8 Years Ago My Husband Told Me He Wanted To Try Chastity. I Thought ‘that’s A Little Weird” But

The Art of The Ruined Orgasm Last night I gave my husband a ruined orgasm. A ruined orgasm is when you stop providing stimulation to you man’s cock when he starts to cum or right before he starts to cum, thereby ruining his orgasm. The man may feel a brief moment of pleasure but then it immediately vanishes leaving him frustrated. I have to admit that I get a thrill from seeing his desperation and it is even more thrilling that he thanks me afterward. He is like a puppy dog that is always happy…always wagging his tail no matter what I do. Some may consider this cruel, but even he enjoys when I ruin his orgasms because it is another form of control that he gets to experience. To him a full blown orgasm is a very special privilege that he only experiences on a rare occasions. Denying his orgasm keeps him feeling submissive and controlled. He craves this feeling and enjoys the mental game. The thrill and arousal that I experience from his ruined orgasm is only a part of the reason I do it. I also consider the ruined orgasm a powerful tool for controlling him and keeping him obedient. The biggest advantage of a ruined orgasm is that it allows the man some release but avoids the post orgasm “slump” that most men experience after an full orgasm. The slump I am referring to is when the man loses all energy and loses interest in sex and pleasing the woman. After a ruined orgasm, many men do not experience the slump or it is very brief. My husband will often remain hard after the ruined orgasm. His level of horniness remains high as well. Another advantage of the ruined orgasm is that it is one more tool to add to your bag of tricks for teasing and orgasm control. You can tell your man that he is allowed to orgasm and then at the moment he is about to orgasm or as soon as it starts you release his cock. Incorporating this into your T&D keeps your man guessing about what to expect. Not only will it be a mystery of when he can orgasm but now he won’t even know if it will be a full orgasm or ruined orgasm. Ruining his orgasm also prolongs his denial period. He gets some release but not a full orgasm. Therefore you can prolong the timeframe of when he is allowed a full orgasm by slipping in a few ruined orgasms. One final benefit that I would like to point out is that it can be used as a punishment. If your man has been naughty or simply not meeting your expectations, you can announce that the next orgasm (or next 2, 3, etc.) will be ruined. Now that I covered the purpose of the ruined orgasm, let’s go over some methods of how to ruin the orgasm. As the title of this blog indicates, it is more of an art than a science. There are many techniques and approaches to the ruined orgasm. You can get very creative with it. Each person is different and as you get to know your man’s reactions, you can adjust your techniques to maximize his teasing. The most basic approach is to stroke his cock and then at the moment he first spurts you release his cock and let it twitch and spurt on its own. He will experience very brief pleasure at the first spurt but then once you release and there is no friction the orgasm becomes ruined and he is left frustrated. This is a good way to introduce him to the ruined orgasm. In my college days I would often do this with guys. Back then I did it more for teasing then orgasm control. It was a bit cruel I guess but I loved it. Funny thing was, the most guys would want to come back for me. I think they just never experienced a girl that paid so much attention to their cock. lol. Another technique is to release his cock before he starts to cum. This may take some practice because you have to anticipate when the orgasm is coming. If you spend a considerable amount of time teasing your guy or if he has been denied an orgasm for a long period of time, this becomes easier to do. With my husband, I will often bring him to the edge of orgasm over and over again, stopping before he has an orgasm. I will do this for 30 or more minutes. Usually by then he is mush and can barely control himself. If I decide to go the ruined orgasm route, I will lightly stroke his cock with one or two fingers. It literally twitches and bobs as he tries to hold back his orgasm. At this point, if I gave him permission to orgasm, I could stroke with one finger and then he would shoot. I prefer to tell him to try not to orgasm. I enjoy seeing him struggle. He eventually gets to a point where he can’t hold back. The fun part with this is that I can do a stroke or two and then watch his cock as he struggles to prevent his orgasms. There have been times when I have stroked his cock and then watched him struggle for 20 or 30 seconds and then he spurted without me touching him. That is art! It is beauty to see him struggle and work so hard to please and obey me. It is also a power rush to know that I control him so much and that no matter how hard he tries he can not stop me from giving him an orgasm. What a mind fuck for him! In these situations I don’t feel that it is fair to punish him for having an orgasm without permission. However, I usually give him the disappointed look and tell him how weak he is. The variations (both mental and physical) you can apply to the above two techniques are endless and that’s what makes is fun. Some variations to experiment with:
Announce the ruined orgasm ahead of time or surprise himTell him to try and orgasm while you tease him or tell him try not to orgasm while you tease him. Imagine the fun of him trying to orgasm only to have you pull away at the last second and leave him with nothing. Do this a few times and then send him over the edge and let go.Use your hands, mouth, tongue, panties, feathers, etc. to tease him. One of the most interesting videos I watched was a woman that held her man’s cock straight up and she very slowly licked from bottom to top until he spurted.Make him ruin the orgasm himself. This is a good test of his loyalty. Will he let go before he spurts (bonus points for him), at the first spurt (good boy), or will he push the envelope and hold on a little longer after he spurts (bad boy. Punishment time!).Combine with anal pleasure. Stimulating the prostate will cause his cum to leak-out more. Some women use this technique regularly to “milk” their man so that he can go very long periods without a orgasm.Experiment and have fun with the variations. I think it is great to always keep him guessing as to what will happen next. I want to share a ruined orgasm experience that I had with Thomas that absolutely drove him crazy for days afterwards but it has literally taking me over two weeks to write this post because I have been busy so I will share that experience in a follow-up post.

