I’m Running An Introductory Animation Workshop With Creative Arts Students This Saturday (August 20,

kitty cat:3

"I must feed the young ones!!!"

the canaries

AI disturbance overlays for those who don't have Ibis paint premium. found them on tiktok

How my creative process works sometimes.

Search your soul. You know it to be true.

'Portrait Of A Fallen Angel' Prints | Shop

Nami Sano, the creator of "Sakamoto desu ga" and "Migi & Dali" has unfortunately passed away on the 5th of August, 2023 due to cancer.

The Migi & Dali anime is set to air later this year.

Thank you, Nami Sano. Not only for sharing your wonderful work with us but also for bringing so much joy to so many people!

a replaced!mc au pt. I 〚Libertas perfundet omnia luce.〛

"Freedom will flood all things with light."

This work was inspired by the writings of @pen-ink-therapy and @wafermelons who both opened my mind to angst and how cathartic writing and consuming it can be.

part duo

Imagine an alternate universe where the seven avatars who've come to love the MC with everything they have, reject them for another. They were demons all along, cursed to be ruled by their sins for eternity. Finding the strength long buried within themselves, MC will begin a new journey and the brothers will lose what can't be replaced.

Warnings: mental abuse, emotional abuse, acts of violence, body shaming, bullying, suicidal ideation, poor mental health, angst, mentions of familial death.

Note: There will be n/sfw and yandere content in future installments because I am a ✨ w h o r e ✨

You had never realized how long the trek from RAD to the House of Lamentation was until you had to walk it alone. You ambled along in no particular hurry, your steps deliberately slow to put more time between you and your destination. The atmosphere matched the isolation you felt with a slightly damp breeze chilling your bones through your thick uniform and the cold from the cobblestone streets penetrating your shoes. The silence was deafening without chatter filling the empty spaces, so much so that your ears were ringing.

Why were you walking alone? It was a death march where you were forced to go on or be left in the dirt because in your heart you knew that no one would turn back for you.

It was embarrassing, really. Something you would never dare admit to anyone you respected like Solomon, Simeon, and sure as fuck not Barbatos or Diavolo. You had politely declined Solomon’s invitation to walk home together because a part of you worried that it was out of pity. He had seen the strain between your and the brothers’ relationship and you didn’t want him to know to what extent the rift had grown. You didn’t want him to see you at your lowest. You couldn’t stand to see the disappointment you had grown accustomed to reflected in his eyes.

You declined his invitation, feeling ungrateful and even more ashamed, and stayed behind at RAD only leaving when enough students had cleared campus. Then, you would slowly walk home with a pathetic hope in your heart and burning shame on the back of your neck because you hoped with all of your being that someone would notice you weren’t there. Four months ago, someone or a whole group of the brothers would find you on your way back, flustered and worried when they didn’t find you at home yet.

“What took ya so long? I thought ya had already left without me, and then I get home and Beel’s sittin’ by the door like an overfed puppy waitin’ for ya to get back!” Mammon has his hands on his hips, but melts when you smile.

“What have we told you about staying behind? If there’s anything you need, be sure to tell me, sweetie, and I’ll rendezvous with you anywhere.” Asmo gives a conspiratorial wink as if Mammon and Levi weren’t there at all.

Levi huffs, trying to catch your attention, “We have to get snacks for movie night. If we miss the sale for the limited Ruri-pop snacks I’ll never forgive you.” He says this, but he’s already striding towards you and taking your hand with a spontaneous burst of confidence before he loses his nerve.

You once wanted them to stop worrying so much. Nothing bad could ever happen to you when you had them, and you did everything you could (when you weren’t being so reckless) to soothe their nerves.

But now? You missed those suffocating days.

They didn’t notice when you were gone, and if they did, they didn’t even bother to shoot a text. You promised yourself for the last time—really meaning it this time, you swear—that this would be the last time you made your slow walk home in the hopes that someone would come for you. This hope was going to kill you. You could feel it.

Oh no, you were almost there. Your chest was tight, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Your lungs were trying to expand, but something was constricting them. You broke out into a cold sweat and your fingertips became ice cold and numb. A weight pressed down onto your shoulders and your vision went spotty. Not now, not here, please don’t have a panic attack. Just get inside, get upstairs, and please breathe.

You stood on the porch, gathering any courage you could find and took the ornate knob in your hand. You couldn’t even feel the icy brass in your numb hand. Twisting softly, as slowly as possible to avoid the tell-tale click that would echo in the foyer and alert your presence, you held your breath. You had found in the four months of growing isolation that going unnoticed was far easier on your heart than being ignored, and you prayed that you could get to your room without being heard or seen, because if you weren’t being ignored you were being—

You opened the heavy door just a bit to slip inside and, in that gap, you saw Danielle perched at the bottom of the stairway like she was waiting for something.

You couldn’t hate her even if you wanted to. Your eyes involuntarily softened as you took her in. If you two had met on earth, you knew that you would’ve been drawn to her and her light. Some people gave off a glow and brightened every room they entered without needing to say a word and she was one of them. A gentle nature paired with a fun personality and a taste for adventure made her hard not to love. Despite everything, you still wanted to be her friend, but you had to stamp those feelings down because you weren’t allowed to be in the same room as her. It was almost like they didn’t deem you fit to breathe the same air as her.

When you had been allowed to speak to her, before they realized how lovely she was and monopolized all of her time—when she could come to your room and stay for a few minutes before she was whisked away with a sneer from a demon—you really got along. She laughed at your jokes with an open-mouthed authenticity you hadn’t seen her do with the brothers. You had liked the same things and had friendly debates on things you disagreed on like you had known each other for years. She told you of her time traveling with a military family. The sights she had seen and the people she met who shaped her into who she was today.

What happened to you wasn’t her fault. However, that made what they did to you hurt even more. They weren’t forced to treat you that way.

It was a choice.

