorted lens through which I viewed my secrets has been removed by the clarity of other people's words. Wow, you mean I'm NOT a terrible person? My whole life isn't ruined? I AM gonna be okay? What?! 

You know what I mean. We're so adept at creating our own private torture. We're so skilled at turning our own heads into prisons. We obsess over our slip-ups. We play it over again and again and again and again and again and again. The endless loop of failure. We rip it to shreds analyzing every syllable, every inflection in the voice, every glance, ever thought, every breath. 

If you grew up in the church, maybe you, like I, know the fear of transparency that exists in there. We have this tendency to put on a mask every time we enter that building. Casting Crowns wrote a song I love called Stained Glass Masquerade and one of the lines says "am I the only one who's traded in the altar for a stage?" That line always resonates with me. And I heard a pastor say once upon a time "we would rather confess our sins to a sinless God than to our fellow sinful humans." I don't know what it is, but I see it in myself and my close friends - that quality of perfectionism. It's stupid cause the church is not for perfect people. It's for decidedly imperfect people. I recognize my severe imperfection and the fact that I need Jesus. So why am I so afraid to admit it to the people around me? 

Let it go. Let it out. Find someone who loves you. Someone you trust. Don't give the secrets the power. If you have no one else to talk to, talk to me. I'm never ever gonna judge you for anything. Just don't keep it a secret. 

Also in regards to Paul, there are many who believe that he was either a widower or divorced (perhaps his wife left him when he became a Christian). He speaks to older widows and says they shouldn't get married but stay like him, which many take to imply that he had been married but chose not to remarry. Also being married may have been a requirement to be on the Jewish council. Anyway, I loved your response, but I just wanted to address those two things. Have a blessed day :)

Hmmm…that’s really cool! I’d never even heard of that theory until now! I will definitely be doing some digging. This then, is a good example of why fact checking is important. I think I’ll see if I can make some edits to the earlier response to correct that misinformation. Regardless, do you still agree that a celibate marriage is probably not so much a great idea? Haha :) Thank you very much, I’m so glad you took the time to message me! It’s always great to get input from people smarter and wiser than I am haha. Also, thanks and I hope you have an awesome day too :)-Katherine 

*pinned post*

I'm Katherine. She/her. White, cis queer woman.

This is gonna be SO long. I'm so sorry.

TL;DR : uhhh...i'm Christian but hopefully not one of THOSE Christians? (trying, learning and working not to be)

Let's start with side blogs, then a cut.

@tootiredfortiktok personal blog. Ranting, shitposting, whatever I want.

@fandomofisolation tv shows, books, movies, etc. Currently there's a lot of Our Flag Means Death, 9-1-1 and Supernatural (i know, yikes, haha)

@tellmethestoryofyourtattoos art, photography, travel, stories, cute animals

@clearancelevelneedtoknow human rights, social justice, education, science, resources

@justspngifsrbs reblogging Supernatural gifs (made at the peak of my relapse into an obsession with that stupid, brilliant, awful, wonderful, hilarious, tragic mess)

I have one other secret side blog. If I liked a bunch of your posts that don't fit the theme of this blog or any of my other side blogs, you'll know what my secret side blog is about and why it's secret.

If you're here because you saw that I followed you or liked a bunch of your posts, here's what you should know:

Sometimes, the discrepancy between the vibes of this blog and the blogs I follow or the posts I like may give you pause. I get it. Don't worry, I PROMISE I am not trying to evangelize you. I use tumblr for a lot of different things. This was my first tumblr blog and is therefore still my main blog. Over the years, I've made others for different areas of my interests. I mostly reblog from the side blogs listed above.

Now. If you found me through one of the posts that I made on this blog itself, there are some things you should know about me which will allow you to contextualize the stuff I say here.

I AM a Christian. I don't really know how to define that except to say that I believe in a higher power, who has consciousness and will. And I believe that all of reality originated from and is still maintained by that higher power. My concept of that higher power aligns most closely with the Christian concept of God.

I am currently deconstructing and reconstructing my faith.

I grew up in a family that attended a church that's part of the Pentecostal Assemblies of Newfoundland and Labrador, which is in turn part of the World Assemblies of God Fellowship.

