From The Ashes Pt.50
From the Ashes Pt.50
Pairing(s): Pairing(s): Rhaegar Targaryen x Lannister!Reader, one-sided!Jaime Lannister x Lannister!Reader, Jaime Lannister x Cersei Lannister
Warnings: slow burn fic, changing povs, MC POV, long chapter ahead, the big 5-0 :)
Words: 6445
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21
Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44
Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49
When Rhiannon and Ray arrived at Asshai’s harbor, the temple ship was already mostly submerged in the inky black water. A local harbor master had been peering out of his window and saw the whole thing, according to Inniros, who interrogated the slightly scared old man. Darkin didn’t make it a habit to go into the dark city. They stayed in the mountains, but one could tell what they were with one glimpse.
The salted old man told Inniros how giant tentacles pierced through the water and dragged their vessel down, as did whoever was on it. There were no survivors. No planks of wood breached the water's surface in a last-ditch attempt for salvation.
“So it was just some. . . Freak accident?” Jalsolin asks, something of hesitant disbelief crept onto his sharp features.
Loviisa shook her head. “No. It was anything but an accident. The harbor master said there were three hooded figures standing on the dock just before the sea creature awoke. They summoned it.”
Master Batur and Lady Nazneen, who had been sitting next to each other in matching arm chairs, glance at the other. A silent conversation danced in their eyes.
Logs in the fireplace snapped under the intensity of the flames that could never quite warm you enough. Especially now you realize you and everyone else were stranded in the Shadowlands. Unless another ship was procured in the city, if the harbor master had been so hesitant to talk to Inniros and Ray, then others might not be keen to help out foreigners allied with shadow dancers.
“Nothing to note on the way back?” Syzhal asks. The scars that disfigured her face flicker garishly against the orange and yellow afterglow of the flames.
Ray shook his head. “All was quiet. Perhaps a little too quiet but that’s how this whole land seems to be. Like you’re constantly being watched.”
“You are constantly being watched here.” Lady Nazneen taps her ringed fingers against the arm chair’s cushion. Her eyes, the only visible part of her face, are looking far off; like she can see the hidden spy of Asshai that carries whispers and secrets.
Melisandre purses her lips, considering what Lady Nazneen had said. “Do you or Master Batur have an idea of who those cloaked figures were?” She stood next to where Ray sat, her hands clasped in front of her. Weles stands at the fiery priest’s other side, for once biting his tongue. Carefully he observed the master darkins’ faces for any sign of deception.
Batur, with eagle sharp eyes, catch this and he levels his own ice blue eyes against Weles’ ones filled with accusations. “We have an idea of what it can be. Living in the Shadow Hills, we’ve come across many of Asshai’s residences. Both mortal and monsters alike. Creatures like them, they’ve lived here far before us. Far before the city of Stygai’s destruction. Their power is ancient and formidable.”
“From the attack we can ascertain that they know about (y/n). There were other ships still intact in the harbor.” Inniros immediately adds in, circling back to the concern both you and Rhiannon had whispered about before going to tell the masters.
There were many reasons why someone you had never met would want to kill you. Assassins sent by Cersei. Poachers that enviously eyed your beautiful dragon. Terrorists against the Faith of R’hllor. Many more could be added to the list that you weren’t even aware of. These old monsters of the Shadowlands though. . . You wondered what their reason was to maroon you in Asshai.
“Yes, that is certain.” Batur agrees with his pupil’s assessment.
The echoing sound of someone knocking on wood steers attention to mute Ulian. His pale face was full of concern. Right hand in front of face, palm facing him, his index finger and thumb form a small circle. It goes to clench three times before shape shifting with his index and middle finger looking like legs skating on an icy lake.
You still couldn’t decipher what his hand gestures could possibly mean. Always watching intently when he spoke through gestures, you had learned nothing from doing so.
Whatever it was made Syzhal’s nose curl up in disagreement and Qheen straighten his spine like a rod. Syzhal’s small eyes dart to her mistress. “My lady, I understand this girl is Azor Ahai reborn, but to actively go and look for the Morghons-“
“We are well aware of what it means. To make them an enemy would be ill advised but they have threatened the safety of Lady (y/n).” Nazneen silences the argumentative Syzhal.
Morghon. That sounded very close to the Valyrian word for vulture.
Master Batur gets to his feet in such a quick motion that has Inniros, Loviisa and Ulian flinching. His tone is clipped when he announces “The Lady Nazneen and I will search for the three assailants. They couldn’t have gotten very far.”
“Please take one of us with you.” Syzhal hastily looks to Nazneen, not liking the idea of the woman who raised her being in any sort of danger. “While the two of you have more power than any of us, it is still not wise to go in two against three.”
Lady Nazneen regards Syzhal thoughtfully before turning to Batur. “We do lack Ameer’s shadows. It wouldn’t hurt to take two others with us.”
A click of his tongue was the only sign of his acquiescence. Lady Nazneen turns to Syzhal and nods. “You will come along with us. As will Inniros.”
That caused a moment of thick silence as Inniros turns to the darkin masters. “With all due respect, I desire to stay here to protect (y/n).”
Qheen derisively scoffed from under his mask. Batur only stares at the one-eyed darkin. Their pale blue eyes were near identical to the other’s. Their high cheekbones also gave them mirrored features.
Not even Nazneen dares to intervene between master and pupil. Their relationship had always been a tumultuous one since the day Batur pulled Inniros from his dying mother’s arms. It was his mother though to give him up to the darkin master without a fight.
Batur’s lips were pressed hard together as he fought to initially reject this request. He glances over to you though and seems to come to a decision.
All but ignoring Inniros and pretending he had never asked, Batur calls out for Qheen to join them. The masked darkin bows respectfully.
“What do you plan on doing when you find them?” You abruptly ask.
”We will decide when we find them.” Was all Batur had left to say before leaving the room. Lady Nazneen and the picked two follow shortly after.
Weles takes his turn to address who was left, mainly your original group from Volantis. “Are we just supposed to stay here?”
“It’s safer here than out there.” Rhiannon points out. “I’m sure it won’t take long for veteran darkin to find who they’re looking for.”
“We need to send some sort of message to the temple.” Ray murmurs more so to himself but it’s loud enough for everyone to hear. His usual jovial air had dried up leaving his eyes dark and contemplative.
He wouldn’t say what everyone was thinking though: even if a ship was available to them, what would stop the Morghons from doing the same thing.
Jalsolin sighs and leans his head back, making it hang over the chaise lounge. “It’s best to wait for the masters to return. While we haven’t been on friendly terms with them, they respect the power and history of the darkin. There’s a slim chance that Lady Nazneen and Master Batur can talk reasonably with them.”
Ulian grimaces, a flurry of hand motions weaving into a sentence which only the darkin understood. Loviisa offers him a strained smile. “Master Batur knows better than to be surly with them. He can be a diplomat if the occasion calls for it.”
Melisandre’s red skirts flutter as she moves to her feet. “I must look into the flames for guidance.”
The Fiery Priest nods to his female counterpart leaves with her. Melisandre had paused at the door to cast you one last look. You’d been slacking in her training to read flames. You never liked the idea of someone being able to look into the future. Witches in Westeros knew the art of divination and many of those stories never end well for either party. But it was how Thalina found you. R’hllor deemed her worthy and gifted her with the natural born talent of transcribing flames. Her skill was below Alizah’s; the blind girl was able to view full body apparitions, crystal clear.
Turning to the ginger darkin, Loviisa asks him “Any word from Ameer or the other two?”
“You know how long it takes to contact those in the field. They’re good at remaining hidden. I think Syzhal was able to get in touch some way with Osana.” Jalsolin shrugs. “She doesn’t really share any of her methods.”
Loviisa rolls her eyes at Jalsolin and corrects him. “No, you just never paid attention in Master Ameer’s classes.” The darkin, much like the rest of Westeros, used a system of hand raised ravens that lived in one of the towers. These ravens were bred to be specifically larger and more aggressive so that the only people who could ever become into contact with them safely would be other darkin. They wore harnesses with special wards and charms that kept the carnivorous bird on coarse until they reached the destined recipient. To enhance the leather of the harnesses was what took the longest time. A darkin had to bind a bit of their shadow to the leather as well to ensure that they would be alerted when their missive arrived safely. It required patience which Jalsolin had always lacked when it came to his studies.
Ameer wasn’t just a master darkin. Born in the City of the Winged Men. One of Tyrion’s book had mention of the neighboring city and how those who were born there possessed leathery bat wings. His wings, Loviisa stressed, were not the only thing that made him the most prolific darkin in history. Ameer also had a natural talent for magic and alchemy.
Your fingers itch to write to your younger brother. Tell him all the stories he had read as a lonely child were all true.
Weles didn’t care about this legendary darkin. His priorities were to let the Temple know what had transpired. “Then I’ll need to commandeer one of the ravens.”
One of the darkin would need to go with him. Loviisa volunteers and she ushers the Fiery Hand captain down the hall to the set of stairs that led to the ravenry.
Those who had remained in Batur’s sitting room follow you back outside to find Latilth seemingly on edge.
She circled the mountain courtyard, her long neck craning to the sky as if she expected something to pop through the gray clouds. Low trilling noises vibrate deep in her throat. Maybe she was feeding off of your own anxiousness. Whatever it was disturbed the youngling.
When she spots you, she wastes no time in scampering over to you. You hold out your hand and she immediately presses the tip of her snout against your palm. It hadn’t been that long ago that her head had been smaller than your hand. The Asshai’i air seemed to be nourishing her and making her grow exponentially.
“It’s okay.” You tell her. “We’ll find a way back.”
Her startling flame orange eyes close with content and she presses her nose further against your hand.
Smiling, you run your other hand along her sparkling scales of her cheek and along her neck. Latilth shivers in delight, her whole body trembling under your touch.
“She acts like an overgrown dog.” Jalsolin chuckles in amusement. “Can’t say I’ve ever seen a dragon do that.”
“But you have seen dragons before?” Rhiannon asks but keeps her golden eyes on you and your dragon.
“From afar yes. Don’t normally make it a habit of getting up close and personal.”
You turn around and grin at him cheekily. “Would you like to?”
All swagger fled from him and Jalsolin swallows hard. Not wanting to look like a coward in front of Rhiannon, Jalsolin nods and with one foot in front of the other he stands a little behind you.
Latilth’s eyes shoot open from the new scent. She pulls away from you and stands tall on her mighty two limbs. Her mouth opens a little bit in a growl, several sharp teeth poking out that gave a slight hint of the terror hiding inside of her beautiful body. The rows of small spikes that ran from the top of her head down to her tail rustle warily as you move and urge Jalsolin forward.
His legs were stiff as he positioned himself next to you. To show Latilth that he was a friend, you put one hand on Jalsolin’s forearm and stroke it gently. “See Latilth? Friend. Jalsolin is a friend.”
You hear Rhiannon giggle from behind you. It was easy to forget that Latilth was a dangerous creature. Your group had been around her since the moment she hatched. Latilth never showed aggression for those she remembered from being a hatchling.
“Hold out your hand.” You instruct Jalsolin. “And breathe. She can tell if you’re nervous.”
“‘Course. Nothing to be worried about right?” Jalsolin dryly forces out a chuckle to overcome his nerves. “It’s just a dragon. A fire breathing dragon who could decide to eat me at any moment.”
“Don’t flatter yourself.” You could hear the grin in Inniros’ voice. “Latilth has much finer tastes.”
You saw the a slow, shaky breath leave from his chest as he follows your instructions. he raises his left, freckled hand toward Latilth. Keeping your own on Jalsolin’s arm, you nod toward Latilth. “Māzigon, Latilth. Issa raqiros. (Come, Latilth. He is a friend.)”
In response to your soothing tone, Latilth lowers her body into a less threatening posture. Still, she keeps her wings ready to leap into action if she disagrees with Jalsolin. Inside you knew she wouldn’t hurt Jalsolin, at least not while you stood so close to him.
Her heavy steps could be felt from the soles of your feet. You really got a look of how big she’d grown since Volantis. The horns on her head and jawline weren’t mere stubs anymore. They looked deadly like the tips of swords.
Slitted nostrils inhale his scent before blowing it back out in a hot gust of air making Jalsolin’s bright orange hair sweep back from his face. In the spray of his hair you caught the golden gleam of blonde hair hiding among carnelian. His tan cheeks bloom brightly, heating up from Latilth’s natural body temperature.
Before contact could be made, an ear piercing shriek shakes the trees and has everyone wobbling, struggling to remain upright.
Latilth’s scales lift in agitation and she lets out her own roar although it had no chance in outmatching the first one. The Shadow Hills become deathly silent, not even Latilth appeared to breathe. You doubt for a moment that anything ever happened. Then a familiar flap echos in the clouds like claps of thunder.
So slowly the body of a large shape became clearer to reveal a dragon.
Air hitches in your lungs, unable to escape. An image of Balerion’s skull flashed in your mind. This dragon had to be the same size as the Black Dread. Something was wrong with it though. It didn’t fly straight. Gait wavered as if it was intoxicated and couldn’t see straight.
“Will the barrier hold against a dragon that large?”
A few trees bent in the dragon’s erratic path but it was getting closer until you could see a light purple glow atop of its back.
Seafoam green scales were now distinguishable on the dragon.
“AZOR AHAI REBORN.” Someone’s raspy voice could be heard as the dragon settle among the leaf stripped trees, smashing them into mere splinters. It’s deep set eyes were in a hazy daze, large head bobbing from side to side. Such a magnificent creature reduced to a disgraceful state. A nerve in you flares with indignation as it did in Latilth who let out another wail.
You reach for her, not wanting Latilth to get into a fight she could not possibly win.
The dragon lowers its head and three figures with glowing staffs climb off one by one. Hoods on their cloaks were pulled over their faces. You knew who they were though. The Morghons.
You couldn’t really say that the Morghons had faces. Not exactly. Where there eyes and nose should have been was a smear of molten flesh, disfigured by the fires of the Seven Hells by the looks of it. Lips were also missing or if they did indeed have them, then they were very thin. Black lined their mouth though and pulled back to reveal sharp teeth. Their flesh, gray like a corpse, was pulled tight against their skeletal forms.
“You are forbidden from leaving the lands of Asshai.” One of the rasped out, a crooked finger sticking out in your direction. “For we have seen the chaos you will bring upon the world.”
Chaos? No, you were meant to prevent chaos.
A near identical Morghon steps forward as well to speak. “Thanks to you and your dragon, the magic in the world has been renewed tenfold.”
“That’s good though. Why do you have a qualm against that?” Loviisa shouts. The crawling of darkin shadows make the ground almost pitch black as they lurched and wove into one large expanse. They inch like sharp fingers towards the trio of Morghons and the dazed dragon.
Hisses seethe from them at her impudence. They were ancient and compared to Loviisa, she was just a baby to them. She needed to be careful with the way she spoke to them. “Watch thy tongue girl. We can level this pit in mere seconds.”
Just to prove a point, they stamp their staffs agains the ground and the sea foam colored dragon lolls it’s head up. Everyone took a step back as it aims it’s head at the mountain range behind you and releases a furious stream of flames from it’s mouth. The dead trees that clung to the mountainsides immediately took to the flames. Shrubs and whatever other foliage could thrive were set ablaze.
They kept going until the entire western side of the hills was scorched black.
Latilth moves to lunge, but you put a hand on her heaving chest. Her feral eyes turn and acknowledge you as she lets out a shrill whine.
“Because you have submerged the world into one where magic reigns all powerful, the universal struggles for power will be turned upside down.”
“Not everyone should be able to wield powers that divine those like us.” First Morghon motions to their triad.
You still weren’t seeing what the exact issue was. “I don’t understand.”
Third Morghon cackles cruelly. “You don’t understand because you are but a child playing a game she shouldn’t.”
Chillingly, the Third Morghon sounds like a distorted version of your father’s voice. “I’m meant to stop the Others, meant to stop eternal darkness. How is my presence also doom?”
“You, Azor Ahai Reborn, hatched the first dragon in centuries that was not in the Shadowlands. Not just that, you hatched it with your ethereal flames bequeathed by R’hllor.” Second Morghon points an accusatory finger at you. “A union like that sparked the flame of magic into action. It could be used for wars to come in the future.”
Darkly aware of the implications they were leading up to, you grimace but breathe steadily through your nose. If you freaked out, Latilth would feel it and acct without thinking. She was already chomping at the bit and you were highly aware of how obedient she was being. One thing you were always told in stories about them was how dragons could never truly be tamed. The Targaryens learned that early on in their history. Yet there she was, your Latilth, acting like an anxious pup and not a lethal animal. Easily she could have bitten your arm off at any moment.
Weles mimics your breathing style to slow his racing heart. These ancients beings meant to kill you. Not budging an inch, his fingers incessantly drilled against his leg yet ready to reach for his weapons in seconds.
“Why do you care so much?” Questions Jalsolin.
“The pestilence of selfishness and war will bring them to the shores of Asshai. Magic is a child of the Shadowlands. There is nowhere else where magic has been stronger than here.” The Secong Morghon clicks it’s tongue against fine pointed teeth.
That makes Jalsolin bark out a bitter laugh. “So you figure it’s better for the entire world to end than for others to come to Asshai?”
The primary Morghon, nods. “Yes. Better for the world to end. You have not seen what we have.”
You shake your head, unable to believe their words. If what they said was true, theen it was already too late; even if they did kill you. Magic will have already been felt amplified around the known world. Pointing out this flaw did nothing to persuade them.
“You are a beacon of magic. That’s how we found you so easily when you stepped foot in Stygai. All those monsters sensed it too. Wherever you are is where magic will be strongest. We can’t let you leave Asshai and we cannot let such a pure concentration of power reside in this world.”
Latilth, understanding the tone of the Morghons, angrily screams at the trio before taking off after them; flying above your arm. You fell aside from the gust of wind she sent down with her wings.
A wave of their unified staffs had the dragon behind them rousing back into action.
There’s a ringing in your ears thanks to her earlier shriek preventing you from hearing the others scream after both Latilth and yourself. You were on your feet already and running for Latilth. That dragon could easily rip her apart. Here winning any fight against it was hopeful thinking.
You didn’t want to lose her.
You couldn’t lose her.
Inside you, you felt like if you died alongside her, nothing else would matter. As long as you tried to save her. What did the rest of the world matter to you if the one good thing to happen to you is once again taken away?
She was your greatest accomplishment. Your greatest love.
Morghon controlled, their dragon opens its mouth right in the path of not just Latilth, but everyone else that was standing in horror.
The present darkin grabbed the closest people next to them and disappeared into their shadows seconds before the flames came at them.
All you could manage to do was brace yourself and shield your face from the intensity. Instead you feel a wave a nausea take hold as a cold hand grabs your ankle and drags you down into utter darkness. You tumble around in nothingness as the hand still has a grip on you.
You’re spat back out in a flurry of visual confusion. Inniros is next to you, secure fingers gripping your arms and attempting to steady you.
“Latilth!” You cry, adjusting your eyes back and registering your new surroundings. Slim trees go on relentlessly for miles. You don’t know how far you are from the original sight, but when your gaze wobbles up to the skies, you see the emergence of wings above the tree tops a few feet away.
The flapping wings are desperate though as they messily flap and strike down closeby trees. Under you the ground trembles. Fire was spreading fast and smoke was curling upward.
A horned head could be seen though shaking violently; trying to get something off of it. Pale glinting of her scales verified the nuisance as your Latilth, her talons viciously clawing at the Morghon Dragon’s face. She had managed to make one of their eyes raw and bloody. Too small and too fast Latilth flits around it, the large dragon was unable to shake her off.
Inniros quickly pulls you back when you move to go after her again. When you turn you find that his eyepatch was missing, singed remnants fluttering ash. Where another blue eye should have been was a red, empty socket with thick keloid scaring around the rim.“Wait. Wait (y/n)!”
“I can’t wait!” You shortly snap at him. “Whatever happens to me. . . I just need to get to her! That’s all that matters to me right now.”
He arcs his face above to follow where your eyeline had been so glued to. “Do you have a plan?”
“No.”
You knew the Morghons would probably be waiting for you, lurking and hiding easily with their waif thin bodies. They wouldn’t let you escape with your life. But there was no way you could take on whatever they were. Old masters of the Shadowlands should be feared rightfully so. Even you wouldn’t be able to kill them.
“Alright.” Was all Inniros said. “We better hurry then.”
Fervently nodding, the two of you start running toward the furious roars and screeches that followed random flashes of fire as each tried to maim the other. Inniros hooks his arm with your’s and again, you sink below the surface of the earth.
You full the propulsion of your body flying fast through the depths of the universe. A protective arm loops around your front and instinctively you hold on until the blur of trees rights itself into a clear picture where you could see seafoam wings flail and two clawed feet restricted from any movement by thick, black pools. The other darkin were trying to keep it from causing anymore damage. But while they kept it from moving, they were completely vulnerable to attack from the Morghon, wherever they had run off to. You didn’t doubt that they were nearby. Rhiannon and Weles stood off to the side to let the darkin do their thing while also keeping an eye out for the hooded figures.
When spotting you, she picks up the singed hem of her dress and runs to you. Relief has her face relaxing enough for a smile to prosper. You meet her in the middle, returning her embrace. The smell of smoke was perfumed into her hair. “You’re going after her?”
You nod against her shoulder before both of you release. “Not my best idea. I don’t even have a plan but I can’t let her fend off that dragon by herself.”
Rhiannon looks over her shoulder to the three darkin that were doing their best to contain such a large beast. Their brows twitch from the strain and you even see Ulian’s pale cheeks burning from the effort.
In the distance you could vaguely make out two voices.
“Melisandre and Ray.” Inniros knowingly says as he caught up to you. Giving you and Inniros encouraging pats to the back, she lets you pass to get closer to the large talon feet. The leg mujscles in the magnificent beast quiver with its fury. Latilth was no longer in it’s face but had started to peck at the nape of it’s meaty neck. Was she trying to dislodge something?
Cupping your hands around your mouth, you call out her name as loud as you could. She stops her assault, head shooting up in realization that it was you. Removing her nails from the grip she had, Latilth dodges a leathery wing; swooping underneath it. Her snout was a mess of blood but you didn’t see any wounds that would tell you it was Latilth’s blood.
You’re about to reach a hand out to pet the smooth scales on her forehead until Latilth sweeps you off your feet and onto her back. She barely gives you enough time to register what was happening and cling on to her ivory dorsal horns for dear life. You squeeze your eyes tight at the feeling of your body turning upside down, your weight almost ripping you off from Latilth. Things happened in a matter of seconds, your throat couldn’t even muster up a scream.
Her body was sluggish with the extra added weight, but Latilth struggles on until she reaches the top of the dragon that was still thrashing about but growing weary from its attempts for freedom.
Nails dig into the nape of it’s neck and you finally slide off of her while blindly grasping for some support to prevent you from flying off.
Cracking your eyes open and digging your nails into the massive scale under, in front of you is a raw crystal crudely jammed right into dragon flesh. The stone, at first glance appears black in color, but catching the light it turns out to be a blood red crystal. Torn, pink skin was paired with the fresh red of blood from various deep gashes.
Gritting your teeth, you dig your feet and fingers deeper and make your climb up to it. Was that what Latilth had been trying to get at?
Confirming your suspicion, Latilth is once again pouncing on it in with claws and dragon fire which enraged it even more. The crystal was deeply rooted, all of Latilth’s attacks were futile.
A dark energy pulsates against your fingertips when you brush them out, inches from a mirror-smooth surface that whispered of control and pain. Your arm quakes under the pressure of such an aura.
This reeks of Morghon.
That was how they were controlling this stumbling dragon that was mentally fight against their dark magic.
When you try to force through the barrier, a sharp grip immediately squeezes around your arm and Latilth’s ear splitting shriek nearly has you going deaf. She rips your into the air as pain in both your arm and leg have you crying and clawing at Latilth’s leg as you hold on for dear life. You barely catch the image of two of the Morghons on the seafoam dragon; exactly where you had just been.
Clenching your back molars, you manage to swing yourself up on Latilth’s back; almost slipping when she evades the snapping of jaws.
What should have been a momentous occasion, you couldn’t afford to spare a second thought to the fact that you were riding a dragon. Just like the Targaryens of old. No Lannister ancestor could boast that. You would most likely be not just the first, but the only one of the Lannisters to succeed in such a feat.
All you could focus on was holding on tightly for dear life as Latilth has to make a sharp redirection as the flapping of a colossal wing nearly smacks into the both of you.
She was nowhere near big enough to comfortably ride and Latilth wasn’t accustomed to the added weight of your body.
Past the gaps of wind that hisses past your ears, you hear the warning shouts from down below. You dare to look over the side of Latilth to see three figures being propelled away from the Morghon’s dragon and flat onto their backs.
Now untethered, the large body gains wind and propels itself upward. Right to you and Latilth. Legs curl into it’s torso so that clawed feet are aimed and ready to skewer you.
Latilth roars and lets out a stream of fire. Smart to use the distraction to her advantage, she swoops under it’s belly.
At the speech Latilth was flying at, there would have been no chance for her to come to a quick stop even if she had seen a barbed tail swinging toward her.
In slow motion, a green tail descends upon you and Latilth.
Rhiannon watched the whole thing in horror and felt the guttural scream leave her stomach as she watched both (y/n) and Latilth be struck down by the Morghons’ dragon.
Burning tears spring forth and blur her vision when she starts to run in the direction of where they had fallen. She could just hear herself sobbing violently “PLEASE R’HLLOR” in a repetitive chant.
When pitch black envelops her sight and a coldness crept up on her, she thought it was death itself. Rather it turned out to be Inniros shadow dancing them until they sprung back up to the surface. Latilth’s body lay still in a tumble of branches and broken trunks. Deep gashes leak blood over her normally glittering cream scales.
Both Rhiannon and Inniros hurry to Latilth’s body. Inniros instantly goes to check the young dragon’s breathing. All the while Rhiannon holds her breath, hands stuck to her mouth. Wildly she runs her eyes over their surroundings. The dragonling had wrapped her wings around the front of her body in a protective manner.
Inniros’ shoulders sag in relief. He mumbled something in that weird Asshai’i language before switching to Valyrian. “She’s breathing. Latilth is breathing.”
At the sound of his voice, one of Latilth’s eyes opens. Slowly, she unfurls her wings to reveal (y/n), unconscious but otherwise fine.
“Latilth protected her.” Rhiannon gulps down the gross sob she had nearly let loose into the world. Sinking to her knees, she crawls closer to (y/n) who looked like she was sleeping.
The other darkin, having lost control and needing to evacuate the others, appear. They appeared ragged and drained of color from their face. It had taken a lot out of them trying to wrangle in the charmed dragon. Melisandre and Ray take in the sight in seconds and are already next to Rhiannon.
Weles stared, his dark eyes flicking nervously up to the sky.“We need to move her.”
Melisandre shakes her head. “We can’t-“
Weles snapped his dark gaze at the red woman, his nose crinkling like a feral animal. “If we don’t move her, they will find her and kill her.”
Staggering forward, Loviisa addresses Inniros “Take her back to the manor. She’ll be safer there. The wards are strongest there.” Then she turns to regard Latilth. “I’ll try to shadow dance the youngling.”
Rhiannon helps Inniros gather (y/n) into his arms while overhearing Weles ask Loviisa credulously “Are you able to do that?”
“Can’t say if I am, but I’ll try. Jalsolin, you can handle transferring two people at once, right?”
“Yes but-“
“Good.” Loviisa paid no attention to whatever Jalsolin had to say next as she instructs Ulian next. She realized early on that there weren’t enough darkin to get everyone to safety all at once. Ulian was too young to carry more than one passenger and Inniros had his hands full carrying (y/n). Jalsolin might have to dash to get the rest once he dropped off the first two. “Ulian, escort Lady Rhiannon alongside Inniros.”
(y/n) began to rouse from the fall. Her bruised eyelids flutter lopsidedly in her struggle to gain further consciousness. “L. . .Latilth?” She breathed out.
Inniros’ one blue eye softens. “It’s alright. We’re getting the both of you out of here.”
“Latilth.”
Rhiannon crowded next to Inniros. “Latilth’s breathing. She’s still alive.”
Pulling through, (y/n) successfully keeps her eyes open. “Where. . .”
“My lady, please stop talking. Conserve your strength.” Melisandre begged.
Latilth limps up onto her hind legs and hobbles to (y/n) with a coo. Insisting that she be put down, Inniros gently stabilizes her on the soles of her feet. They met halfway, each half of the soul they shared. (Y/n)’s arms wrap around Latilth’s horned head, pressing her forehead against hot scales. A whisper is shared that Rhiannon couldn’t hear but felt the sentiment.
“Hey guys,” attempts Jalsolin once more “we really should get the hell outta here.”
Ray nodded. “Yes, he’s right. Melisandre and I will go with him. Nuha kosh, Inniros is going to take you back to the Manor of Shades. Loviisa says she can take Latilth.”
She broke contact with her dragon and frowned. “But the Morghons. . .”
“There’s no fighting them. Not while they have both a dragon and powers we cannot even begin to fathom. Darkin are not invincible. We are still human.” Loviisa told her patiently.
“They will keep coming though.” (Y/n) replied quietly. “If their goal is to kill me then they will not stop until it is accomplished.”
Uncertainty has Ulian shifting from foot to foot. His hands anxiously move, catching Loviisa’s attention.
“Maybe. If they were to listen to any of the masters, it would be Master Ameer, but he’s not even here right now. Master Batur and the others must have realized by now that they were misdirected and heading back.”
”We thought you stupid, child, but you speak wise words.”