Danielle jumped from her spot and gingerly dashed to you, trying to avoid making the floorboards creak beneath her. Her eyes were alert and anxious, hands held out to push you back out of the front door, her words as hushed as possible but conveying an urgency that made your muscles begin to seize, “You have to go—.”

“MC.” The voice that could silence a room full of buzzing demons and hellspawn spoke your name in a way reserved for inconveniences, “Come here. Now.”

It was Lucifer. You and Danielle stared into each other’s eyes. You felt like you were going to throw up and the sweats were back in full force now. Her hands were still gently pressed against your shoulders as she had frozen too. Her pupils trembled and her lips were drawn into a tight line, but she was the first to move. Exhaling and dropping her hands, she moved to your side and stood shoulder to shoulder with you. She steadied her back resolutely and clasped your hand in her own, locking your fingers together in solidarity.

“I’m not letting you go alone.” She said softly, but with an unshakeable resolve.

The panic came back, though. If she was with you, they would think you were using her as a shield. 'She was too nice, of course she would defend you,' they would say. 'You’re low using such a sweet girl like that, MC. Can’t you take responsibility for anything? What are you so scared for?'

Because you were killed at least once, and you could be killed again any day but you couldn’t say that out loud.

You couldn’t do this. You barely worked up the nerve to get to the front door and now you were—! Why couldn’t they just leave you alone? You completely regretted wanting to be noticed. You should’ve been careful what you wished for.

Danielle felt you standing still as a statue beside her and turned to look at you. You stared ahead into the distance and your breaths were shallow. To her you looked like you were going to battle and she couldn’t deny that feeling. “One step at a time, MC. I’m with you.” She whispered in your ear and took one furtive step while still clasping your hand.

It would be much worse if you kept the avatar waiting. Not even Danielle’s radiant presence could save you then.

You both entered the kitchen where Lucifer decided to lambaste you today. He sat at the dining table, one leg crossed over the other and a hand atop a pile of papers. Beel stood at a corner with his back facing the scene, adding toppings to a mountain of a sandwich. Somehow, he felt Danielle’s presence and tilted around a bit to greet her, “Welcome home, Danielle.” His eyes didn’t even glance in your direction though your eyes searched for his. You hadn’t expected for him to block you out. To his credit, he was the last one who turned against you, holding out for an entire week even.

You pulled yourself from the mournful thoughts because you had more pressing matters at hand. You could feel Lucifer’s glare on you but couldn’t meet his eyes. Maybe if you kept your head down you could fade away. He observed your and Danielle’s hands clasped together, well…her hand was holding yours, but you still couldn’t feel your fingertips to return the gesture. All you could feel was your palm sweating against hers. He glanced up into her eyes, a silent question in his own, but her brows furrowed as she frowned in response.

He turned his attention back towards you, a harder edge to his glare and words after seeing Danielle choose your side. He lifted a sheaf of papers from the pile and asked a simple question, his tongue working over the words as if it was so simple that even a toddler could answer.

“Do you know what these are?” You looked up with your head still bowed slightly, not having the courage to expose your entire face in the light. You squinted slightly at the white sheets and blank spaces. They looked like school assignments, but why were they…?

“Don’t make me repeat myself again.”

Danielle’s hand gripped yours tighter and you could feel a slight tremor from her arm pressed against your own.

Your tongue felt numb, your syllables clumsy making you feel more incompetent by the second, “I-I…Those l-l-look like…” You took a shaky breath. Compose yourself. You just need to say one sentence. Just one simple answer and maybe you can just be silent and take the verbal lashing. “Those l-look like school—” your voice slurred, and you pronounced ‘school’ oddly, but you forced yourself to continue. “look like school papers…” your voice dropped into a hush around the end. You sounded like a vulnerable child about to receive punishment for acting naughty, but you were an adult god damn it! Why were you made to feel this way?

“Very good.” A cold smile that didn’t meet his eyes, tone dripping in sarcasm and venom ready to inject into your veins. “Now, would you enlighten me as to why they’re incomplete?”

Your eyes widened and you went rigid. If you made a move your muscles would scream bloody murder as now you were suffering a full body muscle spasm brought on by your anxiety. Fight, flight, freeze or faint.

“Some papers were half completed, but turned in. Then, they stopped being touched at all. So, tell me, MC: Why do you choose to shame me in front of Lord Diavolo by showing your complete disregard towards his program and goals?”

Your mind went blank, but fragmented thoughts were racing at the same time. You tried to keep up with work, but then you couldn’t finish. And then, the assignment deadlines would pass and it would be too late to turn them in. You quickly lost your resolve to even try, because even if you tried your best, it wasn’t good enough. You couldn’t do anything right.

Danielle interjected when she could tell that your mouth went dry. “They’re doing the best they can, Luci.”

“But their best isn’t good enough!” His roar ripped through the air and blasted against you both. Danielle’s knees almost buckled and now you were bracing yourself against her to keep her upright.

His exclamation brought an audience. Levi came to the door with a scowl on his face, “Can’t you yell at them somewhere else? A raid is about to start!”

Somehow, Satan had moved to the kitchen with his nose buried in a book. You had realized his pretentious ass feigned reading when he was really just eavesdropping. He had to maintain an image of sophistication masking his actual pettiness at all times.

Mammon sauntered in with the widest grin on his face. He looked to you and then Lucifer and then back to you again. He was practically glowing in satisfaction when he gave you a thumbs up, “It’s nice ta have Lucifer yellin’ at someone else for a change. Nice goin’, human!” It was always ‘human’ nowadays, just like when you first got here. You think he forgot your name.

“Enjoy it now, Mammon.” Said Asmo. “That one won’t be here to always take away Lucifer’s attention.” He smiled sweetly, but gasped when he saw Danielle beside you. That smile became a sneer when he saw your hands. He held out his own and hurriedly beckoned to her like you were contagious. “Come here, darling. You don’t want to waste your time here with the same old, same old.”

