Uhhhhh We Talk A Lot About How The Goldfinch Painting Represented Theo’s Heart And Self And Which Motherfucker

the IT crowd more like the autism crowd

*Hacker voice* I’m in.

You guys will just see the word "Goncharov" and hit the reblog button. You won't read anything after that anyway so I could just Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I we

you usually never remembered your dreams; you had bursts of them each time you moved to a new place, as if your brain is shaken loose.it was your only constant. for you it’s always been about the residue they left behind rather than their contents, a black charcoal color that stained your insides. they were less dreams and more like nightmares, except you never woke up, never got the catharsis of a scream or a sharp inhale. you knew better than to make a noise in the house where your father slept.

you were in vegas when you got your only recurring dream. it was strange not only because you remembered it but because it was hard to classify. it wasn’t a nightmare yet it wasn’t a dream, either; every night you welcomed it as if you didn’t know how it ended. you were always on the surface of sleep, tiptoeing the line between consciousness and deep slumber. it was a room with only your bed and a window. the day was blank, always. not even a cloud in the sky, like you and the room were the only thing that existed. somehow you were empty of all of your unhappiness and felt warm and rested. safe. 

until a violent noise woke you up, coming from the window. your eyes opened in confusion, you rose sleepily and stayed there, staring at your silhouette on the wall across until your thoughts caught up with you and you looked towards the window at the commotion. 

it was a bird. you never knew what type but you knew it was the same one. your bones cracked and adjusted as you moved towards the window to open it,  the latch creaked as you unlocked it and flinch at the noise. the bird sputtered into the room with stuttered movements, its cries soft. you stared at it, transfixed. it was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. until you realized it was bleeding. how long had it been banging against the glass? oh god, you realized. you didn’t know. you panicked. your hands shook as you tried to decide what to do. a minute passed, two, until you got the courage to scoop it up in your hands. you were scared to crush it, for your hands had never known softness, had never felt a tenderness like this. the weight of love towards another living thing. but you were always too late; as soon as you finished that thought, its heart came to a steady stop. you held it up to your chest, as if your heart could have passed on just a little bit of its life. but it never revived. and you were left in the room, the only other life you had ever known extinguished. a single tear fell from your cheek. then, you woke up. and it began again. 

the nightmare dream stopped when you got to know the only other neighbor in the sea of identical houses. you didn’t notice, you were so happy and desperate for companionship. completely enraptured in this boy’s orbit. 

he experienced nightmares, like you, except he got the luxury of catharsis. his cry reminded you of another sound, and that’s when you remembered. the bird. instinctively you wrapped your hands around him, holding him. touching him like no one else had ever touched you. with care. you felt his heartbeat quicken against your chest for a second, and then his breathing slowed to the rhythm of sleep once again.

except there was something about his heartbeat, like the fluttering of wings. you fell asleep with a slight smile on your face. because it hadn’t been too late after all. the bird lived! you felt like you had finally given it its salvation, something that you’d never have. i must do everything i can to keep this bird alive, you thought, right before you fell asleep. 

you held his outgrown hair back when he vomited (if you were lucky enough to make it to the toilet). you dragged him off the road when he’d lay in the middle of it, praying for a car to come. but like all of his prayers, it went unanswered. when he’d open his eyes, for a split second they would transform into headlights. and your heart, you swore, stopped in that same second. you held him as he thrashed, in a frenzy to find the adequate punishment for himself. you held him until he stopped, as he realized for the millionth time that there was no punishment that would satisfy him, even death. 

years later, this boy, in his drunken haze, showed you a painting. you blinked, startled. it’s the same one from your dreams. the goldfinch, the boy calls it, with blind admiration, as if he were talking about a god. without thinking you took it from him. like you knew he would leave you. a bird had to fly away sometime, didn’t it? you repeated this to yourself but it brought little comfort. 

it would be the only thing you’d have left of him. you’d spend hours cradling it, the same way you cradled the boy. when he left, you felt like you had failed. you were supposed to keep him safe! who knows where he is! but you never let that train of thought go further than that, you didn’t dare to. it would derail, crash and burn within seconds. you’d keep the painting safe. it was the only thing you could do. 

but you couldn’t do even that in the end. the bird, it felt like the only holy thing in your life. the only thing you’d cherished. it’s the painting, you say to yourself. it’s the painting i’m talking about. you could lie to everyone but yourself. but like anything good in your life, it either left or you found a reason to give it up. good wasn’t a word meant for you. you’d spent your life building your own definition, one better suited for you. and for him, too.  

