God Will Punish Me For My Sins

i just wanna cut and then die immediately after

me being a stupid bitch again yayayayaya

please palese aplespespelapelspelapelspelpslspgjdl

ive wanted to attempt like 3 times this past week

im such a useless pussy holy shit

Sh culture is properly taking care of it for once, and realizing how much less noticeable the scar is, and then not wanting to take care of them properly bc of that

.

I know my life will end in suicide. I'm sure of it.

i hate that i cant fucking enjoy anything because its either im worried its NOT something i actually like and that i basically copied it% mimiced someone else or that its too generalized of a thing to like or i dont do it good enough so i should shoot muself or overd0se right now because im bad at it

heres an example

i like music. i like vocaloid alot and kikuos music

problem. i cant tell if its me that i like anymore or i copied it cuz half of my fucking interests and personality or all of it is fake. secondly its too genetalizrf and everyone i know likes it meaning im normal and not good enough and should kill myself now. thirdly i literally dont know the lyrics are meaning therefore im a faker and should kll myself now.

damn ive only been back for like an hour and im already going insane

on new years i relapsed and cut like hundreds of times all over my body and then the next day i woke up, overdosed on my meds, immediately left the house, got energy drinks, almost threw up, and then just wandered around while looping a trigger song and with a blade in my pocket so uh. yeah i would say i don't really like new years

thinking about when i told my friend id stay clean for 3 days becuz i knew he was super stressed out about me cutting only for me to cut after one day clean

i need to stop being a useless liar