Yknow, My Highest Weight Was 118lb. I Was 7th Grade.
Yknow, my highest weight was 118lb. I was 7th grade.
My lowest was 87lb, with my mother shoving down diet pills because she was too fat and we had to "support her through trying times".
I spent alot of my childhood pushing my body to its limits. I have torn muscles and broken bones without flinching, pushing past the pains. I was "invincible". "Invincible" meant that I wouldn't die. That I would get out of the hellhole my mother called "our home".
Its been almost 4 years since I last lived with my mother. 4 years of watching the scales. 4 years experiencing the passage of time. Surprisingly, it was forgiving. It was soft, gentle, a lovers kiss after a rough day. A father's hug after a heartbreak. A comfort. True comfort.
I've gained weight, I've lost weight, I've gained some of it back. I lost the majority of my muscle, I gained a bit of it, and now it's actively shedding.
And as i sit here, full from the Thanksgiving feast. I've realized one thing.
My body is how it should be. All things get better.
And man my girlfriend makes bombastic banana pudding pie.
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everyone says 'prioritize your health' 'look after yourself' until they realize that making your wellbeing your first priority means making everything else a lower priority. and yeah, that's sometimes ok if it's temporary, but if those health issues are chronic? oh boy do they not like it when you actually take their advice. sometimes prioritizing your health means neglecting your work, your household chores, your social life. 'looking after yourself' means not putting your energy into looking after everyone else first. and the same people who tell you to prioritize your health will get upset with you when they realize it means you're no longer priorizing them.
if you have disabled or chronically ill people in your life and you extend them sympathy and tell them to look after themselves when they're feeling sick, but then you get upset at then because they keep canceling plans. please. reevaluate.
Self-reminder
I just realized it said "want ideas that won't get arrested" KYSSSSSSS DIEDIEDIEEE
It knows me too well... sigh
YOU’RE A MONSTER, BUT SO AM I
elektra - sophocles, transl. by anne carson / the overture to tannhäuser - paul cézanne / letter to my rage: an evolution - lidia yuknavitch / elektra - sophocles, transl. by anne carson / easier than lying - halsey / incendies - wajdi mouawad / edit by darkrume / ‘things you wanted to say but never did’ project - geloy concepcion / enough - suzanne buffam / the witch doesn’t burn in this one - amanda lovelace / höstsonaten (autumn sonata, 1978) - dir. ingmar bergman / wildflower wildfire - lana del rey / softer, softest - hole / asoftwrongness / crazed - katherine quinn / feuchtgebiete (wetlands, 2013) - dir. david wnendt / on earth we’re briefly gorgeous - ocean vuong
babygirl I'm bothered by noises you wouldn't even hear
oh🫢
A year tomorrow, isnt it? Or was it today? I've lost track, at this point. Im sure it's tomorrow, though. I've done nothing but miss you for an entire year. Isnt that something? How we all yearn for someone? You're not coming back to me. I can't imagine a world where I get to run to you again. All I can do is miss you. Im not too sure why you unblocked me though. You're so odd
I could easily show you what ive written.. or I could just read it to you as I pet your hair and tell you how proud I am?? Your choice not mine
The Thing (1982)|| Horror Fanatic || 18 || Hopeless Romantic (He/Him)
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