Some stuff about NL pentecostal culture:

- no drinking, smoking or drugs. Most are teetotalers (if someone in the community does drink or smoke, it's a little rebellious/scandalous/taboo). For communion, we use grape juice.

- no sex before marriage

- teeeeeeeechnically, no divorce either

- gambling is also taboo. Older people in small, rural towns even avoid playing cards altogether, just because of the association with gambling.

- my mom's generation is weird about dancing. She almost didn't let me go to prom because it was a dance. It's basically like the movie Footloose - "dances are events where teenagers might engage in risky behavior like drinking, drugs and sexual promiscuity. Therefore, dancing must be banned." That's on its way out, I think.

- similar to the dancing one, my grandparents' generation was weird about movie theatres. That has passed.

- women CAN be pastors (clergy). Divorced people cannot.

- divorced people and unwed mothers are allowed to volunteer at church stuff (as layfolk) but gay people are not.

- my church is trying to be diverse. That means they're trying to create a community that welcomes, includes, celebrates and values people of all ethnicities and cultures. They're not perfect but I can say that they're trying.

- they're pretty chill about mental health stuff, as far as i can tell.

- at my church, the lead pastor is a white man (the lead pastors at most NL pentecostal churches are white men, and the leaders of the paonl are white men). Two other pastors are white men. One is a white woman. One is a woman who is either white or mixed race. I do not know for sure. I've never asked her. Three other people on staff at the church in layfolk paid positions are two white women and a woman of colour. There are also nine women on staff as part of the "Community Connections and Conversation Cafe (ESL)" team. Four are white, five are women of colour.

- so basically, I can say that they are not intentionally, maliciously, overtly misogynistic, racist or ableist. Obviously they are still part of a religious institution that exists in this province and country because of settler colonialism. Obviously the same systematic inequalities that are inherent in schools, healthcare, government and all colonial institutions are also inherent in this one. I can say that, within the obvious limitations of that context, they are trying to be feminist, accessible and anti-racist.

- they're struggling with fully embracing non-cishet folx. I know that within the NL pentecostal community, there are individuals who support me and are fully affirming of my relationship with my wife as a normal, healthy, God-honouring relationship. But they are the minority. And like officially, my wife and I are not allowed to volunteer at any NL pentecostal churches or with any NL pentecostal events. We are welcomed and accepted and included as attendees when we go to church. It's just that, for us, volunteering with kids and youth programs has always been an integral part of faith and participating in church so it kinda sucks that we can't do it anymore.

Some stuff NL pentecostal churches believe:

- God is sort of like a person, more or less. An intangible, invisible, immortal, pure-spirit, omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent person-like entity. With will, consciousness and feelings. He loves, He hurts, He gets angry, He gets sad, He grieves.

- God made the whole universe from nothing, by speaking.

- God is the only God. He's the only entity like Himself that exists, and everything else in existence came from Him. I am pretty sure that PAONLers believe that if there is some kind of spiritual entity that is neither God nor human, it's either an angel or a demon. Christians in general don't believe in djinn or in other deities/minor deities.

- humans were made in the image of God. So i guess it's less that God is a person-like entity, and more that humans are God-like little dudes.

- humans have souls, which are...from what I understand, one of the three essential things that make up a human (body, mind and soul), and are sort of like intangible, immutable, immortal imprints of one's identity and one's choices on earth. I think many people think that a version of your consciousness is stored in your soul, which will have awareness after your earthly body dies.

- the bible is the "inspired, infallible, authoritative" word of God

- the trinity: God the father, God the son and God the Holy Spirit, three in one

- Jesus is the Son of God. He was fully God and fully man. Virgin birth. He died and came back to life then ascended to Heaven where He is now chillin and will eventually come back to earth "in power and glory to rule a thousand years"

- the Holy Spirit allows people to speak in "toungues", which is a supernatural prayer language unique to each person. It is the Holy Spirit speaking directly to God the Father through a believer's mouth, without involving the believer's brain. It cannot be understood by any human, including the one speaking it (unless the Holy Spirit gives someone else the supernatural gift of interpretation).