Latilth opened her jaws in a deadly scream and nearly knocked over (y/n) trying to get in front of her. A rebuke from (y/n) once again has the youngling back in line but her teeth are still bared at the three Morghon that abruptly appeared out of thin air. In immediate response, a ring of protective fire sprung forth from the ground by the praying of Ray even if he knew that any and all endeavors were useless.
To her credit, their champion didn’t cower before the ancient ones. Fear kept no home on her features. Green eyes smolder to a violent firey hue and her skin glowed with whispered of divine flames.
“Hand over Azor Ahai, Children of R’hllor.” Nails of ice run down Rhiannon’s back at such a voice. “In exchange we will spare your lives.”
(y/n) pushed back the protesting hands of those who only desired to keep her safe. They shirk away at the sight of determination blazing about her. “Azor Ahai is right here, Ancient Ones.” Easily she passed through Ray’s flames without a sign of scorching on her. “You, who have foreseen the dread I will spread on the world with magic. Yet where is your proof? I cannot simply take your word for what it is.”
They hiss and almost descend upon her with claw like fingers, but somehow they restrain that indignant part of themselves. “You doubt our power?”
“Of course I do. You say one thing while those who have similar powers as yourselves say something entirely different. And so far from what I’ve experienced, they seem to be right on a lot of things.” A risky move to be saying such disrespectful things to the Morghon. Taunting their power was unwise. (Y/n) stood off against them. “Show me then this future that you see.”
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More Posts from Dazecrea and Others
STARVE
Summary: You lost your husband some time ago while he served as a gladiator for Emperors Geta and Caracalla. General Acacius saved you from becoming an object of pleasure for the emperors. Since then, he has taken you as his mistress. In your free time, you became a disciple of Ravi, the healer, dedicating yourself to tending to wounded gladiators. All seemed to be in perfect harmony until Hanno, a gladiator driven by a thirst for vengeance, crossed your path.
Author's Note: And the gods said: Starve will be a multi-chapter fanfiction (I hope readers will follow it all the way through). Without further ado, the characters belong to Ridley Scott's Gladiator II universe, though there will be significant deviations from the film. Historical accuracy regarding life in the Roman Empire may not always be strictly observed, so I hope you can overlook that. Yes, this story revolves around a love triangle, but I will strive to satisfy everyone. This fanfiction will include adult content, violence, and potentially coarse language. Enjoy!
two
THREE
Something ominous looms on the horizon. For days, you have been meticulously avoiding both Acacius and Hanno—a strategy that, while effective thus far, has been anything but easy. The rumors reaching you suggest that Hanno has been pestering Ravi incessantly, demanding your presence once more. Ravi, clearly exasperated, has taken to openly complaining about being forced to mediate between your "amorous entanglements," as he puts it, since your self-imposed distance began.
You had thought your withdrawal would carry no real consequences, yet this morning proved otherwise. A messenger from the emperors arrived at your doorstep, summoning you to attend the games at the Colosseum. Apparently, Emperor Geta himself wishes to extend his gratitude for your exemplary work in tending to the gladiators—his and his brother's greatest source of entertainment.
"If you wish, I could say you are unwell," Ravi murmurs as the two of you make your way toward the Colosseum.
"I cannot risk displeasing the emperors while my standing with Acacius remains fragile," you reply, touched by Ravi's unwavering support.
"You should consider mending things with one of the men in your life, for your own sake," Ravi suggests, his tone serious, ever the wise counselor.
"Hanno remains tethered to the memory of his late wife, while General Acacius refuses to release me from our former arrangement. It seems there is no simple resolution," you respond, your voice carrying the weight of your predicament, as the imposing silhouette of the Colosseum looms ever closer.
"It would be far simpler if you weren’t so stubborn. General Acacius may no longer be the ideal choice, but you and Hanno share more in common than you’re willing to admit," Ravi says with an irritating air of wisdom.
"It would be far simpler if you ceased your obstinance. General Acacius may no longer seem ideal, yet you and Hanno share far more in common than you are willing to acknowledge," Ravi remarked, his tone laden with that infuriating wisdom he so often wielded. However, the truth stands—your union with your late husband was forged more upon the bonds of friendship than the fires of passion. Before his commitment to you, he was entangled in an affair with Emperor Caracalla. That, above all, is the most profound distinction between yourself and Hanno. You grieve the loss of a cherished companion who became your husband by circumstance, whereas Hanno mourns his wife, who was, perhaps, the great love of his life.
"I shall take your counsel into consideration, my old friend, yet I beg of you to help me survive at least this day," you say, casting an apprehensive glance toward Ravi. He halts before you, placing a gentle kiss upon your forehead.
"Years ago, I vowed to your husband that I would care for you, and I shall not falter now. May the Gods watch over us," Ravi murmurs solemnly, his voice a quiet prayer as the two of you resume your path toward the arena, where the gladiators are already assembling for the commencement of the games.
Your gaze instinctively searches for Hanno, betraying a desire you would rather not acknowledge. His eyes, almost alight amidst the throng of gladiators, lock onto yours, his expression that of a man consumed by fury. You and Ravi did not take the same path as the gladiators, so it would not be prudent for you to approach him. Yet, from afar, you watch him with a quiet intensity. The courage you lack to bridge the distance is overshadowed by the boldness he possesses to close it himself.
"I shall give you a moment," Ravi murmurs, stepping aside as if sensing the gravity of the encounter. "Do not forget—Hanno may not leave the arena alive today. Be mindful to show kindness, for this could be your last exchange with him." Before you can fully process Ravi's warning, Hanno reaches you with surprising swiftness, all but sweeping you away with his commanding presence.
Hanno swiftly seized your waist with firm hands, nearly lifting you off the ground, and guided you to a secluded corner. His fury was unmistakable, reflected in the dominant grip he maintained on your waist, his hold firm enough to suggest he had no intention of letting you escape. "Have you lost your senses?" you demanded as he pressed you back against one of the great columns of the coliseum.
"I could not allow you to slip away from me again," Hanno replied, his voice low but resolute, his eyes scanning your surroundings with the precision of a predator ensuring no one dared approach.
"Our separation was necessary," you say with some difficulty, the closeness of Hanno's body to yours a maddening temptation that clouds your thoughts.
"Your master forbade you from interacting with me, and you simply obeyed, didn’t you?" Hanno says in a low, furious tone. His anger is not just visible but palpable, almost suffocating.
You seize his face with your hand, your nails pressing dangerously close to his neck. "Say once more that Acacius is my master, and I shall tear your throat out," you threaten, your voice laced with an inexplicable fury. Yet, Hanno seems to relish this, for he steps even closer, his lips curling into a wicked smile.
"I missed you, healer," Hanno replies, his eyes holding an unusual tenderness just moments before he claims your lips in a tumultuous kiss. It is as though he is consuming you, devouring you with his kiss, seeking to capture you entirely while his hands map your body with desperate reverence.
If the two of you were caught, it would mean your undoing, the end of both your lives. Yet, some part of you whispers that it would be worth it. In truth, if death awaited you for this, a kiss alone would not suffice. Each second his tongue dances with yours stirs a longing so deep it borders on madness. You yearn for him to take you, right here and now, for the feel of him within you seems the only desire worthy of risking everything. "Do not die today, gladiator," you murmur against his lips as they part, allowing you both to catch your breath.
"It will not be I who dies today, healer," Hanno says, his voice steady, before capturing your lips once more, this time with tenderness rather than desire. His grip on you tightens, as though he wishes to sink his hands into your very being, to keep your body close to his for all eternity.
"I only hope you can forgive me for what I am about to do," he murmurs, his breath warm against your ear. Before you can respond, one of the gladiators calls his name, and he steps away. An unease settles in your chest, fear creeping in as you wonder what he might be planning. Yet, the weight of your obligations presses against your thoughts—you must make your way to the emperors without delay.
"For what reason is the healer present here?" Lucilla, seated beside Acacius, questions sharply as you approach the section where they, the emperors, and other guests await the spectacle.
"The healer is my guest, Lucilla," Emperor Geta interjects swiftly, extending his hand toward you in expectation. Dutifully, you step forward and kiss it. Moments later, Emperor Caracalla mimics his brother’s gesture, and you lean in to kiss his hand as well.
As you rise, your gaze catches the familiar figure of Dondus, the small monkey, bounding toward you with recognition in his bright eyes. Memories of the time you were compelled to remain near the emperors, so Caracalla could indulge his desires with your late husband, flood back unbidden. "He still remembers you," Caracalla exclaims, his voice carrying an unusual note of delight as he grasps your hand.
"It is an honor to be here," you reply evenly, though the weight of his touch stirs emotions you work hard to suppress. Behind your composed words lingers the haunting memory of the cold efficiency with which Caracalla and his brother had ordered your husband's death—right here in this very arena.
"We have been separated by the misfortunes imposed upon us by the Gods, but I believe a new chapter is now opening for us, as your skills as a healer have not gone unnoticed. Hands as talented as yours deserve to care for the well-being of emperors, my dear," Geta declares, his gaze lingering on you with a fervent intensity that borders on desire. You struggle to mask the fear swirling within you, wondering what fate the Gods have in store for you next.
The weight of his words settles heavily on your chest, but before you can gather your thoughts, General Acacius rises abruptly and moves toward the two of you. Your hand lightly grazes the fabric of his attire, halting his approach. "Is there a matter of concern, General?" Emperor Caracalla inquires, his tone laced with an air of amusement, as his fingers idly stroke Dondus, who appears entirely at ease in his presence.
"There is no matter of concern, Emperor Caracalla," General Acacius responds, his hand firmly clasping yours against his chest beneath the folds of his vestment, his piercing gaze directed at the two emperors with the weight of an unspoken warning.
“Our most illustrious general appears perturbed that we extended an invitation to his mistress to grace these games in our company without first seeking his counsel,” Emperor Geta declares with an air of calculated provocation, his words laden with mockery. The faintest smirk curls his lips, as if relishing the tension he seeks to sow.
"Ah, brother, such concerns would trouble him only if he were entangled with her. Yet rumors abound that they no longer seek solace in each other's embrace and that she is no longer charged with tending to the wounds of our noble General," Emperor Caracalla remarks, his words clearly meant to provoke. However, his statement seems to have unsettled Lucilla, who shifts restlessly in her seat.
"Brother, remember that we ought not lend credence to idle gossip," Emperor Geta interjects, rising with an air of authority. "If our esteemed General Acacius insists that we disregard his lover, let him convince us that their bond remains intact. Otherwise, let him return to his rightful place beside his wife, and allow my brother and me the honor of tending to the fair healer." As Geta’s words echo, Acacius turns his gaze toward you, his eyes locking with yours in a silent exchange. Without hesitation, he pulls your face toward his, as though intending to kiss you before the eyes of all assembled.
"Do not sacrifice your marriage for me," you murmur, your voice trembling as the weight of the moment threatens to bring tears to your eyes. The inevitability of what you feared is now unfolding before you—Acacius can no longer shield you.
"You are worthy of such a sacrifice, mea domina," General Acacius murmurs near your ear, his hand gently caressing your face. His touch carries a tenderness that momentarily threatens to weaken your resolve. Yet, you grasp his hands, steadying yourself, and move them away from your face, refusing to yield to the moment. There is a depth to your bond with Acacius, a connection forged in unspoken understanding, but you cannot bring yourself to jeopardize him.
"Perhaps it would be wiser to let the healer decide where she wishes to remain," you say, your voice steady, masking the longing within you to leave this place with Acacius. Turning toward Emperor Geta, who now sits observing the exchange with keen interest alongside his brother, Caracalla. Without hesitation, Geta seizes the opportunity, pulling you onto his lap with a self-assured ease that leaves no doubt of his authority.
Your gaze meets that of General Acacius, whose displeasure grows ever more evident. His clenched fists and the tension in his posture betray the storm brewing within him. "I believe the games are about to begin, dear General Acacius," Emperor Geta states with a sly smile, his hand firmly resting on your waist to solidify his claim. "It would be most appropriate for you to take your seat and enjoy the spectacle." His words carry a subtle provocation, a challenge cloaked in politeness.
Acacius lingers, his body taut with restraint as though weighing the consequences of striking an emperor in defense of his pride. Just as the tension threatens to boil over, Macrinus approaches, his demeanor lively and oblivious to the undercurrents. "Ah, are we all ready to witness the might of my beast? My gladiator returns to the arena today!" Macrinus exclaims, his excitement cutting through the charged atmosphere like a blade.
Acacius hesitates, his head tilting as though he is torn, unwilling to move from your side while you remain seated on Emperor Geta’s lap. Yet, Lucilla intervenes, her steps measured as she approaches her husband. She takes his hand with a quiet resolve, guiding him back to her side. A flicker of disappointment stirs within you, faint but undeniable. What else could you have expected? Acacius has always belonged to her, to duty, to the empire. He has never truly been yours.
The tension lingers only a moment longer before the spectacle claims everyone’s attention. The gates to the coliseum creak open, and the gladiators march into the arena. Yet something is amiss. Their faces are obscured, smeared with what appears to be blood, masking their identities. For those with inattentive eyes, it becomes nearly impossible to distinguish one from another. But not for you. No, Hanno’s eyes—those piercing, tempestuous eyes—are burned into your memory like the sharp point of a blade embedded deep into flesh. Even amid the chaos, they find you, unyielding and unforgettable.
"Macrinus, what are the gladiators scheming?" Emperor Caracalla asks, his words slurred as he drinks from his goblet, already appearing too inebriated to speak coherently.
"My esteemed Emperor Caracalla, I have no knowledge of their schemes, but I trust it is all in service of your entertainment," Macrinus responds, his gaze fixed intently on the gladiators below. He observes them with a sharpness that contrasts Caracalla's indifference, his expression unreadable.
Your eyes instinctively seek out General Acacius, silently willing him to understand that something is amiss. He meets your gaze, his brow furrowed as though catching the silent warning you convey.
"You seem unsettled, healer," Emperor Geta murmurs into your ear, his voice sending a shiver down your spine. "I am not accustomed to watching gladiators face one another, Emperor," you reply, steadying your voice. "I am more familiar with mending their wounds when they survive." The truth, however, weighs heavier on your mind—Hanno is planning something, and whatever it is, it may cost Acacius his life. A fate you cannot allow.
"Do not fret," Geta coos, lifting your chin with a deliberate gentleness that feels almost mocking. His eyes search yours, a predator relishing his control. "Guards, increase vigilance near the gladiators!" he commands suddenly, his voice sharp and resonant, slicing through the murmurs of the spectators.
"Emperor, it may not be wise to leave yourself so unguarded," General Acacius interjects, his tone firm yet controlled as he observes the guards dispersing to obey Geta's orders.
"And what greater protection could Rome offer than you, General?" Geta retorts with a smug smile, his grip on you tightening slightly, as though to assert his dominance. The tension is palpable, yet it is quickly eclipsed by the spectacle unfolding in the arena. The gates groan open once more, and three lions emerge, their emaciated forms a testament to their hunger. Their roars echo across the coliseum, a feral sound that sets the crowd alight with excitement. The gladiators ready themselves, their movements deliberate, each one measured and precise.
Your heart tightens as Hanno shouts to the other gladiators, "Remember our plan! Our enemy lies far beyond the arena!" Surely, he is plotting something, yet his precision in leading the gladiators against the lions is extraordinary. It is as if Hanno is channeling his spirit animal, his movements instinctive and deliberate.
Blood is everywhere—some gladiators brutally slaughtered by the lions. Two of the beasts have already been defeated when a revolt begins, chaos erupting as the third lion aids the gladiators in breaking through the arena gates. Suddenly, the tension in the air thickens. Panic spreads as the guards scramble to escort the emperors away from the scene.
Caught in the fray, you find yourself swept along with Emperors Geta and Caracalla, fate conspiring against you. In the madness, you lose sight of Acacius amidst the swarm of guards and gladiators. The tumult escalates into full-blown chaos until a voice pierces through the din, crying out, "Protect the Emperor!"
Before you can react, you feel the sharp pain of a blade slicing through your skin—or perhaps plunging into it. You cannot tell. Dazed, you glance down to see your blood staining your garments, and when you lift your gaze, you meet the eyes of your assailant. Hanno's eyes. You are certain.
The attack meant for Emperor Geta has struck you instead, delivered by the very man who has awakened feelings you dare not name. Tears well in your eyes as you feel your strength waning, your consciousness slipping into darkness.
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐚𝐲𝐧𝐞´𝐬 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐬 𝐅𝐢𝐥𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐁𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐢𝐨 𝐀𝐮𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞.
In the 1950s, the Wayne family arrives at their new home on the outskirts of Gotham City. As the family settles in, the children—Dick and Jason—seek adventure and cause trouble while their mother tries to keep the house standing for the visit of special guests, all while also trying to hide her magical abilities.
Can they get through the first day of their new life while the father of the family is away on business?
chapters: 1 (you are there) - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - epilogue.
English is not my first language, please be patient. Update 1/25/2025: I did a review and correction of this chapter because I was starting to feel embarrassed, and it seems that you like this story because today I receive notifications of the publications. So I'm going to do a review of all the parts so that if you reread it, it will hurt your eyes less. Thank you very much for the love and I hope to improve with these corrections!!!
WORDS: 7243
𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓.
You looked at your youngest son, Jason, smiling at you from under one of the trees on the new property your family had just moved into. You smiled back at him, genuinely happy, and held out your arms to him. The little five-year-old ran to you immediately.
That tree—you had to get him away from that tree.
“Mom, this new house is huge,” the boy said happily as you rested him on your hip, without worrying about ruining the neat ironing of your beautiful dress.
“It is,” you began. “Your father and I learned our lesson about you and your brother's incompatibility with small yards after the Halloween fire incident,” you explained, and the audience laughed at the past antics of the Wayne children. Jason smiled innocently as he thought about the incident, even if he didn't remember it. He had been very young at the time—surely that was why. “So, your father made sure there was plenty of room for both of you to run around in this new house.” You turned on the spot, starting to walk toward the house.
The scene changed, and you both appeared walking in through the kitchen door immediately. You walked over to the island and sat Jason there. He immediately reached over to grab the glass cookie jar in the center of the surface, eager to eat one of Alfred's famous cookies.
“Don’t eat too many of those, young Master,” the butler said as he appeared from an unidentified door. You smiled at him as he came to stand next to you in front of little Jason. “Tonight, we have guests, and I’m preparing some of the family’s favorite dishes,” the man commented while confiscating the cookie jar, leaving only the one cookie the boy had managed to grab before his appearance for him to eat.
You frowned in confusion.
“Guests?” you asked, puzzled, as you didn’t remember planning anything. Alfred, on his way to hide the cookies, turned to look at you.
“The guests Mr. Wayne asked us to entertain in his absence, Mrs. Wayne. Do you remember, ma’am?” the butler questioned before leaving through the door that led to the living room, without waiting for an answer.
You stood in place, bringing your hand dramatically up to your face as if deep in thought. Jason decided to interrupt his eating to mimic your expression, prompting laughter and tender sighs from the audience. Seeing him, you laughed too and leaned closer to your child.
“Do you remember which guests Alfred is talking about, my boy?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.
“Nope,” Jason replied sweetly, shrugging his shoulders, eliciting even more tenderness from the audience. You couldn’t help but feel a sudden urge to hug your beautiful baby tightly while kissing his cheek, and your son just laughed happily at your actions.
Alfred walked back into the kitchen as you lowered the boy from the counter to stand on the floor next to you. The scene momentarily blinded the audience before they saw the little boy run out of the kitchen with his cookie in hand, brushing past the butler and causing him to smile.
“I guess we have to prepare for those guests then,” you said, resting your hands on your hips and sighing dramatically. “Do you already know what you will cook for our guests, Alf?” you asked, intending to help.
“Don’t eat too many of those, young Master,” the butler said as he appeared from an unidentified door. You smiled at him as he came to stand next to you in front of little Jason. “Tonight, we have guests, and I’m preparing some of the family’s favorite dishes,” the man commented while confiscating the cookie jar, leaving only the one cookie the boy had managed to grab before his arrival for him to eat.
You frowned in confusion.
“Guests?” you asked, puzzled, as you didn’t remember planning anything. Alfred, on his way to hide the cookies, turned to look at you.
“The guests Mr. Wayne asked us to entertain in his absence, Mrs. Wayne. Do you remember, ma’am?” the butler questioned before leaving through the door that led to the living room, without waiting for an answer.
You stood in place, bringing your hand dramatically up to your face as if deep in thought. Jason decided to interrupt his eating to mimic your expression, prompting laughter and tender sighs from the audience. Seeing him, you laughed too and leaned closer to your child.
“Do you remember which guests Alfred is talking about, my boy?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.
“Nope,” Jason replied sweetly, shrugging his shoulders, eliciting even more tenderness from the audience. You couldn’t help but feel a sudden urge to hug your beautiful baby tightly while kissing his cheek, and your son just laughed happily at your actions.
Alfred walked back into the kitchen as you lowered the boy from the counter to stand on the floor next to you. The scene momentarily blinded the audience before they saw the little boy run out of the kitchen with his cookie in hand, brushing past the butler and causing him to smile.
“I guess we have to prepare for those guests then,” you said, resting your hands on your hips and sighing dramatically. “Do you already know what you will cook for our guests, Alf?” you asked, intending to help.
“Don’t worry about a thing, Mrs. Wayne,” the butler commented, walking over to you and standing behind you to begin pushing you towards the door where Jason had disappeared with his cookie. “I’ll take care of everything, and nothing will go wrong tonight. You just relax and spend some time with young master Jason.” When he reached the door, Alfred stopped pushing, expecting you to make it the rest of the way out of the kitchen alone, but you turned around and insisted.
“You don’t want any magical help; it will be easier this way. Besides, I already have my apron on,” you said, smiling and pointing at your outfit while making a gesture to emphasize your powers at the same time.
“Goodbye, Mrs. Wayne,” Alfred said as he pushed you through the kitchen door.
You walked out with a push, but as you crossed the threshold, you didn’t stumble; instead, you walked calmly into an unmarked hallway and entered the living room. You looked back, confused by the strange change, but all doubt was erased from your mind when you saw your little one sitting in front of the television in one of the armchairs. You sighed loudly.
“That man has always been very territorial about his kitchen,” you commented, and the audience laughed. As you walked toward the armchair, Jason looked at you when he heard you approaching. “Jason Peter Wayne,” you exclaimed without any aggression, more amused by the chocolatey mess on your son's face than angry. He looked at you with puppy eyes in response. “My little boy and his precious chocolate cookies,” you said accusingly. With a dramatic gesture of both hands, Jason's face was clean again, the crumbs on his lap and the armchair disappeared, all accompanied by a sound of bells to represent magic.
“My mother and her magical magic,” the child said mischievously, prompting the audience to laugh again as you shook your head at his behavior, not stopping to look at him lovingly. You had missed him, which was strange because you didn't remember being separated from him much since he had come to you.
“Jason, honey,” you began, realizing that something was missing from the scene. “Do you have any idea where your brother went?” you asked, suddenly worried about the fate of your eldest son.
“I saw him looking for his comics in his new room a while ago,” Jason answered, and at that instant, a knock was heard, followed by a childish cry. Alfred appeared down the hall, attracted by the noise, while you quickly marched towards the threshold on the other side of the room, leaving Jason with the butler behind.
You entered a sort of entrance hall, featuring the main door of the house, some decorative furniture, and a coat rack with four coats perfectly hung—one for each member of the family, the largest being Bruce’s. Bruce was on a business trip. On the other side of the threshold were stairs leading to the second floor, where you found your eldest son, his comic book abandoned at the foot of the last step, and him curled up with a bleeding knee a little higher up.
“Dikie, my dear,” you quickly approached him, crouching down in front of him while you examined his wound. “What happened?” you asked while sitting next to him to hug him against your side. Seeing that his crying did not stop with your presence, he did not answer immediately and kept sobbing. “Alfred!” you called, not too loudly because it was not necessary, and it worked. Immediately, Alfred crossed the threshold through which you had just come. “Bring the first aid kit,” you told him, and he nodded before disappearing again.
While all this was happening, Dick's mind was racing a thousand miles an hour. He didn’t understand the world around him, its size, and its lack of colors. Why had he been running up the stairs in the first place? He couldn't remember, and that scared him. Contradictory ideas of what had happened crossed his mind until he finally saw the comic lying at the foot of the stairs, and it occurred to him.
“I-I found my—my comic and…” he began to say between sobs, but he was unable to finish piecing together the events of the day. Realizing this, you decided to finish the sentence for him while you caressed his hair affectionately.
“And so much excitement in one day made you decide to run down the stairs?” you asked, and the boy pulled away from you to nod as he wiped his tears with the sleeve of his extremely expensive wool sweater.
“My knee hurts,” he commented with a soft voice, looking where his hand was, which was where he assumed there must be a wound. As if summoned by his words, Alfred appeared with a small medicine briefcase.
“Here you are, Mrs. Wayne,” he said as he handed you the object, which you were sure was red but wasn't.
"Let's see what we have here," you said, and as you opened it, you found just what you needed: a bandage with drawings of birds. "Perfect," you said, smiling as you left the now-empty suitcase to proceed to put the bandage on the wound. Dick didn’t see any blood or a wound at all; his mother wouldn’t let him get hurt. Still, he went along with the story and looked at his mother.
You were beautiful. He had always thought you were the prettiest mother in the world, along with… another person. His father couldn’t agree more, and if he saw you now, he would probably drool, which he and Jason made fun of him for. Jason, his little brother.
What had happened to Jason?
As if Dick's thought were an alarm, the little boy with curly hair and a cheerful smile entered through the same doorway Alfred had come through, looking at his brother with a worried expression. A sudden wave of relief washed over Dick because Jason was there, safe and sound, walking quickly toward him when he saw that his older brother was distraught. But it was strange to see him like that, so young, that for a moment he wondered if it was really Jason. But looking into his eyes, it was unmistakable that this five-year-old boy was his younger brother. There was no doubt.
"Are you feeling better, Dikie?" you asked affectionately when you noticed how your older son’s body relaxed when his younger brother appeared in the room. You mentally chastised yourself for not having brought him earlier; surely Dick had been worried that his brother was okay. You caressed his back as you looked at him carefully.
"I..." Dick was silent for a moment. He looked at you and then at his little brother, and then he realized something. "I'm fine. Everything is fine, Mom," he finally said, looking at you, feeling completely comfortable being there and happier than he had been in a long time.
You smiled at your son when you realized that the three of you were finally together, with Alfred watching from the doorway with a mixture of emotions that he didn’t let you see.
Dinner was underway; Alfred, as always, was on time for the arrival of the guests, while you were in Jason's room, helping him finish putting on his elegant sweater for the occasion. Dick came through the door already fully dressed. The eight-year-old boy didn’t need your help getting dressed, but no doubt you had helped him choose his clothes—that’s how you always did.
“Mom,” Dick called while in his brother's room, somewhat confused by the situation but not letting that feeling of relief and heady calm go. He liked that feeling.
“Yes, honey?” you turned around, causing the new dress you had put on for the occasion to flourish in the air with elegance. As soon as you laid eyes on your eldest son, you had to contain a small “aww” at how cute your little man looked. “Look at you, my little bird.” You approached him, bending down to adjust his jacket so he could hide the suspenders, leaving only a little of the shirt visible. “One day you are going to be a heartbreaker,” you commented, wrinkling your nose with tenderness.
“Mom,” Dick grumbled sheepishly, looking down as his cheeks turned pink, though no one could see the color yet.
“Is Dick going to be a jar breaker?” Jason asked from where he was sitting on the bed, causing the audience to laugh.
"No, Jaybird," Dick began, turning away from his mother and walking over to his brother's bed to sit next to him. "Heartbreaker, as in hearts," he explained patiently as Jason watched him intently, hanging on every word his older brother said. It reminded Dick of when he used to look at him while they both... they used to...
"That means," you sat across from Jason, watching as your son left his place inside his mind to return to the moment, "that your brother will have a lot of girlfriends and boyfriends one day," you explained to him while you tucked a rebellious strand that had fallen on the forehead of your youngest son back in its place.
"Is that good?" he asked, confused. "Because Alfred always gets mad when we break his jars." The innocent tone caused the audience, you, and Dick to laugh. As they did, Dick remembered why he had gone to find his mom in the first place.
“Mother?” he asked. You stopped laughing and gave him that look you always give when you want to say: Tell me anything. You can tell me anything and ask any question without fear. “What's so important today?” he asked curiously.
“Oh!” you exclaimed as you put your hands on your lap, thinking about what to say because the truth is you weren't very sure what tonight's dinner was about. “Well, it's a very important dinner for your father,” you commented with confidence.
“Why is this dinner important to Dad?” Jason asked, now concentrating on the reason for the conversation because he wanted to know too. He puzzled you with the question as well, because you weren't too sure either.
“Well, your father invited some very important people to dinner,” you stated as confidently as you could. If you showed that you didn't know what was going on, your children would panic, and you wanted them to feel safe. They were safe as long as they were there with you.
“Who are the guests?” Jason asked, immediately followed by his older brother.
“And why are they so important?” Dick spoke. Jason nodded at his brother's question, showing his approval.
“Well…” you weren't sure what to say.
“Is it for a birthday?” Jay asked.
“No, it's not anyone's birthday,” you clarified, more to yourself than to the children, trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle before explaining to your children the importance of the occasion.
“Is it an anniversary?” Dick asked now.
“No, it's not that either,” you said, putting your hand to your chin while you thought. The audience laughed.
“A holiday?” the elder asked again.
