Personally I Think That Miles Only Gels Down Flyaways Because Ain’t Nobody Got Hair That Sticks That

No but fr tho

I know I’m post spamming, but I have got to ask if anyone else be sneezing so hard it gives them a headache and actually hurts, or is that just me and my ex athlete lung capacity biting me in the ass?

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again.

As much as people romanticize pregnancy, it is NOT A HEALTH NEUTRAL STATE.

That’s not even touching on the fact that yes, pregnant people get murdered all the fucking time.

In general pregnancy is terrifying if you aren’t ready for it, or even if you are and something goes wrong that you can’t control. And everybody acts like you should have sunshine and rainbows coming out of your ass just because of the potential of new life.

I’ve never been pregnant. I want kids in my future but definitely not now, and if I was currently pregnant I’d be fucking terrified to know I live in the US.

I’m serious. Eclampsia. The shots so you don’t kill a baby with a different blood type than you. Being unable to keep foods down, being unable to sleep due to constant pain in your back, the expensive and yet still necessary doctors visits. The potential for anencephaly. Constant pain from your organs being shoved aside in your own body, by your own body. The potential for your fetus to die and being unable to get it removed because abortion is inaccessible in your state. Miscarriage. Bleeding out. Ectopic pregnancy. Sepsis. C-sections, which on their own are horrifying until you remember that those doctors cut through 7 fucking layers of flesh, rummage around in your abdominal cavity, pull your organs out and put them on a table to get a fucking baby out of you, and then just stuff that shit back in Willy-nilly and sew you back up- which is PAINFUL. The potential for your body to be so strained from pushing out a baby that you literally split open and tear yourself from cooter to poop shooter. Even more fetal Complications. Back-labor. Post-partum depression, anger, suicidal ideation, anxiety or psychosis. Pregnancy induced constipation, incontinence, or even diabetes.

All. of. it. Is. Terrifying.

But nobody talks about the fact that people are somehow expected to want this for themselves. To be happy because pregnancy is sunshine and rainbows according to a male societal standard. And that somehow if they don’t, they’re the weird ones for not wanting to torture themselves and put their lives on the line for a human being they’ve not even had the chance to meet yet. That doesn’t truly exist outside of their body or think or have conscious thoughts yet.

Genuinely. It’s FUCKED UP. And the US also just leaves moms to fend for themselves too without any support for recovery after having a baby too. Maternal or paternal leave isn’t guaranteed. Some jobs won’t even grant it to you (if they even offer it) if you fall pregnant before working there for a certain period of time. You might get six weeks. You might get less. But then you have to figure out what to do with a six week old infant that needs to be fed, like every four hours, your titties hurt, you’re leaking milk if you’re able to lactate, you can’t pee without using lidocaine, you still can’t sleep, baby is crying all the damn time, and you now, while still dealing with post-partum side effects, have to find a stranger to sit around and leave your newborn with and pay a ridiculous amount to do so, because you can’t not survive without working. Even if it feels like you’re running on the fear of death and adrenaline, you are still killing yourself to suddenly make these new changes work and just survive, and that’s supposed to be a happy thing?????

No, I wouldn’t blame a damn soul for getting cold feet and backing out of having a kid. That sounds like the most horrifying reality to live in, and yet people are forced into doing it all the time. That’s actually fucked up and twisted in ways I cannot put into words. It’s worse than any war crime I can imagine, which are already vile and unforgivable, but this finds a way to somehow be even more depraved because a government is letting lobbyist and religious zealots force this upon its own people. The people it relies on to give itself funding, arms and most importantly, its power. A power that is supposed to be use to protect its people that is being horrendously abused.

I don’t think anyone needs to be a woman to be scared that we’ve fallen to this point.

The number one cause of death in pregnant women is murder. Think About That.

Botany: You don’t know where that’s been, but it might be yummy. Go for it- worst case scenario you die discovering a new poison.

Astronomy I-

how dare you make me laugh like this when my throat is swollen to like 3x its normal size I’ve started a coughing fit now thanks

??

Trucy definitely only tells them about the marrying other farmers feature when they’re at like year 10, which results in an immediate divorce and remarriage to themselves. Miles saw the recipe for the wedding ring and didn’t understand what it was for in like year one, because he didn’t know that you marry villagers with the necklace.

Now that they are married, Pheonix has discovered he can kiss miles in game whenever, and interrupts everything that they do together and miles just glares at him from across the room like: “you better cut that shit out rn” but phoenix thinks his pouty face is hilarious, and phoenix’s laugh makes miles so soft he can’t stay mad.

Also, phoenix totally sold/gifted their fist prismatic gem without realizing it and miles upon realizing this was so mad.

When they get their first baby, miles DEFINITELY sits there clicking the crib and making the lil bean happy for like a solid minute straight. And he gets teary eyed (despite being very sure he never wanted kids of his own irl), and has accidentally given himself baby fever via video game. I imagine the interaction went something like this:

Miles: “ITS JUST SO CUTE, PHOENIX CANT IM GONNA CRY T~T”

Phoenix: laughing “miles calm down it’s a pixelated baby we need to go to the next day go to bed already.”

Next day: -baby is now standing in the crib and doing the little excited dance animation upon seeing papa miles-

Miles: “PHOENIX OUR BABY IS STANDING NOW”

Phoenix: “aw what a cute feature!”

Phoenix: -sips grape juice-

Miles: “Phoenix do you think we could have a baby of our own? Or Would that be unfair to Trucy, Kay, and Apollo you think?”

Phoenix: -chokes on grape juice so hard it comes out his nose- “I’M SORRY WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY MILES-“

@sleepysquib and I were discussing Stardew Valley and Ace Attorney and we said that Phoenix would have sunflowers on his farm, and that Miles would be a sheriff (Phoenix convinced him that a sheriff was a western samurai)

This can count for both an AU where they move to the valley or for them playing the game itself, but this one is specifically about them playing the game (Trucy showed it to them)

Phoenix immediately starts rizzing up all 12 bachelors, but Miles (unaware of this feature) just starts to farm

And then he sees Phoenix romancing everyone and he’s like “!! :(( But this was supposed to be me playing a silly game with my husband…”

Phoenix tells him it’s just a game and that he could pick one of the bachelors if he wanted, so Miles ends up picking Shane but he can’t figure out why. Phoenix doesn’t know why either at first.

Phoenix also ends up landing on just Harvey because his secret autism for airplanes reminds him of Miles’s secret autism for the steel samurai

But once Phoenix sees Shane’s winter outfit, he realizes Miles picked him because he reminded Edgeworth of Phoenix and he finds that very funny

Also Nick would definitely talk in a southern accent while playing and both of them would get way too into character

I’m shocked the first thought wasn’t “bastard” but this is funnier

mom called me a fag yesterday by accident

My dear, most of the fandom draws it whichever way they like.

You’re doing great sweetie it looks like Pheonix therefore it IS Pheonix. It’s perfect.

That one meme

Guys I don't know how to draw phoenix wright's hair forgive me. I'm on the brink of TEARS

Imagine you’re out here hosting an orgy and then suddenly this little creature comes along and bites your dicks off and walks away covered in the remnants of your flesh.

Like bro. It’s beautiful, but that is essentially what’s happening here

STOP I WHEEZED SO HARD I HEARD MY PELVIS POP THIS ISNT FAIR I HAVE THE BODY OF AN EIGHTY YEAR OLD