Danielle nearly balked, but she turned her attention back to Lucifer. “You’re being too harsh. MC has been—”

Lucifer raised his hand to silence her and massaged his temples like you were bringing on a migraine. “Apparently I haven’t been harsh enough. If this mere mortal feels that they can skate by without consequence and smear my reputation with their ignorance, I have not been harsh enough. That was my failing as their better.” He sighed but straightened himself up into the pinnacle of authority he had always been. His back straight and eyes now trained on you and you alone. “So, what do you think I should do with you, human?”

You unconsciously tucked your chin like a frightened child. You stared at the marble floor, but mentally you were miles away where no one could touch you. You had to remove yourself from the situation because if you took it all in, you would break into a million pieces and never be fixed. You managed to turn your ears off a bit to dull the banter from the sidelines into a soft buzz.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You were brought back to the present when a gloved hand clamped around your jaw and raised you head so high your neck ached and popped. His thumb and fingers pressed into you, putting pressure on your teeth, and bruising your skin and gums. Despite it all, your lips were the only things that could move as they trembled.

“Look at me when I am speaking to you.” Please don’t look into his eyes because if you do, you’ll truly break down, and it’ll be pathetic and it’ll be the last ounce of dignity you have being shattered against the floor. You’ll burst into tears and you’ll never stop, but if you don’t meet his eyes now, you feel that he’ll break your jaw in his grip.

Your eyes darted up, intending a quick glance but when you saw those red eyes directly for the first time in months it hit you at full force. Distaste and revulsion were the first emotions you could feel rolling off of him in waves. You had always been in tune with their feelings, but recently, you had prayed you could stop being so aware. Being blissfully ignorant could have saved you so much damage.

Brilliant hellfire eyes stared you down and took your breath away. He was trying to find something, but you could feel the realization hit him, and disappointment wash over his features.

He nearly whispered but his voice had a quality that carried so that everyone could hear him, “To this day, I do not understand what possessed me to choose you. All for some angelic blood so diluted over millennia that there’s nothing of value left.”

That’s what broke you.

He shoved your face away in disgust and you managed to straighten your neck before you got whiplash. A thick sob tore from your throat and hiccups became pained wails as you bowled over with your forehead pressed against the cool marble tiles. Now that it started, you couldn’t stop. Wails became choked sputters and then you began to hyperventilate. You needed to breathe! You were gasping with all you had, greedily gulping like a suckerfish, but nothing was going down. Lack of air caused lightheadedness and you swayed on your knees.

Your eyes were open, you knew they had to be, but salty tears and technicolor blurs obscured your vision, compounding the nausea building its way up inside of you. You couldn’t breathe and if you threw up you felt you’d suffocate and drown. Your throat tried to reject whatever the nausea was trying to expel from within you, but you hadn’t eaten anything of substance in so long that you merely dry heaved pathetically. You didn’t have to look up to see the complete revulsion from the demons standing above you.

“Gross~ I didn’t know normies could make those sounds.”

“It’s like they’re hacking up a hairball.”

“I hope Danielle can’t do anything like that.”

“Don’t be crazy! Of course not!”

The words make it even worse, but please block it out. You have to hold on. This panic attack was unlike any you had ever felt and not only were you physically bracing yourself, but you were also trying to hold on to your mind with trembling hands. You were going over the edge, and you were the only one who could grab your hand and save you from the fall.

You had seen mental breakdowns before. Even if the person survived there would be something off in their eyes. They could recover, but they would never be the same and you couldn’t risk losing yourself. You were the only you that you had.

Four months. Four months could undo a year of hard work. A year of baring your soul and trusting your heart to them. If they didn’t kill you, you just might.

“MC, please!” Danielle was kneeling beside you. How long had she been there? You hadn’t noticed. “Listen to my voice.” She placed her hands over your mouth, firm but gentle. “You have to breathe slowly. Breathe through the gaps in my fingers.” She had to sidle over to wrap an arm around you in your hunched over position.

“What are you doing, Danielle?” a bewildered exclamation came from someone, “What if they throw up on you?” That was their main concern.

“Breathe deeply into your diaphragm and hold it, okay? Ten seconds, that’s all you have to do.” She spoke softly over your shoulder, and you tried to follow her instructions. Shallow breaths wracked your frame, but you tried to stabilize for her. You didn’t want to waste her kindness.

Polished dress shoes stood in front of you, signaling who towered over you. You didn’t have to look up to see his face. You knew.

“You can only manipulate someone so much until you’ve exhausted your welcome, MC.” He dropped the papers over you, “Aren’t you tired of inconveniencing others? I believe we’ve all been very hospitable towards you. All things considered.”

You turned your head just slightly to look towards the counter nearest the refrigerator. Beelzebub still stood there with a slice of bologna hanging from his mouth. His eyes met yours and he held your gaze for a few seconds before turning away. In a matter of seconds he had deemed it all too much to deal with and you not worth the effort. Family came first and you weren't on the same level. Not anymore. Probably never.

You gave a final exhale as you pressed your forehead against the tile once more. You knelt in a humiliating prostration at the feet of one of the most powerful demons as a fellow human had her hand over your mouth, instructing you how to breathe.

It was almost funny.

“Go to your room and finish all of these assignments. Don’t even think of coming for dinner as I don’t want to see your miserable face.” He looked down his nose at Danielle but couldn’t muster any anger towards her. “It would be beneficial for everyone.”

‘Beneficial like when you lied to your brothers and kept one trapped in an attic because you didn’t want to admit how fucked your family was to your boss? Like how you claim to care about your family but you wag your tail like a bitch in heat whenever anyone even says Diavolo's fucking name? You hide behind your role as a 'dutiful aid' to 'his highness,' but you’re truly just a fucking coward.’ you thought, and it shocked you how it came so smoothly. You never allowed yourself to criticize them before so where was this coming from?

You whispered to Danielle, “You should go.” It could get worse if you took up anymore of her attention and you could feel the claws coming out.