- angels, demons, demon possession and miracles (including raising people from the dead, healing the body, and "signs and wonders") are all real, actual things that exist and have happened and do still happen today

- believers are supposed to get baptized in water as a public declaration of their faith

- believers are supposed to participate in communion (which, for pentecostals, is the metaphorical, not literal, consumption of Jesus' flesh and blood) as a reminder of Jesus' death and resurrection until He comes back

- on the topic of Jesus coming back, NL pentecostals believe in "the Rapture" which is supposedly when Jesus comes back, all believers living and dead will be raised up into the air, like being beamed up onto a spaceship. Or they'll just vanish into thin air, leaving behind clothing, shoes, glasses, etc., if you believe the "Left Behind" book series.

- there is an eternal afterlife, and the only two options are Heaven or Hell

- preeeeeeeetty sure PAONLers officially don't believe in ghosts. I'm pretty sure they think the door to another plane of existence is one-way only. Like I said, only two options, and PAONLers believe that both those options are eternal and irrevocable.

- anyone who is "saved" goes to Heaven

- anyone who is not "saved" goes to Hell

- God doesn't want anyone to go to hell so He sent Jesus to take our sins upon Himself

- When Jesus was dying on the cross, He assumed all the guilt for all humans who ever were and ever would be

- the only way to be "saved" is to believe in Jesus as the Son of God who died and came back to life, accept Him as your Lord and Savior, and profess said belief and acceptance

If you're into theology, and these words have meaning for you, here are some terms that apply to NL pentecostals:

- Protestant

- Evangelical

- Charismatic

- Biblical inerrancy

- Finished Work Pentecostalism (progressive sanctification)

- Trinitarian

- Premillenial dispensationalism

- Pretribulation Rapture

- Arminianism

- Security of the believer (conditional upon continual faith and repentance)

- Continuationism

So that's where I come from. That's how I grew up. That's what influenced the beginning of my faith.

Now. Where am I going? Well, I don't know. But like I said, I'm still a Christian. That label still feels right. I'm currently in the process of deconstructing and reconstructing. I don't want to just take away from everything I was taught by the Pentecostal Assemblies of Newfoundland and Labrador. I only want to add to it. Not in the sense that I want to believe everything. That's admittedly rather difficult, because a lot of different Christian beliefs are opposites of each other. I want to add to what I've been taught in the sense that I want to know, and understand, what other sects believe and why. I probably won't know, within this lifetime, which view is "right". Maybe it doesn't matter.

My wife, who is very wise, said, "I just don't have the energy to try to figure it all out. I know I love God, and we have to love other people. I guess we'll find out the rest eventually. I am hanging on to my faith with my last little bit of strength. So I just want to use that bit of strength to focus on loving God, being loved by Him, and loving everyone else the way He loves them."

Some highlights of my current belief:

- "God" is an entity. God has consciousness and will. God is the only *anything* that is real and has always been. All of reality as we know it flows from, is part of, and is maintained by God.

- i think that God's form is pure energy. And I think that energy is love. I think God = love = energy. I don't just think that all love is from God; I think all love is God. Same goes for energy. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. God always was, always is, and always will be. All of matter is made of molecules, which are made of atoms, which are made of protons, neutrons and electrons, which are made of quarks, which are energy. God is over all and through all and in all. So I think that all of reality is energy which is love which is God (like the force in Star Wars). And love, as a force, is the most powerful force in reality. Stronger than gravity (like in the movie "Interstellar"). Faster than light. More powerful than life and death.

- science is legit. Science is just an attempt to understand reality. If all reality is God, then science is one way to understand God. Science, math, art, music, language, belief, thought, relationships between humans are all ways to understand, and engage with, the divine. So whatever the scientists can prove with evidence and solid methodology and peer reviewal, i'm on board. Evolution? Yep. I'm good. Climate change? Yeah. Same page. Age of the earth? Yes. Dinosaurs? Yes. Hominids other than homo sapiens (e.g. H. neanderthalis)? Yes. All of it. Whatever science is offering, I'm taking.