“Is it because of the ‘adult business’?” Jason asked, disappointed. He hated the adult business meetings they had when Bruce was home, and immediately a light went on in his head.
“Yes,” you said, happily soothing, looking back at the children. “It's certainly a business meeting, so you must behave yourselves.” You bent down and finished arranging your youngest son's hair. “Okay?” You looked at them seriously; your children had a habit of getting into trouble when these meetings happened, mainly because they were bored.
“Yes, Mom,” they both said in chorus, which brought a smile to your face.
“Okay,” you finished the conversation about dinner. “Dick, can you help your brother put on his shoes while I go prepare the table for our guests?” you asked, and the boy silently nodded in response. “Perfect, I'll see you when you're ready,” you said as you left the room.
Dick and Jason stood there in silence for a moment. Dick wasn't sure what to do, first because he didn't know where you kept Jason's shoes, and second because he felt lost without you there; you were the main story of the show, so he wasn't sure what was next. Jason was the one who would be in charge of guiding him quickly.
“Dick,” called the younger brother.
“Yes, Jason?” asked Dick, somewhat confused by the mischievous gleam in his little brother's eyes.
“I saw Alfred go with the cookie jar back to the kitchen to hide it,” he began, as a smile spread across his face. Dick smiled back as he nodded at the silent implication of that phrase. He now knew what they must do.
In the dining room, a room with a large window facing the patio and a table with eight chairs, you used your magic to make the plates fly to the table, followed by the utensils and the wine glasses. You were preparing only five places at the table because Alfred had insisted on not being part of the dinner tonight so that he could attend to the important guests in the best possible way, and you were not one to argue against the butler's wishes.
You had barely convinced him to let you set the table for dinner. He was very adamant that you should spend time with your kids for some reason; he probably just wanted to rest from the stressful move. Yes, it was probably just that.
DING DONG.
“The guests are here,” you said to yourself, making sure to place the last flowers in the vase on the head table. They were white roses, and then you smoothed down the front of your dress before walking into the room.
You were nervous because you still didn't know who these guests were and what they wanted, but you were confident that if Bruce had sent them, it would be fine. So, you smiled as you entered the entrance hall to receive the couple. It was a plump, white-haired couple in their fifties, but they seemed to be in good shape, and particularly the woman looked like she had a lot of energy; her print dress complemented her image. The man seemed serious, like all businessmen; he didn't even smile when you greeted him and invited them to sit in the living room while dinner finished preparing.
“It's a pleasure to have you here, Mr. and Mrs…” you paused in your sentence when you realized that you didn't know the names of your guests.
“Mr. Hart and I are very happy to be the first guests invited to your new home, Mrs. Wayne,” Mrs. Hart replied as everyone sat on the couch.
“Where is Mr. Wayne?” Mr. Hart asked seriously. “You can't have a business dinner if the businessman isn't in the house,” he complained, waving his arms around to show the room. You laughed nervously at his insistence; he wasn't the first person that day to ask where Bruce was and make you uncomfortable for some reason.
“Well, my beloved husband had a last-minute business trip,” you started explaining. “But he left me and our children in charge to receive you for dinner,” you said, smiling and trying not to show your lack of certainty about the totality of the situation.
“Oh, the Wayne kids!” Mrs. Hart exclaimed dreamily. “I'm so excited to meet you!” She took your hands and squeezed them comfortingly.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Alfred had gone to the dining room to set up the table with the appetizers, leaving the place unattended where two small pairs of feet entered without making much noise with a precise aim: to cause trouble.
“I adore children, even though Mr. Hart and I never had our own,” the woman explained wistfully, looking at her husband, who instead of sharing his story was looking around with a frown. But she paid no attention to him and continued talking to you.
In the kitchen, Dick was helping his younger brother up onto the counter next to the stove, where a pot of hot soup was ready to be served. Once Jason was firmly on his feet, he quickly took it upon himself to climb up as well to stand next to him, and they began opening the cabinets for cookies.
“Tell me: What are their names? And how old are they?” Mrs. Hart asked, excited about the topic of conversation.
“My oldest son is Richard, but everyone calls him Dick,” you started to explain.
“Children can be cruel,” Mr. Hart commented candidly, and the audience laughed. The joke took you by surprise, but you decided to ignore it and continue.
“He's eight years old; he'll be nine in December,” you continued. “And Jason, he'll be six in August,” you finished with a smile, thinking about how your youngest son would be another year older.
Dick opened one of the cabinets on the stove, stood on tiptoe as he maneuvered the cabinet door open, and peered inside for the cookie jar, but he began to lose his balance just as Alfred set the appetizers down on the table and started on his way to the living room to announce that dinner was ready.
“They sound adorable; I can't wait to meet them!” Mrs. Hart enthused.
"They are adorable, and they are very good kids too," you said with a bright smile.
BAAM.
Dick ended up losing his balance while trying to close the cupboard door again, and the pot of soup crashed to the floor, staining the entire kitchen with its creamy texture, including your two children, who were now covered in food, ruining their clothes and staining their faces.
“Mrs. Wayne,” Alfred called, successfully hiding his concern, which you couldn't do very well because, at the sound, your eyes widened at the multiple scenarios running through your head about what could have caused the noise.
“Yes, Alfred?” you answered with a small voice.
“What was that?” Mr. Hart asked irritably.
“I think it's time to guide our guests to the table and go find the young masters,” he commented calmly, to which you quickly jumped out of your chair.
“YES!” you yelled. “Great idea, Alfred.” You turned to the guest couple, who looked more than confused. “Mr. and Mrs. Hart, follow Alfred into the dining room and enjoy the appetizers while I go find the kids, who I'm sure are somewhere in the house being on their best behavior,” you said, and the audience laughed.
“Everything is alright?” Mrs. Hart asked as you left the room.
“Yes, yes, everything is in order; nothing to worry about,” you answered a little too quickly before running out of the room.
Jason and Dick looked at each other, knowing that nothing good could come of this. But when they tried to get down, the younger one slipped on the soup that had stained the counter under his feet. Dick rushed to try to catch him, but he also slipped on the ground. As both children fell, all their weight rested on the refrigerator, which, in turn, tipped sideways to hit a piece of furniture that fell forward and pushed another piece of furniture full of fine china that fell sideways, causing the door to lock and letting all the plates and glasses crash to the floor, creating even more noise.
CRASH.
You leaned your whole body against the door as you reached it, only to find that it wouldn't open in the slightest; something was blocking it.
“Boys?” you called through the door. “Boys, are you there?” you asked.
“Here we are, Mom, and we're fine,” said Dick from his place still on the counter. They couldn't get down now; the floor was not only slippery but also covered in sharp glass. He wouldn't risk Jason getting hurt.
“We tried Alfred's soup,” Jason said. “It's delicious.” The audience laughed, but you were anything but amused by the situation.
“Oh dear,” you sighed, visualizing your children covered in soup at a less-than-opportune moment. “Why can't I open the door?” You tried to push, but whatever was blocking your way was too heavy for you.
“A large piece of furniture fell in front of the door, and the floor is full of glass. We can't get close,” Dick explained regretfully. They didn't want to cause such a mess; they just wanted the cookies, and they hadn't even found them.
“What happened?” Alfred asked, coming to your side.
“A piece of furniture is blocking the door, the soup is on the floor, and the crockery has now turned into very expensive confetti,” you quickly explained, turning to look at him.
“Okay, Mrs. Wayne, it's time to use your magic and solve this problem,” he said.
“But you don't like magic being used in your kitchen,” you replied, confused.
“Considering that the crockery has been smashed, the soup is used as a rug, and the young masters are still trapped in there, if we don't open the door right now, there probably won't be any kitchen to take care of tomorrow, Mrs. Wayne,” he explained quickly, and that made perfect sense to you.
“Good point,” you said. The audience laughed as you got into position to use your magic, but when you moved your hands, nothing happened. You tried again, and still nothing happened. “It doesn't work,” you repeated the movement in a desperate attempt, but again nothing happened. “What's going on!?” you asked desperately.
“I told you to rest today, Mrs. Wayne; it's probably the stress,” Alfred said quickly, consoling you.
“Oh, this is not good,” you said.
“Ms. Wayne?” Mrs. Hart yelled from the dining room.
“Just a second,” you replied with a fake cheerful tone before looking back at the butler. “What are we going to do?” you asked.
“Don't worry; I'll look for the keys to the door that leads to the patio while you distract the guests,” Alfred said and walked in the opposite direction. You went to follow him, but you realized that you had to go the other way, so you turned to walk to the dining room. The audience laughed.
In the living room, you sat at the table with the guests, starting to eat the appetizers. They tried to pretend that nothing was wrong, but Mr. Hart was suspicious, and it was clear by the way he looked at you. His wife was more than happy to ignore it.
“And the children?” Mrs. Hart asked as she bit into one of her meatloaf pies.
“Oh, they're finishing up their toys before they eat,” you explained as you finished pouring some wine into your glass.
“But you should eat first,” said Mrs. Hart sweetly.
“Nonsense, my dear,” interrupted Mr. Hart. “Two children with a father not present for business; these two need a steady hand, or they will become good for nothing. It's fair: if they don't pick up their toys, they don't eat.” He stuffed a whole canapé into his mouth roughly.
“I wouldn't say they don't eat,” you defended. “But if you have to order before eating because they definitely won't do it later, they always get sleepy.” You finished explaining and drank from your glass of wine. “Also, most of the time, they are very well-behaved children,” you added.
“Most of the time?” questioned Mr. Hart suddenly.
Alfred entered the room quietly. He passed behind you, giving you a meaningful look: you had to keep distracting the Harts because he still hadn't found the key.
“Well, they are children; you know how they are,” you commented, laughing, but the serious face of Mr. Hart told you that the man did not enjoy jokes much, so you continued, “All children have their moments of curiosity.” Alfred walked out of the room back into the hallway. “And that curiosity can get to—” BAM! CRASH! The butler had to use force to pry open a particularly jammed drawer. “Accidents; something always ends up breaking.” You let out a nervous laugh.
“Ms. Wayne,” Alfred called as he stood in the doorway.
“Yes, Alfred?” you yelled, unable to stop looking at Mr. Hart, who was watching you suspiciously.
“The young masters want you to confirm that their toys are tidy and that they are free to sit down to dinner,” he said neutrally, but you knew right away what he meant.
“Of course, you have to see those toys,” you joked as you got up from the table.
“Make sure it's neatly arranged in alphabetical order,” demanded Mr. Hart, and you couldn't help but give him a look for that.
“Don't talk nonsense,” his wife told him. “Go find them,” he told you happily. “I can't wait to meet those little angels,” he encouraged you.
“I'll do that,” you answered with the same enthusiasm and walked down the hall with Alfred until you reached the kitchen door.
“The keys to the patio door are nowhere to be found,” he began to explain, “and I'm afraid the cabinet is too stuck in front of the door to try to push it.”
“Oh dear, oh dear,” you started to babble.
“Mrs. Wayne, you need to calm down,” Alfred requested.
“The children are locked in the kitchen, along with the food, and our guests are waiting in the dining room,” you pointed out. “I think it's a good time for a little panic, Alfred.”
“Panic is not going to get us out of this situation,” Alfred pointed out, which caught your attention, and you looked at him, but the man ignored you. “Getting the children out requires us to be focused,” he clarified, and you decided to ignore his mistake; it wasn't that serious.
“Maybe one of the windows,” you suggested hopefully.
“No, they were all closed,” he said.
“Mrs. Wayne!!” you heard Mrs. Hart as she got up from her chair and walked toward you in a suitably slow manner.
“Oh no,” you groaned in anguish. “We need an entrance, an entrance, an entrance to the kitchen.” As if they were connected, you and Alfred looked at each other as the solution came to your mind.
“The unidentified door!!” you both yelled and started running.
As you rounded the corner at the end of the hall, you suddenly found yourselves walking through the unmarked door into the kitchen, which Alfred had appeared through that morning, just like that. You still didn't know what the point of the door was, but you were thankful for it because Mrs. Hart was coming to the door.
“Ms. Wayne,” called the woman, dangerously close to the door. You ran to the opposite side of the covered door and approached your children. “Where are they?” She was almost in front of the door, so you made a quick movement with your hands: the soup disappeared from the floor and returned to its place in the pot, the children's clothes were cleaned, as were their faces, and both furniture and glass returned to their places in the expensive crockery that Bruce had inherited from his parents. Mrs. Hart came through the door at that moment to find you carrying your youngest son on your hip, Dick sitting innocently on the island, and Alfred stirring the soup. “Here you are,” she exclaimed.
“Here we are,” you said, smiling. You lowered Jason from your hip and grabbed his hand. “Alfred,” the man looked at you, “it's time to serve the main course to our guests.”
“Right away, Mrs. Wayne,” Alfred answered calmly and you shared a knowing look before he answered.
At the dining room table, the end of the table was left empty because it was Bruce's place, while you, Dick, and Jason sat on one side, in that order, with the invited couple seated across from you, Mr. Hart directly opposite you.
“Well,” Mrs. Hart said as she put her napkin on her lap, while Alfred poured juice for the children. “Where do you come from? How long have you and Mr. Wayne been married? And do you plan to have more children?” she asked, beginning to taste the soup, hitting you with her questions closely one after the other.
“Oh,” you laughed, “Bruce and I have been together for so long it feels like we've always been this way.” You paused, “And we come from…” you were at a loss. “We come from…” you didn't know.
“We come from another city,” said Dick. “From…” he was cut off, bewildered, but he quickly looked at you for help, surely you knew. “What was the name of the city, Mom?” he asked you, curious.
“The city, of course,” you said, trying to start your sentence again. “We come from…” Again, you had nothing; that made no sense.
“AND?” asked Mr. Hart, frustrated. You looked at him and tried to smile to appear normal, but you quickly lost it, and he noticed.
“Let them think, dear. They are putting together their story,” Mrs. Hart defended, smiling sweetly as Alfred poured him more wine. At that moment, you looked at him, but he didn't look at you; he was suddenly serious, with a lost look as he poured his glass, and he seemed tense.
“Our story, yes, of course,” you continued, again trying to get back on track. “We come from, from a city, from…” You failed again.
“Where from?” asked Mr. Hart, flustered.
“Arthur, leave the poor woman alone,” Mrs. Hart scolded him, eating quickly, her tone sweet, but in her posture, there was something else; she was not calm or happy as she wanted to seem.
“Why?” her husband defended himself. “It's a perfectly normal and simple question: Where do they come from?” The table fell silent; for a few seconds, no one moved or made a sound. “Damn it. Where does it come from?” He slammed the table roughly, making the plates jump. Dick looked at him; he could hear the anger in his voice and even fear, but he didn't understand why. “What do you want? What do you want—” His words were cut off, as was his breath. You watched him intently as he brought his hands to his throat; he was choking.
“Oh, Arthur, stop it,” his wife said naturally, her tone not losing the cheerful and casual air it had until now, but Arthur Hart kept choking, and nobody made a move, not even you. Only Jason kept eating his soup. Your eldest son looked at the guest, confused. Dick felt that he should do something, but he also felt he shouldn't at the same time. “Stop it,” Mrs. Hart repeated. “Stop it, stop it, stop it.” She stopped looking at her husband when he fell to the ground, very close to the feet of Alfred, who looked at the situation without leaving his place, with the wine jug in hand. You looked at him, and he looked at you this time; he seemed worried, even anguished and fearful. “Stop it,” Mrs. Hart looked at you this time; she was talking to you. “Stop it,” she repeated.
“Mom,” Dick called worriedly when he saw that the guest's pleas were directed at you now. He grabbed your hand on the table to try to get your attention, but he kept looking between Mrs. Hart and the drowning man on the floor.
“Mrs. Wayne,” this time it was Alfred who called you. “Mrs. Wayne” was a silent request.
“Please, stop it,” Mrs. Hart continued. A buzzing invaded your ears; suddenly, two unknown voices filled your ears. What they were talking about was inescapable, but they were close because their minds were connected.
“Ms. Wayne,” Alfred called you with more urgency.
“Mama,” Dick called, shaking your hand at the same time, but the voices had your full attention. You wanted to know who they were and what they were up to.
“Mommy.” Suddenly, the voices were forgotten. Dick and Mrs. Hart fell silent. You looked at your youngest son, who was looking at you, confused by the situation, and you immediately reacted.
“Alfred, help him,” you said seriously, the butler quickly putting down the wine pitcher and proceeding to help the man on the ground, quickly getting him to spit out the piece of meat that had been stuck in his airway. Mr. Hart gasped for air as he started to try to get up quickly. In a hurry, Alfred helped him to his feet.
“Careful, Mr.” he said as they both finished standing in their places.
Mr. Hart finished standing up and ran his hands over his jacket, lost for a second and not knowing what he was doing, but quickly found the watch on his wrist and looked at it.
“Look at the time,” he said matter-of-factly. “We'd better head home.” He pointed and smiled, suddenly becoming more likable than he had been throughout dinner.
“You're right, dear,” Mrs. Hart agreed in her well-pitched, sing-song tone. “It was a pleasure meeting you all,” she commented as you and your children stood up from your seats. She approached you friendly, and you took a few steps to meet her halfway. “Your children are adorable, Mrs. Wayne, and your house is charming,” she stated before giving you an impromptu hug, which you returned.
“Tell Mr. Wayne I can't wait to do business with him,” Mr. Hart said, smiling as you separated from his wife and walked over to shake his hand. “And you two behave, young men,” he motioned to your sons as they both stood beside you. You ran your hand through your youngest son's hair to make sure he was there, and Dick leaned against your side with his head resting on your hip. “Your mother is a unique woman, and there is nothing she wouldn't do for you. Appreciate her,” he told them honestly, which brought a smile to your face. You looked down to meet Dick's unsure eyes and patted his back quickly to reassure him.
“Yes, Mr. Hart,” Jason said as his older brother decided to speak.
“We'll take care of her, always,” Dick added.
“I'll walk you out,” Alfred said, smiling, happy that everything had turned out well.
You and your children went to the living room, ready to watch some television before going to sleep.
“Well, that was an adventure, without a doubt,” you commented while sitting in the middle of the couch.
“It was to be expected when your family is like ours,” Dick jokes, smiling at you conspiratorially as he sat next to you, leaning his head on your shoulder.
“Next time, Alfred should serve ice cream for dinner,” Jason pointed out. “Everyone loves ice cream,” he explained when you looked at him, prompting you and your oldest son to laugh along with the audience. Jason settled with his head in your lap, and you put your hand in his hair to caress it, as he liked so much, while Dick wrapped his arms around your waist. You put your arm around his shoulders to hug him closer to you.
“After that disaster, I need a drink,” Alfred commented, entering the room and sitting in one of the individual armchairs. “Although it could be compensated with a raise,” he joked, and they all laughed together again.
“What can I say?” You looked at Jason, seeing how his eyes were slowly closing in sleep. “We're a bit of a peculiar family,” you stated.
“Just a bit?” Dick teased again. You kissed his head as the lights dimmed, and the credits began to roll, the show ending with the image of your beautiful family sitting in the living room.
Seeing that image, Bruce couldn't help but notice that it was the happiest he had seen you in months…
jorraeliarzus (beloved) │ Chapter 1: Affliction
terms of endearment ‘verse: see my Masterlist for the correct series order!
Chapter 1 │Chapter 2 (In Progress!)
Synopsis: Daemon guides you on a journey of healing and self-discovery as you learn to raise your children and build a family of your own. You struggle.
Hello! Welcome back, all! This instalment is going to be a journey for Reader. A bunch of bad shit has happened in her life. It's about time she begins facing all that, you know? Not all of it will be heavy, but there will be some psychological fuckery and an opportunity to delve into the layers of the relationship I've spent time developing. My intention is to have this function similar to little slut, in that it's a series of one-shots set chronologically. Each will be a self-contained 'highlight' that is set during the six years Daemon is exiled on Dragonstone. This instalment will cover babies, healing, pregnancy, relationship development, funny hijinks, dragons and smut! Always smut.
Triggers: incest, age gap, purity culture, detailed depictions of post-partum depressive states, lite smut, lactation and lactation kink.
“Thus was Prince Daemon banished from his brother the King’s city, and with him his niece and newborn heirs. Exile had long favoured the rogue, and this latest decree brought forth a period of quiet on the isle of Dragonstone, the years bringing forth further progeny to strengthen his House’s line. Together with the Princess Rhaenyra, Daemon and his wife presided over the Targaryen stronghold for several years before circumstances would take them once more to King’s Landing.”
- ‘Fire & Blood: Being a History of the Targaryen Kings of Westeros’ by Archmaester Gyldayn
He is staring again.
You do your best to pay it no mind, though the weight of his eyes upon you is heavy, nonetheless. An onlooker may well assume his focus is on the scene in its entirety—upon the babes propped on pillows before you, their grasping fists skating across dragonscale as they grunt and babble, reptilian rumbles filling the void between sounds—but you know better. Your husband has not been the same since… since that night. You cannot blame him, though it vexes you so.
One of the dragons—the creature with scales of amethyst glittering even in low light—hisses in outrage as Aelys takes hold of his tail, curling around himself with teeth bared as if to warn your daughter of the fate that awaits her. No bite comes. Unbothered, she tries to tug her quarry to her face, and you can only presume the intent is to explore this new surface with gnashing gums.
“Let go, my lovely,” you tell her as your fingers work to free the beast of its skin-and-bone shackles. The babe’s grip is surprisingly firm. “Azorion has done naught to deserve such untoward treatment.”
“Did it not shit in the cradle this morning?” comes Daemon’s idle question from the desk.
When you glance over, you find he has made himself busy once more, appearing for all the world as though he is deep in his papers. You suspect otherwise.
“He is only small,” you say by way of response. Aelys’s face flushes with the threat of tears when her clasp is finally released, so you slip your own digits into hers to placate her. The other dragon, the long-limbed and sun-hued Valnissar, presses its snout against her neck as if to soothe her temper. “He cannot help it.”
Azorion scrabbles back to Rhaenar’s side, huffing indignantly even while burrowing into the boy’s side, leaching his body warmth. Rhaenar’s eyelids begin to droop, the comforting mass of his future mount a steady reassurance, while the steadiness of Valnissar’s even breaths along her flesh ease Aelys into a state of calm.
“If it can eat unaided, it can shit in a place that is not where my children sleep.”
The creature seems to rouse at the mention of his earlier mishap; you pat him reassuringly. “He will learn.”
Daemon grunts, summarily ending the conversation.
This is how most of your interactions proceed as of late: a vague, uninterested query, an overly polite response, a terse conclusion, and two evidently discontented persons not quite certain how to bridge the divide that has risen between them. And there is a divide, you are sure of it—why else does the man who is never without a word to spare suddenly bereft of speech in your presence?
The only thing that eases your mind is the knowledge that, for all his recalcitrance, there is no love lost. His hands still linger—on your back, your waist, thoughtless touches that settle hot and heavy and remind you of his solidness. He smiles still, amused by the sing-song lilt of your voice as you coo down at the twins, laughs when they babble back in mimicry of true dialogue. At night, his arms are encompassing, almost too tight, the clutch of one upon that which they fear to lose most. His body speaks the words his lips cannot, laying bare the desperate frustration—the fear, the anger, the worry—that he has carried since the night you had fallen under the spell of old magic, the night you had woken your children’s mounts from their eggshell prisons and called them forth with fire and blood.
Daemon is not the only one who ruminates upon it. You yourself remember it in pieces, flashes of memory that you cannot make whole. The heat of the hearth. A glow, orange, red, yellow. Stinging upon your hands, and the iron tang of blood upon the air. It is as though it occurred to another being—like you had watched rather than been part of it all. There is little wonder that the sight must have made him so uneasy.
You startle when your uncle abruptly stands, rolling his neck to dispel any latent discomfort from remaining in a static position for so long. He falters, appears to decide on something unknown to all but his own mind, then moves toward the rug where you have arranged your babes and their dragons.
Crouching down beside you, his hand reaches forth to cup the round softness of Rhaenar’s head as he murmurs, “I’ll be back later.”
“Before supper?” you ask just as quietly.
He makes a vague noise of assent, smiling absently when Aelys jams her fist in her mouth and babbles to herself, drooling all the while. Valnissar perks up at the sight of his second-favourite person in the world, chittering excitedly as he makes a concerted attempt at climbing up Daemon’s leg. Daemon hisses, extricating the spindly creature’s claws and placing him on his shoulder. Valnissar flaps his wings and promptly tries to weave his way into your uncle’s hair. Your nostrils flare in amusement.
Daemon does not look at you, but you do not mind; you understand the draw of the twins and their young mounts all too well.
“Where are you going?” you ask.
At that, he turns further into you, his gaze finally lifting to find your face. From the corner of your eye, you see the looming shadow that forms whenever he allows his thoughts to consume him. It casts his features into darkness, the heavy set of his brow wrinkling inward as disquietude metamorphoses him. But the tale enacted through his expression is mitigated by the press of his other hand against the small of your back, achingly tender even in its firmness.
“To the Dragonmont.”
You nod. “Ah.”
He will not tell you yet, but you suspect he is looking for answers. The last great repository of Old Valyria is bound to provide at least some insight, though part of you—a large part—is too afraid to seek them yourself. You worry what you will find if you should search through the ancient texts of your people, what they might say of those with the power to hold fire in their hands without fear of burning. It is not something you have ever heard of. If House Targaryen could claim such a feat, it would not be a secret. What does it mean? You know not.
And so, you make no protest when his thumb strokes against Aelys’s cheek in parting, when he unceremoniously drops her dragon to the floor beside her and ignores the protesting squawks to lean in and kiss your cheek, muttering his goodbyes as he rises to leave. You do not turn around, but you know his routine well enough by now.
A clatter by the bed, and Dark Sister is retrieved—scabbard and all—to be fastened at his waist. A scrape, the chair at the desk being pushed back in. A pause. He takes one final look at you all, wife and children and dragons laid about by the hearth in seeming bliss. You feel his stare as it rests on you and you hear the sound of the door opening and closing, footsteps echoing, then fading, fading. The imprint of his lips and his touch remains, an unsettling reminder of all that has been left unspoken.
You dispel such thoughts with a sigh. As worrying as Daemon’s behaviour has become, it is by no means your first priority now that you are a mother.
Looking down at them, you wonder if you will ever get used to the idea, to the fact that these two little beings grew in your belly until they were ready to come into the world, and now they are here and they are yours. ‘Mother’ means the woman through whom your very existence came to be, the name Aemma spoken in hushed whispers and always carrying with it the trace of unending grief. ‘Mother’ means Alicent, the girl-turned-Queen who birthed your brothers and sweet Helaena, who gave you little Daeron to love in place of all you had once been without. ‘Mother’ means Rhaenyra, your staunchly devoted sister who had in part raised you, who even now rears kind, intelligent sons who are more than deserving of the legacy she will one day leave them. You find it entirely strange that a word representing these women—such forces in your life, for good or otherwise—is a word that applies to you.
Motherhood is strange, foreign in a way you do not feel you can overcome by consulting dusty tomes in companionship with Ser Lysan, the manner in which you have familiarised yourself with all foreign things in summers past. This feeling has crept into the crevices of your mind in barely perceptible pulses, slow and unassuming with every new thing you learn about these wonderful, terrifying beings your body created, with every new feat they achieve as they grow and adapt to their environment. At times, when you are alone, you worry you will be no good at it. How can you possibly fare well at such a monumental task without a mother to guide you? What if you make a mistake?
What if your babes—who you know you love more than anything in the world, more than you ever thought anyone could ever feel in their beating hearts, so strong it is almost sickening—come to know of your inadequacy and loathe you for it?
“What seems to be the issue, Princess?”
Gerardys’s hands are folded together before him, his expression as kind and reassuring as always. You wish you truly were reassured, or the too-hot, roiling sensation of your gut might not be quite so pronounced.
There are many responses you could give. The fact that your husband is ill at ease with you for reasons you cannot risk explaining, lest the entire Realm learn through whispers and tales of Valyrian blood magic and some concealed devilry that ought to be put to the sword. That your doubts about how suitable you are as a mother are rising with every second of every hour that you are left to tend your children, feelings that must be wholly unnatural to a woman or otherwise, would you not have heard of such a thing spoken in your many years among the ladies at court? Or perhaps that the woman whom you would prefer to speak to of this matter is in King’s Landing to fetch fresh supplies at this very moment, leaving you no alternative but to be in the maester’s solar instead.
No. None of the answers to his question that come immediately to mind are appropriate here, and nor are they the true reason for your visit. Thus, you brush them aside and take a deep breath.
“I… I have some—concerns.” At his encouraging nod, you add, “About my… supply. For the babes.”
“Ah.” You are glad he seems to have interpreted your hedging correctly; he clears his throat. “I am a physician,” he reminds you, though his tone is by no means judgemental. For all Daemon’s dislike of him, such gentility is why you believe him to be one of the best practitioners in his field, and certainly preferable to Mellos. “While I—understand the indelicacy of the subject matter, I am afraid you are going to need to elaborate, your Highness.”
“Oh. Of course.” You glance away, discomfited. “I… wish to feed the twins myself. By myself. But I”—you gesture weakly to your chest—“my milk has not come in as much as I had hoped it would… by now…”
Rhaenyra has never had this problem, you think. You cannot help it. It was not so long ago that the merest mention of a babe had been enough to wet the fabrics of her gown, never mind that Joff had had the luxury of choice in his supply. Your sister had in fact bemoaned the stubbornness of her body in refusing to dry up—she never let her sons latch for longer than a moon’s turn after each birth, preferring to, as she said, “keep her tits from turning to suckling udders”, long-teated and all. Jealousy is the sin of the vain and impious, but your beating heart thrums with it even so.