“See!” Asmo exclaimed, “MC’s so ungrateful that they don’t even want your attention so just come with us, okay?” He extended his hand again and after giving one final glance towards you she reached out to him. If Asmo was rejected in favor of another, it would not bode well for all parties involved.

“To your room. Now.” Lucifer kicked up dust, maybe involuntarily, maybe intentionally as he left you where you were.

You could hear shuffling. Several pairs of feet moving away and circling the girl like a caged canary that brought them so much joy. You were left with the silence and once again your ears began to ring.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

┊         ┊       ┊   ┊    ┊        ┊

┊         ┊       ┊   ┊   ˚✩ ⋆｡˚  ✩

┊         ┊       ┊   ✫

┊         ┊       ☪⋆

┊ ⊹      ┊

✯ ⋆      ┊ .  ˚

˚✩

Back in ‘your’ room tucked off of the kitchen, you sat at the desk with your eyes closed. This wasn’t your room. You had been made aware that you were merely inhabiting a space here in the brothers’ home on the Demon Lord’s orders. Nothing more. While you were merely a guest, they had refurbished and given Danielle a room upstairs so that she could be closer to them. She noticed the inequality, so you told her you liked having a quiet little spot. She pretended to believe you.

Your head still spun, but you were feeling better as you held on to the little peace you had. The small act of defiance. That comeback you had for Lucifer invigorated you although you kept it locked tight in your head. When had you ever truly rebelled? When you found the attic room and freed Belphegor so that he and his oldest brother could reconcile? When you risked your life—and died—for their sakes?

You always played nice, but at what cost?

Your identity.

Your self-worth.

When was the last time you put yourself first? Maybe a little before you first met the brothers, and then self-preservation came secondary to fixing their plethora of identity crises and daddy issues.

You were truly at your lowest point in life, you could feel it. The emotional turmoil transformed into physical pains that crushed your lungs and strained your heart. An incessant throb wracked your brain and shuffled already scattered thoughts. Freezing cold hands wouldn’t stop trembling and the lights in this room felt too bright. This was the worst you had ever felt down in the devildom, and none of the demons under your pact came to console you. You could feel traces of them in the pact marks that only glowed when you called for them, but you felt nothing coming back from their end. You knew for a fact that they could tell when you were sad and hurting—they had always broken down the door to get to you before you even realized you were sad—but not anymore. The throb in the back of your head dulled when you realized they were ignoring it all. Like muffling a ringing phone beneath a pillow, they would stifle your psychic calls until they stopped coming.

Your D.D.D vibrated in your pocket, catching you completely by surprise. You paused for a moment, not knowing what to do with it, but you gingerly plucked it from your pocket and slowly raised it to your face to look at the notification. From the Solomon, Luke and Simeon group chat.

Solomon: MC? Did you get home safely? I was waiting for your ‘I’m home’ text or call and it’s already been 15 min.

Simeon: Lokw os

Simeon: Luke os bry

Simeon: Luke is vry

Solomon: ‘Luke is very angry with me for not walking you home and he’s refused to speak to either of us until you call him and let him know that you’re safe.’ Did I get all of that, Simeon?

Simeon: （*’∀’人）♥

Solomon: Luke, I can tell you’re reading in the chat.

Solomon: Your leaving just proved it.

Solomon: sigh…MC…Please just let me know where you are. We’re worried about you. We always have been.

Simeon: MC, please remember what I told you. I’ve never forgotten.

Luke: （＊〇□〇）……！

Solomon: I agree, Luke. Maybe he’s using talk-to-text? But that’s beside the point. MC, we’re giving you 45 minutes to respond, and if you don’t, we’ll come get you ourselves. Luke is still pouting in the corner.

Luke has left the chat.

What the hell… When did the tears stop? You touched your cheek to find that the tear tracks had dried and a hesitant smile traced your lips. Even when you had been at your lowest… They had always been watching you. Remember what Simeon had said?

He had asked for you to meet him in the art classroom after school had ended. He leaned back against the drying rack and the flowing sheer curtains fluttering around him in the evening breeze was a sight to see. When he noticed you enter, a gentle smile tinged with regret graced his features. Everything he did took your breath away, even after knowing each other for over a year.

“I’m glad you could make it. I was willing to wait all night.” He smiled.

“Of course, I came! I didn’t want to keep you waiting.” You shuffled in and plopped down your bag, taking a seat so he had your full attention. He must’ve had something important to say and you were worried. This was only a month into the new exchange program so you had hoped no one would notice a change in you. Silly MC, how could you evade the watch of an angel?

“I just wanted to be alone with you,” He began, finding the words to not scare you away, “I wanted to make sure that you understand how much you mean to me.” Your eyes started to burn. You sniffled to avoid any dripping issues, but if he said anymore you wouldn’t be able to hold your emotions back.

“MC, please know that you’re never alone.” You shook your head and looked down. “I know, I know.” Agree with him now before he says anymore because if he does, you will break down and it won’t be pretty.

Dammit he wasn’t stopping.

He smoothly dropped on bended knee and carefully took your balled-fists into his hands. He looked up at you with aquamarine eyes like you were the finest jewel to him. “I cannot do anything until you ask me to. I cannot act until I am given permission. I watch and I’ve always been watching, and I’m worried for you, MC.”

You bowed your head, the tears falling into your lap. “Whenever you need or want me, even if it’s for nothing at all, please tell me. I will always be here.”

That was three months ago now, and you didn’t do it. The more time that passed, the worse things got and the more embarrassed you would be to admit all that you went through. It was also embarrassing how much it all hurt you. If only you knew that the people who cared wouldn’t pity you, but instead would be furious for your sake.

A warmth bloomed in your heart as you reread the group chat over and over. Months spanned over a year and there had always been warmth. Laughs, security, jokes and shared knowledge. Plans to meet up, discussing the fun had afterwards, learning more and more about each other when one of them couldn’t fall asleep and then a sleepy rambling Luke waking up too because he also wanted to talk to you at night. Then, him falling asleep with the D.D.D in his hand and accidentally typing more gibberish.

