How To Kiss Someone On Villaintine's Day!

How to kiss someone on Villaintine's Day!

Featuring Villain and Hero! (based on that one joke)

Villain: How to kiss someone

Villain: Grab their waist

Villain: Slip your hand into their pocket

Villain: Steal their wallet

Villain: Don't even kiss them

Villain: Just run

Hero: Villain, NO.

Villain: What? Is that not how you kiss? 

Villain: Aww, guess I'm out of practice

Villain: Hero, will you help me practice my kissing? 😇

Villain: Is there another way?

Villain: Why don't you show me, Hero? 😇

Villain: Or don’t you know how to kiss?

“You know what? Sure.” Hero was so done with Villain's shenanigans. They just wanted a nap and this seemed like a good enough way to shut them up for good. 

“Wha—” 

Before Villain could say another word, Hero had cupped their face in their hands. Looking over their shoulder, they called out to the sidekicks, “Take notes 'cause I’ll only do this once.” Villain was getting redder by the second, but Hero didn't seem to notice, or they didn't care.  

“I-I—”

Hero completely ignored Villain’s stuttering, they were just struggling to stay awake right now. “So. You put your hands on their cheeks, gently.” They loosened their grip. “A good way to know is to imagine you're rubbing their tears with your thumbs. Well, ideally there won’t be any tears but the soft touch is still appreciated." Hero gently wiped away imaginary tears from Villain’s face, unaware that Villain had stopped breathing.

“Now, hm,” Hero got on their tiptoes, “Hm, sorry, Villain. Guess you're a bit too tall for me.” They turned to the sidekicks. “Hey, Villain Sidekick, can you come here? I think your height would do better.” Villain Sidekick didn’t even get a chance to blush before Villain abruptly dropped to their knees. Hero turned around. “Huh. Guess that’ll do. Thanks, V.”

They leaned down nonchalantly, all while Villain’s heart was pounding. Their face felt so hot, and they just knew that Hero could feel it with their hands still calmly holding their face.

“So, you’ve got your hands gently holding their face. You wipe their tears or just caress their face, again, gently. Then, watch. Villain, you too,” Hero kissed Villain’s forehead ever so softly. “This is how you kiss”, then their left cheek, “and this is how you kiss,” before bringing their lips ever so close to Villain’s own, “and... let me tell you a secret,” they whispered, their mouth curving into a smile, lips hovering right over Villain's. “I... I... I don’t know how to kiss either,” they said with a smirk, following it with a quick peck on Villain’s right cheek before immediately dropping their hands.

Oh, the look on Villain's face... thankfully, the sidekicks had their phone cameras on and were excellent note takers.

---

This is so silly, I don't even know

Scheduled this on 21st August 2022 for 14th Feb 2023 while talking to @world-of-fire-and-flight about it here

Me using romance tropes I don't like to make the (non) romance trope I do like -- which is no romance! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! 😈

Villain is Spiderman in this lol:

How To Kiss Someone On Villaintine's Day!

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The hero grinned when they felt the hand around their throat.

It was pitch black in the hero’s bedroom — it had to be or else the hero couldn’t even close their eyes. Often they felt like a trained animal, a lab rat that had been drilled to only fall asleep when there was no light. A silly thought but they believed their wounds could heal better in the darkness. Maybe that was just them trying to deal with the physical trauma.

Deep sleep was a rarity for them anyway.

“You shouldn’t leave your window open.” The villain’s warm breath hit the hero’s lips and for a second, the hero debated if they should just go in for a kiss. But, no.

“You shouldn’t try to assassinate me all the time,” the hero whispered. They knew the villain wasn’t that far away. “Especially with your bare hands. It does things to me.”

God, the villain could be such a little pest. At this point, this was beyond obsession, this was beyond the little cat-and-mouse-games, this was beyond a work relationship. Being close to the villain was like breathing in the thick air of fog, lingering, begging to be noticed, heavy somehow and above all drenching the hero.

It drove the hero insane. The villain was a tease, for sure, and a mean one at that.

Flirting hard enough for the hero to be close to losing their balance. No one had ever dared to question the hero, no one had ever dared to be on their level and yet, the villain was clever and dangerous.