Gerardys frowns. “Forgive me—but I was certain that a wet nurse had been requisitioned for them?”
“Yes. But I would—I would prefer to feed them on my own.”
It is not as though you dislike Freda. While she is certainly loud and bawdy and oft far too inappropriate for company, she cares a great deal for Rhaenar and Aelys. You see it in the readiness of her smiles at them, how she cradles them as if they are the most delicate beings in the universe, the way she praises them so effusively for the most base and vulgar of actions—“I’ve never seen a shit so splendid, your Highness, never did I once! A talented little fellow is our little prince, he is!”—but it is not the same. You are their mother, not she. Freda’s presence is not just expected, but required to ensure both your babes have full bellies. It does little to ease your lack of surety.
Though you can tell that Gerardys is perplexed by your insistence, he stares past you thoughtfully, his eyes squinting in his concentration.
“It is not uncommon,” he says slowly, “for a woman with two nursing babes to produce an insufficient volume to accommodate them both. ‘Tis why wet nurses are so popular!”
“I know. I would just… I want to do it.” You wonder if you sound as exposed as you feel. “I am their mother. I should feed them.”
Your words seem to matter not, for the maester is already muttering to himself and rifling through the cabinet by the door, low tones interspersed with the soft clinking of glass vials being shifted about.
“If you insist, Princess,” he says absently, humming under his breath as he balances on tiptoe to reach his higher shelving. After a moment of silence, a noise of muted triumph. “Ah—here it is.”
What he presses into your hands is not an ampoule of some sort, but a plain pouch of hemp and string. The contents within shift about readily, though it prickles when you squeeze too firmly, like dried herbs.
“Thistle tea.” Gerardys watches as you inspect his offering. “Steep for half an hour, strain. Consume plain, no milk or honey. One cup a day, no more or less.”
“How long will it take to work?”
“You ought to begin seeing an increase in production within a sennight. If you can encourage the babes to latch more frequently, you’ll have better results.” At your enquiring look, he elaborates. “The more often the breast is drained, the quicker it refills and thus the more milk you will produce.”
You colour at his use of such a word, not entirely accustomed to speaking so plainly of something so long viewed as unseemly with another man. It is scarcely tolerable even with your ladies. “You have my thanks, Maester Gerardys.”
“Of course, Princess. But remember—do not exceed more than a cup a day!”
You take his advice to heart over the next few days, exhorting the serving staff to ensure you are delivered of a cup brewed to the maester’s specifications each morning. It tastes unremarkable, a leafy bitterness so often customary of herbal tinctures and tonics, though you think you might find it more palatable with the addition of such ingredients as the ones expressly forbidden to you. The very worst of the flavour collects at the bottom of the cup, forcing you to steel yourself to stomach the sharp-tasting dregs and cleanse your palate with fresh water. You bear it silently, praying that you will soon see the benefits promised to you.
But, after a sennight passes, there is no change.
At least, you think there is no change. Rhaenar is not one for fuss and fuddle, and the one time Aelys is not so is in the hours following feeding, her belly full and warm and leading to an easy, calm drowse—but after letting them latch for half an hour, neither babe is sufficiently serene to suggest that the tea has done its duty. Rhaenar kicks and grizzles, mouthing vainly at your nipple as though you are concealing some previously stored contents still within your breast, while Aelys progresses to full, drawn-out wails. Freda watches on, wringing her hands as the twins caterwaul. The front of her dress is stained, sympathetic leakage in response to the veracity of their cries.
Perhaps it is this fact that finally breaks you.
All at once, you no longer feel saddened or confused, concerned or unsure. You are angry. Why should she—a woman who had neither carried nor shared blood with them—get to give your boy and your girl the sustenance so essential to them? What does she possess that you do not? Why have the gods forsaken you? If they have built the womanly form to bear and nurse her children, then you ought to be able to carry out your duty as intended. Not Freda. Why are they taunting you with such a poisonous reminder of your own failure?
“Your Highness—”
“No!” Your rebuke is sharp and swift, punctuated further by what you can only assume is a truly withering glare. “Leave us!”
“But the little pr—”
“I said get out!”
The shrillness of your voice only serves to further upset the babes. They both scream, red-faced and baying, and there is a strange sort of harmony to it that might even sound beautiful were it not so devastating. The noise is such that it sets off the panicked shrieking of Azorion and Valnissar, creating a truly chaotic calamity of sound that makes it terribly hard to think rationally. Or think at all.
You bar the room, refusing to allow Jeyne or Bethany entry. You do not need their aid. It is only morning, your thoughts whirl frenetically. Plenty of time to prove that the wet nurse is not necessary.
All manner of people come to your door as the moments—or maybe minutes, or perhaps hours, you cannot tell—pass, no doubt drawn by the crying and the screeching and your stubborn resistance to letting anyone assist you. Ser Lorent raps on the door, earnest calls of “Your Highness? Is everything well?” readily enough ignored and, when that fails, the kindly queries of the maester beseeching you to let him in “for fear there is something wrong, Princess, please let us help you” also dismissed, or rather more truthfully, not quite heard through the thicket of your growing panic. You do your best to disregard anything outside your chambers, your frantic focus centred wholly on giving Rhaenar and Aelys the care they need from their mother—and their mother alone.
But no matter the hymns you sing or the steadiness of your rocking, no matter how perfect your bouncing walk to soothe them or your murmured exhortations to please, please calm down, they will not be assuaged.
You forget what silence is like. Surely you have never been without the sound of bawling infants? The intensity of it reshapes memory, blocks out any sense of rationality or level-headedness. Your own despair rises the longer the babes sob, their sorrowful scrunched-up faces all but proclaiming aloud that you cannot do this.
Your mind rebels. What was I thinking? They hate me. They hate me. I’ve ruined them. I could not give them milk, and now I cannot even stop their tears. I am a terrible mother. A failure.
Failure.
Failure.
Failure.
The hatchling dragons, emblematic of their future riders’ dispositions as is the norm, only serve to intensify the battle between your spirit and your fear. They feel as Rhaenar and Aelys feel, only they have sharp claws and sharp teeth and the mobility fresh out of the egg to express their feelings in a way the twins cannot. You cannot fend off their snapping jaws and high-pitched snarls and tend to the twins at the same time. The situation quickly becomes untenable, though you have not the presence of mind nor good sense to discern this.
“Daor,” you snap as Valnissar nips at your exposed wrist. No.
At this age, the bite stings only a little, drawing a thin well of blood to the surface of your skin. You push the dragon away, doggedly continuing to try and force Aelys’s mouth to your breast. They feel heavier again, a sure sign that there is milk enough to quell the babes’ despondency. If only they would stop crying.
You sit upright on the bed, the curve of one foot pinning Azorion to the mattress below you. He hisses indignantly but makes no attempt to shift, resigned to being trapped for as long as you deem it necessary. Positioned perfectly against the cushion provided for precisely this purpose are your boy and girl, heads perfectly aligned to take to each breast, reclined so that their tiny bodies extend below each of your arms and your hands are free to cup their heads just right. Exactly how Ūlla taught you. So why—why—are they refusing to latch?
“Please,” you find yourself whimpering, the sound lost beneath the piercing howls. At this point, they have both become as distressed as each other, never looking more identical than they do with the same flushed flesh and misery-streaked cheeks, near to seizing with the force of their sobs. You try to bring their mouths to each nipple again, but all they do is cry and cry and cry, faces turning away. “Please, it’s right here. Mama has your milk right here, please please please…”
Valnissar tries to climb over your arm to sit on Aelys. You shrug the beast off, and he tumbles to the bed in a tangle of wings. He screeches, teeth bared, and you can just tell he is about to strike at you again.
You push him away.
“Leave me be!” you say, louder and steadily more overwhelmed, your attention wavering between creature and child. Pressing the babes to your breasts does nothing to persuade them to take from you, but what else can you do? “Please drink. For me? For Mama?”
More wailing. Their fists clench, their forms shuddering.
Useless. It is useless. I am useless.
“Why won’t you have your milk?” you ask, and you think you are calm and measured but really you are starting to sob yourself, a discordant symphony of despair. “Why won’t you just accept it? Please, please, I promise it’s good enough…”
Still, tears. And the dam breaks.
They hate me. They hate me. They hate me. It is like a metronome pulsing through your veins in time with the wrenching heaves of your chest, your lungs trying and failing to force in air. The babes cry, you cry, the dragons clamour, the room feels too full—of sound, of air, of heat—and you are so terribly close to screaming at everything to shut the fuck up because you cannot do this, you cannot do this, why did you ever think you could do—
The passageway at the opposite end of the chamber bursts open. You hear it, but you cannot see through the film of your own tears.
“What the fuck’s going on here?”
Normally, Daemon’s voice—even panicked as he is currently—is enough to reassure you. But it only makes you weep more. Here is your husband, arrived to see how poor a wife he has chosen, how poor a mama you make. Here is Rhaenar and Aelys’s father, arrived to see how enormous your incompetence is, how completely and utterly you have failed to do even the simplest of things. The shame of it is enough to send you spiralling.
You do not remember what follows very clearly.
Fingers fumbling to lace up the ties loosened on your bodice. Hands laid upon the babes, the span of palm large and rough enough to disturb their vocalisations, to ease them to a slightly duller caterwauling. You clutch them tighter to you, unable to even look up to see the owner of those hands, but you are not strong enough to resist the determined reach of those arms to pluck each infant in turn from you. A part of you is relieved. They are passed off with murmurs, man and woman’s voices exchanging in low tones. You vaguely recognise them through the fog of misery. The person before you stands, another taking their place. The steady touch of someone with skin that carries the scent of medicinal herbs feels your forehead, turns your head from side to side, presses clinically at the fullness of your chest. Then, the mattress rises, the weight dissipating, and you are alone.
It takes several long moments to realise that the noise—the babes and the dragons—has stopped entirely. That they are no longer present, no doubt escorted to safety far, far away from you. It ought to be enough to torment you to madness, the final step in this harrowing reprieve from reason, but your tears have fled too. All that is left is bone deep, heavy exhaustion and a full-bodied dispiritedness that makes you sink into the pillows behind you, slide down enough to turn to your side and ignore whoever is talking, shut your eyes and block everything out.
You let the darkness swallow you whole.
Of course he is here when you awake.
You do not know if you really expected otherwise. He has dragged a chair from the table by the balcony next to the bed, and he ought to appear more comfortable—slouched carelessly as he is, leg slung over the other in the assured manner that all men who are confident in their right to take up such space are—but his expression suggests otherwise. Not angry, no, but certainly serious; a pensiveness that comes from prolonged periods of introspection. His eyes seem far away. In fact, his entire self seems far from where he sits, as though his body has travelled back to the Keep but his mind is still in the Dragonmont.
Where he has been for days and days, you think bitterly. Reading thousand-year-old texts instead of being here.
His hands are clasped and resting under his chin, his elbows on the armrests. He seems tired. You regret the ire of your thoughts. It is not as though he has gone out of his way to avoid you, truly. He is here when you need him.
You do not realise he has become aware of your return to consciousness until you hear your name softly spoken.
“Rūhossa zaldrīzessē mazumbillā ilzi. Pōnta biktomy kisittaksi,” is the first thing he says. The babes and dragons are in the nursery. They were fed by the wet nurse.
The silence, previously unnoticed, registers at the same time as your relief. They are safe. They are far away from you. It is likely for the best, even though your breasts feel uncomfortably full.
Daemon shifts from the seat to the bed, staring down at you with an unnameable emotion in his gaze. His movements are relaxed, almost calculated, as one who is wary of spooking an injured animal. You think that if he had failed to glean some sort of response from whomever followed him into the room earlier, he would not be quite so calm.
For a moment, you are half-convinced he is about to reprimand you—until he strokes your jaw, brushes a stray tendril of hair from your face. Your heart skips a beat. His touch is kind.
After an indeterminate period of silence, the question eventually comes.
“Skorion massitas?” What happened? His tone is low, measured.
You sit up, making room for yourself by wiggling back against the pillows. Really, you are stalling. How does one go about explaining that they had taken leave of their senses?
“Ūī ūndetā, gōntō daor?” you ultimately choose to say. You saw, did you not? It sounds dull and lifeless even to your ears. “Se avy qubykto massinoti biktys ivestretos.” And the wet nurse must have told you of earlier events.
His responding look is unimpressed. Normally, you would expect him to have yelled by this point. Whatever it is that he has been told—whatever it is that you must have looked like here, near to yelling at your own infant children and sobbing with your breasts bared to the room and two small dragons buzzing about like particularly persistent insects—it is enough to stay his temper for the time being. Still, you do not believe his patience will hold for long.
You sigh, shuddering out an unsteady breath.
Even though the spell of hysteria has broken, it takes a moment or two to gather yourself. Daemon grasps your arms, erring on the cusp of too-tight to be solely encouraging, but it grounds you enough to attempt to explain what it is he stumbled upon before.
Your jumbled thoughts stream out unorganised, and you are only really half-aware of what exactly it is you convey through hiccuped breaths and shaking shoulders. Failure. Disgrace. Cannot even feed my own children. Useless. Bit by bit, it comes forth, juddered and broken, and you cannot even tell what language you are speaking in, or if you are dipping in and out of your native tongue and your learned one without a presence of mind to control it. As you speak, Daemon’s face morphs, knitted brows relaxing and mouth easing from its hard line into the gentlest of frowns. And then, you are silent. You wait for the death knell of judgement.
It never comes.
His hands slide lower, capturing your own and lacing fingers with you. He stares down at this joining, turning your wrist over as though he is marvelling at the disparity in size, in smoothness.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” It is low, strangely hurt.
Your heart thuds uneasily. This is not how you expected him to react at all. “I—I don’t know.”
He swallows, and again you are unsure if he is holding back anger or if he genuinely has none. The calloused pad of his finger strokes a line down the centre of your palm, eliciting an instinctive shiver from you.
“Gerardys said you went to see him. That you were in low spirits. Irritable. Fixed on this idea of nursing the babes by yourself.” He glances up, his lips twitching like he is reluctant to voice his next words. “He says… sometimes there is an—affliction—of the mind. It happens to new mothers.”
“You think I’m mad?” You try to pull your hand away, but he holds on.
Scoffing lightly, he says, “Maegor was mad, you silly girl. You are young. Frightened. A great deal has happened to you since we wed.”
His jaw tenses, no doubt recollecting those memories. The wedding night. The fight. Laena. Driftmark. Larys. Alicent. Father.
He sighs. “And I… I have not helped.”
Your mouth parts in protest. “I am happy with you,” you say stubbornly. “If you had not protected me—”
“And where have I been since the eve you hatched the twins’ dragons?” He turns from you, resting his elbows on his knees to rake his hands through his hair. “Hiding in the fucking Dragonmont. Like a coward.”
“You aren’t a coward. You’re the bravest man I’ve ever met.”
He laughs, short and sharp. It is an ugly sound. “Yes. So brave am I, I ran away and left my young wife alone to care for my children. I’m such a craven”—he lifts his head to look at you once more—“that I found it easier to let this happen instead of admitting how deeply that night unsettled me.”
An understatement, to be sure. You do not think ‘unsettled’ is sufficient enough to capture how either of you feel.
“It isn’t your fault,” you settle on telling him. “I should have just been able to nurse Rhaenar and Aelys without crying like a child—”
“You were overwhelmed. Worried. Thinking that not having enough milk means you’re somehow not fit to be their mother. What utter shit.”
“I cannot even feed them. How am I supposed to raise them?” Your voice is abnormally high and thready. You hear it, though it does not register as abnormal until Daemon’s expression stops you in your tracks. You shake your head, trying to stave off the tremble in your lower lip. “You don’t understand. I want—I need to be—enough for them.”
I don’t remember my mother, you want to say. I only remember ’Nyra and Alicent and Father. None of them were enough. None of them were able to make me feel less alone.
How am I supposed to stop Rhaenar and Aelys from being broken in the same way I was? Who do I turn to? What do I do? How can I protect them when I could not even protect myself?
When Daemon’s touch returns, it is unimaginably delicate, nearly tentative. He cups your cheek, tilts your head so your eyes can meet.
“You are enough,” he says. “How can you think otherwise? To love them is to be enough.”
A part of you wants to heed his words, to allow him to soothe your worries as he is so often able to do. Your thoughts, self-loathing as they are, continue to press against your will and shake the firmness of your resolve. “But—”
“Ah-ah. Remember our vows, sweetling.” His lip quirks, finding fondness in memory. “Did you not promise to obey me in all things?”
You nod tentatively.
He hums. “Obey me now, then. Cast those foolish notions from your mind and listen to your uncle, hm?”
You do not think you can agree so easily as he expects. This is a war in your head that he cannot help you wage through a simple command. But you want to believe that it could be as uncomplicated as he has made it.
“Alright,” you say. “I’ll try.”
His answering embrace feels like a port in the midst of a harrowing storm. When the world around you is careening wildly, uncontrolled and unstable, you know that he will bring you back to safe shores. He would fight those waves off himself if he could. You press your nose to his neck, breathe in the familiar smell of him—smokeleatherspice—and, for a time, everything feels just a little less terrifying.
“See? They’re fine,” Daemon says. “A night away has done no harm.”
The babes are well-settled in the nursery, placid and rested and bright-eyed. Rhaenar grips onto your thumb in welcome, while Aelys kicks her legs and squeals when she sees you above her. Though you are glad for it—glad that you had not ruined them in your desperate madness—there is a part of you that wishes they had not clearly been so manageable without you.
You eye the sleeping forms of Azorion and Valnissar, coiled faithfully by the sides of each of your children. The Keeper loiters near the window, watching on.
Freda nods hastily. “They have been fed and bathed, Princess, all ready for sleep. Nothing to concern yourself with.”
She clearly thinks this ought to ease your mind. If anything, it only serves to disappoint you. Not only had you missed out—you despise missing anything they do, any part of their life—but now there is no recourse for the ache in your chest. Even thinking of it is enough to make your nipples itch, your breasts throb. You pray that the front of your gown remains dry.
You turn toward the other occupant in the room. “And the dragons?”
The Keeper is here primarily for Tyraxes and Skyfrost, the respective future mounts of little Joff and Corwyn, given that the nurses brought in to care for the babes are not equipped to raise creatures so dangerous as the ones claimed by your House. Today, though, he is responsible for four of them. If the look upon his face and the sweat glistening on his brow is any indication, doubling his responsibilities has caused a great deal of stress, indeed.
“The elder two have been separated from the hatchlings,” he says, stepping forward jerkily. It is as though his limbs are fastened upon strings controlled by some higher being—a human marionette. The effect is startling. “The younger pair have been… spirited, though they are resting for the time being.”
Daemon snorts, shaking his head. “Of course they have. At least they don’t breathe fucking fire yet.”
“Fucky.”
Your husband’s head whips over to the rug by the table, where Corwyn and Joff happily toddle about on unsteady legs. Corwyn is looking straight towards Daemon, smiling and mashing his gums on what seems to be a wooden knight.
Like most of the children in your family, he appears to have developed a liking for the man. Mealtimes now often involve the boy stumbling to Daemon’s side to pass him whatever object he has deemed necessary to be kept in your uncle’s possession, wide amethyst eyes peering expectantly upward until the doll or block or carved figure is taken from his hands. Daemon will roll his eyes, thank him and pat him on his head of dark curls, the act inciting a squeal and babble before the child waddles back to his evening playtime.
At the abrupt cessation of conversation, Corwyn removes the figure from his mouth and speaks once again. “Fucky.”
“Shit,” Daemon murmurs. You strike his arm reflexively, but it is too late.
Corwyn laughs as he wanders back to Joff. “Shit. Shit. Shit-it-it-it-it-it…”
“Daemon!” you hiss, torn between irritation and a bizarre sort of amusement.
He shrugs. “Oh well. Nothing can be done now. It could be worse, sweetling. He could have walked in on us fu—”
“Rhaenyra will want your head on a pike for this,” you say hastily, in part to avoid scandalised stares from the attending staff and also to prevent Corwyn from repeating what his cousin has accidentally taught him. No doubt your little nephew will learn it from his half-brother, too.
“Perhaps we’d best depart for the evening, then”—Daemon’s hand is insistent on your elbow, a leading force that beckons you to follow—“lest you lose your husband to your sister’s temper.”
“That would be your own fault,” you say absent-mindedly.
You are unable to tear yourself away from Rhaenar and Aelys just yet. They are calm, yes, but this is not where they sleep, where they belong. You do not know if you can bear the sight of the empty cradle in your chambers or the absence of the sounds they make together with their dragons.
“Must they remain here?” you ask, more a whisper than a genuine plea.
“They are safe here.” Daemon reaches forth to let Aelys grasp his finger, an involuntary action since the babe had fallen into a doze during your visit, no doubt lulled by the sound of your voices. She is the more difficult of the pair to settle; you know Rhaenar will follow easily enough. “You ought to take respite from each other, if only for a night.”
His words are gentle, but the expression on his face reminds you of earlier. Obey me now. Cast those foolish notions from your mind. Listen to your uncle. You hear it as though it has been spoken aloud once again. Even so, the pulsing discomfort in your breasts stays your obedience.
“If I could just—”
“No. We’re leaving. You need to rest.” It is firmer this time, louder and more decisive. He is not persuading you—he is telling you.
With a sigh of defeat, you lean down and kiss each babe farewell, doing your best to quell the unreasonable instinct to cry at the thought of goodbye. Daemon offers his own departing caresses and steers you determinedly out of the room. The walk is silent, though the heat of his arm against your palm is comforting in its own way.
Your chest begins to truly ache, a sensation beyond simple fullness. The dress you wear feels too tight, too restrictive, and you are forced to concentrate on pushing each breath up and out to avoid friction between skin and fabric. The smallest degree of stimulation is enough to bring your milk forth.
The irony, you think in despair. No milk when the babes need it—and now, when they are full and slumbering, my supply is as bountiful as it ever has been. How cruel, the gods are!
When you are finally back in your chambers, you barely notice Jeyne and Bethany’s attempts at greeting, their offers of assistance, their gentle repositioning and the tugging of the laces at your back. All you are focused on as the gown loosens and spills to the ground is how you will relieve yourself of the weight in your breasts without bringing too much attention to yourself. Daemon is fascinated by the prospect, true, but given the strife you have caused… you know not how any complaint of it would be perceived. Perhaps he would finally be angered by your outburst? Perhaps he would be disappointed that you had been so juvenile that you could not even take control over your own body, decide that you did not need the milk and thus ought to have been able to will it away. You have been lucky thus far. It is not likely that fortune will continue to favour you today.
You resolve to dispose of the excess in the privy. It ought to be relatively simple—your uncle is hardly one to accompany you to such a place. ‘Tis certain that the notion of wasting it, especially when your goal is to increase its yield, is disheartening, but what else can you do?
If only Daemon was less observant.
“You’ve been far too quiet,” he says after your ladies exit, tossing his shirt rather carelessly over the desk and the papers covering it. His eyes trail you assessingly, and for a moment you are worried that he can tell. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” You try to avoid glancing down at your chest. It would not do to give anything away. “I just—I need to use the privy.”
“No, you don’t.” He kicks his boots to the side, fingers working at the ties of his breeches. “It’s not shameful enough to explain the look on your face. Try again.”
“I’m not ashamed!” you say hotly, spine straightening in your affront.
It is the wrong move. Your nipples brush against the weave of your shift, the sensitivity amplified near to pain. You wince, shoulders curling inward and cringing away from the clothing you wear. As a warrior trained to spot the smallest of discrepancies, Daemon’s gaze falls down.
And there—he has it. You know he knows.
“Ah.” His nostrils flare, visage contorting slyly. “Uncomfortable, talītsos?”
Your breath hitches. It would be barely perceptible to any other, but not him. His gaze drifts between your line of sight and the curve of your breasts beneath the thin layer that separates your flesh from the cool air of the room, almost as though he cannot resist the temptation to look.
“I—they did not feed,” you say quietly, resisting the desire to squirm uncomfortably at the intensity directed straight toward you. “If I get rid of it before it overflows, I’ll make even more. That’s what Gerardys says. I should—”
“You should take off that shift.” Daemon’s breeches drop to the floor, discarded easily as he kneels upon the mattress and shuffles into his desired position, reclining like a king against the pillows. He bares himself proudly, arrogantly, the rosy flush of his cock not quite pronounced enough for arousal. His hand extends in invitation, mocking little smirk gracing the line of his lips at the hesitation he can so clearly read. “You’ll not be wasting such a bounty on a hole built to shit in.”
You sway, dubiously convinced. “It’s for the babes, though.”
“The babes are sleeping. Your husband is not—and he is ravenous, sweet girl.” A shiver travels up your spine from the gravelled timbre of his voice, the shadowed fire in his stare. His fingers flex in your direction, beckoning. “Come here.”
The pause you take before you heed his directive to tug open the ties at your neck and shrug the shapeless sleepwear off your form is not borne of any insecurity. You are not unhappy with your body. Naturally, there have been changes: wider hips, softer belly, skin etched with silvery webs across your middle, your thighs, the tops of your breasts. Though you cannot see it, you are sure that the opening from which your children were birthed has been altered irrevocably, too. You are proud of these differences. They mark the finality of your girlhood and the beginning of life as a woman. They are reminders of the lives you have brought into the world. And, like the burns that mottle much of your uncle’s upper body, they proclaim to all who see them that you too are a victor of glorious battle, all the more unique in that the war you had waged was one of life, not death.
No. You pause because you know Daemon, know what he is like. His appetites. His perversions. In any other state—at any other time—you would happily indulge his lusts. But not only is your body not ready to accept him, you do not even think you are capable of experiencing desire at present.
Even so, you step forward, bear the manner in which he leers, take his hand, and allow him to do with you as he will. There is comfort in giving yourself up.
He lays you out next to him, propping himself on his side so that he looms over you. The ends of his hair tickle against your cheek, bringing forth an immediate smile. It is matched by his own answering grin as he dips down to kiss you, and this you have missed. What surprises you is that it is not a kiss of need, but one of softness, fragile as the wings of a butterfly. You exchange breaths as you exchange yourselves in the union of lips.
“Let me help you,” he murmurs against you, the words passed forth to collect on the tip of your tongue. “Let me make it better.”
You nod, tipping your chin back as he presses his mouth to your jaw, your neck, your collarbone, sensual in his languorousness. It is like he carries no purpose other than to let you feel your own body again through his touch. The imprints of cooling damp left behind ground you, remind you of how it felt when you had first come alive under him, around him. When he reaches his target, you expect a shift in his demeanour—but he continues just as gently to take your right nipple between his lips and suckle as weakly as any infant might.
One, two, three pulls, and the relief is near instant. Daemon makes a low noise as your milk lets down, melting to your contours as his arms clasp you tightly against him. The sound of him taking sustenance from you is one of the few things you can hear in the relative silence of evening, carrying with it a peace of its own.
He is able to tell when to switch before even you, shifting swiftly and easily to your left to repeat the slow, tender drags that ease the discomfort and loosen the tight, full sensation weighing you down. The only attempt he makes at receiving his own satisfaction is to rut lightly against your thigh, aimless and lethargic, a base urge to self-soothe in moments of calm. You close your eyes, cradling his head to your chest and mindlessly dragging the tangles from his hair.
In seconds, minutes, hours—you know not—his movements come to a gradual halt. His cock remains hard against your skin, though he allows himself to deliver one final, lush glide of tongue along the fount from which he had supped before pillowing his head on the emptied swell of your breast. Together, you indulge in the serenity.
Eventually, you are driven to speak, though you are loath to disturb the mood that has befallen the room. “Thank you,” you whisper.
His palms are warm pressed to the dip above your rear, tightening there as his ears register your voice. Otherwise, he does not move.
“I should be thanking you, sweetling,” he says, each word spoken with a gravity that conveys more than just the simplicity of the statement itself.
Vulnerability is difficult for your uncle, and you have learned all the ways in which he reveals the parts of himself too damaged by the world to readily expose. It is second nature to understand what he means to tell you, what he means to thank you for. Your children. Your life here. You. It is gratefulness, protection, apology, love all rolled into one.
You smile.
‘Tis true that nothing has been resolved. You have not succeeded in nursing the babes by yourself. You have not banished the sickening feeling that churns in the pit of your stomach, a constant reminder of the doubts that plague you. You have not spoken properly of the fire and blood of Azorion and Valnissar’s hatching.
But you have begun on the necessary paths to each. Every journey, however great or small, must start somewhere, after all. And—perhaps most importantly—there is not a single malady that cannot be eased, at least for a time, by the strength of Daemon’s devotion to you.
As you crane your neck to proffer a kiss of your own to the top of your husband’s head, you know that whatever future awaits you is one you can face.
I can do this. I can do this. For the first time in days, you believe it.
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fuck this handmaids tale country.
More than Friends
Summary: can you do a slash imagine where slash hates her and she’s friends with Steven so they see each other a lot and they start becoming friends and then become lovers with some smut.
Requested: yes by anon
Warnings: sex
To say that Slash disliked Y/N was an understatement. Every time she was around him, he had some snide, rude comment about her, and she never understood why. There was nothing that she could think of to bring on his wrath and to have it all directed towards her.
And in all honesty, she would rather not hang out with him, but her best friend was friends with him too. Y/N couldn’t say no to Steven sometimes, so she tried her best to just play nice with Saul and act as if his comments didn’t affect her like it did.