You were grinning now, gazing at the screen that comforted you. You needed to organize your priorities right now. Get it all out on the table, see what you needed and what you didn’t and move on from there. The love that you felt for the angels and Solomon, and even Diavolo and Barbatos couldn’t be crushed so easily, but you had also felt this way about the brothers until very recently.

You didn’t stop loving them, you were saving yourself.

One month, was simply being forgotten.

“I’m sorry, MC! I thought Levi would tell you.”

“Why did you think that? I was sure Mammon would tell!”

“I was so focused on the slots, of course I couldn’t think of anything’ else!”

With the second month, came the cold shoulder.

“You wanted to go, MC? I didn’t think that club was your scene, y’know? So many different people, I didn’t want you to get stressed out.”

“I saw the new café and Danielle was the first person I thought of. You can come next time if you want.”

“I have the worst luck when I’m with ya so I asked Danielle to come instead, and then I won like twenty racks! Ya can’t ruin this for me now!”

“It’s a more upscale restaurant and I knew that Danielle could hold her own with the affluent better than you could.”

The third month solidified your worst fears:

Mammon hit you the hardest. You noticed him beginning to pull away. You only got to hang out with Danielle a bit before the rest realized how wonderful she was. Soon, Mammon would come cozying up to her. Burying his head under her chin and wrapping his arms around her waist, begging for affection like he would do to you just a week prior. He didn’t have time for hanging out anymore, but always had plans to do something with Danielle as he nervously prepped to have some time with her.

He was always a bit money hungry, but you already knew that. However, you didn’t expect he would treat you like meat.

You found the pictures on social media. Candid photos of you whether in class or at home when you were minding your own business. None of them were risqué, but there was a voyeuristic perverted quality as a hidden camera spied on the seemingly most vulnerable human at RAD. The source led to him, and there was a fight to which he never apologized until the end. Mammon was selling photos of you to greedy buyers with unconventional interests and fantasies. The one brother who would protect you with his life was using your image to make chump change to fund his outings with Danielle.

Diavolo found out and reprimands were in order. When Lucifer scolded mammon at home, it was for being caught and he didn’t mention a single thing about your autonomy! You were scolded as well, because surely, Diavolo heard about it from the scene you made.

This was the first true betrayal.

It would get worse.

The last few times you joined Mammon and Danielle at the casino, he swore she was his lucky charm. He once kept you close, never out of arms-length because he was sure Lady Luck was guiding his hand when you were around. Now, he had Danielle blow on his dice and he won big every time. He treated you like a pestilent, sending you out of view. Danielle would try to find you in the crowd and he would lie and say you were at the slots or something. You watched from the corner as he told a bald-faced lie and notice that Danielle’s brows would knit in concern and her lips frown as she tried to search for lies. She didn’t feel right about this, but she didn’t know what she could do with his grip on her forearm rooting her in place.

The last time you went, you dressed to the nines. You were going to have fun with Danielle even if it killed you. Mammon didn’t glance or compliment you even once, but you caught her eye and she tried to keep close to you all night, keeping you near to talk even when Mammon fumed with you so close to the table as he kept her as close as possible.

He lost some and started taking shots. His temper was flaring, and you could feel static heat racing up your spine. “Would you like to dance?” Danielle stretched out her hand for yours and you took one step towards her and your shoe broke. “Told ya, they’re unlucky.” He snickered and grabbed for Danielle once more.

“I’ll help you—!” she started but you already raised a palm and told her you would be alright. You’d go ask for a spare or something. She frowned and didn’t turn away even when you disappeared in the crowd, Mammon forcing her to turn her back and pulling her into the mass of bodies on the dancefloor. You went home and crawled into bed.

Levi was always immature when it came to something he was passionate about. He didn’t like being beaten in games, but he hated when his partners weren’t up to standard.

“You’ve never even played before. Why did I let you on my team?” He whined as he saved you from an enemy. He had never been like this before. He had always been grateful when you showed interest in the things he liked and actually tried to get into them with him, but he found someone else he found more suitable.

You were having trouble aiming at a distant target and being watched so critically definitely wasn’t helping. “Come on, just shoot already!” You shot and missed at the enemy that pinned him down. His player character was shot in the head and the round ended with your team losing and the failed music track filling the room to rub it in.

He threw his arms out with a scream, just furious with the outcome and knowing it wasn’t his fault, when his knuckles clipped your front tooth. You reeled back, tears prickling your eyes and blood gushing from your mouth like a broken dam. It felt like every nerve ending in your head was exposed and screaming. Willing the tears away, you managed to force you eyes open to stare dumbly at the broken tooth in your hand.

“It wasn’t my fault! You were in the way! This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t lost us the match.” He sat back and crossed his arms indignantly. The Levi you knew would have tripped over himself rushing to your aid, trying to recall every medical scene from his anime that he could pull from to help you. This Levi huffed and didn’t even apologize. You had to collect your self and stumble to the bathroom to rinse off and staunch the constant flow of blood. Then, you would make your way to Purgatory Hall to ask Simeon to repair your tooth.

He looked like he had been burned.

His eyes had never widened so much, blue irises losing color and nearly becoming white as he staggered back against the wall behind him. He bit his bottom lip before gently asking questions.

“MC…”

“It was an accident.”

“I can only act if you tell me…”

“It was an accident.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I’m sorry.”

He bonded your tooth for you in silence and you left feeling like you had betrayed him. When you returned home, no one mentioned the incident. No one had noticed and Levi hadn’t told. You stopped hanging out with him after that. If you made too much noise he would pound on your ceiling to shut up, but you could hear his enthusiastic wails all hours of the day. You began to really hate his voice.

You hated all of their voices.

Satan had always been a pretentious prick, but it couldn’t be helped because he was well read, right? Where you once had book exchanges and discussed your thoughts, he would rush through the books you lent him to return them before you could even finish one of the books he loaned you. Where he once listened thoughtfully to your opinions, his eyes glazed over waiting for you to finish. His body language and actions even started to rush you. Rolling his eyes, body facing somewhere away from you, making hand gestures to go on.

