On Self-sabotage

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Divorced old men are happening again

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Trigun stampede… im in shambles

I binge watched it yesterday and saw the last episode today. Im in SO MUCH PAIN I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT IT CAUSE NO ONE ELSE I KNOW HAS WATCHED THE SERIES.

on one hand, I understand why nai did everything he has done, and i lowkey was rooting for him to get his paradise because he is right about how humans no matter what will keep hurting and overusing the plants till they all die. BUT i so desperately wanted vash to prove to him hes wrong, he has SO much faith in humanity that not even humanity itself has, and they keep hurting him and he keeps believing in them and keeps trying to connect with his brother and you’re just sitting there wondering WHY??? Why does he believe in them so much, to the point of hurting himself?

because he is “vash the stampede” and he’ll always believe

in a way, both the brothers have two different ideas of their paradise, their utopia. While nai’s is a place where he and his brother will never have to worry about humans abusing and killing their kind, vash’s is a world where both the species coexist and are mutually beneficial to the other. He wants everyone happy. MY HEART ACHE AS I TYPE THIS CAUSE I GENUINELY CANT SEE NAI BEING A VILLAIN, BUT I ALSO WANTED VASH RIGHT, BUT I ALSO WANTED NAI AND VASH HAPPY AGAIN, BUT I ALSO— *MENTAL BREAKDOWN*

in conclusion, i will never recover. And i love vashwood

doodleeee

Now im more hungry for a salad

Is it?

hedgehog love

One Big Slutty Fuckoff List of Gloriously Smutty Alutegra fanfics :D

Greetings, fellow Alutegra sluts out there! I am but a humble whore for Alutegra for well over a decade, but finally decided it was high time to curate some of the finest, most exquisite smut of our OG girl boss/malewife ship. What spurred this on, you ask? Welp, I am guilty of sluttily luring in some of my moots aboard this ship and been promising to deliver this for AGES, so here we are years later (sorry i operate on grandma speeds!!!)

A couple things to know regarding this rec list (which may be particularly helpful for curious newcomers, horny vets feel free to scroll on down):

1.) As the title suggests, this is a smutravaganza so mostly is rated E, some M. Sorry folks, im sure there is a ton of amazing non-explicit fics but this is all i read! Also, given the very nature of the series (iirc it originally has hentai roots) it doesnt shy away from sexually kinky themes. Honestly name a kink and its probably not only been explored but likely grounded as far as canon goes. What do i mean by this? I'm only going to name a few but if any of the following get your juices flowin then Alutegra is the ship for you:

Dom/Sub BDSM (emphasis on consent)/Power play vibes- Integra is master, Alucard is her servant. As my boy Oscar Wilde said “Everything in the world is about sex — except sex. Sex is about power.” Honest to God, I don't know any ship that embodies this quote any better.

Bondage- Alucard is first discovered by Integra in a strait jacket/chains etc, and if memory serves me correctly makes several appearances throughout the series

Genderbending/fluidity- well im not sure this is the right term, but in canon Alucard can shapeshift/says he doesn't identify with a specific form/body (whether this applies to gender is up to interpretation i guess?). His "Girlycard" form is generally seen as his female form in the fandom.

Monster porn- Well, Alucard is a vampire and can shapeshift. Including a wolf/dog beast. Sky's the limit folks

Tentacle/cosmic horror porn- Alucard can conjure these shadowy tentacle thingys and a million extra eyes which serves as some sort of relevant symbolism that ive completely forgotten. Shit's hot tho (i got a cosmic horror kink shutup)

Non-penetrative sex & forbidden/taboo vibes- in canon, its established that only virgins can be turned into true vampires, everyone else turns into inhuman mindless ghouls. That said, the authors who write within the bounds of canon find very, VERY creative loopholes. Also the sheer level of pining (for penetration especially) might drive you insane no joke (proof: me). Mad respect to these authors- trust me this is sayin a lot coming from someone who actively prefers full-on penetration smut XD

2.) I am by no means a resource for canon- I watched both series YEARS ago, so my memory of the plot is shaky at best. What truly gripped me about this series is the Alutegra relationship, the true struggle in how to define their bond (or if it even can be, kudos to the fic authors that try). They are both utterly compelling characters in their own right within canon (truthfully I crush harder on Integra than Alucard) and i think the fandom absolutely recognizes that. Much of the gravitas of their bond is tied to canon, so most fics seem to understand/reflect this. No warm fuzzy coffee shop/high school AUs here folks, prepare yourselves for a truly smutty angst fest.