She sat in the living room that Steven and his band shared in their apartment. It was kind of small, but it was all that they could afford at the moment. Plus, she wasn’t judging. She lived in an even tinier apartment and could barely afford it all on her own.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Saul asked, annoyance ringing in his voice.
“Steven invited me over, okay?” she replied. “I don’t know why you are so annoyed by the fact that my friend wants to me over.”
Saul hugged and sat down on the couch. “Oh, come on! You just want in his pants because he is in a band,” he retorted.
“You know I went to high school with you too. And I was friends with him then. And what I don’t get is that you have always treated me like I’m some chick out to get you,” she argued. “I have never been anything but nice to you, and yet I’m beneath you for some reason!”
Saul looked at her as if trying to measure his reaction. “That wasn’t nice,” he pointed out.
“Well, get over it. After all these years, I feel like I have the right to chew you out over the shit that you have done to me,” Y/N shot back.
Saul started to laugh, and when she glared at him, he said, “Look, I’m not laughing at you. I’m just laughing because you’re cute when you’re mad.”
“Shut up!” Y/N yelled.
***
After that day, Saul actually started to be nicer. Well, to an extent. He would still have his smartass responses, but Y/N had grown used to it and learned that it was just a quirk about him. What was odd was when they started to hang out without Steven around. They would be around each other more and more often and not have anyone else around.
She smiled as she sat down next to Saul as they absently watched TV. There wasn’t anything good on, but it was a rainy day and everyone else was out working at their own jobs.
“You know I still want to know why you were so mean to me,” she said.
“Uh, to be honest, I didn’t want to like the girl that was hanging around Steven,” Saul said.
“Wait! You liked me?” Y/N asked, shocked.
“Yeah, but I didn’t want to piss him off,” he replied.
Y/n looked at him and rolled her eyes. “So you decided to piss me off instead,” she pointed out.
It was kind of a shock to her that he was admitting this to her. There had always been an attraction to him on her part since knowing him, but she had never acted on those feelings because of how he was.
Saul laughed. “Well, I didn’t know what else to do,” he said.
“You could have just told me how you felt.” Y/N looked over at him, wondering if he was going to act out on them now. Or if he had changed his mind about her.
“Oh, and what would that have gotten me?” Saul asked her.
Y/N looked at him and decided to say screw it. She leaned into him and brushed her lips against his. “This,” she whispered.
She felt Slash smile as he kissed her back. She moved her hands to his shoulders and held herself against him as he deepened the kiss. His tongue brushed across her top lip. As he grabbed onto her hips, he pulled her into his lap.
Their tongues tangled together as Y/N tugged his shirt off. They were both rubbing against each other and pulled each other’s clothes off which it didn’t take long to have them both naked. Saul moved her around to where she was underneath him on the couch.
“Saul,” she pleaded as he pulled off her panties.
He slid them of her feet and kissed his way back up her body. He gave her a few licks on her center before coming up the rest of the way. They were both so ready with no need for foreplay at that moment.
Saul had himself lined up and pushed into her deeply. They both groaned at the feel of the other, but Saul didn’t hesitate to pick up the pace. Soon he was pounding into her and causing her to get closer and closer to her orgasm.
“Saul, I’m so close,” she whined.
He groaned and pushed harder into her. “Do it, love. Cum on me,” he demanded. “Want to feel you.”
His words were what did it. She felt her orgasm lock onto him as he rode her through it all. She rocked her hips against him, trying to encourage him to orgasm as well. It didn’t take long for her to feel him spurting inside of her.
He collapsed on her, giving her a complete feel of his full weight. She could feel his pounding heart against his chest, and she panted right along with him.
She smiled and rubbed his back a little as they both calmed down.
“So you two are finally friends,” Steven asked from the front door.
Y/N gasped and buried her face in Saul’s curly hair. She felt like she was going to die of embarrassment in that exact moment. Of course, Steven had to walk in right when she was making love with Slash.
“I say we are more than friends,” Saul corrected.
Followed
Summary: Could you do an imagine where reader is slash’s gf and she goes home, and is followed by some “weird junkie”, but as she comes home and sees Slash he tells her that the weird junkie is actually Izzy but never meet him so she didn’t know.
Requested: yes by anon
Warnings: being followed
Y/N was more than a little happy to finally get off of work. It had been a long day, and to say that her bed was calling her name was an understatement. She locked the stores front door and started in the direction of the house that she shared with her boyfriend Saul. She had been with him for a little while and had met most of his bandmates, but there was still one person that he hadn't met.
Y/N pulled the jacket in closer around her as the cool air brushed past her. She looked around her, feeling like she was being watched. Her eyes landed on someone a few feet behind her. His eyes were looking her over as he lit his cigarette.
She shrugged it off. This was a pretty busy area of the city at night with a few bars nearby. She thought that maybe he was just out getting some air after getting buzzed.
It wasn’t until a few blocks down that she realized that he was still behind her. It was still a few feet back, but still close enough for Y/N to know that he was there and that he was following her. She picked up her pace, praying that her neighbors were home at the very least.
She tried to keep her cool and not panic, but the closer she got to her house the more she could feel the guy following after her. She picked up her pace, trying to get to her house safely. She could hear her mom nagging at her that she should take self-defense classes. Needless to say, Y/N was regretting the decision to put it off.
As she ran up the porch steps, she fumbled with her keys and kept looking over her shoulder the guy was getting closer now and seemed to have a smirk on his face as if he was finding enjoyment in her fear. She pushed the door open and slammed it shut behind her as she panted.
“Y/N!” Saul called out from the living room. “What’s wrong?”
She jumped at the sound of his voice and turned to see him walking up to her with his hands held up. “There’s a man out there following me,” she said, pointing to the door. “He followed me here from where I work.”
Saul reached out and grabbed her shoulders. “Alright. Just breathe. I’ll go see who it is, and do whatever I need to do,” he said. He kissed her forehead before heading out the door.
A few minutes later, Saul stepped back into the house with the guy that had followed her. “Y/N, this is my bandmate Izzy,” he said.
“Hey, didn’t mean to freak you out,” the dark-haired guy said.
Y/N stared between the two and felt like crying. She felt like she was being stalked and it was just her boyfriend’s bandmate. Hell, she felt like throwing something at the two of them and screaming. “And you didn’t feel the need to introduce yourself to me?” she asked.
“Honestly, I wasn’t sure if you were his girl or not,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “But if it will make you feel better, you can get me back for it.”
Y/N glared at him, thinking she may do just that.
hey, are you still there? 𖦹 LN4
PAIRINGS: lando norris x female!reader
SUMMARY: you know yourself that it’s sad that you settled on being a backburner, but you didn’t mind crisping up on lando’s backburner as long as he still think of you.
REMINDERS: this is purely fiction, the way how the character is portrayed in my story does not reflect the person that is portraying my character in real life. always separate fiction from reality, and do not repost or copy my work in any way.
WARNINGS: no use of y/n, unrequited love(?), open ending, insecurities, reader being treated as a backburner, childhood best friends, christmas angst, luisa, typos, and few grammatical errors.
WORD COUNT: 4.6k
AUTHOR’S NOTE: i had always wanted to write this for so long, but i’m not sure how to pen it, but finally, here it is! so far, i’m satisfied. i don’t know much about luisa, but i’m sorry that luisa is kind of villainized in this 🥲 i’m sorry. this is like another christmas one shot, sooo haha i intentionally made it as an open ending bc i want to leave the ending to you, and let me apologize now bc this one shot won’t have a part 2. it just felt right for me to leave it as an open ending and leave the ending up to you. so i hope you’ll enjoy this one!
The glow of the snowy afternoon sun filtered through your apartment windows, casting long, golden shadows across the floor as you sat cross-legged amidst a pile of forgotten keepsakes.
Your plan was simple, really. To declutter, toss out what no longer sparked happiness, and finally reclaim some much-needed space in your small New York apartment. But simplicity soon faded the moment you stumbled upon a memory box that was buried beneath old blankets in the closet. You hadn’t thought about it in years, the worn out wooden edges now slightly faded, but just holding the box again made you feel something deep in your chest.
Sliding the lid of the box open, the faint scent of nostalgia greeted you. There was a mixture of paper and dust that carried you back to another time, another place. Polaroid photographs, ticket stubs, concert tickets, and tiny trinkets spilled out as you began to sift through the box’s contents, fingers brushing against fragments of a life you had once shared with someone who knew you better than anyone. Then you saw it—the camcorder.
It sat nestled at the bottom of the box, its black casing slightly scuffed but still intact, as though it had been waiting for you all these years. The sight of it made your breath catch, fingers hesitant as they wrapped around the familiar shape. A small laugh escaped you, soft and bittersweet, as a wave of memories washed over you.
The camcorder had been a gift from your parents, given to you when you were just a teen. At the time, you had rolled your eyes at the thought of having a camcorder. You were not exactly the type to obsess over gadgets or record everything, but your parents had insisted, saying something along the lines of making memories worth keeping.
You hadn’t even opened the box properly before you had told him about it. Lando had always had a thing for photography, an almost childlike fascination with capturing the world around him. Naturally, he had lit up at the mention of the camcorder. You remembered the way his face had brightened, how he had practically snatched it from your hands when he saw it, excitement radiating from him like it was Christmas morning.
“Trust me,” he said, voice brimming with certainty as he flipped the device open with ease. “This is going to be so much fun, you’ll see.”
And it was.
The camcorder had quickly become his, in everything but name. Lando had used it more than you ever had, his artistic streak shining through in the way he would capture the smallest, most mundane moments and make them feel extraordinary. But what stood out the most was his favorite subject. You.
Every time you hung out, or visited a new place, his focus would inevitably turn to you. At first, you had protested, laughing and batting the camcorder away, but over time, it became a rhythm of sorts. Lando, behind the lens, coaxing your laughter and teasing your smile, and you, rolling your eyes but secretly loving the way he saw you. Through the lens, even the quietest days seemed to feel alive.
You traced a finger along the camcorder’s edges, the faint outline of his fingerprints etched invisibly into its surface. Four years. It had been four years since you had left the UK—four years since you had left him. You told yourself that what you did was for the best, that you needed to grow, chase bigger dreams.
Part of it all was true, but the other part, the one which you didn’t say out loud, was the reason why your chest tightened even now. Was because Lando made you feel too much, and you were not sure you could bear it any longer.
You grabbed your laptop, briefly hesitated over the laptop’s keyboard before finally connecting the camcorder. The familiar chime of recognition echoed through the room as your laptop detected the device, and you couldn’t help but feel a pang of nervous anticipation.
It had been years since you last thought about these videos, let alone watched them. As the files began to load, thumbnails filled the screen—tiny, burry windows into the past. You clicked on the first one, and the second is the screen lit up with a younger version of yourself, smiling awkwardly into the lens. Lando’s voice filled the room almost immediately.
“Come on, you can smile better than that!” he teased from behind the camera, chuckling.
Without even realizing it, a small smile tugged at your lips as you watched. The video playing one after another, each one showed a snapshot of your lives back then. There were clips of you on spontaneous trips—forests, city streets, karting, and endless car rides with Lando singing loudly and off-key while you laughed at him.
There were also quieter moments—rainy afternoon when you were sat by your bedroom window, lost in thought, while he filmed you from across the room, calling it aesthetic. Lando captured everything, from the highs to the lows.
The memories felt vivid, almost too vivid, as if you could reach through the screen and relieve those moments. It was the year he had started his Formula 1 career, and the first time you saw him truly chasing his dreams with everything he had, and were beyond proud of him. At the same time, it was also the year you were filling out endless applications to universities in America, unsure of where you wanted to go or what you wanted to do in life. It was like you were both standing on the edge of something new, something big, and it was both thrilling and terrifying.
It was also the year you finally admitted to yourself that what you felt for Lando was no longer just friendship. You had been so close for so long that the shift felt almost imperceptible at first—lingering glance here, flutter in your chest there. But you acknowledged it, there was no going back.
You found yourself looking at him differently, noticing the little things about him that had always been there but suddenly felt so significant. The way how his eyes crinkled when he laughed, his curly hair, aquamarine eyes, the quiet focus he had when working on something he cared about, and most of all, the way he always seemed to know exactly what to say to make you feel better.
But you kept it to yourself. You couldn’t tell Lando, not when he had told you so casually, like it was nothing that he liked someone.
“I don’t even know if she feels the same,” he had said, voice laced with uncertainty.
For a brief moment, a hope sparked in you. Maybe after all this time, Lando felt the same way about you. Maybe this was the moment that you had finally been waiting for.
But that hope shattered almost immediately when he pulled out his phone and showed you a photo. The girl’s name was Luisa, and she was stunning. She was everything that you were not—model, successful, gorgeous, has a radiant smile and a presence that seemed magnetic. Luisa was exactly Lando’s type, and you knew it.
The realization hit you harder than you had expected. You felt dumb and foolish, for even thinking one second that Lando could ever see you that way. You were not like Luisa, you were not the kind of girl who turned heads or made people stop in their tracks. You were just…you. Lando’s best friend. The person he could have a joke with, confide in, and lean on, but will never see you anything as more.
So you stayed quiet. Buried your feelings deep, gaslighting yourself that everything was better the way it is. The less you talk, the less you risked losing him. Maybe if you kept on pretending that everything was fine, you could learn to let him go.
A new clip began to play. You were seated on the edge of a bench, face scrunched in frustration as you ran a hand through your hair. The sound of Lando’s laughter crackled through the speakers, light and teasing, as he zoomed in on your expression from behind the camera.
“You’re such a drama queen,” he said, voice laced with amusement.
It was clear that from that clip that he was trying to cheer you up. It had been one of those moments when everything felt overwhelming. Your plans, future, and feelings. Yet, even in your frustration, Lando had managed to make you laugh. He always did. Watching it now, you couldn’t help but chuckle softly at how young and naïve you looked.
But the video carried more weight than just a frustration afternoon. That day, you had a front-row seat to another chapter in Lando’s pursuit of Luisa. It was the day he told you that he finally confessed his feeling to her, and you could still remember how his voice sounded. It was a mix of hope and vulnerability as he recounted every detail, but his excitement had quickly dimmed when Lando explained how his confession had met an uncertainty from Luisa, not really sure how she felt about Lando.
You remembered how that hurt him, even if he tried to hide it behind his usual bravado. It was one of the few times you had seen Lando genuinely shaken, his confidence chipped away by a single sentence. Still, it did not stop him, if anything, it only made him more determined to win her over.
This is exactly what Lando is—relentless, persistent, unwilling to let go of something he wanted.
Then there was you, caught in the orbit of it all. A pattern had started to form, one you did not want to acknowledge but couldn’t ignore. Whenever Luisa turned her back on him, when his texts went unanswered, or her attention drifted elsewhere, Lando would always find his way to you. His calls would come late at night, voice low and tinged with sadness as he stumbled through excuses to keep you on the line, and you, despite knowing better, would always answer.
Those were the moments you chastised yourself for loving. When Lando was hurt, when he felt small and alone, he always came to you. You were the person he confided in, one he leaned on. It almost felt like you mattered to him in the way you wanted to. Even if you knew, deep down, that it was not that. That it was temporary, a band-aid for his bruised ego—you couldn’t help but savor the attention.
But then, inevitably, Luisa would give him the smallest bit of her time, and you would become invisible to him again. The calls would stop, texts would taper off, and Lando would be lost in the glow of her half-hearted affection. You would feel the ache of being left behind, sting of knowing you were nothing more than a safety net, a placeholder, a convenient fallback plan.
It was a never ending cycle you despised, one that made you look at yourself with pity as you played into it. But whether it was out of hope or some cruel sense of inevitability, you stayed. You let it happen. Time and time again, picking up the pieces when Lando fell apart, only to watch him hand them back to her the moment she glanced his way.
It was always like this. It had always been like this, and somehow, despite everything, you definitely hadn’t learned your lesson.
The video continued to play, the faint static of old footage mixing with Lando’s voice can be heard, his laughter like a distant echo from another life. As you watched yourself on the screen—smiling, frowning, existing in a world where everything felt so much simpler—memories came rushing back, faster and heavier than you had expected. They were not just simple memories of moments, they were reminders of how deeply you felt, how much your life revolved around Lando without you even realizing it.
Your feelings for him had always been the silent undercurrent of your friendship, unspoken but ever-present. You had spent so much time trying to convince yourself that it was just a phase, that you would grow out of it, but you never did.
Instead, those feelings rooted themselves deeper, becoming a part of you. You wondered if the reason you hadn’t moved on was not because you could not, but because you hadn’t really tried at all. Maybe you were afraid, maybe life felt easier when you let it stay messy, undefined—when you clung to the hope that Lando might see you differently someday.
But the reality of it all was far less romantic. You had become his backburner, a place he turned to only when he had nowhere else to go, and the most pathetic part? You didn’t even mind. You let yourself burn quietly on his backburner, knowing full well you would never be the main thing in his life.
No matter how many times you say to yourself that it was okay, that you could handle it, deep down it ate you. There wasn’t anyone else you wanted, there hadn’t been for years. It was always him, it will always be Lando—his laugh, his voice, his stupid smile that made you forget the pain he caused by just being himself. You hated it, and yet you couldn’t even let it go.
Your memory reeled in to that one particular night, a night etched into your memory like a scar. Lando had called you on facetime, his face illuminated by the glow of his phone. His eyes were red, voice trembling with raw emotions as he told you what happened with Luisa.
She had hurt him again, made him feel small in a way that he couldn’t quite put into words. Lando looked so broken, so unlike himself, that it made your heart twist in ways that you did not want to admit.
And yet, you couldn’t help but tease him. You told him how he looked ugly when he cried, masking your own hurt with humor. But inside, there was a flicker of something else—something cruel and selfish. You felt happy that he thought of you in that moment, that you were the person he called when everything else in his life fell apart. It was sick and twisted, and you couldn’t have hated yourself more for it, but it was the truth.
At the same time, you felt conflicted, torn between two versions of yourself. Part of you wanted to scream at him, to tell him how much he had hurt you by treating you like an afterthought. But the other part of you, the part that still believed in him, in the friendship you had shared since you were kids—wanted to comfort him, to be there for him even if it meant breaking yourself in the process.
You always knew how it would go. In a week or so, Lando would be back on his feet, back in Luisa’s orbit, and you would fade into the background again. He would stop calling, texting, and you would be left alone again, waiting for the next time he needed you. You wished you could stop caring, that you could let him go and just move on, but you couldn’t. You cared too much, loved him too deeply, and it was destroying you.
You stayed. You stayed because even though it hurt, even though it made you feel small and invisible, there was still a part of you that believed in him. In the boy who had once held your camcorder, laughing as he filmed you spinning in circles in the park. In the friend who had always been there, even when it felt like the rest of the world wasn’t. You believed in him, even if it meant you couldn’t believe in yourself.
You checked the timestamp on the video and realized it was nearing the end. The final clips began to play, taking you back to a day you remembered so clearly—the beach trip. The screen filled with bright sunlight and sand, camera jerking slightly as Lando filmed you running along the shoreline, wearing one of his bucket hats and sunglasses, your laughter ringing out over the crashing waves.
You watched yourself as if through someone else’s eyes—carefree, alive, darting back and forth like a puppy with boundless energy. Lando’s voice came from behind the camera, teasing you for your antics, and you couldn’t help but chuckle softly at the memory.
It was one of those days you had hoped would change everything. Lando wasn’t thinking about Luisa then. He was with you, laughing, joking, making you feel like maybe you mattered more to him than you let yourself believe. You had clung to that slight flicker of hope every time he drifted back into your orbit, telling yourself that the moments he spent with you would eventually outweigh the hold Luisa had over him. But you know then, deep down, you knew better. You had always known better.
The last clip began to play. The two of you were in one of his cars, the camera shakily capturing the scene as he handed it to you. Lando had insisted you try driving it, grinning with the kind of reckless confidence that was so quintessentially him. You know that he hated someone driving him, especially that it was his car, but he didn’t even hesitated when it came to you.
The video was cut to him standing outside, filming you through the windshield as you tried to maneuver his car into a parking spot, and it was a disaster. He zoomed in on your face, flushed and irritated, as you waved frantically at him to get back inside of his car and help you. Your lips moved as you shouted something at him, your expression twisted in mock anger, but it only made him laugh.
That sound, the sound of his laughter—echoed through the room as you watched yourself scowling at him, completely oblivious to how the moment would look years later.
When the video finally faded to black, you sat there in silence, staring at the black screen of your laptop. A heavy sigh escaped your lips as a sad smile tugged at the corners of your mouth. The memories left a bittersweet feeling in their wake, filling your chest with an ache that never really went away.
You always knew the truth. You would always be in Lando’s corner, even when it felt like he had forgotten you existed. You would stay, waiting in the shadows, knowing full well you were his second choice, or maybe not even a choice at all. Yet, you couldn’t really bring yourself to care, you had settled on being Lando’s backburner long ago, content to exist where he had placed you, because even the smallest scraps of his attention felt like more than you deserved. You knew it would never be enough, but it was all you had.
When you left the UK, you had never properly said goodbye to Lando. You couldn’t face him—not after everything. It had been the hardest thing you had ever done, leaving the place where you grew up and leaving the person that mattered to you the most.
The day you were about to board the plane to America was supposed to be the start of something new for you. But it also turned out to be the same day Lando and Luisa had finally gotten together. It didn’t make sense at first, you had been too wrapped up in your own plans to notice anything strange.
You were so focused on your own future, dreams, and adventure that lay ahead. But the moment you realized what had really happened, the gut-wrenching truth hit you all at once. Despite everything, despite all the years of friendship, despite the deep feelings you had kept buried, Lando had never said a word to you.
The first sign came two weeks before your departure, when you noticed he had not contacted you. Not once. You couldn’t even remember the last time you had spoken, and then, one evening, it hit you. While youwere scrolling through instagram, lost in the sea of photos and videos, you saw it.
Lando and Luisa standing together in a sunlit paradise. They were everywhere—clinging to each other, smiling like they had always been this happy. Their arms wrapped around each other, looking like the couple everyone thought they were meant to be, living out the kind of romance you had always imagined for yourself—only, it was not with you.
It stung more that you could have imagined. It felt like a cruel grip and punch to the stomach—seeing them together, seeing him in a way you never thought you would. There they were, living life, having fun in Dubai, while you had been silently fading into the background, unable to say anything, unable to be anything more than just a shadow.
It suddenly made the decision easier for you. Maybe it was petty, or childish. But at that moment, it felt like it was the only way to protect yourself. You didn’t need to say goodbye, or talk to him again. You didn’t think that talking or saying goodbye to him would even change anything. You didn’t want to face the truth anymore—didn’t want to admit how much it hurts to be forgotten, be pushed aside while he moved on.
So, you did what you had to do. You packed up everything, every piece of your life that had been tangled with Lando’s, and left. You left without a word, without any explanation. The silence between you felt so final, so complete, as if you were never even meant to matter.
When you landed in America, you didn’t waste any second. You changed your number, blocked him on social media, deleted every trace of him from your phone, from your mind, from your life. It was easier that way, right? No more reminders of what you could never have. No more wondering if he still thought about you. It was better to start fresh, even if starting over meant leaving everything you knew behind. You never looked back, at least that’s what you told yourself.
You gently closed your laptop, the soft click of the screen snapping shut, and disconnected the camcorder. You wanted to throw it away, erase it from your life entirely, but something stopped you. Maybe it was the hope that one day, you could look at it without all the pain attached to it, or maybe it was the attachment to something that had once meant so much.
With a deep sigh, you placed it back in the memory box, careful not to let it settle to heavily among the other momentos you had packed away. You knew you wouldn’t be able to part with it—not yet at least. Instead, you pushed the box deeper into your storage room, where it would sit quietly for now, out of sight but never far from your mind.
You stood there for a moment, staring at the box as if it might somehow speak to you, but all it did was remain silent, like everything else in your life that you had tried to put behind you. The soft sound of snow falling outside caught your attention, and you moved toward the window, your gaze drawn to the soft flurry of while blanketing the streets below.
Christmas was approaching in just a week, and for a brief moment, you wished you could go home, back to your family, to the familiar comfort of the holiday season. But the thought quickly passed. Home felt too far now, and you had your own life to navigate, a life in New York that, for all its challenges, had become a place you had grown to love.
You turned away from the window and began to change, pulling on warm clothes fit for the snow outside. It wasn’t much, just a quick errand to stock up on groceries before it got too dark. You didn’t mind the task, it gave you a reason to get out, to take in the city and its wintry charm. The air was fresh and crisp as you made your way out of your apartment, locking the door behind you with a soft click.
The world around you was calm as you stepped out into the quiet of the snowy streets, snowflakes falling gently around you, almost like a veil between you and the hustle of city life. New York felt different in the winter, quieter somehow, even as the holiday decorations began to shine brighter. Streetlights casting long shadows across the snow, and you admired the festive cheer that the city wore like a second skin. You had seen the Christmas tree lighting at the New Haven Green just last week, a tradition that always brought a sense of warmth despite the chill in the air.
Walking through the snow, you felt a small sense of contentment, something you had been searching for but hadn’t fully realized was within reach. The lights, crisp air—all of it made you feel like you had carved out a space of your own here. You hoped that it would stay that way, that the peace you had found wouldn’t be disturbed, even as the holiday season and all its chaos loomed on the horizon.
The grocery store was just a few blocks away, but your thoughts drifted to other things—nothing too heavy, just the soft hum of city life. It had been a peaceful walk, but then, you froze.
Your eyes caught a glimpse of something, or rather someone, someone so familiar in the distance. Curly hair that you could picture in your sleep. At first, you thought it was a trick of the light, a resemblance that your mind conjured up after hours of rewatching old videos. You quickly dismissed the thought, trying to shake it off. It couldn’t be. He wouldn’t be here.
But then, as if the universe had conspired to pull the past back into your life. The person looked up, and everything in your world stopped. It was him.
Your heart pounded in your chest, and you felt your breath hitch in your throat. The air around you seemed to thicken, sounds of the city dimming in the background as you took in the sight of him. Lando. In New York. Of all places he can be in right now, why was he here?
It had taken a long time to convince yourself, year after year, that you were fine, that you had moved on, that everything was better this way. Yet here he was, standing only a few meters away from you, the same familiar figure that had been a part of your life for so long.
You both stood there, frozen in place, just staring at each other as people around passed you by. Neither of you moved, as if the moment held too much weight to let anything else happen. It was like time had bent around you, your mind racing, questions swirling, but none of them found their way to your lips. You couldn’t speak, you weren’t even sure you could breathe.
Lando stood there too, his eyes meeting yours with an intensity that everything else feel irrelevant. You knew he hadn’t expected to see you. Not here, not like this. Yet, there he was—right in front of you, a ghost from your past made flesh, making the familiar ache in your chest resurface.
You had thought you were done with him, that you had moved on, but standing here, with him so close and yet so far, you realized that maybe you had not moved on as much as you thought.
The world around you seemed to hold its breath.
saudade | as12
funny how you can miss someone you never met, right? my heart was aching today a lot and i cried even more while writing this so yes, it is long and it is sad, so you decide if you wanna read this or not. if you do, please enjoy if its even possible to enjoy bawling your eyes out lol
oh ayrton, you will always be missed
summary: during senna's funeral y/n has flashes of their shared past and what they could have together
warnings: for sure its intense, 5.6k words of pure sadness, thats it basically
pairing: fem!mclaren!driver x ayrton senna
It was a warm, pleasant day. The beginning of may didn't disappoint with the weather at all. A light, warm breeze swayed the flexible branches, on which fresh leaves were green. The sun was pleasantly warm, but it wasn't unbearable heat. Birdsong could be heard, but so could crying. On this day, mourners outnumbered the blossoming buds on the trees.
A crowd of people had gathered in front of the church, but it was nothing compared to the crowds still on their way. Everyone was dressed in black, and the only point of color in the black mass was a yellow dot, which from a bird's eye view resembled a sunflower petal, thrown onto the black, fertile soil. It was a helmet, a yellow racing helmet, which no one gathered there needed to be introduced to. In trembling hands, a young girl held it, never once moving it away from her chest. She held it against herself so tightly, as if she wanted to feel the warmth emanating from it, but it radiated coldness, like the inside of the church she was about to enter, barely able to keep herself on her feet.
Inside the chapel, it hadn't yet become crowded; the military made sure that the family and friends entered the church first. Inside, there was a grave silence, broken only by the occasional blowing of noses into tissues or a stifled sob.
The girl was aware of what was happening, she knew where she was and why she was there. However, her brain stubbornly avoided connecting the dots and completely pushed the facts out of her consciousness. If it had, she would probably have thrown the held helmet deep into the church, and it would have stopped only when it hit the wooden, solid coffin. The girl's gaze never once lifted towards her.
"Y/N, can you hear me?," the girl flinched when Ron's words reached her for the umpteenth time, "You know you don't have to be here, we can be outside."
The girl blinked several times, and at that very moment, her brain stopped pushing away the facts. Ron held her arm, his eyes swollen, his face even redder than usual. She herself pressed the helmet to her chest, so tightly that only when she moved it away from herself a little was she able to fully breathe. She raised her eyes and looked around. She stood in the front row of benches, where at the very top, just in front of the altar steps, stood the coffin. A large, carefully ironed Brazilian flag lay on it, its freely hanging ends touching the fresh flowers lying beneath it.
"Y/N…," the man began again, this time quieter. He saw tears in the girl's eyes, and he was about to continue, but she pressed the helmet tighter to her chest and started walking forward. She only moved the helmet away from herself when she placed it on the coffin. Y/N fell to her knees and began to sob, pressing her forehead against the hard lid. However, the lid of the coffin wasn't the only thing that separated her from her friend. The worst was death.