When he did respond, it was to tell you why your analysis was wrong and that you clearly missed the mark. 'You just couldn’t see the author’s true intentions and it's upsetting because it's hard to miss.' in his humble opinion. He claimed to be upset because there were so many books he wanted to share with you, but you foolishly couldn’t read the languages.

The next moment, you saw him patiently teaching Danielle the dead languages so that she could read with him.

“You just don’t get it do you?”

“I knew your limited brain capacity wouldn’t keep up, but I still hoped…”

“This isn’t worth it. Just return the book.”

You feared for your life again when you left a book you had borrowed in your desk at school. “I-I’m sorry, Satan, but I can run back to campus and get it back!” You were already putting your shoes back on at the front door, but that couldn’t save you.

“You idiot! That was one of only five copies in the three realms, and you ‘left it at school’?” He mocked your voice. “How could you handle other people’s property so lightly? How could you be so inconsiderate? Had you always been this way or was I just too blind to see it?”

He advanced towards you and you staggered back into the wall on instinct. You felt so small as your body trembled in the corner. It was an accident, but every word would only be an excuse and make things worse.

“I should’ve never let you borrow something so valuable; that was my fault, but I’ll be sure that you never make the same mistake again.” His sclera had shifted into blood red and his teeth were too big for his mouth, but you could hear every threat clear as day. You could still hear them clearly in your head whenever you were alone.

He couldn’t physically harm you due to the pacts, but he could have you hurt. An upwards palm from him had your body lifting into the air, your fingers on the wall not keeping you stationary. A sideward slash sent you spiraling into a distant wall outside of the kitchen. You crashed into it on your back. Having recently been reinforced, your body hadn’t crashed through it entirely, the wood, steel, and plaster crushing around you and cushioning your impact with jagged scraping edges. The back of your head took it hard, and your vision went white for a few painfully long seconds. Your shoulder blades caught jagged pieces. You could feel your shirt ripping and the sting of fresh cuts bleeding and mixing with the dust and insulation.

He huffed as if he had been overexerted, you could see beads of sweat on his temples. He was tense from rage he couldn’t act on and the restraint made him even angrier. “Never show yourself in front of me again!”

And you didn’t from that day forward. You were left to pry yourself from the wall, drop to the floor, and drag yourself back to your room where you lay exhausted. You never told anyone about this and certainly didn't ask Simeon to patch you up. You tried your best to disinfect to avoid infection and couldn't care about the possibility of scarring.

The wall had been repaired with no questions asked. The others joked about Satan’s anger issues being almost as expensive as “Beel’s” and that was that.

Asmodeus was the most venomous. You had always known it, but chose to focus on his inner beauty. Famous last words.

“I didn’t invite you because the clothes won’t fit you. They cater to more…” He looked thoughtfully, “A more elegant figure, you know?”

“You just don’t have the look, sweetie.”

He had once called you beautiful.

“Just look up some routines on Deviltube if you need help.” He would answer flippantly with a gesture to go away, not even looking in your direction.

Your self-care days were over.

“Oh, you’re still wearing that? I guess you could say it’s retro despite only being two season old…You do you, sweetie!”

You used the old clothes he once bought you because you didn't go shopping with anyone and didn’t know where to go. You could ask the Purgatory Hall boys but the risk of making them feel like your second choice would devastate you.

“Are you sure you want to eat that, MC?” you had grown used to his saccharine concerns as a sheer shroud over malicious intent. He gazed at you up and down before pouting in thought.

“I’m just worried about you,” he continued, “You’ve been getting a little…how do I say it?” He touched his temple in thought and as if a lightbulb lit over his head, he gleefully grabbed nonexistent fat around his mid-section and pretended to squeeze at it.

“You’re getting a little round around here. I’ve noticed your uniform is getting tighter, honey. You’ll have to get new measurements done at the school store.” He giggled coquettishly.

He found you alone in the kitchen rummaging the bare pantry where you found an open box half-filled with stale crackers. That would be your dinner and you were grateful for it.

Despite not having a meal in so long, you tended to bloat from water being your only food. You could get a pack of crackers from school sometimes if you could get to the vending machines and it was always a blessed day when Luke found you and forced you to share his lunchbox.

Not having eaten something with substance in so long, however, would make you sick in a few bites and have you holding back vomit until you could sneak to a bathroom. You hoped Luke didn’t think it was his cooking, so you started disappearing around lunch time. There was no food to pack a lunch at home and no food was ever saved for you. You couldn’t have breakfast or dinner because Satan would be there, Beelzebub would eat your plate no matter how early you arrived, and Asmodeus seemed to take a sick interest in watching you eat.

“I’m just trying to help you be a better you.” He said, “I know it’s hard work, and you may feel it’s hopeless, but even you could polish yourself, you know?”

You stared at him as pain built behind your eyes. There was so much you could say, but if you tried to open your mouth the dam would break. You kept the crackers and went to your room. “Good talk, by the way!” He called after you.

You hope he chokes.

Beelzebub considered himself a silent protector, but he was simply a bystander to it all. You once worked out together, attended all of his games, and he even dedicated his wins to you even when you told him it was all his hard work. Now, he changed his workout times like he was avoiding you and didn’t keep to the routines you two made. He never had time and didn’t invite places. You used to run errands together and now, he said you couldn’t come, or he just plainly didn’t want you there.

How did this happen?

He stopped inviting you to games, stopped reserving tickets so that you could see him as close as possible in his glory. Those seats were reserved for Danielle and you had to feign disinterest in sports so she wouldn’t feel bad. You fell out of the school spirit scene.

He passed you by in the hallways both at home and school, and he stopped trying to hold himself back from gobbling your food. It was now him glancing at your taken aback expression and giving a firm, “You snooze you lose.” Which everyone minus Danielle thought was so hilarious.

You realized you were food soon after.