- Trinitarian vs Oneness (i.e. is God three in one, God the father, God the son, or God the Holy Spirit, separate entities but all God? Or are the father the son and the holy spirit all different forms of the same dude - just God?) My belief: yes? Both? Who cares?

- was Jesus fully God AND fully man? Was Jesus the Son of God? Or just a normal human fully filled with the Holy Spirit? My belief: Yes? Both? Who cares?

- did Jesus actually die and come back to life? My belief: mmm.....yeah, I'm still feelin' that it's a yes on that one. That's important to me. Haven't let go of that one yet.

- is the Bible infallible and inerrant? My belief: ummmm.......I don't think so. I am no longer really vibing with that particular theology.

- did God make the world in a literal seven days in the exact order described in Genesis chapter 1? My belief: nahhh.

- When Jesus comes back, are believers, living and dead, going to float up into the air like they're being beamed up onto a spaceship? My belief: I mean, I feel like this could go either way. On the one hand, I see no reason to take that literally. On the other hand, why not? I'd believe weirder.

- are angels and demons real? My belief: well, i think so. But i doubt that they are anything like what we think. I believe in a spiritual realm and i believe that there may be entities that exist on that "plane".

- do people get possessed by demons and can those demons be cast out of the hosts? My belief: i'm thinking yes and yes.

- does each individual human have a specially-assigned guardian angel? My belief: i mean, I feel like that's unlikely,but what do I know?

- are people who speak in tongues really filled with the Holy Spirit? Is that a legit supernatural event? My belief: yeah, I think so. Why not? I'd believe weirder.

- do miracles still happen? Like raising people from the dead? Healing the sick and injured? Signs and wonders? My belief: yeah, I think so. Why not? I'd believe weirder.

(To be continued. I am working on this post in fits and starts. I will talk more about my de/reconstruction journey eventually)

I know how hard it is to talk about Jesus. It’s the most awkward conversation you’ll ever have. If you even say the whole Gospel out loud right now, it sounds like the craziest thing you’ve ever heard. But the Gospel isn’t some ‘speech’ you unload on people and then ‘leave it in God’s hands.’ Blasting people with theology is like serving icing for dessert. Evangelism is your whole life, it’s sharing your home, it’s enduring patiently, it’s being a human being, it’s availability, it’s sharing Jesus through who you are; not perfectly, but passionately. Yes, invite them to church and to that revival and talk about your faith and your testimony, but once you dare to go there, just know you might be rejected immediately, a lot, and aggressively. Except secretly they can’t deny there must be something to it, because you’re not just a billboard: you’re an overflow of a barely containable supernatural miracle.

J.S. Park (via jspark3000)

Now that I have a Lightbox I can take updated photos of Archibald Asparagus Saint Sebastian

Where do you draw the line at what's appropriate sexually before marriage?

I’m pretty conservative, so kissing is my limit. Like, I don’t want hands going ANYWHERE, not even above the belt. :P I try to follow these rules: 1. No clothes are coming off. 2. Don’t touch me anywhere that would be covered by a bikini.

I just do this because the road to sex is a very slippery slope, and I’m worried that once you start down that slope, it’s really hard to stop. And to me, it’s too much of a risk to take, so I’d prefer to stay faaaaaar away from that slope at all, and make absolutely certain that nothing’s gonna happen. I just don’t know how strong my will power is, and I’d really prefer not to find out, haha :P

Thanks for the question! Peace and love! -Katherine

To all my girls who feel like you don't like the way you look (all of you. every single one.***)

1. There’s nothing wrong with you.

Your body is not a problem to be covered and hidden. There’s nothing shameful or wrong about any part of you. Your body is literally just the vehicle you use to interact with the physical world. It doesn’t have to be anything other than exactly what it is. Often, the parts of our physical appearance that we perceive as flaws are not actually inherently negative. They’re just there, and we’ve somehow developed the idea that they’re bad. (Don’t EVEN get me started on how capitalism is the source of all evil, and how advertising manipulates our self image so we hate ourselves.) They don’t detract from your value.