It was a brisk february morning. Silverstone Circuit had not yet woken up, there was no deafening roar of engines in the background, and the smell of burnt rubber didn't hang in the air.
Although it wasn't a race day and only a handful of people were milling around the facility, unlike the tens of thousands who usually flooded in for the weekend races, this day was expected to be exciting and full of emotions too.
Certainly, it was so for the 23-year-old Theodore Racing driver, who, sitting in the passenger seat on her way to the circuit, nervously picked at her nails. However, she should now be referred to as the "former Theodore Racing driver" because on this day, she had a test day at McLaren, with whom she signed a contract two weeks ago. In the past two months, the girl's life had changed dramatically. A few days after her birthday, she became the European Formula 3 World Champion, winning the title by just one point. One! The fact that she was so young and the only woman to rise so high meant that many people had their eyes on her and followed her every move. However, most people who hadn't seen her driving at over 200 kilometers per hour thought that being a woman automatically disqualified her from the sport. Ron Dennis, the head of McLaren, was familiar with her skills, though, and seeing how well she performed in the lower levels, he decided to take a risk and give her a chance. One of his proteges, however, wasn't so sure about this decision.
"Girl? You want to replace Prost with a girl?"
Senna, upon hearing the candidate to replace Alain, who, after five years of dealing with him, decided to quit and move away from McLaren, only shook his head.
"Yes, that's exactly what I plan to do," Ron lit a cigarette and shifted his gaze from the car to the disgusted face of the Brazilian, "Maybe she'll calm you down a bit. It's a miracle I found anyone to take Prost's place, no one wants to work with you!"
Ayrton snorted and shook his head again, unable to believe that his boss wanted to do something so idiotic. Silence fell in the garage, none of the mechanics intended to interrupt their conversation. Just like everyone else in the team agreed with Ron that it was a miracle to find anyone willing to take Prost's place, the same majority couldn't imagine a woman starting to race in Formula 1. Especially alongside a driver like Senna.
"A few races, and she'll quit on her own," the Brazilian muttered, "You'll see."
"Pray that she likes you and wants to race for us."
When the car stopped in the gravel parking lot, the girl got out and put on her sunglasses. Tom, her manager and a close friend of her father, just glanced at her and rubbed her back. He knew perfectly well how stressed she was. No one would be prepared for so much in such a short time.
"Everything will be fine."
"You don't have to say that."
He sighed and just pointed with his hand towards the entrance to the facility, letting her through the glass doors. He didn't convince himself too much. Shortly after, after receiving the appropriate instructions, they reached the paddock. Here, the sun didn't glare in her eyes, so the girl took off her glasses, looking around. An empty Silverstone was something unheard of.
"Good morning, welcome, good to see you,"
Ron, standing in front of the garage, as soon as he noticed the girl, broke off from the conversation with one of the mechanics and smiled at her, shaking her hand. She showed up for the tests, so he thought she deserved a shot. Maybe this would work.
The girl made an effort to smile and nodded at him. Fortunately, she didn't have to engage in a conversation with him because he was immediately engaged by her manager. She was glad that in moments like this, someone else could spare her from meaningless chatter.
"Good morning."
She greeted, approaching the car where a few men were working on the wheels, wing, and cockpit. Some of them spoke up, while the rest just nodded at her. She immediately felt unwelcome, and barely a minute had passed since she appeared in the garage. However, this was nothing new to her, she would lie if she said she was surprised. But the most important thing for her was that Ron treated her as an equal, or at least didn't make her feel like she didn't belong here. That gave her a sense of comfort. She didn't need a crowd standing behind her; she only needed two people who had her back.
The girl slowly walked around the car. The new, ready-for-the-season MP4/4 looked very good. Next to the car marked with her number stood another, practically identical, differing only in the number painted in red on the front.
However, the owner of the car was nowhere to be seen, at least not in sight. Y/N hadn't had the opportunity to meet Ayrton personally. The drivers' presentation with the car was scheduled for the end of the month, so it was quite likely that until then, she would have time to mentally prepare herself. She knew Ayrton from stories; she could watch his battles both on and off the track on television, the domestic war he waged with Alain Prost which ended with the Frenchman's departure to Ferrari.
Y/N knew she would have to face many things, one of which was Senna.
"Ready?"
Ron's voice snapped her out of her thoughts, he held a helmet and jumpsuit for her in his hand. She nodded and took the items from him, going to change. When she returned, she took her place in the cockpit, and after some time, when everything was ready, she followed the instructions and took her place on the track. She took a deep breath and clenched her hands on the steering wheel, staring at the start lights. When they went out, the girl sped off with squealing tires and the roar of the engine.
Ron and Tom stood next to each other, watching her movements on small monitors. After some time, the mechanics also began to glance at the monitors, seemingly more interested in whether she hadn't crashed yet than in her results. What surprised them was the sight on one of the displays showing her current lap time, which now stood at 1.38.412 seconds. Ron smiled and shook his head in amazement. The young girl was incredible.
The car itself wasn't handling badly. Besides feeling like a huge boat, to which she was definitely too small, it was actually a well-engineered machine. A few more laps, and she should be able to tame it completely. Although this fact was reassuring. When the girl spotted the checkered flag, she obediently pulled into the garage. She turned off the engine and unfastened her seatbelts, but she didn't get out of the car or take off her helmet because Ron was already beside her, hugging her tightly.
"Young lady, you flew in that car!" The man helped her out of the car, and she took off her helmet and balaclava, taking out the earplugs. "I told you, you did amazingly. Unbelievable lap time, great driving."
The girl wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and blew a strand of wet hair from her forehead.
"It's a really good car, sir."
"A good car without a good driver is just a good car, and a good car with a great driver is a masterful car," Ron shook her hand again, "Brilliant job."
The girl returned his smile, and when she glanced at Tom standing a few steps away, he was also smiling, his smile was the kind of "I told you so."
Y/N gave appropriate feedback to the mechanics and strategists, who now seemed to pay attention to her significantly more than when she first appeared in the garage that morning. Their faces still tried to remain impassive, but nevertheless, they noted everything she had to say. When it was all over, the girl went to change. She washed her face with cold water and looked at herself in the mirror, clenching her hands on the cold sink. She did it.
When she managed to cool down and calm herself down a bit, clutching her helmet under her arm and holding her jumpsuit in the other hand, shortly after she left the bathroom. Suddenly, she bumped into someone, and that someone turned out to be someone she sincerely didn't want to meet that day.
"Watch where you're going."
Senna muttered, holding a lit cigarette between his lips. He gave her a quick glance and disappeared through the doorway, his jumpsuit rustling as he walked away.
The girl squeezed her helmet tighter under her arm and returned to the garage, putting things back in place. After receiving the last praise and handshake from Ron, she said goodbye and left the paddock with Tom. Ayrton pretended to be too busy preparing for the start, so he didn't honor her with even a single glance. When he heard Ron praising her driving, he only snorted under his breath and shook his head. When the garage fell silent again, Ayrton took his place in the car, getting ready to drive.
"1.38.412"
Senna looked up when Ron spoke above his head.
"1.38.412," he repeated calmly, "The lap time of a twenty-three-year-old after her first drive in a Formula 1 car."
The Brazilian snorted and lowered his gaze, putting earplugs in his ears.
"I hope you'll be better than the girl."
Ayrton didn't hear his words anymore because he put on his balaclava and helmet. He didn't believe the girl had achieved such a lap time. And even if she did, it only spoke of the car's capabilities, not her skills. Senna hoped he would be faster by at least a few seconds. He had been racing in Formula 1 for almost five years; he was incredibly fast, and above all, he was a man!
When the tests ended, and he returned to the garage, satisfied with himself and his driving, the first thing he did was to look for Ron's reaction, wanting to see his expression when he rubbed his nose in it. However, the Brit looked at him indulgently, and Senna, not knowing what he meant, quickly tried to free himself from the seat belts. The Brit simply turned the monitor towards him and pointed with his finger at something that, according to Ayrton, was a big mistake.
Between him and the girl, there was a difference of a few seconds, indeed. But Ayrton was slower.
When Senna freed himself from the car, hastily took off his helmet and balaclava, and removed the earplugs, he was about to say something when Ron stopped him, pressing a cassette to his chest.
"Here, watch it tonight and see how the twenty-three-year-old beat you."
Ayrton squeezed the cassette in his hand and only watched him leave, unable to utter a word. It was some kind of absurdity!
Absurd or not, Senna spent the evening in front of the TV. He sat on the couch, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He frowned and carefully watched the recording from the camera placed in her cockpit. He saw how she aggressively entered corners, braking as late as possible, and how quickly she stepped on the gas when the centrifugal forces stopped working. He took a drag and blew smoke from his mouth, rewinding the tape from the beginning, just as it ended. The recording lasted twenty minutes, and he watched it for the seventh time, counting each lap on his stopwatch. Every time, the result was the same.
He couldn't wrap his head around what she had done, but he decided to consider it just a stroke of luck. She had a better day; he had a slightly worse one. Moreover, it wasn't the testing session or even the qualifying rounds that determined the winner, but the race itself. Driving on an empty track without rivals wanting to take your position was one thing, but racing in a competition where everyone wanted to beat you was a completely different matter. If someone had told Ayrton then that four years later, that girl would shed tears at his funeral, he would have told them to fuck themselves.
Y/N felt a strong arm around her waist, trying to lift her. Ron's heart broke seeing her in such a state. However, he couldn't help her even if he wanted to.
"Y/N, please…," he began, but she shook her head, overcome with tears. Wet stains of tears were visible on the flag covering the coffin. The girl was trembling all over, it was a miracle she could breathe. Since the accident, it seemed like Y/N was handling the tragedy very well, just being sad and quiet. No one had any idea what was yet to come. Everyone who saw Y/N by the coffin, this sight of a broken girl, felt nothing but sympathy. The bond she had formed with Ayrton seemed stronger and much richer in emotions than any he had with any of his partners. Ayrton wasn't just her teammate, he wasn't just a friend or sometimes her biggest enemy. From the very beginning, Y/N mattered to him, and if he said otherwise, he was simply lying.
The official skills assessment test for the girl was scheduled to take place less than three weeks after her first visit to the McLaren garage. Now, however, an official presentation awaited her at the reception hosted by the team. One evening at the company headquarters, a banquet was held, attended by far more people than initially anticipated. Most of them were journalists who had to announce to the world the phenomenon that was a woman at the top level of motor racing.
"It's more crowded here than I thought," the girl admitted when she entered the team headquarters with Tom by her side.
"Everyone is curious about you. There are even a couple of journalists from Australia, believe it or not," Tom said.
She looked at him in shock. "And they flew here specifically for this presentation?"
He smiled and nodded. "They'll be talking to kangaroos and kiwi birds about you," he joked, trying to lighten the mood. And it worked because she giggled at his words. However, her smile faded when she noticed Ron talking to Ayrton and two other men in suits.
"Everything will be fine. You did well on the tests, so you'll do well here too," he said softly, rubbing her arm when he noticed her expression.
"There weren't any sharks in suits and piranhas with cameras there," Tom was about to add some words of encouragement when Ron spotted them and raised his hand with a glass in it, trying to get their attention. They approached him, and he greeted them, introducing them to the directors. Ayrton, standing aside, was mindful of how many people were now watching him and wondering if his new teammate would share Prost's fate. However, the Brazilian had no intention of making an effort for gestures he didn't intend. Nevertheless, courtesy demanded it, so he extended his hand, which she hesitantly shook.
"Senna," he said, his Brazilian accent strongly evident in his last name. "Welcome to the team."
The girl introduced herself as well, but it was hard for her to maintain eye contact. Not because he was almost half a head taller, but because of the confidence emanating from him. It was his team, his place, and his time, and she was just a guest. There was no room for discussion.
Fortunately, the awkward situation was soon interrupted as the drivers and management were invited onstage. Ayrton gestured for the girl to go ahead, and she began to walk in front of him.
"I hope you don't grip the wheel as weakly as you do hands," he murmured behind her, quietly enough so no one else would hear, but loud enough for her to hear his words.
Y/N lowered her gaze, feeling a wave of heat wash over her. Even if she wanted to respond, she couldn't. He caught her completely off guard.
As they stepped onto the small stage, they stood behind one of the cars prepared for this season. The girl intertwined her fingers behind her back and straightened up, standing next to Ayrton. He might play his stupid games on her, but she had no intention of showing that she would easily give in. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and almost believed that his comment had gone unnoticed, but her cheeks were flushed. Normally, he would probably snort under his breath, but now he kept his composure.
After a few words from Ron and the board members, the floor was given to the drivers. The two of them remained on stage, each with a microphone in hand. Now it was time for the media, for their pressing questions and burning issues.
Ayrton sat relaxed, almost bored. His legs were bent at the knees, slightly apart. One hand was around his waist, resting his elbow on it, holding the microphone in the other hand. He answered questions briefly and to the point, not dwelling more than necessary. His attire alone indicated that today's banquet was just a formality; he wore a suit, but instead of a shirt, he had a white T-shirt, and on his feet were sports shoes.
Despite her best efforts not to stress out, Y/N was far from as calm as Ayrton. She sat up straight, one leg crossed over the other. Although her red dress practically touched the floor, she glanced occasionally to make sure nothing was out of place. She felt like every move, even the smallest one, was being watched and analyzed. She felt she wasn't focusing on the content of the questions but on how she appeared.
The girl blinked several times, trying to find a sensible answer to the question that had been directed at her a few seconds ago.
"Could you repeat that?" she asked, feeling a bit embarrassed about her inattention. Ayrton, however, heard the question well.
"I asked if you think you're good enough to compete with men or if you're just here for publicity? Racing is still a male-dominated sport, and it seems like you're just trying to prove something rather than compete," the man in glasses squeezed the voice recorder in his hand and looked at her expectantly. Seeing her confusion, he sighed, "I see you're not too bright, so let me ask directly - do you really think you belong here? Do you have what it takes to keep up with the boys on the track?"
The girl panicked a little; this question completely threw her off guard. Emotions overwhelmed her, and she couldn't utter a word. But there was someone who could speak and had an exceptionally sharp tongue.
"I see that, Mr. - again, for whom are you writing?" Ayrton spoke up, furrowing his brows.
"John Ruffleck, Guardian."
"Ah, of course, the Guardian," the man clicked his tongue indulgently. "Clearly, you are the one that didn't shine with intelligence, asking last year's Formula 3 world champion if she fits in here." Y/N was shocked to hear that Ayrton stood up for her. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. Despite still sitting calmly, the Brazilian was ready for a verbal battle. "If I fit in here, then the 23-year-old who set a better lap time than me during the tests also fits."
Ayrton bluntly silenced the journalist, who merely muttered a quiet "Thank you" and lowered his head.
Several more questions were thrown in by Ayrton, steering the conversation away from sexist undertones. By the end of the conference, there were no more questions about sexist issues. The drivers got up from their seats, and Y/N turned off her microphone, placing it on the sound table as Senna did the same.
"Thank you," she said, looking at him. He also looked at her, but this time his expression didn't express annoyance or boredom, as it did two times before when their eyes met.
"Don't thank me," he said, taking two glasses of champagne from the waitress. "You are allow to drink, right?" he asked before handing her one of them. She nodded and took the glass from him. "Don't thank me, just learn to counter such nonsense. If they're rude, we can be rude too."
Y/N took a big sip of champagne. Her mouth was dry from nerves.
"I don't want to be rude, it's not proper," she said.
"Not proper?" Senna scoffed. "Because you're a girl?"
"Because they'll think poorly of me"
"Do you really care what that bunch of idiots thinks?"
The girl lowered her gaze. Ayrton was right.
Did she really care? She was a driver; she was supposed to deliver good results. She wasn't supposed to please the audience.
She was about to reply when Ron approached them, cursing the Guardian journalist's stupidity. He was so caught up that he didn't even notice Ayrton sending the girl a final glance and then finishing his champagne, taking out cigarettes from his back pocket, and walking away towards the exit. Y/N only watched him go. At that moment, neither of them had any idea how much she would learn from Ayrton, or that he would gladly take on the role of a teacher himself. No one would have even thought of it then.
When Ron managed to lift the shaken girl, she reached for her helmet again and pressed it to her chest. When she looked up, across from her, on the other side of the coffin, she saw a man in a wheelchair. Frank Williams looked at her in silence, but his gaze was apologetic, his face sad, and his eyes looked like he hadn't slept for days.
"Why?" Y/N whispered, but she wasn't sure if anything managed to leave her lips. Williams didn't need to hear her; her eyes said it all. Even if he couldn't hear her question or look into her swollen, tear-filled eyes, he would know perfectly well that she blamed him for his death. "Why, Frank? Why?" Maybe even more than she blamed God.
"If you can hold on to me for longer than five seconds, I'll let you pass," Ayrton said, exhaling smoke. He sat on one of the crates outside McLaren's garage, wearing sunglasses. The weather for the upcoming race looked exceptionally good, but Senna wouldn't mind rain.
"Are you challenging me?" the girl asked, squinting and looking at him against the light. They were sitting outside, where it was quieter, as the mechanics worked inside the garage.
"Why would I?" the man chuckled, taking another drag. Seeing her uncertainty, he offered her a cigarette, trying to reassure her with his gesture.
Y/N took the cigarette and inhaled the smoke, which tickled her throat, making her cough. She wrinkled her nose and after a moment handed him back the cigarette.
"Don't you want to test my braking skills and eliminate me from the race?"
Ayrton laughed and shook his head. "So, I do have a bad reputation after all."
"Definitely not the best," the girl said softly, smiling uncertainly. Ayrton playfully nudged the crate she was sitting on with his foot. He genuinely liked this girl; in fact, he could and wanted to work with her. Now he was even willing to let her win the race if she showed that she could keep up with him. She had demonstrated many times that she could drive at an exceptionally high level, so Senna was willing to show some humanity and let her achieve her first victory, especially on home turf. He stubbed out the cigarette and stood up, taking off his cap and placing it on her head, pulling it down over her eyes.
"Five seconds," he repeated, walking away as she adjusted the cap on her head.
The girl decided to take up the challenge, realizing that such an opportunity might never come again. Ayrton and collaboration? They were complete opposites after all. Y/N, who started the next day from the last place on the podium, managed to fight her way up to second place at the beginning of the race. She spent the next forty laps chasing after Ayrton, wondering if there was any point in chasing him if she couldn't overtake him. Seeing his familiar helmet in the side mirror, Ayrton smiled. He added a bit more throttle and began counting to five, but the girl's car didn't seem to be falling back. When the agreed time was up, much to everyone's disbelief, both on the track and in front of the TVs, Senna slowed down and obediently let her pass. Unable to believe her own eyes, the girl pressed the gas and took the lead, crossing the finish line with him.
She only believed in her victory when Ayrton offered her his hand and helped her onto the podium.
"Five seconds," he said, smiling at her.
"Five seconds," she replied, returning the smile.
How much she would give to see Ayrton again, even for five seconds. To be able to hug him for five seconds, see his smile. Five seconds now would last like an eternity, for which she would pay any price.
The church was filled with people, mostly family and friends, individuals directly connected to Ayrton. The remaining people were outside, surrounding the church, also gathering along the main road. There were talks of crowds, thousands who came to bid farewell to their hero. They too would give much to see Ayrton even for five seconds. Whole, alive, before the Imola accident.
Y/N held the helmet on her knees, looking at it with vacant eyes. She ran her fingers along the edges, tracing the stickers and sponsor names. She squeezed the soft padding inside. She closed her eyelids. Five seconds.
"Necessity is the mother of invention," Ayrton said, loud enough to make the girl jump. She was barefoot, wearing shorts and a bikini top, with his helmet on her head, visor down. She waved a piece of cardboard towards the grill, trying to ignite it better and not wanting the smoke to get in her eyes, deciding to use whatever she had at hand. And hoping Ayrton wouldn't get mad that she used his helmet for this.
The man smiled and shook his head, placing the wood he held in his hands next to the grill. Standing next to the girl, he lifted the visor and looked into her eyes. She looked at him apologetically.
"I'm sorry, I-"
"It suits you," Senna interrupted, smiling. "Possibly even more than me."
"Do you think so?"
The man nodded. His hair, damp from swimming in the lake, fell onto his forehead, and his brown eyes sparkled. Ayrton had been looking at Y/N like this for some time, in a way that many would describe as tender. Certainly, the girl wasn't just a teammate to him, as who would invite a teammate to their hometown to meet their closest family. Certainly not Ayrton.
"I love you, Y/N,"
He confessed as he lay on the jetty, gazing at the starry sky, where there was no trace of the hot Brazilian sun anymore.
The girl laughed and took a sip of beer, lying next to him and leaning on his arm. Both were drunk, so she was sure Ayrton was joking. However, when his confession was met with silence and he turned to look at her, his face was deadly serious.
"I mean it, Y/N. I love you,"
"You can't love me, you have a girlfriend," she replied, still laughing. There was no way he was serious.
Ayrton got up and without a word, kissed her, wanting to prove his words. When he pulled away after a moment, there was no smile on the girl's face. He was about to say something again, but she touched his cheek and returned the kiss, and he pulled her closer, holding her tightly in his arms. That night, they would find out how much they meant to each other.
Senna meant a lot to the girl, there was no doubt about it. He also meant unimaginable things to all those who took part in the funeral ceremonies, not only in Brazil itself but worldwide. It might have seemed like the world had lost an incredible man, someone who in life had already become a legend. Who would have thought that this living, almost mystical legend was just a man? A man who is mortal. Surely no one looked at Senna that way. Certainly not Frank Williams, who eventually decided to agree and accept Ayrton into his team, bearing an incredible burden now. Senna was supposed to lift his team to great heights, and his tragic death dealt a blow, not so much personal as it was business-related. However, at that moment, that mattered least.
Y/N and Ayrton sat at the kitchen table, eating a late dinner in silence. They were in their shared home in Europe, but for the past few months, the walls of the house seemed to be becoming more alien with each passing day. The atmosphere was as thick as it is now, when none of the people sitting at the table even bothered to steal a glance.
"Why didn't you tell me you wanted to go to Williams?"
The girl asked, stirring the contents of her plate with her fork. Ayrton tightened his grip on the glass and took a few sips from it.
"Ayrton-", "Why did I have to tell you?" he entered her words and looked at her, "Just to make you try to stop me?
Y/N blinked several times. She was shocked. She had the impression that the man sitting opposite was a complete stranger and someone she had never known before.
"To stop you? I'm your girlfriend, I should be the first to know about your plans, not hear from strangers."
"Did it change anything? Did something happen that you didn't find out from me?"
"Yes!" she shouted, slamming her hand on the table. She was so done with all of this. "I'm fed up with you treating me like an enemy for several weeks!"
"Don't you dare raise your voice at me!" he stood up, leaning over and pointing his finger at her. "You have no idea how much I had to do to get that offer, how much it cost me!"
"I have no idea, because you don't tell me anything!" she also stood up, pushing his hand away, which he was aiming at her face, "Fame has gone to your head, you're acting like a complete idi-" She didn't get to finish because Ayrton slapped her across the face. He didn't realize when his open hand met her cheek. Y/N grabbed her cheek and looked at him in shock. At the moment of the strike, he also seemed to snap out of it, as if he had been hit himself.
"Y/N, I'm sorry," he said calmly, trying to approach her, but she backed away a few steps, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that."
"But you did," she said with a trembling voice, tears welling up in her eyes, "I don't recognize you anymore, Ayrton".
As the funeral rites began, the last thing on Y/N's mind was their recent arguments, of which there had been plenty lately. Nonetheless, since the incident when he raised his hand to her, Senna understood he had crossed a line. The only upside of the whole situation was that they had started talking again, and Ayrton had come to realize that Y/N was not his enemy. Yes, on the track, the girl might be someone he now had to defeat even more than usual, but she was still his friend, his girlfriend, his partner. Speaking of partners, many women appeared at the funeral, but four of them spent exceptionally long periods by the coffin. They had a lot in common, yet none of them deigned to exchange glances. Each of Ayrton's partners, even today, on such a dramatic day, looked at her as if she were an enemy. Viviane made sure none of them sat on the bench where the family was seated. Y/N belonged to the family. She didn't intrude, Ayrton invited her himself.
"Maybe you should take a break?" Sid Watkins persistently tried to persuade Ayrton and Y/N to withdraw from the upcoming race. "Two weeks, you'll come back to Monaco in better shape, with lighter minds."
Senna sat on one of the crates behind the Williams garage, elbows resting on his knees. Y/N repeatedly wiped her tear-streaked cheeks, trembling hand holding a cigarette. An hour ago, the qualifying session for tomorrow's race was interrupted by Roland Ratzerberger's serious accident. The man was taken to the hospital, but many said he was taken from the track already dead.
"This shouldn't have happened, there shouldn't have been talk of such an accident," the girl repeated, almost hysterical. She was in tremendous shock, having witnessed the accident herself as she was the one who followed Ratzerberger's car.
"They need to cancel the race," Senna said dryly, his gaze fixed on a point in front of him. "We can't race here, not after something like this."
"And if they don't cancel?" Sid looked from Ayrton to Y/N. "Will you race in such a state? You won't sleep over this until tomorrow."
"If they don't cancel, we'll race for him. I'll drive the best I can to honor him with a victory," Ayrton decided, raising his gaze and looking the doctor in the eyes.
"You like fishing, right? Why don't you go back to Brazil, catch some fish, relax. If you want, I'll come with you, I could use it too."
Senna rubbed his face with his hands, intertwining his fingers and pressing them against his lips. Again, he fell silent. He knew they couldn't not race; he certainly couldn't afford to tell Frank after months of effort that he wouldn't start tomorrow. He couldn't do that.
"I don't want to race," Y/N admitted, shaking her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Ayrton, he, Roland-" the man rose without a word and hugged her tightly. He enveloped her in a strong embrace, stroking her hair. Watkins saw that Senna was thinking intensely. And no matter what he said or did to convince him to skip the race, he would do it his own way.
"Think about it, Ayrton. Just think about it," he said one last time. Senna looked him in the eyes and nodded in silence.
Late in the afternoon, Ayrton and Y/N returned to the hotel. They didn't talk much; Y/N occasionally wiped her eyes with a tissue. Ayrton held her hand a lot. When they lay in bed, Senna laid on her stomach, wrapping his arm around her waist. The girl began to run her fingers through his damp hair.
"I don't want to start tomorrow, Y/N," he said softly. He was facing away from her, she couldn't see that he was crying too. "I have a bad feeling."
"You know nobody can force you to do it," she said calmly, her other hand stroking his cheek. "Maybe Watkins is right? Let's fly to your parents, spend time with the kids. It's been two months since you've seen them."
"I can't," he said, wiping his face with his hand. "I can't, nobody needs a driver who doesn't race."
"Ayrton—" "Just hold me," he interrupted, sitting up. The girl obeyed his command, sitting between his legs and hugging him tightly. Both were silent; Y/N tenderly stroked his head and tense back.
"This will be my last season," he said, not moving an inch from her. "I've done enough; I don't need more. I want to focus on something else, on more important things."
"On what, my love?" she asked gently, still stroking his hair.
"I want to be a dad,"
Senna surprised her with this confession. The girl smiled.
"Would you like to have a son or a daughter?"
"A daughter, oh, how I'd love a daughter," he said, pulling away to look at her face. "Would you like to have a child with me? And become my wife?"
Y/N smiled and nodded. "You know I would."
Ayrton returned her smile and cupped her face in his hands, kissing her deeply.
"Te amo, querido,"
"I love you too, Ayrton. And i will always do."
"And i will always do," Y/N said qiuetly, watching as the coffin slowly descends into the ground. Nothing can destroy such love, certainly not death.
Jealous
Summary: Could you write an imagine where the reader and slash get into an argument about her getting “too close” to Nikki causing him to get jealous and aggressive towards Nikki
Requested: yes by anon
Warnings: jealousy, drinking
Y/N groaned, hearing Slash bringing up the same argument again. “I’m not into him, Saul. Nikki is just a friend,” she said.
“I get that’s how you see it, love. But he doesn’t,” Saul replied. He was obviously pissed and slightly jealous.
“Saul, don’t worry so much. He knows that we are just friends, and he knows that I’m most definitely with you,” Y/N said, walking up to him and wrapping her arms around his neck.
Saul sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist. “If he tries something one time, I’m kicking his ass,” he warned.
***
The party was already crowded by the time Slash and Y/N. She smiled and waved at Tommy and Mick. Then she felt Saul tense beside her. Y/N followed his line of sight and saw Nikki.
“Be nice, babe,” she said. “Trust me, okay?”
Saul sighed and nodded. “You wanna a drink?”
Y/N nodded. “Of course,” she said.
Slash walked off, but she knew that he would come back as fast as he could. He hated leaving her alone at parties like this, and in all honesty, she liked having him at her side. She hated when some random guy would try to hit on her and wouldn’t listen.
“Hey, stranger,” Nikki said, smiling at her.
“Hey yourself,” she replied. “How have you been?”
“Been having the time of my life. What about you?” he asked.
“Enjoying life with Saul,” she answered.
Nikki laughed. “So where did he go?”
“I got the two of us drinks,” Saul said. He handed a cup to Y/N and glared at Nikki.
“Do I not get one?” the bassist asked.
Saul shook his head and moved in closer to Y/N. She knew that her boyfriend was trying his best to be nice, but at the same time didn’t trust Nikki.
After awhile Saul and Y/N went to talk to Duff and Steven. Which she was thankful for. Saul didn’t get jealous around them.