The Taboo of Male Chastity

Male chastity is one of those things that is often judged before being understood. Just the idea of locking a device onto a males sex organ, so he can’t get an erection or play with himself, often turns both genders off the idea. It’s like looking in on a bdsm scene for the first time without any knowledge that it’s consensual and being creeped out. However, the taboo is created only out of misunderstanding of what it actually is, and what it actually does.

Male chastity, in it’s most basic sense, is abstinence. It’s just a device that aids a male to remain abstinent for his partner while giving her the authority to decide if and when his abstinence ends.  So chastity combined with her authority, just makes abstinence more fun, it makes it something difficult to endure, resulting in much deeper intimacy. It’s also something that trains him to overcome all of his lust, and focus his attention not on his selfish desires, but on hers. It makes chastity the perfect tool for developing a sex life that works both ways and creates a very satisfied female partner, and a very happy attentive male.

The honor system can work, but generally it takes a lot more work, and many more accidents along the way. Tease and denial without chastity is definitely possible, and can be a lot of fun. However, chastity does add an extra dimension, because it is a device that is wrapped around his genitals, and grips him gently all day long, reminding him often of his sacrifice for her. It serves to keep her on his mind, which makes him automatically more romantic, more chivalrous, kind, thoughtful, and overall, far less argumentative. His sexual release being conditional upon her approval, keeps him in constant devotion to her.  This can really show the difference between the honor system, and using chastity.

The idea that chastity is unsafe and unhygienic is often a concern that puts many off. When done right, and when fitted properly, a male can pee, and keep clean, with minimal removals. This might take a bit of time to get used to, but the better the fit, or even a custom device, and hygiene is not a problem. Neither is safety, because once it fits right, it will not deter him from doing any activity, including swimming, going to the gym, or riding a bicycle. One major concern is that it shrinks the penis over time.  This is a myth that can never be proven because the penis cannot shrink, just like it cannot be enlarged. The reason for this is because the penis is not a muscle, it is a sponge that fills with blood. After a while in the cage, it gets used to only being able to fill with blood a small amount, and like a sponge, it conforms to the size it’s allowed. Many instances on the internet show a submissive’s penis getting progressively smaller using chastity. This is true only to the extent that he keeps wearing small devices and never allows for a full erection.  Once the cage is removed, after a few days or weeks, the penis will naturally begin to grow back to its usual size. So yes, it can shrink it, but only if it’s never allowed to grow to its normal size.

Chastity is meant to be fun. It’s really not meant to be a method of sexual denial. It’s meant to be a tool that helps a male deny himself for her. Most males lack the self control, and after a few days, the temptation gets too great and results in gratification. Chastity can really help with this, where the temptation is removed simply because the device reminds him that he’s not allowed to give in to temptation. It becomes a great tool for helping a male conquer lust and develop self control over his own sexual urges. This helps him become a better man, and have more respect for women in general, especially his partner.

Male chastity actually has a long history, and if you look back in time, men have used chastity for hundreds of years. They understood the power of sexual energy, and how it can be used for spiritual exploration, and enhancing and nourishing the physical body for endurance in all things. Many athletes to this day practice abstinence and use their sexual energy to help them win over the competition. Men have also used chastity to bring sexual energy upwards through their body, to cleanse their body of negative energy and old habits, as well as to give themselves multiple, non-ejaculatory orgasms extending throughout their whole body. There is a whole lot men can learn from their sexual energy when it’s directed in ways beyond ejaculation. Chastity teaches submissive males this, and it brings them much more in touch with their body, and as a result more in touch with their partners.

When a couple within a female led relationship can see beyond the taboos of male chastity and try it for themselves, then tend to never go back. There is a huge following now, a new trend that is rising, because of male chastity. The benefits speak for themselves, and the more males come in touch with their bodies, the more they understand about their partner creating harmony. It’s worth trying, even for fun as an experiment, just to attempt to understand it.

Many males fear that going into chastity, and giving up that much control, means that sex will occur less often, but that’s not true at all. Chastity actually sexually charges the relationship, and helps her to develop her own desire, which is something few women ever do. To really explore her desire, and know it’s okay, guilt free, and encouraged by her partner to do so. This sexual charge, combined with her desire, means there will likely be a lot more sex. It’ll just be a different kind of sex, which a submissive male will come to love. He may not get let out of his cage each time, but he’s going to discover the true value of giving pleasure. It will cater directly to his submissive desire, which will bring him deeper into subspace, that alone will automatically be more powerful than a sexual release for him. He will come to love that depth of subspace, through giving pleasure, far more than being released from it. It will make him crave to give pleasure even more.

