*opens Word Doc Covered In Blood* It Doesn’t Have To Be Good. It Just Has To Be Done.

There's a post floating around the tumbls to the tune of "stop writing your characters like they're winning at therapy." The overall thrust of this "advice" seems to be that it's not interesting characterization or good fiction to write characters who already have good self-awareness and the ability to communicate with the people around them.  The strong implication of the post was that self-awareness and therapy are boring, so don't put them to paper.  

There's another post that's a kind of follow up, talking in a more nuanced way about how characters, like real-life people, may well have extreme difficulty 1) identifying the emotions they're having, much less 2) being able to talk about them, or 3) being willing or feeling safe enough to say it aloud.  It's not such an intentionally quelling piece of direction about how to write effectively, but it still comes down on the side of "conflict makes for more interesting reading in the end." 

The other implication of "this isn't good writing" is that those kinds of stories do not hold value, and that conflict has a very narrow meaning.

It's true that people grow up in all kinds of situations that affect their understanding of their feelings, much less their ability to communicate them or ask for help. Those folks may struggle alone for a long time before they are in a place where it's safe to slow down and think things through.  Some folks may never get to that place, and it's important to read their stories and struggles.

It's true, too, that there are people who are naturally more self aware, who are able to speak up for themselves regardless of any past trauma or any ongoing anxiety disorder or whatever other thing might have otherwise hampered their insight and communication about their needs and desires. Their current success doesn't mean their story isn't worth penning.

Here's what the "don't write it, it's not realistic" crowd and the "don't write it, most people don't have these skills" folks fail to answer: why is it wrong to write and read stories where the characters behave like self-actualized people who love themselves enough to spend the time doing the work getting over their shit, and who love and respect the people around them enough to communicate clearly with them?  Why is it wrong for a writer to give a reader a lens into a world where some people reach a point in their life where they don't have to deal with drama, understand why they feel a certain way, and take affirmative steps to solve their problems?  Why is it wrong for some writers and readers to want a story where there isn't conflict, and where there is a calm, peaceful ending for everybody involved?

"Conflict's more interesting!" 

Maybe, but it also contributes to stress, anxiety, depression, physical health issues, sleep disruption, anger issues, violence, crime, self-harm, and suicide.  Acting like everyone ought to be writing conflict instead of healthy communication is racist, ableist, and classist as hell-- pretty mean-spirited, too, if all you care about is the drama.  It's also incredibly intellectually lazy.

It's pretty rude to assume you know what all writers ought to write, or what all readers must read.

People write for all kinds of reasons, and people read looking for all kinds of things-- mirrors of their own life, but also windows with views onto something they might not have been able to imagine before reading your story. 

Some people have already been through the wringer and did the work, and want to write a world where they can remind ourselves and other people that it's possible to do the work-- even when it's hard-- and end up on the other side of things in a better place.  We've been through conflict, and we don't want anyone else to have to go through it, either. We want to share our tools and coping mechanisms and reframing devices so that others who are having a hard time while they are reading have at least one positive view that gives the reader permission.  Stories that write about winning at therapy are important, because they say this: 

"Go ahead, you're allowed.  Acknowledge that what's happening to you isn't fair or healthy.  Admit that you deserve better, because you know that the character in this story is like you and you can see clearly for them what's still hard to accept for yourself.  Understand that you're not a failure for having strong feelings. Know that it's not selfish to take care of yourself and to read the books/see the therapists/erect the boundaries/take the meds you need in order to feel like life can be better."

Getting better and staying that way isn't boring or unrealistic, and neither is writing about it. One of the hardest stories I ever wrote was a story about communicating about mismatched needs. When it was done, I reread it and saw-- oh, I need to do the thing I just put my characters through the therapeutic exercise of figuring out for themselves.  It was embarassing, to know myself better through fiction writing than through therapy-- but the process of writing let me figure out on paper what I wanted to happen. The kick in the teeth of realizing it wouldn't happen was what let me make a hard decision-- that my story gave me permission to make.  And then I published the fic, which was more embarrassing because there were several folks IRL who realized what it meant for my offline life. I published it anyway, and few years ago, someone read the fic and commented something along the lines of:  "I'm going to therapy and making X decision because of reading this fic." 