OK enough of that, to the smut! I'm really just commenting on the porn vs the plot so no summaries here. Oh and if any of you know the tumblr URLs of any of these authors lmk so i can tag them. Also im sure ive missed some gems, feel free to share and i'll look to add later

Welp, im going to hell and im taking you all with me- get sinning and enjoy the feast you horny hoes

One-shot porn

What It Wants and Where It Goes - by @crystallinee-waters

Femdom but goddamn its written in a way that made me ache. Alucard's sheer level of contrition, desperation for forgiveness goes beyond your standard simp energy. Top tier, i fucking LOVE how their relationship is depicted. and fun fact, i may have helped the author brainstorm some of the smuttier details <3<3

Mine - by @crystallinee-waters

Goddess at femdom and pining, but holy hell the way how explicit sexual content is approached is just *chefs kiss* I needn't remind you folks- consent is sexy as fuck and this authors fics are proof of that *sidenote - im keeping this list to smut but do yourself a favor and read ALL these authors fics, im a whore for her interpretation of their relationship

In This Darkness, I Have You by @goblins-riddles-or-frocks

What is the point of a vampire/human porn-rec list if you don't include menstrual cunnilingus smut? Also feels. Lots of feels.

Girls & Wolves by Calesvol

mmm hate-sex at its finest folks. Gotta fuck em into obedience yallwhatimsayin??

Homeostasis by Calesvol

A semi-sequel to Girls & Wolves. Very kinky smut but laced with hurt/comfort.

Kingdom of Heaven by Iggy_Lovechild

more hate-sex basically, yay. Also has a shit-ton of smutty one-shots, far too many to list- enjoy

A Queen's Throne by Anilucard

a smutty ode to Alucard's wicked, wicked tongue :D

With the Thorns Underneath by wllw

Holy femdom batman!

Loopholes by @and-i-write-sins

eyyy remember when i mentioned creative loopholes? LOL

you'd make a dead man come by valenstyne

LORD HAVE MERCY! i'll let the fic summary speak for itself: There’s more than one way to stake a vampire. Metaphorically speaking.

Pain by hypnonaut

lol this one just gets progressively kinky as it goes, but Alucard's adoration of Integra is both sweet & sexy

Tentacles of the Night by LaviniaLavender

eyyy remember when i mentioned tentacle porn? LOL

Simple Motions by @ironcladvalkyr

eyyy remember when i mentioned genderbending? but to expand on this this is probably one of the hottest things ive ever read and top tier aftercare/pillow talk

To be watched, in such silence by @ironcladvalkyr

short but smutty, the way Alucard goes on about how Integra turns him on is yums

darling, I wish you were red by @lunarcrystal

yay for cunnilingus and pining!

These fics from Cardinal_Daughter - you have to be logged in to see

Clingy - Timeline of their relationship via Integra POV.

Adore - post-canon angsty smut

Remembered - no smut but this was so achingly angsty i had to shout out

Multi chapter porn

And Though You Turn From Me - by @when-rivers-run-red

THE PINING, THE NOTICE ME SENPAI FEELS, THE TENTACLE PORN AUGHHHHHHHHH this one is a recent favorite folks, do not skip!!!

Eternal Sin by @therustycage

This post-canon multi-fic is one of my favs. Love the Alutegra interactions on how to tackle the obstacles presented in the finale, the pining, and the plot is definitely something to chew on. Slow-burn but tis a good burn

Embracing Sin by @therustycage

Sequel to Eternal Sin. Basically fluffy-porn and time travel. Delicious.

Satis by @lesmismignon

A heavy weight champ of Alutegra post-canon fics. Integra's POV on how she wrestles her feelings for Alucard- just INJECT that shit straight into my veins MMMM! Alucard's pining is top notch/the slow burn makes the smutty bits that much more exquisite. Honestly just read all her fics (one-shots) they're great

The Return by ButifulDeath

Post-canon porn with interesting plot, and fuckin hell dat smut is just *chefs kiss*

Samhain by ButifulDeath

fluffy porn one-shot sequel to The Return and it is hothothot

Like Real People Do by @my-mild-ginger

ahhh so i actually havent read this one yet as its a chonky 40 chapters (currently), seems much more fluff vs smut for those that prefer that balance

jongho ✗ kcon thailand 2023