A Dreadful Night

one thing i feel like (disappointingly) wasn't elaborated on enough in mp100 is reigen's own loneliness.

sure, we got that whole episode with the separation arc, but that never really resolves reigen's loneliness. that doesn't change the fact that even down to the end, he has only one adult friend and the rest of them are a gaggle of teenagers that like to hang out around him. and sure, that's not inherently a bad thing necessarily, it's probably the most friends he's had his entire life and that's why he cries when they get him a birthday cake.

but i feel like he's the kind of guy who does actually want adult friends to talk about adult things with. someone at the same stages of life that he's at, or even older.

reigen is so used to helping other people and giving other people advice that i feel like HE needs someone to be there for him, to give HIM advice. someone to scratch HIS back for once.

but another thing is that i feel like part of him thinks he doesn't deserve it, because of all the lying he does.

there is not a doubt in my mind that reigen has so much guilt stockpiled inside himself about all the lying, and (in my own personal headcannon) part of the reason he can so easily jump into danger at times is because he quietly hopes that maybe if he punishes himself enough with enough injury, or even with death, that'll somehow make up for it.

obviously that's not how it works, and reigen is a good person because regardless of the lying, he is still on some level helping people with their very normal problems by giving them very normal solutions, and is just attributing everything to spirits and exorcisms. not to mention everything he has done for mob (despite initially using him for his buisiness). he's a lot more of a grey person than he thinks he is.

i think he really needs some good adult friends, but he just can't really get ahold of any because deep down, as much as he gets on mob for being socially awkward, i think he's just as socially awkward, deep down.

i mean, the guy had to google how to ask someone out to help mob figure out how to talk to tsubomi. i don't think he's as great with people in a social context as he thinks he is. in a business context, sure, he knows exactly what to say because he has all the scripts and all the excuses in the world, but in a personal, social context, i think he can be quite clueless.

he doesn't really know how to talk to people or where to find friends as an adult, so his only friends are any coworkers he potentially has, and half the time he didn't even want to be friends with his coworkers (hence no mention of friends in his previous office job). it's different at spirits and such though, because he has mob, and later, serizawa.

i think for a long time, he considers mob "enough" of a friend, even though he still understands his role as the adult in the relationship and thus can't *actually* discuss adult things with him or treat him like an adult friend, as it would probably be inappropriate. he considers mob a friend even though he's more his student, because mob is one of the only people he sees on a regular basis until serizawa starts working there, and that's when things get a little different.

he realizes that he doesn't have to treat serizawa the same way that he treats mob, because serizawa is an adult, even if he's an extremely, openly awkward one who doesn't know how to socialize very well. but that's okay, because reigen can work with that, he's also very awkward deep down, even if he won't admit it. not to mention that mob, reigen's other friend, is also socially awkward, and reigen successfully navigates conversations with him all the time.

i think once reigen realizes that he doesn't have to hold back as much as he normally does around mob, he finally understands that his best friends can't all just be a million still developing teenagers who aren't on his level with life, and it gives him a kind of emotional release to finally have an adult friend.

serizawa also feels the same way, having only had exactly one friend in the past like fifteen years, and it was his previous boss, who was evil, and told him to attack and kill people. now he has a boss that is his friend, and has him helping people, and frankly i think it gives him much more peace of mind.

anyway i think they're besties.

another comic because Reigen’s bday

do you think Mob will pick up Reigen’s weird habits, because i sure hope so

THE NEXT WORLD MURAL

text is from this post by @even-disco-baby <3

mural is inspired by 'the kiss' by hayez

gladOS: Hey. Hey. You piece of shit. everyone hates you and you're ugly and you were adopted. Kill yourself. I'm not gay I'm not gay I'm NOT gay

chell: ...

the portals:

See hi-res version here: patreon.com/posts/117354690

Was discussing the Ultra Beast thing with a friend and I also recently finished watching 'Smiling Friends' so my brain just went to this XD A more angsty/weird/wholesome piece is coming up too that same friend and I also were diving into, but this idea hit me first.

Important News

He's gone

In relation to my last post, Scout as Jesse!

The Diagnosis Of David

Disclaimer: I am by no means a mental health professional. This is just a meta-analysis.

What do we think of when we think of David?

His values of kindness. Optimism. Hope. Conviction. Passion. His drive to do his best every single day. The way he always makes an effort to reach out to others.

But also:

Attachment issues. People pleaser. Rose-colored glasses wearer. And at times, though the fandom doesn’t want to acknowledge it — Selfish. Unstable. Rude. Hypocritical. Kind of a dick.