even though you didn’t dare to think of his name, you felt the smoldering of his anger,  he had probably found the civics book in place of the painting. and this is what kept you from coming back to him. every time your thoughts wandered too close to him, you burned. any longer and you would be engulfed in him. you wouldn’t know where you started and he began. 

so you decided to stay in the periphery of his life, instead. looked up at his bedroom window under the streetlight. sat in the car and stared at the antique shop where he worked, that before he used to talk about it like it was a myth, a fantastical place in a story. you thought it would hurt too much, but you were bursting with relief. knowing he was on the other side was better than thinking about him; in your mind he would always be uncertain. in your mind, he would always take the form of a corpse. but you found comfort in the pulse within the shop. 

you spent hours there, preparing something to say in case he saw you, in case you heard his footsteps, each like a bomb ticking down, coming towards the car. it was the only thing you’d ever rehearsed. 

when he finally saw you, in the bar weeks later, all of those lines you’d rehearsed dissolve on your tongue. suddenly you’re an actor, a puppet. looking at him in the eyes was like staring straight into the spotlight. in that moment you thought only one thing. a name. theo. an inhale after years underwater. and then, he talked; and the heat of the anger you expected is not scorching but warm as a caress. you leaned into it. and that’s when you heard it. the violent fluttering of wings inside his ribcage. desperate to escape and fly into your hands. i took conversational russian in college, he said to you. a confession. because of you. it made me think of you. and it felt so real you could almost see it; his chest opening, blooming like a flower, exuding a beam of light, light identical to the one in your dreams. and the goldfinch coming to rest in your hands. for a second, you’re so mesmerized you forgot that you’d betrayed him. you’d do anything to keep it safely in your hands, to keep it from flying away. and with a jolt you realized; it didn’t want to fly away, and it never would again. 

oh my god PLEASE share your thoughts on reflection indicating theo's thoughts in the movie!!! i just found your blog today and im o b s e s s e d i love your goldfinch analyses!

mirrors are representative of theo's concept of himself (again, separate post), while the softer reflections in windows and his glasses are his thoughts. not every reflection has meaning - glass objects are bound to bounce back light. the ones of significance are found in instances of held shots on decipherable images in glass surfaces. 

in the interrogation, his glasses reflect the map as a white sheet - his mind is blank and blurry. at the optometrist, the city is visible in both the window and theo’s new glasses as he considers his new place within it. he’s being taken in by the barbours, shifting upwards in society, and that changes the way he will exist in new york. 

when he takes the painting out of the yellow bag in vegas we see the image both directly and on his glasses. since the painting is representative of theo, the refraction elevates it to a moment of self reflection (pardon the pun). in the storage locker we see the civics textbook in both shot and reverse shots - it's the only thing rattling around wildly in theo’s head, bouncing from himself to reality and back. 

holding the wrapped painting in vegas, his glasses show a window, small and closed, on the school bus in vegas they show the windows and open sky, and during the first confrontation with hobie they show the windows of the workshop - in each instance, he feels trapped and out of control.

in the taxi’s windows, the city passes him by, upside down, until the frame shifts and only the grey sky is left, and likewise on the bus back, there’s middle american nothing - in each moment his life is shifting drastically and his thoughts are hazy at best.  

there's a plate of food on his tray table during the flight to amsterdam, only visible in his glasses. because food is representative of love, it communicates that theo is struggling to avoid the reality of the love he feels for boris. 

AITA for wanting to spend time with my terminal friend?

I (53M) pretended to die in a fire so my best friend won’t be alone during the last few months he has on Earth and he called me an ass at my funeral, but I did it FOR him because if I didn’t I’d have to go back to jail. AITA here?

Edit: the jail time was for a little felony, I just drove a car into my ex’s house, no one got hurt.

Edit: yeah it was on purpose but my friend forgave me so it doesn’t matter

Edit: Okay some of you think you’re soooo clever, which is why you’re on the internet judging other people’s lives instead of doing something interesting or useful. So sad how you only have one way to feel big.

Edit: yes my bestie really is dying. yes it’s a little gay. yes he’s my enabler. people can be all three, it’s the twenty-first century.

Edit: stop upvoting u/aussiedoc and u/parkpuncher, they don’t know me, they’re lying. flooding a hospital would be so juvenile, I would never do that.

edit: seriously how am I the bad guy, what was I supposed to do, let my man kick off alone? you people are terrible.

edit: okay it’s a lot gay.

House MD + Text Posts (6/??)

So um ur boyfriend kinda stole the most valuable painting in the world right um uhh but I kinda also stole that painting and then maybee I lost it so um yeah if its okay um could I fly him out to where I think the painting might be on the same night as ur engagement party I would like to

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