A month ago, they had broken the hero’s arm without hesitation and right now, they could squeeze and squeeze until the hero’s neck cracked. It was thrilling, it was a challenge and power was exactly what the hero was thirsty for.

“All of your assassination attempts end poorly. Time for another job?” the hero added. They had the tiny suspicion that the villain was hesitating — just like them — when it came to the fulfilment of their true desires.

“Do you want me to break your bones again?” the villain asked. “I don’t think you liked that.”

Oh, how wrong they were about that.

“Then end this.”

“As if I didn’t notice the dagger.” The villain shifted and the hero was truly impressed. Without seeing it, the villain was aware of it. Relying on their senses that well…The villain’s free hand found the hero’s wrist and they closed around it, leaning into the blade as if to demonstrate how little they cared about it.

They leaned over, lips against the hero’s neck.

“I usually kill my targets on my first try. But you’ve survived for months now…” They felt the villain’s smirk against their neck and the grip around the hero’s throat softened. The hero’s dagger stayed where it was. “You’re truly remarkable.”

“Oh, darling,” the hero answered, “you’re not supposed to say those things to me.”

“Who else is gonna say this?” And then, the villain’s lips were on the hero’s neck, warm and wet as their tongue followed. The hero closed their eyes and tried to get their self-control back. Hell, the other hand was still around the hero’s, going up and down their forearm.

The villain was — surprisingly — a little shy. They hesitated, were slow and careful, not even paying any attention to the dagger.

“Take your clothes off,” the hero said. Their voice was low and controlled, as if they were giving a command at work. “Now.”

“Shit…” The hero felt them move, felt the absence of their body and loathed it. They discarded their dagger on the nightstand, in case they needed it.

“Wait.” The hero grabbed blindly into the dark and caught fabric. They pulled the villain — who groaned — down and searched for the zipper of their suit. “Let me help you.”

They found it quickly and pulled it down until there was resistance.

“God, you’re a menace,” the villain laughed.

“Oh, you have no idea.” The hero knew exactly where to pull and where to push and their knowledge was, in fact, very useful as they turned the villain around. They seated themselves on top and finally decided to turn on the light on the nightstand.

All they could think was holy fuck when they saw the villain under them. Because the villain was strong and determined. They were smart and stubborn.

And they were under the hero right now, basically drooling.

Their suit was pulled down until right above their hips.

“I have neighbours,” the hero said, as if that wasn’t obvious. “So, you better be quiet.”

“I’m never quiet.” The hero pushed their hips deeper into the villain’s, making the other gasp.

“I’ll gag you if I have to.” The hero drew a line from the villain’s chin, all the way over their chest and down to their hips. The villain squirmed a little.

However, the hero realised as soon as they kissed their enemy how cocky the other was. They truly were a pain in the hero’s ass: letting out high-pitched moans just to tease them.

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Fortunately, as the night progressed and they got more frustrated, they pushed their fingers into the mouth of the (surprised, yet oddly satisfied) villain. Watching their eyes roll back into their head gave the hero a random burst of energy and they knew being rough was the only option.

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On Christmas Eve

In which Hero arrives home after a long day only to find Villain sitting under their Christmas tree like a present Hero never dared to ask for.

Warnings: suggestive (clearly), cute spice

The last weeks of December were something akin to torment. The season of giving meant the resurgence of crime, thus leading to late hours and unending shifts for Hero. Christmas Eve was no different. They spent the entire day dashing from one part of the city to the other, only to end up missing several key attacks, deemed more important by the mayor and being reprimanded by the main asshole of the town. Hero was seconds away from smashing the idiot's face in when the bells of the city cathedral started ringing. The early mass was about to begin.

Hero cursed under their breath, finally remembering what day it was. With a sigh, they stepped away. Now that their patrol was over, Hero wanted one thing and one thing only - to crawl into bed and remain under the covers for the entire holiday season, preferably with something - or someone - warm under their arm. With the second option being as unrealistic as it gets, Hero had no choice but to opt for the more probable one.