See this video I made;

He’s complex, so let’s try to unpack him, and figure out what he’s got going on under that floof.

On David’s Childhood

David has been through a number of traumatic events in his childhood, most notably:

Witnessing Jasper fall to his near-death.

Finding Jasper, and being almost mauled by bears during the escape.

Clown school was apparently very bad, given the flashback-like reaction he had when it was mentioned. I’m unsure of his age when this occurred, however.

The fight with Jasper at the cave before they parted ways.

Losing Jasper. He says Cameron told him he was picked up by his parents, but I’m not convinced it’s not just his mind trying to erase painful memories.

As far as what we don’t necessarily see in the show, but can infer, David’s father was either not present or not great. He dreamt Cameron was his real father, as seen below.

And we all know Cameron is an awful father figure to begin with.

Yet, that’s better to David, apparently, than whatever he had at home. Which implies it was likely a pretty bad situation.

This can also be backed up by his attachment to the camp — growing up (and even now) it seems to be more of a home to him than his actual home.

That’s a home that hasn’t ever been mentioned, by the way. Contrary to Gwen, we know absolutely nothing about his family. He hasn’t talked about them once, if I recall correctly.

David is often open with emotions, if not wearing his heart on his sleeve. So why would he never mention his family and home?

We know why.

Even as an adult, he has retained this attachment to Cameron (who has in turn, continued to use this attachment to his benefit). He gets very excited about helping Cameron change in “keep the change” — because he needs to believe people who hurt him can get better. Otherwise, it’s too painful to bear.

The Loss Of Jasper

Part of his childhood, but significant enough to warrant its own section.

Jasper and David had a very interesting relationship. We’ve seen in the past that David was pessimistic, foulmouthed, and hot-tempered, directly compared to an optimistic, peppy, popular Jasper.

But then Jasper saw Cameron’s real self, and David received a modicum of praise for what was likely the first time based on his reaction. And so, they basically did somewhat of a switcheroo.

(David takes on many traits of Jasper after this experience, showing that he does admire him at the end of the day. I believe these traits are the foundation of David’s many masks.)

Despite the whole shebang, further episodes show us that they form a strong bond (or maintain one, we don’t know what happened before the first Jasper and David episode.)

What makes this friendship especially crucial in David’s development is that I believe Jasper was the first person to truly stand up for David.

David is, as we have seen, easily manipulated. Jasper picks up on this, and knowing Cameron’s just trying to use his best friend, tries to take Cameron down.

Jasper essentially died trying to protect David.

If Jasper hadn’t died, I don’t think David would have ended up as gullible and dependent as he is. If he had the more rational and realistic Jasper by his side during the rest of his developmental years, I believe things would have ended up much, much differently.

With Jasper’s death, there seems to be nobody else at camp who knows of Cameron’s crimes, or possibly, doesn’t want to speak out about them. Nobody to stand up for him. Nobody to redirect him.

So there’s nobody to stop the unhealthy-attachment-train from picking up speed.

Cameron And David’s Relationship

Cameron is manipulative and abusive towards David. This even becomes physical:

Despite this, David continues to idolize him as is seen in many cases of abuse. He works his ass off maintaining Cameron’s camp. Cameron’s approval makes or breaks him, because this is the man he sees as a father, unfortunately.

In addition, David is unable to let go of the hope that Cameron can change, because he’s convinced himself that deep down Cameron is still “good”, based on his skewed perception of him. And we all know how that ended.

But as Diane from Bojack Horseman once said —

And that is David’s problem — he wants so much for there to be a “deep down”, that there will be a day where Cameron showers him with praise and throws signed adoption forms at him, etcetera.

He judges Cameron not on who he actually is, but who he wants him to be. And so, the unhealthy attachment remains.

(Which is, of course, incredibly destructive to his mental health.)

Other Things We Know About His Mental Health, From Canon

We know he takes meds.

We know he has (sometimes dissociative) panic attacks.

We know he has been seen to suddenly snap, even to the point of violence.

My Final Conclusion: C-PTSD

(As the trauma has been not just one event, but many over the course of his life, and among other reasons, I believe CPTSD fits better than PTSD.)

David meets much of the criteria, most notably:

Lack of emotional regulation

Dissociation

Flashbacks

Anxiety

Guilt and shame

Distorted perception of abuser

Relationship difficulties

Okay this was long I’m tired good night.

would give anything to be there rn

Happy Valentines!! enjoy this PTA dad David

@deerlordy-art, I’m your back up santa!!! (valentine now, lol!)