My uninteresting story about a character telling another character that they needed to talk some things through and get help?  It helped someone else.  And it was a popular story, because lots of people who read it understood-- the struggle to understand yourself and your needs is one of the hardest conflicts all of us face, and coming out on the other end of it is a victory that we deserve to share with others, in the hope that they'll see a way through too. 

So, dearly beloveds-- please be assured that you have at least one writer's permission to write boring, uninteresting stories about people who know how to solve their own problems and put on their own emotional oxygen mask before helping others.  I, for one, can't wait to read your story and tell you how much I enjoyed it, and how happy I am that you're sharing that kind of success and the hope it might give to others.  

~GENTLE PROMPTS~

tickling you from the back before actually hugging you

knuckles brushing against each other and person a getting shy

hesitant glances at each other in a crowd

person a helping person b through panic/anxiety attacks

one small kiss before fully devouring the other person

THE SHY PERSON A INITIATING THE FIRST KISS ADJKSF

person a contemplating on whether to send person b a text

HOLDING HANDS UNDER THE TABLE

gentle ear rubs because person b knows person a loves them

knees touching intentionally and person a getting shy

person b complementing person a IN PUBLIC

PLAYING WITH EACH OTHERS HAIR

person a shyly playing with person b's rings while cuddling

small "shh' im here" when someone else is crying

FOREHEAD KISSES FOREHEAD KISSES FOREHEAD KISSES

pressing your foreheads together after a kiss

TRACING PERSON B'S TATTOOS kill me kill me now

holding hands while walking in a friend group

unintentionally caressing each other

SAYING I LOVE YOU BEFORE LEAVING TO WORK?? GIVE ME

acting foolish around each other

random flirty texts or hOrNy texts too

person b trying to cook person a's fav dish

DRUNK DANCING

lazy kisses that dont even count as kisses but you could live in that moment forever because LOVE

person a trying to keep person b still for a picture

MOVING PERSON A BY THEIR WAIST bye

person b winking at person a in public whILE A GETS ALL FLUSTERED

General Advice for Beginner Witches

A brief masterpost of some of my advice posts for beginner witches and the episodes of my podcast dealing with the same. (There is UPG here, particularly where marked, as I base a good deal of my advice on my own experience and observations of other witches.)

Hex Positive Podcast Episodes

Hex Positive, Ep. 04 - Advice for Beginner Witches (July 2020)

Hex Positive, Eps. 6-7 - Come In For A Spell 1 & 2 (Sept 2020)

Hex Positive, Ep. 12 - Witching From The Broom Closet (Jan 2021)

Hex Positive, Ep. 24 - Warding A Witchy Home (Dec 2021)

Hex Positive, Ep. 27 - When Inspo Takes A Holiday (March 2022)

General Tips & Advice

I Feel Like I Might Be A Witch...But I Don't Know

I Have Mental Health Issues - Can I Still Be A Witch?

Can I Still Be A Witch And Use Magic If I Take Medication?

How Do I Teach Myself To Believe In Magic?

How Does Magic Work? (upg ahoy)

Will I Be Possessed Or Haunted If I Try Witchcraft?

What Are Some Things I Can Do To Get Started?

How Can I Start My Practice If I Don't Have Tools Or Books?

How Do I Organize My Study Materials?

How Do I Contact A Deity?

How Do I Worship My Deity If I Can't Have An Altar?

Tips On Working With Deities And Spirits (here be upg)

My Intuitive Spark Feels Low - How Do I Get It Back?

I'm In A Slump - How Do I Get Out Of It?

I've Reached A Stopping Point - What Do I Do Next?

My Candle Is Flickering - Does It Mean Something Bad?

How Do I Make A Magic Circle For Spellcasting?

What Happens If I Get Interrupted While Casting A Spell?

Do I Need To Maintain Positive Vibes For My Spells To Work?

What Should I Do If I REALLY Want To Hex Someone?