By the time they get home, the clock chimes quarter to midnight. They don't bother with dinner, dropping their suit onto the floor and planting face-first on the mattress, somehow managing to pull their pyjamas on in that position.

With how exhausted they are it's no surprise they fail to notice the soft tapping sound from downstairs - someone's bare feet against their kitchen tiles. However, the tapping noise continues, followed by clanking of ceramics. That finally draws Hero's mind out of the blissful hazy state, prompting them to turn over with a deep groan, their eyes still shut. A part of them wishes to allow the intruder to rob them to avoid getting up. If they are a failure to the city, they might as well let this crime slide.

It's at that moment that their brain catches up to the thoughts drifting lazily in it, prompting them to jolt into an upright position on the bed. No one would break into their house when there are better (and less secure) places to rob.

They take a moment to listen as the soft tapping of feet comes once more, moving about their house with purpose. This forces Hero out of bed, as they rub their eyes, tiptoeing out of their bedroom and down the corridor, ears on high alert for any weird noises. Except it's not a noise that catches their attention this time. Why the hell are the lights on their Christmas tree on?

Hero prances down the stairs, squinting in the dark as they scan the hallway and the front door, noting that it's locked. They take a deep breath before stepping into the living room, illuminated by the soft glow of the flickering Christmas lights, only to find Villain sitting under the tree. Like a goddamn present. In fucking pyjamas. With a cup of hot chocolate in hand.

"What the..." Hero's voice dies down, their thoughts trailing off in utter confusion. They rub their eyes to make sure they're not hallucinating the little shit of an enemy they had since day one of becoming a hero.

"Hi," Villain looks up with a toothy - and breathtaking - grin, taking a sip of their drink and releasing a satisfied hum at the warm feeling.

"Excuse me?" Hero squeaks, incredulous and slightly dumbfounded by the casual demeanour of their nemesis in their home. Since when does Villain know their address? They don't manage to ask that, interrupted by the voice that intrudes their thoughts in the same unabashed manner as their house.

"You're out of marshmallows," Villain states, chuckling sheepishly as they point toward the second mug on the coffee table. "Well, now."

"Um..." What on Earth is Hero supposed to say in response to that? They freeze, gaping at Villain.

"Stop staring at me like I've grown a second head," Villain snorts, giving them a quick once-over.

Hero shuffles, Villain's gaze sending a shiver down their spine. They step closer, lowering themself on the armchair, still doubtful but finally able to form coherent sentences. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I was feeling lonely," the criminal shrugs, taking a gulp of their drink, while still maintaining intense eye contact. "You've been ignoring me."

Hero picks up their mug, tentatively sipping from it. The rich chocolaty taste fills their mouth, relaxing the lingering tension in their shoulders. "I've had a busy week."

"A lot of parties to attend?" Villain teases, leaning against the leg of the armchair behind their back. Their tone is mocking, but there is an undercurrent of curiosity in their words.

Hero rolls their eyes, huffing. "Sod off," they grumble. "I don't like those events if you weren't aware."

"I thought you loved the attention," Villain keeps pushing, eyes glistening with mischief at the prospect of getting under Hero's skin. They smirk, looking Hero up and down again, their gaze dark and charged with something unreadable. "Pity. Not just the supersuit you fill out nicely."

Hero raises their brow at their nemesis, about to comment something smart on that statement when a realisation pops into their head. "Did you just compliment me?" Their voice nearly breaks at the end, forcing a cough from their throat.

"You look hot in those PJs," Villain admits, averting their gaze to stare at the extremely enticing Christmas tree. They hope the flickering lights will suffice to mask the flush on their skin.

Hero hums, digesting the new information, their gaze trailing over Villain's body. "Can't deny you look good in yours too," they murmur, a smirk blossoming on their face as the penny finally drops.

This idiot came to spend Christmas with them. Now that was interesting enough to be out of bed tonight or get back into it later - depends on how things go. Certainly not the worst turn of events; Hero will give them that.

"Are you mocking me?" Villain asks, watching them with surprise clear in their warm brown eyes. They don't know what they were expecting from coming here, but it turned out better so far.