She slipped away from him and went to the bathroom. When she got out, she bumped into Nikki again.
“So we run into each other again,” Nikki teased.
“The first time I didn’t even touch you,” Y/N pointed out.
Nikki looked around and noticed that Slash wasn’t around. “And your guard dog isn’t around.”
Y/N looked at him questioningly. She had never seen him like this where he seemed to be looking her over and looked like he was ready to do something that she didn’t want.
He leaned in, and she pushed him back. “Nikki, no,” she said.
“Oh, come on. Lighten up. I won’t tell your boy,” he slurred.
She knew that he was drunk, but she had never expected him to act like this. Y/N shoved him back. “Nikki, back off,” she said again.
Nikki tried grabbing her, but he didn’t have a good hold. Y/N easily shook off his hold and rushed back to Saul. He could tell from the look of her face that she was pissed.
“What happened?” Saul asked.
“You were right,” she admitted. She didn’t really want to get into it here, and she wanted to go home.
“What did he do?” her boyfriend asked.
“He tried to kiss me,” she answered.
Saul rushed past her and went straight for Nikki when he saw him. Y/N turned to see Slash land a punch on Nikki’s nose.
“What the hell?” Nikki shouted.
“You put your hands on Y/N,” Saul growled.
“Nothing happened,” Nikki yelled.
Slash looked as if he was ready to beat Nikki where he stood. Y/N ran up to the guitarist and grabbed his arm. “Come on! Let’s just go home,” she said, tugging him towards the door.
Saul glared at Nikki, but let himself be dragged out of the house. Once they were in the car, Saul looked at her. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
Y/N shook her head. “No, he was just an ass,” she answered.
Saul started the car and drove them to their home. The ride was pretty quiet for the most part with the occasional ‘are you okay?’ from Saul and her telling him that she was.
When he turned into their driveway, she asked, “You’re not going to give me an ‘I told you so’?”
“No, I’m not. I understand that you didn’t have feelings for him, but it was always him that I worried about. And I’m not going to be a dick because I was right,” he said just as he got out of the car.
She did as well and threw herself at him and hugged him tightly. “I love you,” she whispered.
“Love you too, babe,” he said as he picked her up and carried her to their bed.
Here, Kitty.
Yan batfam x cat hybrid reader -> CH1
12609 words, 71519 characters, 719 sentences, 224 paragraphs, 50.4 pages Next chapter
You can't recall exactly when or how you first came into contact with the billionaire and his sons, but if you could, you would go back in time and prevent that meeting from ever taking place. In a heartbeat.
Sitting obediently on a glass table tucked in the center of a crowded Wayne Enterprises boardroom, you find yourself ensnared as Bruce Wayne diligently delivers a familiar presentation, each sentence having been painstakingly practiced during the car ride over. Having overheard his repeated rehearsal with Alfred, you find yourself unconsciously mouthing along to every word. The tight black and green collar around your neck only worsening your discomfort, its stiffness constricting your movements and snagging on your freshly groomed fur.
The man continues on with his presentation, his polished demeanour and authoritative tone captivating the attention of the surrounding investors and executives. However, you find it difficult to focus on his words, the ridiculous knitted Nightwing sweater pressing against your back causing an uncomfortable itch. You shift slightly, wincing as your freshly combed coat brushes against the stiff fabric.
The weight of Bruce's unwavering gaze lands on you like a furnace, and you can almost picture that infuriatingly fond smile plastering his face. Just the thought of it made your stomach churn with disgust. Your tail swishing side to side in distaste.
He continues to drone on and on; and you find yourself struggling to stay still, the uncomfortable position, itchy sweater, and the heavy weight of Bruce's stare making it increasingly difficult to focus on anything he's saying. The only thing you want to do is scratch the infuriating itch, but the tight collar around your neck and Bruce's looming presence ensure that you remain obediently still. You know better than to cross them. How willing they are to punish you, so you stay still.
Your thoughts drift to a time when you were still unburdened by this enforced domestication. A pang of longing and bitterness settles in your chest as memories of your previous life come flooding back. You remember the simple freedom of being able to move about unmonitored, the comfort of lounging in the sun, unbothered by the Wayne families suffocating grasps.
Your paws effortlessly propel you across the icy rooftops, leaping and bounding with a careless grace. The cool night air brushes through your untamed, unhindered fur, the wind whistling past your ears. A bag is clenched between your sharp teeth, the fabric muffling your breathing slightly as you scale each building with purpose.
The city's neon glow stretches out beneath your paws, the distant lights casting a soft, surreal hue on the urban canvas. Free to go wherever you please. You could spend minutes, hours or even days just wandering under Gotham’s starry sky, with no one to tell you what to do or where to be.
You pause your journey and arrive at the edge of a dark alley, peering down at the scene below. A woman holds two teens hostage, a pistol pressed against their shivering frames. Your tail involuntarily fluffs up, matching the tension in your body as your slitted eyes dart to each potential escape route. A hiss escapes past your teeth, and you set the package down at your side before delicately pawing at a loose brick in the wall. You slide it from its position just enough to create a domino effect, the brick falling directly onto the woman's gun-holding hand.
A small, satisfied mewl leaves your throat as the woman wails in pain, her broken wrist cradled protectively in her grip. The two teens immediately seize the opportunity to make their escape, scrambling out of the alleyway. The gun slips from the woman's grasp, and she drops to her knees clutching her wounded hand. Your ears fold back and a low hiss escapes your lips at the sight, but you remain perched on the roof-top, unmoving. You slowly lower back down to take your package, then turn away. Your paws hitting the nearest rooftop with a small thump.
Your paws carry you further and further away from the robbery, the events replaying in your mind like a vivid, disjointed dream. You launch yourself from roof-to-roof in a series of quick dashes and leaps, your body seemingly on autopilot as you weave through the city's darkened backstreets. The silence of the rooftops envelops you like a comforting blanket, the city below finally at rest. A cool night breeze caresses your untamed fur, rustling its unkempt strands. Balancing the package carefully in your mouth, you bound toward your home’s familiarly cluttered balcony.
Your eyes scan over the cluttered balcony, taking in the random assortment of books, clothes, and trinkets strewn across the small space. Your padded paws land quietly on the rough wood, a subtle thump breaking the silence. Your muscles relax ever so slightly as the familiar surroundings wash over you. Without a second thought, you make your way to the edge of the balcony, lowering the package with your paws before curling up beside it, your ears folding back in an almost contented manner.
Your eyes had just shuttered closed as you basked in the soothing midnight breeze, when the sudden crash of metal yanks you from your reverie. Your ears perking up and pivoting towards the source of the disturbance. A low, frustrated huff escapes your snout. You stretch out your limbs, your tail flicking in annoyance as you lower yourself from the edge of the balcony and peer over the side.
Peering down from your perch on the balcony, your eyes widen in surprise. It’s...a boy? Wearing a skin-tight red and black bodysuit with a vibrant yellow cape. A flicker of familiarity sparks in your brain; you’ve seen this one before. Red Robin.
You observe him silently from your vantage point, tilting your head to the side as your eyes rove over his frame. He lets out an exaggerated groan, grappling awkwardly with an unfamiliar piece of gadgetry. A low, scoffing hum leaves your throat and your tail lightly thwaps against the wood, twitching in amusement. You had only seen him in pictures before, but damn, they didn’t lie. He looked absolutely ridiculous.
You lower yourself with a single, fluid motion onto the metal stairwell, feeling the rough surface scraping against your little paws. A small hiss of displeasure escapes your throat, but you brush it off and continue. You approach him curiously, taking a moment to inspect him. Your nose twitches as you sniff at his cape before finding a comfortable spot to sit and look up at him expectantly.
He doesn’t immediately notice your approach, his mind seemingly occupied by the malfunctioning gadget in his hands. You watch as he fiddles with the device for a few moments before his attention finally snaps to you. He visibly jumps, startled by your sudden proximity. He lets out a startled breath, eyes widening. You had gone to him.
You let out a snort of derision. Him, a vigilante? A detective? Unlikely. The thought of him trying to solve a case or outwit a criminal is absolutely absurd. You let your gaze wander over his costume once more, imagining how differently he would react if you were in your human form right now.
He slowly lowers the gadget, his eyes fixed upon you as you recline before him, behaving like an awaiting house cat. He observes you with quiet, analytical interest, his gaze roaming over your small form, taking in your twitching tail and reasonably-groomed fur. He seems to ponder the sight of you, weighing in on your not-quite stray, yet not-quite pampered appearance.
You gingerly shift closer, standing on your hind legs before pawing at his pants. A small indignant huff of disappointment escapes your lips as the material refuses to tear, the tightly-woven fabric holding firmly against your claws, unable to even tear the slightest thread, but you mask it with a small, almost cute "mew". Nevertheless, you are determined to make the most out of this situation. Planning on coaxing all the pets you possibly can out of this man.
He shoots you a curious look, tilting his head to the side. You can almost hear the cogs turning in his brain. He then slowly reaches out a gloved hand, hovering it over your head hesitantly, waiting for your response.
The end of your tail gives a happy flick, betraying your eagerness for his touch. You press your cheek against his knuckles, enjoying the sensation of his fingers against your fur. Instinctively, your ears fold back, granting him better access to run his fingers further through your soft fur. Sucker.
A soft, delighted purring sound fills the air as your eyes flutter closed, your purrs becoming a constant, steady low rumble in your chest as he continues to gently stroke your head and down your neck. Oh, this is heavenly. Your tail swishes contentedly, and you lean into his touch, almost shamelessly seeking out more.
His gloved hand is much bigger than your entire head, the soft fabric of his suit brushing against your fur. Yet, his touch was gentle and deliberate, slowly tracing the outline of your ears and down your spine, causing a blissful shiver to run through your small body. Your eyelids droop further, nearly closing completely, your purring becoming louder as you relax into his touch. You don’t notice the pleased knowing grin that crosses his face.
The weight and warmth of his gloved hand was almost soothing, his fingers weaving between your fur with a sort of rhythmic motion. You let your body go limp, your head rolling back to further expose the underside of your chin, silently begging for more of those slow, careful caresses. Your eyes are almost completely closed now, a small rumble in your chest the only sound you remember how to make. God, you haven’t been pet in weeks.
His hand moves from your spine to the base of your tail, and a low sigh of pure contentment leaves your mouth. He seems to sense your delight and focuses his attention there, running his fingers through the base of your tail, causing you to involuntarily arch your body towards him, purring in approval.
He seems to know exactly what to do, his touch deliberate yet tender. A little too well. It's as if he's somehow mapped out each and every spot that you secretly adore and is now exploiting it to great effect. The constant caresses, pets, and scrabbles have worked you into a sort of euphoric, almost trancelike state, your mind becoming blissfully devoid of conscious thought. All you can focus on is the warm, firm touch of his gloved hand.
The moment is shattered, however, as deep voice from his comms shatters the sweet, blissful moment. Your little pointed ears perk up, instinctively responding to the sudden intrusion of sound. “Tim? Why does it say you’ve stood still?”
You pull yourself from your blissful state with a reluctant huff, the sound of the deep voice in his comm jarring you back to reality. Your ears flick back, annoyed at the interruption. Tim– Red Robin seems to tense up, his hand frozen in mid-pet. He lets out a small, nervous chuckle, looking down at you. "Sorry, I got…distracted."
Your tail lazily swishes against the stairwell, silently expressing your irritation at having been interrupted. You can practically hear his sheepish, nervous chuckle, can practically sense the tension in his frame. "Distracted?" The voice in the comm questions, but you huff, tuning out the conversation.
You let out a small, frustrated huff before turning your focus back onto Tim's still form. Ignoring the man's comm conversation, you push your little, fluffy face against his leg, letting out a needy demanding mewl to regain his attention. You're not done yet, damn it.
His eyes flick back over to you, a mix of apology and amusement evident in his gaze. He resumes his prior motions, sliding his hand down your spine with a soft, comforting caress, tracing the same path he'd followed before. All the while, his other hand is fiddling with the comms device, probably replying to the man on the other end. Good. As long as his hands are still touching you, you don't particularly care what he's doing. “You found them?”
You sigh and let yourself relax once again, the soothing motions of his fingers against your fur quickly working you back into blissful indifference. You let your eyelids flutter closed, sinking back into the soothing rhythm of his touch. The only sounds you can focus on are his breathing, the soothing rasp of his glove against your fur, and the low hum of the comm conversation. This is nice.
He continues this motion for what feels like an eternity, the blissful sensation of being pet taking over your senses and dulling your brain into a euphoric, mindless state. You find yourself leaning heavily against his leg, the steady rise and fall of his chest and the low rumble of his voice against the comms acting as an oddly soothing background noise. Damn, you could get used to this....
Gradually, you become aware of him shifting, his hand leaving your spine. A low whine escapes your throat, your eyes opening to look up at him with a mixture of annoyance and pleading. Come back. You meow, demanding.
You let out a low grumble of complaint as he stands and picks up the device once more. Irritated at the interruption of your moment, you bat at his leg with your small paw, then quickly scamper away, leaping back onto the balcony from before. Now alone, you let out a sigh and circle the small space multiple times. The wood scraping against your claws sharply.
With a quick shift, you transform back into your human form, the small package clutched delicately in your hands. Turning, you slide open the door to the balcony and step through, the cool night air rustling against your clothes.
Tossing the small package onto the countertop, you drag yourself over to the couch. Your limbs ache with exhaustion as you collapse into the cushions with a thud. You bring the well worn blanket with you, wrapping your tired body in its familiar comfort. Your muscles are screaming out for rest. Which you happily oblige.
You're wrenched out of a fitful sleep, eyes fluttering open as the familiar, infuriating sound of construction greets you. Fuck. A loud, frustrated groan escapes your chapped lips. You pull a nearby couch pillow over your head, desperately trying to muffle the noise. With bleary eyes, you squint at the digital clock reading 5:42. You want to die.
The relentless hammering, banging, and drilling outside the thin walls of the apartment pierce your eardrums. You swear you can feel each blow of the hammer, every screech of the drill, deep in your bones. Make it stop. You press the pillow more firmly against your ears, trying in vain to block out the incessant din. You silently promise yourself that if you ever meet the city planner responsible for approving this construction, you'll kick him square in the nuts... Or right in the vagina– whatever. Now is not the time to debate over this.
With a groan of irritation and an abundance of hissing, you force your tired body into a sitting position as you squeeze your eyes shut tightly. You take a moment to rub your temples for some relief from the dull ache forming behind your eyes.
You open your red rimmed eyes and swing your legs over the side of the couch. The exhaustion from last night feels ten times worse now after being woken up prematurely by the construction racket. You mentally curse whoever’s in charge here, and their entire bloodline. Silently wishing for the noise to stop. Maybe you can sleep in the bathtub later...
You brace one hand against the side of the couch as you use it as support to rise to your feet. A series of satisfying cracks and pops resonate down your spine. By the sound of it you’re a chiropractors wet dream.
You let out a low sigh of relief as you straighten, your back now less taut than it was a few moments ago. Small mercies, right?
With your hands clamped tightly over your tender, sensitive ears, you stumble into the kitchen. You begin searching through each cabinet with a desperation that borders on violent. Your mission? Find the strongest headache pills you have.
After hastily flinging open each cupboard and shelf, you finally find what you’re looking for. A small, white bottle filled half way with little white tabs. With a quick twist, you pop the lid open and pour two pills out into your palm, before downing them dry.
You lean against the kitchen counter, eyes squeezed shut as you press the heels of your hands firmly into your temples. Come on. Work already..
You wait in silence, only the buzzing of the refrigerator and occasional hammering outside filling the air. You press your palms against your temples, as if physically willing the pills to work faster. The tension between your shoulders tight as piano wire.
You let out a frustrated groan, turning the tap on, lowering your head under the rushing water. You gulp down a few mouthfuls, letting the water run over, through, and past your lips. The noise of the tap muffling the sounds of the construction. The coolness of the water temporarily soothes the ache behind your eyes.
You let the water slide past your lips, closing them to savor the cool sensation. Your mind grows blank as you lose track of time, lost in tranquility despite the racket outside. Then, with a shaky hand, you turn off the tap, stepping back as you reach for a tea towel to dry your face and neck. The cloth rough against your tender skin, but the motion is calming, and your shoulders loosen the slightest bit.
You lean back against the counter, the cold marble seeping through your shirt, almost numbing any sensation on your skin. You take another moment to towel dry your hair, the rough material scraping against your scalp, and sending a pleasant shiver down your back. The small action temporarily distracting you from the pounding in your head.
You drop the towel, letting it fall onto the counter behind you. A long exhale escapes your mouth, your shoulders dropping as you relax. For a moment, the water seems to have worked. Unfortunately, the relief is short lived as the headache slowly creeps back in. A low growl escapes your lips. Ugh.
You scan over the bottle, reading the small print. Only twenty minutes before the damn things start to kick in. Shit. You shove the container back inside the cupboard, a frustrated huff leaving your lips. You drag your body over to your room, every step a tedious task.
You stumble into the room and collapse onto your bed, face first. You let out a low groan as your body lands on the soft, fluffy mattress. It welcomes you with open arms. You let yourself go limp, letting the comfort and softness of your bed lull you into a quiet state of half numbness. You can’t tell if it’s the lack of rest, or the pills finally starting to work, but you’re suddenly feeling incredibly woozy.
With a sluggish effort, you shift your head up, wincing at the sharp, persistent thrum in your skull. Despite the throbbing, you slowly extend your arm to reach for the pair of shorts laying on the edge of the bed.
With a weary sigh, you shuck off yesterday’s cargo pants and pull the new shorts up your legs. The simple motion feels like climbing a mountain. Deciding that the headache pounding through your mind was too much to change your shirt, you collapse back onto your bed. The sheets cool against your overheated skin.
You lay there for a moment, letting the comfort of your bed take hold. Despite the headache still pounding through your head, exhaustion slowly starts to take hold of you. Your eye lids flutter as sleep slowly creeps in. But just as you’re about to doze off, your stomach lets out an obnoxious gurgle, the sound piercing the silence. Great.
You let out a frustrated sigh as you shift up from the bed, grimacing as you do so. Your untamed hair sticking up in random directions. You rub your temple, as your stomach lets out another loud grumble. You let out an annoyed whine as the realisation sinks in. You’re out of groceries.
With a disgruntled huff, you haul yourself up for the second time. Reaching for your jacket as you quickly make your way towards the front door. This time choosing to forego the balcony and just walk like a normal person. You swing open the front door and step out into the hallway. The fluorescent lights buzz annoyingly overhead.
You step into the hallway, your shoes slapping softly against the tiled floor. The sound of the construction is no longer muffled, the endless banging and grinding now clear as day. You wince as the onslaught suddenly becomes unbearable. You quickly make your way to the staircase instead of the elevator. You can’t handle being jammed into that tiny space with the sounds of hell right now.
You take the steps of the staircase two at a time, just wanting to get out of this damn building as soon as possible. Each step echoes with a rhythmic thudding against the cold concrete as you make your way to the ground floor. The headache pills have finally started to work, but the pounding construction outside is slowly undoing their efforts.
You stride past the workers, shooting each of them a murderous glare. It’s not their fault they’re just doing their job. But goddamn it, the headache is worsening and it’s all you can do to not snap at them. Instead, you settle for shooting them a glare that could rival Batman himself.
You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to suppress the angry words building within you. Just keep walking. It’s fine. They’re not at fault here. It’s stupid to be angry at them. You repeat the mantra in your head like a broken record as your legs carry you further down the street. Further away from that blasted construction noise.
You keep walking, your shoes thumping against the concrete as you go. The further away you get from the construction, the more the headache starts to abate. You let out a quiet, shuddering breath of relief as you glance around at your surroundings. Barely anyone was out at this hour, the streets still mostly asleep.
After walking another ten minutes or so, you pause in the middle of the street and let out a string of quiet curses under your breath. The stores won’t be open for at least another four hours, and your stomach is starting to demand sustenance again.
Frustration builds inside of you, your teeth clenched tight together as you shuffle in place. You can’t go back to your apartment because of that goddamn noise, and all the stores that aren’t run by mobsters are closed.
You sigh, resting your tired body against the graffiti-filled wall behind you. There was another option you could try. But whether or not you were desperate enough to do it was something else.
You chew on your bottom lip in contemplation. You hadn't eaten much more than a small yogurt cup yesterday, and your stomach was protesting it's emptiness in a loud, gurgling complaint. You release a long sigh, doing a quick glance around to ensure no one was nearby before shifting into a cat.
The transformation is swift and graceful as you shift into the form of a sleek cat. Your body shrinks, limbs elongating and changing shape as soft multicoloured fur sprouts from your body. You stand on four paws, tail swaying languidly. You give yourself a quick shake, licking your little paws for good measure before looking around again.
You take a moment to get used to the new body you’ve assumed. Everything felt a tad bit more sensitive in this form. Your ears swivel around at minuscule sounds as you sniff the air with your sensitive nose, picking up on the various scents floating through the street.
You decide to try your hand at pity first, before resorting to thievery if your first plan fails. You slink down the street, your paws silent against the pavement beneath you as you search for some poor unsuspecting soul to assist you.
You stalk down the street, ears pricked and head tilted as you listen for the sounds of anyone making their way through the quiet street. You make yourself as adorable as possible: wide, begging eyes and sticking out your chest. A pitiful meow leaving your little cat mouth every so often, just for good measure.
You make your way through the city, heading towards the more upscale side of Gotham. You sway your tail idly behind you, the appendage brushing against the concrete and gathering the dirt that sticks to your fur. You make sure to rub up against some objects, gathering enough dirt and debris to make yourself appear slightly disheveled, but not enough to set off your instincts to want to groom yourself immediately.
You reach a neighbourhood of opulent high rises and well manicured lawns, plush houses and gated communities starting to become more frequent, a stark contrast to the graffiti-filled blocks you had passed before. Your fur is dusted with enough dirt to look untidy without feeling uncomfortable, and you let out a small meow as you glance down the street, scouting for a likely target.
You spot a man of considerable height, around 6 foot tall, with an intimidatingly built physique. His shirt clings just slightly too tightly against his chest, leaving little to the imagination. A scar mars the side of his face, making him look even more menacing. But you’ve seen far scarier looking men loitering at the end of your street. Saying that, doesn’t mean you’re any less scared of his imposing figure. So you quickly duck under the nearest parked car, attempting to conceal yourself beneath it.
You watch in trepidation as the man begins strutting towards the vehicle you’ve hidden yourself beneath. He kneels down in an unhurried, smooth motion, and peers right under the car. His gaze instantly locks onto you, your eyes widening in response to his intense stare. For the briefest of moments, you could have sworn there was a look of softness in his eyes, as if he hadn’t expected to see you.
“A cat?” The man lets out a small huff, shaking his head in what seemed like disbelief. His gaze drifts to your disheveled appearance, taking in the dirt that clings to your fur. He lets out a low hum, continuing to watch you with a mixture of intrigue and curiosity. His muscles slowly relax. A smirk appearing on his face as he studies you closer.
Your tail sways behind you, your ears perking up at his relaxed gaze. A sly little grin of satisfaction threatens to rise to your face, but you hold it back, instead letting out a pitiful meow as you slowly shuffle closer to him. He doesn’t move away, watching your every movement with unwavering eyes.
You lower your head, slowly moving towards his boots. You let your body press against the soles of his shoes, a soft purring sound escaping your little feline mouth. The dirt from your fur slowly coats the previously clean material of his boots, but he doesn’t seem to mind the mess.
You continue to press your body against the hard leather of his boots, leaving behind a dusting of dirt. He crouches down, gently reaching out a big hand, careful not to scare you off. You can see the muscles in his arms flex with the action, the veins prominent on his knuckles. He gently runs a finger over your head, scratching just behind your ears.
The feel of his big hand against your head is gentle, his touch unexpectedly tender as he lightly scratches at the skin behind your ear. You let out a rumbling purr, unable to fight the comforting sensation that slowly starts to take over. Despite his intimidating appearance, he’s surprisingly sweet towards you.
He’s a hard-looking man, his appearance disheveled and weathered, a white streak through his jet black hair. His wide physique is almost intimidating, but you can see his heart already start to soften after a few moments. It seems even he isn’t immune to the charm of a pitiful stray cat begging for food and affection.
"What are you doing all the way out here, kid?" The man's deep, slightly grating voice calls out as he continues to gently scratch behind your ear. He's staring down at your small form with an odd expression of concern on his face, his eyes drifting over your disheveled fur.
Your ears perk up at the sound of his voice. Something suddenly seems terribly familiar about it. You tilt your head, glancing up to get a clearer look at the man’s face as you try and place where exactly you’ve heard his voice before.
You look closer at the man, studying his features with a furrowed brow. There’s no mistaking it now, you’ve definitely seen this guy somewhere before. You’re sure of it. But there’s no way you’d ever know anyone this big and intimidating before… right?
The man stands, gently scooping you up into his arms. He gives you a light pat on the head before he starts to move. “Come along then, I don’t need that little shit on my ass for leaving their little obsession stranded so far from home,” he mumbles, as if he’s talking to himself and not you.
You’re left blinking in surprise as you’re lifted from the ground, cradled in the man’s arms. You look up at him as he starts walking down the street with you, a bewildered look on your face. Obsession? Stranded? What the hell is this dude on?
The man continues walking, his stride even and unhurried. He glances down at you and scoffs, as if he’s amused by the sight of you. He mutters something under his breath as he walks, something that sounds like “God dammit, B.” He brings his hand up to give you a gentle scratch under your chin, the gesture almost affectionate.
Your stomach chooses the perfect moment to let out a loud grumble, the sound amplified by being so close to the man’s hand. You can feel his hand twitch against your belly slightly, and he lets out a low chuckle.
“Hungry, huh?” The man drawls out. He stops his stride for a moment, pulling out his phone as he keeps you cradled in one arm. You can’t see anything from this angle, but you can hear the sound of him making a phone call.
It’s only a few rings before someone picks up on the other end. You can faintly hear a voice chatting softly on the other line, even though you can’t make out what they’re saying. The man lets out a small huff of annoyance before holding the phone up to his ear, shifting you in his arms to keep you comfortably balanced against his chest.
“Hey,” he says into the speaker, his voice gruff but surprisingly soft. “Yeah, I’m out on the east side. I found something.” There’s a pause as the person on the other line responds, and you can faintly hear them say something, although it’s muffled and indistinct. The man snorts, his eyes drifting down to you for a moment before he continues.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m bringing ‘em back. Relax,” The man responds to the person on the other side of the line, rolling his eyes. You watch the side of his face as he talks, your ears pricked, ears catching snippets of the conversation. Relax? What do they mean by that? Are they talking about me?
“No, it’s fine. I’ve got it,” the man says, shifting you around again as he begins to resume walking. “I’ll be back in an hour.” The person on the other end says a few more words before there’s a beep signifying the call’s been cut. He shoves his phone back into his pocket before bringing his hand back to keep you cradled against his chest.
You huff softly, feeling a strange mix of irritation and intrigue swirling inside of you. In an attempt to distract yourself, you reach your small paw up, lightly tapping it against the man’s cheek.
It’s a small action, intended to be nothing more than a curious little jab. But against the rough, scarred skin of the man’s cheek, your tiny little paw seems almost affectionate. He glances down at you at the contact, his eyebrows raising slightly in surprise.
He studies you for a moment, a look of almost curiosity on his face. It’s a far cry from the gruff, hardened exterior he had been portraying up until now. He stops his stride for a moment, lifting you closer to his face to look at you more closely.
He seems almost… fascinated by you. His eyes rove over your soft fur and little face, taking in every detail. He lets out a low hum, slowly reaching out a hand and gently stroking your back. “The kid’s is gonna kill me for letting you get all dirty.”
The hand stroking gently down your back is surprisingly soft, despite the callouses and ridges of his fingertips. You can almost hear the wheels turning in his head, probably trying to deduce what to do. “You’re a mess,” he mutters, his gaze drifting over your disheveled coat.
You can feel the urge to roll your eyes at the man’s words, the comment practically begging for a sarcastic reaction. But you hold it back, reminding yourself of the delicious meal you’re hoping to get out of him. Better hold back on the sass, for now.
Instead, you let your tail flick idly, trying to appear as innocent and pitiful as possible. Come on, man. Have a heart. Feed me.
The dude glances down as your tail continues to flick against his arm, almost as if you’re trying to lure him into doing something for you. A light snort escapes his mouth, his fingers trailing down to give you a little scratch on the head. “You’re a sly little bastard, ain’t ya?”
His statement is more of an off-handed comment rather than an actual critique. He continues to scratch behind your ear, seemingly unable to resist giving you a little affection. His gaze drifts over your disheveled form, taking in the dirt-matted fur and slight exhaustion in your eyes.
He lets out a soft grunt, his touch gentle as he runs his hands through your fur. You can almost hear the cogs turning in his head, his eyes never leaving your disheveled appearance. “How long you been out here all alone, huh?” he mutters, his voice gruff but strangely sympathetic.
The man lets out a low huff, glancing down at you with an almost sympathetic look on his face. “It’s earlier than we planned,” the man mutters, a hint of regret coating his words. His hand still softly stroking through your fur. “But the renovations are nearly ready,” his eyes taking in your exhausted form. It’s hard to say if he’s talking to you or to himself, a note of assurance in his voice. “So soon, kid.”
You look up at him with a bewildered expression on your face, your little mind still trying to make sense of his words. What is he talking about? Renovations? Who’s he talking to? Who are the people he keeps mentioning? What is even happening right now? But you quickly cover it up and let out a tired-sounding meow, hoping he won’t notice the hint of confusion in your little feline face. He glances down at you, his hand slowly rubbing a soothing circle on your back.