You were awakened by a crunching. Snaps and crunches drew your attention to a large and dark figure huddled over the vanity. This mass was darker than black and you had no problem finding it in the gloom. “So hungry…” It groaned and you knew who it was. “Beel.”

His head whipped around, eyes flashing in the dark like a beast’s. Yellow and glowing in the dark room, this startled you and you immediately flicked on the bedside lamp. He held old jars of creams and unused makeup and other things you stopped giving a shit about. Lipstick tubes were hanging from his maw and his eyes were glazed over, as he was concerned with one thing and one thing only. “Beel, you’re sleepwalking.” “So hungry…”

You huffed, and moved to get up so you could gently steer him to the kitchen. You startled when you noticed he was so close and already looming over you. His expression hadn’t changed. “So hungry…” The groan was now a growl. “Beel, please wa—!” His hand, so large and hot, was gripping your forearm in a second. He squeezed and wrenched it upward and towards his gaping mouth. Had he always had rows of sharp teeth?

“Beel, stop!” And he froze. His eyes were still blank, but he followed your command. “Let me go and get out of here!” Your shrieks alerted the rest of the house as they all shambled in to see what was disturbing the rare night of them all being asleep at once. “What is the meaning of this, MC?”

“Beel, get out and don’t come back!” He released your hand and was already mindlessly shuffling from the room, the brothers sending him worried looks as he retreated.

“I will have an explanation, MC.” Lucifer was in your face and standing at full height like his presence was enough to earn some obedience from you. You had used your pact for once, and felt reassured for the first time in so long that you didn’t recognize what it felt like.

“He was trying to eat me.” You responded gruffly, glaring up at him and over the bullshit.

He looked taken aback at your direct stare, but quickly frowned harshly. “That’s what he does. He sleep eats.” He acts like he’s explaining something to a child, but you’re only getting angrier.

“That doesn’t give him the right—”

“You’re merely prey to him!” He booms before you can bring up a very valid point and the words die on your tongue. He must have authority at all times, and he will force it from your hands before he loses it to a mere human.

He turns to the remaining brothers sans Beelzebub and Belphegor who was still asleep. No one had come to your defense and Danielle tended to sleep in headphones so she hadn’t heard you.

“Everyone back to your rooms,” he called to them, signally that this little thing was over. He turned to you with a withering look before he left you in silence again, “I will not have another disturbance from you.”

The door slammed shut behind him.

Could you ever have truly trusted Belphegor?

Once forgiven and you saving his relationship with his brothers for a second time, he clung to you like the most spoiled child with a sadistic streak. He delighted in monopolizing your time and keeping you close so he could nestle into you during his hour long “naps” no matter what you had to do. It was suffocating and he had never apologized for anything he had done—ever—but you lived with it. Even found comfort in the quiet that came lying near each other when you needed some time to think or not think at all.

But then, he found a new toy. One he didn’t break.

He didn’t have time for you, he didn’t make room for you. You were a pestilence that ruined everything you touched. Soft smiles and fingertips lightly brushing together beneath the dinner table vanished and now you were perfect for bouncing jokes off of. He figured himself a comedian with his dry humor.

Wanting your pillow back, you carefully ascended the attic, feeling like you were entering a lion’s den every step of the way. He was curled up with a sleeping Danielle, but his eyes opened on you as soon as you got close enough.

“Um, hi, Belphie.” You stopped where you stood and fiddled with your hands. You had to hurry before you lost his attention, but get your point out carefully so he wouldn’t feel attacked. “I just wanted to know if I could have my pillow back?”

He rolled his eyes and turned his back to you, getting more comfortable against Danielle before he would fall asleep. “I threw it away.” He said, “’Had a bad smell. Didn’t smell like Danielle.”

He curled against her neck. “Get out, I’m trying to sleep.”

You left.

Something that you never expected—who were you fucking kidding?—you didn’t expect any of this shit to happen. You just wished it hadn’t happened.

One morning, you were awakened out of a dead sleep you hadn’t known you took. You were wearing your clothes from the day before and your homework lay on the desk undone. The lights had been left on and you lay atop the covers instead of under them.

“Wha—?” You couldn’t even slur with your dry mouth. Lucifer had the task of shaking you awake. The disdainful curling of his lips not being lost to your bleary eyes.

“W-What happened?” You asked before he could turn away.

“Belphie put you to sleep before we went out last night.” He answered matter-o-factly.

Your mouth opened and you had to force sound to come out before he left, “Wh-Why? Did he use his power? Wh-Why did he put me to sleep?” Your voice sounded pathetic but you felt pathetic.

“Because we were all going out last night and we didn’t want you asking questions. Annoying questions like now. I was wise to think ahead.” A small self-satisfied grin lit his features before sharp eyes lowered to you again, looking down his nose at you.

“Now get ready for school. I will not allow you to miss a day of class no matter what. There is only so much shame you can bring me, and escape unscathed.”

You had really lost your autonomy here.

You shook your head. Lucifer wasn’t even worth remembering. It was almost as if his existence was the root of all suffering. You blew air through your teeth, feeling a calm wash over you. You pulled up the PH group chat and found your thumb moving on its own.

MC: Hi, guys. I’m sorry it took so long, but I’ll be coming to visit soon whether you like it or not! I haven’t felt this good in so long. I really miss you all.

You grinned and one single tear flowed down your cheek. They did make you so happy.

Luke: You didn’t call me, but I forgive you!

Simeon: (*≧∀≦*)

Solomon: ☜(˚▽˚)☞

Luke: MCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!

Luke: I’ll be waiting, the cupcakes are cooling now! We can decorate together! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*

MC: I can’t wait to see you guys. See ya in a few!

Locking the screen you stood up and stretched your aching body. Everything hurt, but it wasn’t unpleasant. It felt more like weakness was leaving the body. You grinned, 'Oh my gosh, am I becoming some kinda pervert?' You shook your head playfully. Your dry hair swished around you and you looked into the mirror for the first time and truly saw yourself. Tapping a brittle fingernail against glass, you gazed at the combination dry/oily skin and anxiety-induced acne on the person before you. They stared back as if they were waiting for you to say what they’ve been needing to hear from you.