Hero chuckles, shaking their head at the adorable reaction. "No, I meant that," they state, sliding off their seat and onto the floor across from Villain, their knees brushing against the other's. Their nemesis looks stunned, not responding long enough for Hero's amusement to grow. "I'm glad you're here," they muse, bringing their cup up to their lips to hide the softened smile on their face.

"You..." Villain pauses long enough to fix their suddenly high-pitched voice. "Really?" They take another sip and lick melted marshmallow fluff from the edge of the mug, causing Hero's breath to hitch in their throat.

Oh, sweet baby Jesus...

"Mhm," Hero hums, downing their chocolate in one large gulp. They can feel Villain's smouldering gaze on their throat as it bops up and down. "I was craving something sweet after a long day."

"I can, um, fetch more chocolate?" Villain suggests, trying to get their mind out of the gutter yet failing miserably, their cheeks heating up even more at the thoughts running wild.

Villain is about to get up when Hero catches their wrist and pulls them onto their lap. "I'd rather have something else," Hero murmurs, pressing a kiss to the corner of their mouth.

They expect to be shoved away, maybe even slapped across the face. What Hero does not expect is for Villain to shiver and wrap their arms around their neck.

"You have some fluff left here... and here," Hero mutters between kisses before taking Villain's bottom lip into their mouth, sucking gently. Their fingers trace the curve of Villain's jaw, their free arm wrapping around their nemesis' waist, guiding them to straddle Hero.

Villain's lips part almost instinctively, allowing Hero to deepen the kiss with a deep moan in the back of their throat. Hero's grip on them tightens, pulling Villain's body flush against their chest and tangling their hand in Villain's hair.

They break apart minutes later, gasping for oxygen through heavy pants. Villain remains still in their arms, fingers idly tracing the sides of their neck. Hero peels their eyes open, resting their forehead against Villain's with a faint murmur. "You're all I need right here, underneath the tree, baby."

Villain meets their gaze with a darkened one, words dying on their swollen, reddened lips. "I-"

"Stay," is the only word Hero whispers before Villain captures their mouth in another heated kiss. Hero can't help the moan that escapes them, their hand slipping under Villain's pyjama top as they kiss them back.

"Why, because it's cold outside?" Villain jokes, earning a growling laugh from Hero. Their arm tightens around Villain's waist, their free hand sliding to grab Villain's leg as they push forward, laying Villain down on the soft carpet and hovering over them.

"Cheeky little-" Hero's words are cut short by the clock chiming midnight. They pause, looking down at Villain, sprawled out underneath them, in their starry-eyed and kiss-drunk glory. "Because I want you for Christmas."

Villain gazes up at them, licking their lips before nodding. "Merry Christmas, baby." They murmur, leaning up and brushing their lips against Hero's jawline, mouthing down their neck. Hero lets out a low moan, their hands squeezing Villain's thighs as they bring their body down, flush against Villain's.

If there is one thing Hero knows for sure it's that they won't let Villain leave when the morning comes.

On Christmas Eve

A/N: I have no idea if I should even be posting this on a religious holiday, but it's Christmas-themed, so... I guess it's okay? Hopefully?

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! It's finally the end of the year so I will (I hope) have some time to write. As always, let me know what you think. And to those that are celebrating now...

Merry Christmas!

Love,

xo Sunny

Masterlist

Taglist: @marvellousdaisy@alltimelowing@lateuplight@surplus-of-sarcasm@betwist @excusemeasibangmyheadonawall @enemies-to-idiots-to-lovers @miaowmelodie @thatonerandomauthor @hhabaddon @burningoutlikeicarus @daemonvatis @weepingcowboywolfbat @thelazywitchphotographer @kaiwewi @soul-of-a-local-bard @pigeonwhumps @aflyingsheepnamedrose @thatneptune @ohwellthatslifesstuff @worldsfromhoney

@thiefofthecrowns @crow-with-a-typewriter @qualityrabbitsoup @stargeode @villain-life @villainsblood

@whumpifi @glassthedumbass @silviathebard @misskowe @ayeshaturnedtoashes4444 @m4iloblu3

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