2. Spring boarding off that first point, you are not obliged to look any which way.

There’s no official rule book for how you “should” present yourself (no matter what the magazines say). I hope that you find joy and creativity in personal expression, instead of pressure to conform. Nobody, not friends, family, movies, music, magazines, advertising, and ESPECIALLY not fabricated societal standards of beauty, can tell you how to look. Many may try, and the societal standards are the WORST, but your appearance is none of their business.

3. If you can, try to consciously avoid comparing yourself to other girls.

There are as many kinds of beautiful as there are people in the world. Her beauty doesn’t cancel out yours. You can celebrate her beauty and your own simultaneously. In fact, celebrating other peoples’ diverse beauty gives you a deeper appreciation for your unique beauty. And you are beautiful, my darling. I hope you can choose to believe that.

4. Wear whatever the heck you want.

Do whatever the heck you want. There is no such thing as like “______ girls shouldn’t wear this” and “girls with _____ shouldn’t wear that.” If you like it, wear it! Because if you like it and you think it’s pretty then you’ll feel good wearing it. And that’s the goal here.

5. This is the most important one: your identity has nothing to do with your appearance.

I mean, I personally believe that your identity has nothing even to do with your body. I am so here for body positivity because heck yes, everybody is beautiful. I affirm that. But you are so much more than your body. And beautiful is not the loftiest goal we should be aiming for. You are so much more than beautiful. You are smart, kind, radiant, and powerful. You are love, you are altruism, you are music. You are the spirit of the divine; your soul does not belong to this world. Only your body does. So don’t waste too much time worrying about a body that only exists in this fragile, temporary world. There are far greater things inside of you. Your body can barely contain them.

***ESPECIALLY trans girls

Can religion and science co-exist? religious people bash on scientists, yet scientists never claimed to create, be smarter, wiser or greater then god. They just ask questions and get answers based on observations. Scientists call it proof, religion calls it faith. One is based on logic and proof the other we are expected to be wise enough to believe in. Evolution and Adam & Eve, The big bang and the 7 days of creation. How do you justify them, or do you believe just one theory? why mix the two?

Hold up now, I’m getting some serious misconceptions from you here. Some religious people bash on scientists. And some scientists bash on religious people. Unfortunately, I fear that there will always be bad blood between those who view themselves as being driven by the pursuit of pure, rational knowledge, and those who view themselves as being privy to a transcendent, divine message. Many in each camp see the other as polar opposite, but they’re more similar than they know. If you ask me, and you did (mwahaha), science and religion don’t need to look for a way to peacefully coexist, they already cooperate quite beautifully, if only we would see it. Let’s face it, there are some gaps in the proof for the big bang and there’s even some scientific evidence for the truth of the bible. But neither theory can explain everything. They’re both a few pieces short of the full puzzle. You know why? Cause it’s the same puzzle. Evolution is obviously a perfectly respectful theory. Darwin’s finches is an observable phenomenon and I don’t deny the existence of evolution. I find it a tad hard to swallow though, when the simple phenomenon of evolution is stretched so much as to explain how we got from a collision of matter and antimatter and primordial soup to the complex ecosystems and organisms we have today. I accept that there are myriad things we don’t know and probably never will. I am a science enthusiast and a Christian. Are the two mutually exclusive? Of course not. Do I “mix the two”? Well…no. There’s nothing to mix. God, being supernatural, created all the natural world. Science is the explanation of the natural world. That’s not so hard. Some of my most spiritual moments were…1. Grade 12 Biology, DNA unit. 2. Kennedy Space Center, Orlando FL, 2012. The microscopic and the macroscopic get me so fired up cause I’m just squirming in my seat like a little kid, going “God, you are SO COOL!” The more I learn about this world, the more amazed and inspired I am by the God who (to me) obviously made it. His fingerprints are everywhere, and that’s what science is to me. Although, interestingly, I’m also completely in love with the arts, because that’s God’s fingerprints inside of us. Ta-da! The reconciliation of what seem to be conflicting schools of thought. Only the truly close-minded would think that religion and science are mutually exclusive. :) Peace and love! -KatherineP.S. Einstein said that the more he studied the universe, the more he believed in a higher power.