“We’ve gotta get you some self-love, bitch.” You smiled at the person smiling back before grabbing some toiletries and heading to the bathroom. You deserved a hot shower and a deep condition.

You wore a facial cleanser as you styled your hair over the dusty vanity you hadn’t touched since that night. You were looking better already, as if you were reborn or something. Love was overflowing from your heart and you were practically glowing. ‘Could this be Simeon’s influence?’ You smiled as you thought back to him. There was so much you two had to discuss, but firstly, you would hold onto him and never let him go.

You wore the clothes you were wearing when you had arrived in the devildom for the first time. Not the things Asmodeus had bought you. They weren’t you and never had been. You didn’t need to conform to Devildom standards and sure as fuck not his. You hadn’t been friendly to yourself in a long time, and you needed to start now. The clothes fit like a glove and as you gazed at yourself in the full-length mirror you avoided from Asmodeus’s influence, you had no idea what he was talking about. ‘The twink’s got bad taste.’ You thought as you turned around to get a look at your ass. You hadn’t been working out since you lost a gym buddy, but you could still get it.

You were doing something that would mark the end of the dream turned nightmare with the demon brothers of House of Lamentation. You packed a school bag of only the most valuable things which weren't much. You weren’t bringing anything linked to this house, even a toothbrush. You were going to have to pick something up from a store and borrow the rest from your new roomies you were going to impose on. You didn’t need to think hard about what you would bring.

A teddy bear that came in a matching pair with Luke’s. A beautiful and delicate teacup with matching spoon and saucer gifted from Barbatos that was too precious you hadn’t removed it from its box since the day you received it. A matching friendship bracelet with Diavolo. He secretly wore his beneath his sleeves every day and would playfully flash it whenever he caught your eye. It looked pretty juvenile with its colorful woven strands and bronze charms but it was yours and had both your initials in it. Lastly, was a pashmina you swore was softer than any cloud in the sky. Simeon had wrapped it around you one chilly day, stating he had brought it from the Celestial realm just for you. He made you feel so special.

Just one more thing and you could leave. Walk straight out of the front door with dignity and never look back. You dug into the underwear drawer for something you had brought from home that made you feel grounded. No matter where you were, you were never truly alone because you had your grandmother’s ring. This ring was proof that she had lived and loved you. No matter where her soul was, she always loved you and you would never stop loving her. Holding this ring in your trembling palm got you through many panic attacks, and not being able to find it amidst the underwear and socks was quickly bring up another one.

“No, no, please be there…” you whimpered when you couldn’t find it no matter how frantically you searched. You froze. Traces of yellow aftereffects lead from the drawer, so feint you would’ve missed them. That greedy motherfucker. You leaned back on your heels and sucked in a breath through your gritted teeth. Your hands gripped the edge of the drawer so hard that the wood broke and splintered in your palms. The shock brought you back, but didn’t elicit a peep from you. You looked at your palms and ripped a few splinters out with your fingers until you decided it was sufficient.

They really couldn’t leave you alone until the end, huh?

You strode to the common room with purpose. Playful chatter flowed into the hallways as you got closer and closer to the source. You normally would’ve retreated. Held your breath and ran the other way like a field mouse. Satan was in there and he had his spells where he didn’t need to touch you and Beelzebub had his hunger, and Asmodeus had his weaponized words, but that only made you angrier. Fuck that and fuck them. You strode into the room and stood where you could observe the room, looking from face to face until your eyes locked on your target.

The banter died down at your shocking presence. Danielle was the only one who visibly perked up and was already shuffling off of the couch “MC!”, evading needy hands and clambering towards you. Lucifer awoke from the shock and was rising from his seat.

“MC! I thought I told you to—"

“Mammon, have you seen my ring?”

Recognition flashed in his eyes, but he pushed it down and met you with a bored indifference and a scoff. “What ring? There's tons of rings 'round ‘ere. Ya expect me to keep up with one?” He acted as if it was such an inconvenience, leaning back in his seat and putting his feet on the ottoman and hands behind his head in mock relaxation.

You sighed. He was going to force your hand, wasn’t he? “Where is my ring?”

He was pissed that you weren’t letting this go. “I already told ya I don’t have your damn ring! Why do ya think it was me, huh?”

“Because it's always you.” You said in a monotone, staring him down like he was the biggest dumbass in the three realms.

He was up on his feet now. “How fuckin’ dare you! What does a shitty little ring matter, anyway? The band wasn’t even real gold! I didn’t even make cab fair with the thing!” His hands were up in the air in exasperation. He was in your face whining like he was the victim because he didn’t make his asking price.

“That was my grandmother’s ring and you knew that.”

“Why should I care? Yer granny's dead and what’s the point of holding on to some shitty ring? I might as well get some use outta it if it’s just gonna sit around.”

Your head tilted only slightly as an incomprehensible smile stretched across your lips. Your grandmother’s passing was still fresh in your mind while these brothers had millennia to mourn their sister. They held altars in her glory, and even a creepy little bedroom replica and you never criticized a thing. You were always the enabler, never a bad word for anyone.

Did you try to be Mother Theresa or something? The dam would break again, but it would not be your tears shed tonight.

Your eyes looked like murder and your smile foretold destruction.

“You god damned hypocrite.”

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i'm such a big fan of laios using being well fed as proof that he's serious. like there's so many techbros & etc who will use not eating breakfast as proof that they're productive & just in general, the idea of being "too busy to eat" is getting more common (which is exactly what toshiro is doing here!) but laios is like. no. i'm so serious about this i'm thinking about what comes next. i'm so serious about this i'm making sure my body can do everything it can when i need it.

the fact that everyone in the party took care of themselves & carefully planned out their route & when they'd take breaks is what made them so successful. they always made sure to understand their limits