“Don’t worry, little one,” he murmurs, his voice still gruff but the tone softer this time. “You’ll be safe soon enough.” He gives you a gentle pat on the head before resuming his stride. You can feel his arms cradling you against his chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat almost lulling you into a sense of security.
Even as your mind races with unanswered questions, the beat of the man’s heartbeat seems to soothe you, acting as a strange form of comfort. His warm arms keep you tucked against him, the gentle rise and fall of his chest steady and unhurried. It’s an almost reassuring presence.
The man carries you down the street, the rhythmic sound of his footsteps and steady rhythm of his heart slowly lulling you into a trance-like state. The exhaustion from the past few days is finally catching up to you, a small yawn escaping your little mouth before you can try to fight it.
You can feel your eyelids growing heavy, exhaustion taking over your small body. The steady rhythm of the man’s heart combined with the gentle rocking of his arms as he walks send a wave of fatigue through you. You try to fight back the overwhelming tiredness, but another small, squeaky yawn escapes your little mouth.
With a soft contented sigh, you stretch out your little paws, making yourself comfortable in his arms. The man lets out a low chuckle as he watches your little legs extend, giving you a gentle pat on the back.
It’s strangely comforting, being held in the man’s strong arms. The sound of his laughter rumbles through his chest, and you can almost hear a hint of affection in the gesture. You feel the weight of your fatigue start to increase, your eyes slowly blinking shut against your will.
You blearily blink your eyes open, suddenly finding yourself lying on a soft cushion. The fabric feels luxurious against your fur, the plush material enveloping you in a comfortable embrace. You dazedly look around, trying to recall how you ended up on this soft surface.
Your little ears fold back as you look around, slowly taking in your surroundings. A brief moment of confusion washes over you as you realize that you had fallen asleep in the man’s arms. But seeing him still here, you let out a relieved sigh, your entire fluffy body moving up and down in the process. Thank everything that he didn’t leave me on the side of the road.
He glances over at you, noticing that you’re now awake. “You finally back with the living?” he says gruffly, his voice tinged with amusement. You can see a hint of a smile on the man’s face, betraying his hard exterior.
You lift your chin up in a defiant huff, letting your tail flick against the soft cushion as an additional statement of irritation. The man lets out a snort, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter at your small act of feigned irritation.
“Feisty little thing, aren’t you?” he mutters, his voice taking on a slightly amused tone. He reaches a hand out to give you a small pat on the head, his rough fingers gently stroking your fur.
Your chest lets out a soft rumble, purring at the feeling of his hand stroking through your fur. Your gaze drifts around the room, your nose twitching as you pick up on a delicious scent. Food, your stomach rumbles. Please, be food.
The aroma is tantalizing, making your little stomach grumble loudly in response. You wonder if it's your imagination, or if the man actually has food nearby. The man lets out another amused huff as he notices your nose twitching and your stomach rumbling. “Impatient little thing, eh?” he mutters, lifting his hand from your head to look at you with a slightly entertained expression. Your little paws twitch slightly, as if you’re preparing to go searching for where the wonderful scent is coming from.
He chuckles at your eagerness, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Calm down, bud,” he says gruffly. “Food’s coming in a minute. Ain’t gonna starve ya.’” He gives you another gentle pat on the head, his hand large enough to practically cover your entire body.
You let out a dissatisfied huff, your gaze still darting around to try and find the source of the delicious scent. You want to rush out and find the food immediately, but the man's large hand keeps you pressed firmly on the soft cushion. You squirm a little impatiently, your tail flicking idly against the fabric. Your cat instincts taking over.
He lets out an amused laugh at your squirming, your restlessness making it hard for him to keep you in place. “Hold still,” he says gruffly. “You're making it hard to keep you in one place.” He reaches his hands out again and gently holds you down, preventing you from moving around any further.
You’re not a fan of this guy keeping you down, your instincts flaring up in defiance. Despite the delicious promise of food in the air, you’re tempted to lash out and scratch him just for holding you in one spot. Release me, your inner self growls.
You pause in your struggle, your little ears perking up and your whiskers twitching as the clink of dishes and the soft sound of footsteps approaching comes from nearby. Your nose twitches with anticipation, the delicious smells in the air becoming more concentrated. Food.
You crane your head to get a better look at the approaching figure, your little body shifting slightly on the cushion. The man holding you down also looks up, watching as someone walks into the room carrying a tray of food. Your little mouth starts to salivate, the enticing scents wafting over to you and making your stomach rumble loudly.
The guy releases his grip once you stop squirming, letting you move freely again. You can feel your instincts taking over your little body, your tail curling around your side as you focus your attention on the tray of food being presented in front of you. “Here you are, Master Jason.”
Your eyes are almost glued to the tray, filled with the most tantalizing smells that you've come across. The man– Jason watches you quietly, amused by your little display. The person holding the tray sets the food down in front of you, the various dishes arranged in an almost tempting manner.
You want to purr in delight as you look at the food laid before you. Thank god there’s none of that dreadful cat food in sight. You've had your fair share of people trying to feed you that horrible kibble in the past, and you're definitely not a fan. This food smells a million times better than anything that ever came out of a can. Meat.
You shoot him a glance of appreciation before hopping onto the table, greedily pouncing on the food in front of you. You dive right in, devouring the food with gusto, your little tongue lapping at the meat hungrily.
You pay no mind to him as you feast on the delicious meal laid out in front of you. The smells, the texture, the taste; it’s all absolutely heavenly. You eat like you've never eaten before, your little body almost shaking with contentment. This might just be the best meal you’ve had in a long time. Maybe ever.
Meanwhile, Jason watches your little display with a slight smirk on his face. He doesn’t say anything, just watching as you devour the food on the plate in front of you with relish. He fishes his phone out of his pocket, quickly taking a picture of you digging into the food to send to the family in case they ask how you're doing. He lets out a soft huff of amusement at your behavior, a hint of fondness in his eyes.
You're so lost in the food, you don't even notice the older man taking a picture of you. All your focus is singular, eating as much as you can before it’s taken away. The man watches you with a mix of amusement and something else that you can’t quite place. Too absorbed in your meal to notice his reaction.
Once you’ve practically licked the plate clean, you finally feel a sense of fullness, your little belly pleasantly satisfying. You give yourself a little shake, a little bit of food still stuck to your whiskers. Jason chuckles slightly, watching your little satisfied display. He breaks the silence as you finish cleaning yourself off.
“Had enough?” he asks in a gruff voice. His words are gruff and blunt, but you can sense the touch of amusement within them. You let out a little huff, feeling satisfied but also a little bit embarrassed at how fast you had eaten. Too much food, you think, your little stomach feeling a bit bloated.
The next thirty minutes pass by in a blur, your mind fuzzy and filled with the sensation of being inside Jason’s leather jacket as he mounts his bike. He doesn't have a bag or carrier to keep you secure, so you cling onto his shirt for dear life, your little claws digging tightly into the fabric. The wind whips through your fur as the bike roars to life, the force of the breeze making you instinctively cling even harder.
You had assumed that Jason was simply taking you back to the spot where he had found you under the car. After all, there was no chance in hell that you were going to poke your head out of the top of his jacket to check yourself. However, as he stops the bike and unzips the jacket, revealing your familiar surroundings, your tail begins to fluff up in surprise. Your eyes widen as you realize you’re at home, as in, right outside your apartment. The fur on your back bristles, ears folding back. You’re quick to jump off of the vehicle, backing away. What the fuck?
You scramble off Jason's lap and onto the sidewalk, your little paws almost slipping in your haste. The moment you land on the pavement, you take a few stumbling steps back, your tail puffed up and your fur standing on end. How could he possibly know where you live? You hadn’t given away any indication that you lived here, or anywhere for that matter. You had been so careful to stay out of sight, blending into the shadows. There was no way he could have known. And yet… here you are, outside your home. You take a tentative step back, your little feet moving instinctively. Your instincts are screaming at you to run, to get away from this guy who seemingly knew too much about you.
Your eyes dart from the man to the building behind you, your mind racing. Everything inside you is telling you to run, to flee and go hide. You were supposed to be so careful, so cautious about keeping your identity a secret. And now this man standing in front of you, this guy you barely knew, had just pulled up right outside your home. How the hell did he know where you lived? Run, your instincts yell. Run, run, run.
You take another jerky step back, your little paws almost slipping on the rough pavement. Your heart is pounding in your chest, your breath coming in short, panicked gasps. You almost trip over your own feet, your mind flooded with a mix of fear and confusion. How does he know? How the fuck does he know!? You’ve been so careful, covering your tracks, making sure no one followed you home. But here he is, standing in front of you, looking all too calm and collected. You don’t know what’s worse, the fact that he knows where you live or how calm he seems about it.
You don't waste another second, your little feet moving as fast as they can. Your instincts are screaming at you to run and get away as fast as possible. So that's what you do. You take off like a shot, darting away from the bike, from the man, from everything. Your focus is on nothing except getting away, getting somewhere safe, somewhere away from this guy who apparently knew more than he should. You dart upstairs faster than you thought physically possible, breath coming out laboured as you panic, not bothering to check if anyone’s nearby as you shift back to human, unlocking your door and slamming it closed behind you.
Jason let out a heavy sigh, running his fingers through his hair in frustration as he watches you scamper off. "Fuck…” he mutters under his breath, watching as your small form quickly disappears from sight. "I didn’t think that through." He scowls, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. He hadn’t expected you to panic quite that much.
Your knees suddenly give way, and you collapse to the floor with a thump. Your hand instinctively moves to press against your chest, trying to calm the frantic beating of your heart. Your mind is racing, your body shaking from the adrenaline and panic of the situation. You’re suddenly hyper-aware of your own breathing, your chest heaving as you gasp in sharp breaths.
You feel like your heart is going to beat out of your chest, the adrenaline pumping through your veins making it feel like it’s about to explode. You can barely breathe, your gasps for air coming in quick, sharp pants. Your head is swimming, the world around you seeming to spin and tilt with each jerky movement. You can’t think straight, your mind filled with a swirling mix of panic and confusion. It feels like everything is closing in on you, the walls of your apartment suddenly feeling claustrophobic.
You try to focus on taking deep, calming breaths, but your body doesn’t seem to want to cooperate. Your breaths come out ragged and uneven, each one feeling like a struggle. Your chest is heaving, your heart pounding against your ribcage so hard you’re starting to wonder if it’ll burst. You drop your head down, resting your forehead against your knees, trying to steady yourself. Your mind is racing, thoughts and questions and doubts swirling in a confusing mess.
You desperately try to calm down, to ease the frantic beating of your heart. But nothing seems to work, the panic and confusion making it nearly impossible to think straight. Your head spins as you struggle to take deep breaths, each one catching in your throat like a lump. You can feel your body trembling, your muscles tense and coiled like a spring about to snap. The thought of the man outside your door, the man that knew where you lived, makes your stomach twist in knots.
It feels like your privacy has been invaded, your safe sanctuary no longer feeling so safe. You feel exposed, vulnerable, like a small, trapped animal. Your mind races, trying to come up with some kind of plan, some kind of solution to this messed up situation. But you’re too lost in your own head, too focused on calming your panicked breathing to come up with anything coherent.
You feel like you’re drowning, your body overwhelmed by the flood of emotions and the physical response. You need to get yourself under control, to get your thoughts sorted out and figure out what the hell to do. But it feels like your mind and your body are in a constant tug-of-war with each other, neither one willing to give in. It’s like being stuck in a nightmare that you can’t wake up from.
You’re suddenly aware of the silence in your apartment. It’s an eerie stillness that seems to echo the chaos in your mind. The only sound is the soft rush of your own breathing, the beat of your heart a steady drum in your ears. It’s too quiet, and yet it’s almost deafening at the same time. You stay slumped on the floor, your head still against your knees, too overwhelmed to even think about getting up. You can’t breathe.
Your lungs feel like they’re on fire, each breath a struggle against the tight feeling in your chest. Your body is shaking, the adrenaline and panic having physical effects that you’re powerless to stop. You try to focus on calming yourself down, to get your breathing under control, but it’s like trying to hold onto water. Your lungs seizing up with each gasping breath. You try to focus on your breathing, trying to steady the erratic rhythm. But it’s like your body won’t obey, each inhale sharp and uneven, each exhale ragged. You can feel your pulse throbbing in your temples, echoing the desperate rhythm of your heart. You need to get yourself together, to calm down. You need to calm down.
You try to mentally force yourself to calm, to slow down your breathing, but it’s like every part of your body is working against you. Your thoughts are a tangled mess, swirling around in your head like a storm. Your heart is still racing, the panic and fear making it almost impossible to concentrate. You try to focus on something, anything to try and control the chaotic mess that is your mind. But your thoughts keep slipping away, dancing just out of reach every time you try to grasp them. You can't think, you can't breathe, you can't move.
You’re trapped in your own mind, your own body. You feel so small, so helpless, so utterly alone. The silence in your apartment is deafening, adding to the feeling of isolation. You try to will yourself to move, but you’re stuck, paralyzed by your own fear and panic. Your heart is still thundering in your chest, the erratic beats echoing in your ears as you try to force your lungs to take slow, steady breaths. You need to calm down. You need to.
You force your shoulders to relax, your eyes fluttering open. Okay, okay… You can do this. You try to remember the steps you learned for managing panic attacks. Breathe in for four, hold for… You can’t think. Your brain is fuzzy, filled with a jumbled mess of thoughts and memories. You try to remember the proper way to do it but your mind refuses to cooperate. Four or seven? Or was it nine? Exhale for eight. Fuck, I can’t think.
Your mind is a blur, your thoughts chaotic and tangled. You can’t remember the step-by-step process. Something about breathing in for a certain number of seconds, holding it, and exhaling for another number of seconds. But the details are a hazy mess, your panic making it impossible to remember clearly. You try your best, sucking in a shaky breath and holding it for what you think is the right amount of time. But your heart is still racing, your hands still trembling. It’s not working. Why isn’t it working? Why the fuck isn’t it working?
Jason stands against his bike, his gaze fixed on the window of your apartment. He's on the phone with Bruce, his voice low and filled with frustration. "I know, I know…" he mutters, raking a hand through his hair. "I fucked up," he admits, grimacing at his own carelessness.
He listens as Bruce responds, his eyes never leaving the window. He can feel the weight of his mistake sitting heavily on his shoulders. He should have known that you'd react the way you did, and he should have stuck to the plan. But he didn’t. He just acted, without thinking. Just like always, his conscience needles him.
Jason sighs, his shoulders slumping slightly as Bruce continues to speak. He knows Bruce is right, he always is. He’s good at saying the things that are hard to hear but desperately needed to be said. It’s part of what makes him great, but it also makes him irritating sometimes. Like right now.
"I know," Jason replies, his voice slightly sharp. "I get it. But what am I supposed to do now?"
There’s a pause as Bruce replies, his voice muffled over the phone. Jason’s face tightens, his jaw clenching as he listens. Yeah, yeah. Be patient. Easy for you to say.
"I know,” he repeats, his voice strained. "But the kid bolted before I could even get a word in. Now they’re probably scared shitless in there."
There's another pause. Jason can hear the steady timbre of Bruce’s voice on the other end, his words blending in a stream of low, soothing murmurs. He rolls his eyes, bristling at the older man's calm, steady tone. It always makes him feel like a kid being lectured, even though a part of him knows it’s not entirely untrue.
He lets out another sigh, his body sagging against his bike. "I’m trying," he mutters, his voice barely above a whisper. "I know I messed up, alright? I’ll give ‘em time to cool off." He glances back at your apartment, a pang of something he can’t quite identify tugging at his chest.
He nods along to whatever Bruce is saying, his eyes flickering back to your apartment window. He wonders if you're watching him from behind those blinds, if you’re scared, angry, confused. Probably all three, his mind supplies.
He winces at the thought, his hand tightening around his phone. He hates the thought that he might have screwed this up before it even really started. Bruce is probably right, he should give you space. But the thought of just leaving you alone and confused chafes at him, makes him want to just go in there and fix things already. He knows Bruce can feel his tension, can sense the turmoil roiling beneath his stoic exterior. Damn Batman and his stupid emotional intuition.
"Yeah, I get it," he mutters into the phone, his voice tight. "I’ll back off, give them space. But I don’t like it." There's another pause as Bruce responds, his voice low and steady.
It soothes something in him, a part of him that still yearns for guidance and approval, even though he knows he’ll never admit it. It’s a part of him that he usually denies, pushes down, but moments like these have a way of bringing it to the surface.
He's silent for a moment, letting Bruce speak. The older man's voice is steady, a low, grounding murmur that somehow manages to both soothe and irritate him at the same time. He's always been good at that, somehow finding the exact words needed to either calm him down or piss him off even more.
Jason clenches his jaw, grinding his teeth together in frustration. He’s torn. Part of him wants to just march up there, kick down the door and force you to talk to him. But he also knows that would just make things worse. He’s not good at the whole patience thing, but he knows that just charging in like a bull in a china shop is only going to make things more difficult. Damn it. He swings his leg over his bike, settling onto the seat. He takes one final look up at your window, his gaze lingering there for a moment. He can almost feel the weight of your fear and confusion from here, like a tangible thing. It makes his stomach twist into knots, his hands clenching on the grips.
But he knows he needs to let you be, to give you the space you clearly need. So, with a heavy sigh, he revs the engine and pulls away.
You wake up with a start, your body jerking out of a fitful sleep. Your body is covered in a cold sweat, your clothes sticking to your skin in an unpleasant way. You sit there in the darkness, your breathing heavy and your heart thumping hard in your chest.
Your room is still, the only sound the faint hum of the air conditioning and the soft sounds of the city outside your window.
Three long weeks have passed since you last saw Jason. The days have slipped by in a blur of routine and monotony. You go to work, come home, eat, sleep, repeat. It's like you're living your life on autopilot, your thoughts often drifting to the man who showed up at your door that night.
Since that night, you haven’t shifted. Something deep inside you, some instinctual feeling, tells you that it’s not safe to do so. So you stay human, your animal form buried deep within you, a constant low hum of unease. The feeling of something bad happening if you shift is a constant nagging in the back of your mind, a feeling you can’t shake despite your attempts to dismiss it as paranoia.
The longer you stay human, the stronger your instincts become. You catch yourself acting cat-like in subtle ways: tilting your head to the side when you're listening, twitching at sharp noises, even finding yourself kneading at your shirt when you’re frustrated. It’s a constant internal struggle, your instincts demanding to be let out while your rational mind tells you to keep them contained. You know it’s not healthy, not sustainable, but you can’t shake the feeling that shifting is just too risky right now.
You’re acutely aware of how unhealthy this is. You can feel the tension building within you, the constant battle between your human side and your animal side wearing you down mentally and emotionally. Your thoughts are constantly consumed with the need to shift, the need to be in your animal form, the need to let your instincts take over. But something inside you is holding you back, some primal fear that won’t let you let go. It’s a constant struggle you can’t escape, a constant mental strain that's slowly but surely eating away at your sanity.
You groggily stumble out of bed, the cool night air hitting your skin like a refreshing splash of water. It’s late, the digital clock on your bedside table reading 2:47 AM. You shiver slightly, your muscles tight and cramped from your restless sleep. Despite the chill in the air, you can’t help the feeling of relief as you step out onto your balcony. The city is quiet at this hour, the usual bustle of the day replaced with a soothing, almost eerie calm.
In a moment of clarity, you realize you’re being ridiculous. You’re tired, you’re frustrated, and damn it you’re tired of living in constant fear. You’ve been tormenting yourself for weeks over this, letting your instincts fester and your body ache from the strain. And for what? What's going to happen in the middle of the night on a Wednesday? Nothing, that’s what. And you’re not going to keep making yourself ill over some bastard stalker.
With a rush of determination, you finally give in. You let your instincts take over, your body shifting and contorting into your animal form. The relief is immediate, the tension in your body melting away as you shed your human skin. The cool night air is even more refreshing in this form, your senses heightened as you take in the night around you. Finally, you feel like you can breathe again, the weight of your human anxieties falling away like a heavy coat. You felt free.
The world looks different through your animal eyes, the details sharper and more defined. Your ears twitch, picking up sounds you'd never notice in your human form. Your muscles twitch as your animal instincts kick in, a low purring sound rumbling through your chest. It's been so long since you've let yourself be like this, since you've just been. It's exhilarating, freeing, like coming up for air after being stranded underwater for too long.
You pad over to the edge of the balcony, your paws making almost no sound on the wood. You look out at the city, the glittering lights and silent streets a stark contrast to the chaotic hum during the day. It’s quieter, calmer, a sense of peace that you haven’t felt in ages. You take a deep breath, the air filling your lungs and making your fur stand on end. You feel more alive here, more yourself, than you have in weeks.
Your muscles ripple under your fur as you stretch, arching your back and tilting your head back. A low, rumbling purr vibrates in your chest, the contentment filling you almost overwhelming. You close your eyes, letting the sounds and smells of the city wash over you. You’ll deal with everything else in the morning. For now, you’re going to stay like this and enjoy the freedom.
You sit there for a while, enjoying the cool night air and the sensation of being so deeply in tune with your instincts. The city sounds become a soothing background noise, a comforting hum in the air. You roll onto your back, stretching out your body and letting your limbs go limp. Your tail swishes lazily back and forth.
You roll onto your stomach, your muscles coiling as you prepare to spring. With a powerful leap, you propel yourself onto the nearby roof. Your paws touch down silently, the soft pads muting any sound. Your heart is racing now, the adrenaline rushing through your veins as you break into a run. Running as an animal is different than running as a human. It’s more instinctual, more right. You can feel the ground underneath your paws, the muscles in your legs bunching and releasing with every step. You tear across the rooftops, feeling more alive than you have in weeks. The night air whistles in your ears, the city passing by in a blur.
Your stride is effortless, muscles straining as you push yourself faster, the wind ruffling your fur and making your tail fan out behind you. You leap effortlessly from rooftop to rooftop, your body a blur of motion. You’re not even thinking about where you’re going, your only focus is on the sensation of speed, the feeling of freedom. Gotham flashes past you in a dizzying array of lights and shadows, your world narrowing down to your heartbeat and the rhythm of your paws hitting the roof.
Time seems to blur together as you run, the hours flying by like seconds. The city blurs past you in a wash of colors and sounds, the lights of Gotham like stars in a night sky. You don’t focus on how long you’ve been running, or how far you’ve gone, or even where you’re going. For once, none of that matters. All that matters is the wind in your fur and the feeling of freedom coursing through your veins. Your body is sore and your heart is racing, but you feel alive.
You're so focused on the run that you don't notice the black boots in your path until you're upon them. You slam on the brakes, your body slipping and sliding as you come to an undignified halt in front of a pair of long, outstretched legs. You hiss in surprise and frustration, your heart racing from the sudden stop. You glare up at the figure towering above you, tail lashing.
Nightwing chuckles, a soft, amused sound that you can hear clearly even over the pounding of your heart. He lowers his eskrima sticks, holding them loosely by his side as he kneels down to your level. The hero's eyes are sparkling with mirth, his smile slightly crooked.
"Well, hello there." he says, his voice smooth and rich.
He tilts his head to the side, studying you with a curious gaze. You're still panting from your run, your body tense and braced for a fight. Nightwing's smile widens at your reaction, his eyes sparkling with intrigue.
"You're pretty fast," he remarks, a hint of amusement in his voice. He extends his hand towards you, the black, latex covering his fingers gleaming in the low light. He stops just millimeters from your face, allowing you to sniff and inspect him for a moment. His scent is clean and crisp, a hint of something sweet mixed in.
After a few seconds, he starts gently petting you, his gloved hand scratching behind your ears in a soothing motion. “You’re even prettier in person, kitten.”
A wave of unexpected pleasure washes over you as he starts petting you. His touch is firm yet gentle, just the right amount of pressure to soothe the tension in your body. His hand moves from behind your ears to scratching behind your chin, the soft hiss of latex against your fur the only sound in the quiet night. The petting feels ten times better after not shifting after such a long time. You lean heavily into his palm.
“You’re a runner, huh?” Nightwing murmurs, his voice a soft rumble. “Bruce isn’t gonna like that.”
His words are casual, almost conversational, but there’s an undercurrent of seriousness to them. He continues to pet you, his hand moving in a slow, soothing rhythm.
“Running around Gotham like this,” he continues, his tone dropping lower. “It’s dangerous. You should stick to the rooftops, little one. Makes it harder for the baddies to get to you.”
As your attention is occupied with looking up at Nightwing, you don’t recognise the second pair of boots that approach. You’re jolted out of your thoughts as another pair of warm hands suddenly scoop you up, grabbing your stomach and lifting you off the ground. The sensation is so sudden and unexpected that you don’t even have time to react. A startled yowl escapes you as you’re lifted off the roof and held against a broad chest.
Your body stiffens in surprise, a low hiss escaping your clenched teeth. Your instincts are screaming at you to flee, to lash out, to fight, but the hands have you in an unbreakable grip.
Nightwing straightens up, sliding his eskrima sticks into their holsters with a practiced flick of his wrists. He casts you a glance, his eyes softened with concern as he looks at your tense form in Robin’s arms.
"Careful, Little D," he says, a slight edge to his voice. "The kitty hasn’t been out in a long time."
Damian just scoffs in response, his grip on you tightening. His body is tense, his hands clenching in your fur, but there’s a gleam of curiosity in his eyes that betrays his indifference. His voice is as haughty as ever, a touch of impatience in his tone. "I know that, Grayson. I'm not a child."
Nightwing hums at Robin’s attitude, crossing his arms over his chest, leaning against a nearby AC unit with a slight sigh.
"Sure you're not,” he responds back to Robin with a playful tone of annoyance.
Damian just huffs, tightening his grip on you, causing you to let out a surprised, muffled meow in response. His eyes dart down to you, a slight flicker of fascination in his cold, calculated gaze. He loosens his hold subconsciously. Petting your head in a silent apology.
The younger boy doesn’t respond to Dick’s remark, motioning for him to hurry up already.
With a grin, Dick holds his hands up in a mock gesture of surrender. He reaches into his utility belt and procures a small, emerald green and black collar. A symbol you can’t recognise embroidered onto the back where the latch is.
This isn't any average collar that you can find at a pet store. This is high-tech, bordering extravagant. There's a small, golden bell hanging from the front, jingling softly with every little movement made, and there’s a silver, gold-edged tag already attached with some information you can't see yet. But what catches your eye, and fills you with a sense of dread, is the blinking red light on the centre, where it latches onto your neck. With these hook-like latches all around the inside that look all too much like they’ll pierce into you.
Before you can even think to react, Nightwing's already moving. He's faster than you can even register, the collar snatching around your neck in the blink of an eye. It tightens automatically, locking into place with a soft click. You can feel the hooks pierce into your fur and you let out a strangled whine.
As the collar locks into place, the bell on the front gleams in the low light, a soft jingle sounding as you jerk your head back in surprise.
Nightwing steps back, taking in the sight of you in the collar with a critical eye. He reaches forward and gives the bell a couple of light taps, the sound chiming softly in the night air.
"Looks good," he comments, a hint of satisfaction in his tone. "Tim did good."
Damian hums in agreeance with a slight nod, his grip on you still firm and unrelenting. He casts a scrutinising glance over your form, his eyes lingering on the collar for a moment before moving back to you. He brings his thumb to the latch, pushing into the embroidered symbol. “What was the cast?”
As Damian brings his thumb to the latch, pressing into the embroidered symbol, you hear a soft click, followed by a low chime. You feel the collar loosen around your neck, but it still stays in place. For a moment, you consider trying to tear it off, but a warning tug from the collar's hooks and a glare from Damian stop you short.
Dick grins. “It’s our kittens name, D.”
Damian scowls, rolling his eyes, but he doesn't argue. Instead, he turns his attention back to you, his eyes studying your form intently. It's almost unnerving, the intensity of his gaze.
He presses his thumb against the seal harder, his voice a murmur as he utters your name. When you feel the collar tighten around your neck, you try to jerk your head back out of the way, but the collar holds fast, the hooks attaching themselves deeper into your fur. You try to resist, but the more you struggle, the more your mind grows fuzzy. An intense drowsiness rushes over you, your eyelids growing impossibly heavy. Your vision starts to swim, the world around you growing dark at the edges. As the collar locks into place, the hooks latching more snugly into you, you suddenly feel trapped. Your legs buckle underneath you, sending you sprawling into Damian's arms. The latch on the collar is gone, replaced by a solid, unbreakable ring. There is no way to take it off.
The collar appears deceptively normal, made of a thick dark green leather-like material with a simple golden buckle to secure it. The only thing that gives away its high-tech design is the absence of a latch to clip it open. Most people would overlook it, mistaking it for a regular, ordinary collar.
As you black out and lay heavily in Damian's arms, Dick coos softly, bringing a hand out to rub along your fur. His touch is gentle, his tone affectionate.
"Aren't they so cute asleep?" he whispers, his gaze softening as he looks at your unconscious form.
Damian nods silently in response, his embrace around you tightening just slightly, tugging you closer against his chest. He brings his face down, gently nuzzling his chin into your soft, multicoloured fur, hiding the hint of a smile on his lips.
Dick steps forward, a smile on his face as he watches his younger brother hold you close. He reaches out to ruffle Damian's hair affectionately, before speaking up.
"Let's go home."
Guess who spent three days working on this
Anyway, it’s finally out! Send a comment or msg if you would like to be @ in chapter two and for any anon answers that I do for the fic
I had milk and warm cookies while making this, like a child.
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