I Wasn't Even Aware Of That And Now I'm Very Terrified For My Account Lmao-

“I feel like a loser without any future

cut open my head

and rip out the tumor

you make me wanna fucking end it sooner

let me respawn like a first person shooter”

being online but not responding to anyone

being pissed while suicidal is leading up to a great idea later tonight

failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure

it feels so weird and wrong starting over. i don't like this.

i get worse when im on here.

i also get worse when I'm not on here.

the fact that I sit in the auditorium, in the dark, until the bus. it's a perfect place to cut (because I hate and refuse to go into the bathrooms here)

i just gotta hope the cameras (if there's any in here) don't have night vision.

but I think I may start bringing my blades officially now.

wonder why I don't have the energy or motivation to finish my school work. tired of teachers getting upset.

my teachers wouldn't understand or go easy even if I told them anything.

sorry I can't get the will to finish and turn things in. sorry I'm falling behind. sorry my grades just get worse each year. sorry I don't give a shit about anything.

i hate this, I don't want to start over

im.fucked. I'm fucking fucked.

mom went through my room to look for something and found my box. of all my razors. AND FUCKING TOOK THEM.

she left a note of telling me to talk to her but how do I explain this shit!? how do I explain why I cut!? i don't even do it for normal reasons or depression at this point.

what do I say. oh yeah, I cut just for the hell of it? out of habit because I'm addicted? for the blood and scars? like yes, I do it when I'm upset and/or depression too, but not even I know why I do this anymore!?