How Do I Know / What Do I Do If I've Been Hexed?

How Do I Become More Skilled And More Powerful?

How Do I Know When I'm Ready For The Next Step In My Practice?

Additional Tips For Developing Your Practice

Witchcraft Exercise - Quantifying Your Craft

Witchcraft Exercise - Dig Through The Ditches

Witchcraft Exercise - The Book of Lessons

Witchcraft Exercise - Home Brews

Tips on How to Visualize and Construct Basic Wards

Practicing Your Warding Technique

Cleansing Before Warding / Warding A Shared Space

Refreshing / Patching Existing Wards

Non-Appropriative Herbs for Smoke-Cleansing

Smokeless Cleansing / Other Methods

Recommended Reading & Book Suggestions

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Dragon Age Inquisition Tarot, HQ: 1/10

Color synonyms cheat-sheet

Here’s my ultimate list of synonyms for every colour that you can use in your descriptive writing! Save this post to find them easy later.

Red

scarlet

vermillion

ruby

blood

wine

cerise

crimson

cherry

maroon

coral

rust

sanguine

blush

burgundy

Blue

azure

cobalt

sapphire

cerulean

marine

navy

indigo

teal

denim

ocean

lapis

sky

turquoise

Yellow

amber

gold

lemon

sand

saffron

ivory

dandelion

honey

butterscotch

mustard

canary

flaxen

maize

Green

olive

emerald

grassy

verdant

sage

lime

pine

juniper

chartreuse

seafoam

moss

fern

jade

forest

Black

jet

obsidian

onyx

raven

charcoal

ink

shadowed

dark

midnight

grease

void

White

pearl

alabaster

egg shell

cotton

snow

ivory

frost

bone

powder

light

chiffon

cream

ashen

Orange

amber

tangerine

marigold

clay

apricot

peach

sandstone

honey

bronze

fire

ochre

titian

auburn

Purple & Pink

lavender

plum

lilac

violet

magenta

mauve

orchid

blush

fuschia

salmon

grape

mulberry

periwinkle

iris

Brown

chestnut

hazel

ginger

sepia

mahogany

cedar

cinnamon

beige

bronze

auburn

coffee

walnut

wood

umber

tawny

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what is writing you ask

well, sometimes it's being in front of Word and typing sometimes it's spending forty minutes watching advanced tips and tricks on blacksmithing in order to understand a subject you know absolutely nothing about

Reminder not to edit while you write. You want to finish that story someday? Then stop editing while you write!

Fixing an obvious error/typo in the sentence you just wrote is fine, but we're not talking about that. Do not reread, do not continue searching for errors, do not even spellcheck in case that leads you down the editing rabbithole.

Finish the story. The clock is ticking on that muse and distractions waste precious time!

look, i'm sorry to say it, but if you really truly want to see more queer representation in media, you're going to need to be okay with seeing representation that you don't relate to at all. you need to be okay with media that has queer characters but none who share your specific identity. you need to be okay with media that has queer characters who do share your identity but who you find completely unrelatable. this is because you are not the only queer person on the planet and queer people who are not you, including queer people who you share no similarities with besides your queerness, deserve to see themselves represented.

you also need to be okay with media that shows a queer experience that you personally find uncomfortable. it's okay if you hate coming out stories, but other people find them valuable, so they need to exist. it's okay if you're a masc trans guy and you feel uncomfortable seeing femme transmasc characters, but femme transmascs do exist in real life and also deserve to see themselves represented. it's okay if you're uncomfortable with queer stories that involve cheating or abusive/toxic relationships or queer characters who are not good people, but other people find a lot of meaning in those stories, so you need to be okay with the fact that they exist.

please stop calling out creators—particularly queer creators—for writing queer representation that you don't personally relate to. if you want every queer person to be able to feel represented in media and if you want every queer creator to be able to make the stories they want to tell, you're going to have to learn to accept that some stories will feel completely unrelatable to you, and that's okay, and it doesn't mean those stories are "problematic" or "bad representation"

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mages in glass houses shouldn't throw fireballs.

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AI is the final fire in our Library of Alexandria

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