Eventually he will reach a point where he craves to give pleasure, more than his own sexual release. He will feel naked without his chastity device on, as a symbol of his submission to her. In the end that’s all chastity becomes, a symbol that he is dedicated to her, devoted to her, and loves her without any selfishness. It’s a beautiful symbol and many female led relationship have discovered it’s beauty, and have incorporated it into their lifestyle and never look back.

Yep. Since Feb 1st this time. No end date in sight.

Or maybe, if I can go until Valentine’s Day without asking for the key, you’ll keep me locked until March 14th! (Which is known as…?)

More On Milking...

Written by Mistress Ivey,

Last time, we discussed some of the reasons for milking your partner’s prostate, and why you should not pay any attention to what the Internet says you should do. It’s time we got down to business. Let’s discuss the mechanics of prostate milking, just for the record, and to make sure you are doing it right.

If you look at the photo below, you will see what you have to do. Your finger may need to be a little further in than the photo would make you believe, but you don’t want to push it in too far, either. You should be able to feel his prostate. If it is enlarged, a common malady in older men, barring any serious health issues, it makes no real difference. All you need to do is to rub your finger up and down the prostate to stimulate semen flow.

There are number of positions that you might want to use. If you can place him on his knees with his head down, this is probably the easiest method. Doctors often do it with the patient standing, slightly bent over at the waist.

Use whatever position is easiest for you. Be especially careful not to push your finger(s) in too far. Although this still might work, you will most likely be pressing behind the prostate instead of directly on it.

Don’t be in too big a rush. This can take time, especially when you are just learning to do it. I have spent as much as twenty minutes massaging a prostate before getting any fluid out. The more you practice on the same person, the easier it will become. With practice, you will eventually be able to achieve your goal within a few minutes.

We have discussed the some of the basics of prostate milking, including what you can expect to see. But, again, I must warn you, do not believe what you see or read on the Internet about prostate milking (especially porn videos!). If you stroke your partner’s penis while attempting to milk his prostate, chances are he is going to have a full orgasm instead of the actual prostate ejaculation you were wanting.

Even if all you do is to hold his penis gently in your hand, it may be too much stimulation, and can cause him to have a full ejaculation. If your man is in chastity, I recommend leaving the chastity device in place so you won’t be tempted to fondle the wrong part of his body while doing this. What you are trying to achieve, can be done even if your guy is wearing a chastity device of any kind. In fact, this is one way many women “relieve” their man without having to allow him any kind of “normal” ejaculation.

If you are concerned about what might happen if your husband (or partner) never gets to have an orgasm, prostate milking is an excellent way to get around this. Doctors agree, though there is no hard evidence that abstinence causes any kind of health risk, prostate milking is an excellent way around this.

By milking his prostate, you give him relief (physically) that will prevent any prostate cancer or other related health risks caused by abstinence. Like anything else, practice makes perfect. Or, as they say, the best way to get to Carnegie Hall is practice, practice, practice. Although prostate milking relieves his bodies physical need to ejaculate, it does nothing for his desire for sexual release. That is, none of the after orgasm drop, or inability to achieve an erection.

So if you feel the need to allow your guy to have some sort of orgasm in order to prevent any health risks, I recommend prostate milking. Coupled with anal sex, it can be fun for both partners. If done alone, as a means of humiliation, or just testing his reproductive system, prostate milking can be fun for the both or you. Try it. You just might like it…

Thanks to MistressIvey

10 tease & chastity tips

Whether you lock up your man for the weekend, for Locktober/NO-vember/Denial December or some other amount of time, here are 10 fun ideas & tips to make the chastity experience better for you while your man gains his pleasure through yours. Most of what is below is meant to create a horny, frustrated, caged man because they will do almost anything for your pleasure! Enjoy.

1. Part time bitch! I love my husband. I love to run my fingers through his hair. I love kissing him deeply. But I also LOVE the look of surprise and flash of fire and excitement in his eyes when I get a bit bitchy with him when he’s locked up. I’m not talking about being an unreasonable psychopath, just assertive. This would include telling him things I want to happen like a massage, oral pleasure, making meals, snuggling or getting me a drink. I don’t ask, I just tell him. His little cage becomes that much tighter when my inner bitch comes  and I love the feeling of control.

2. Sizing him up. I’ve found this works whether locked or unlocked. If you’ve read any of my other posts, you’ll know that my husband is my 3rd lover that I have engaged in chastity with. All 3 would get hard as a steel or would twitch in their cage when I called their manhood small. Let’s be clear, I’m not a dominatrix so I’m not trying emasculate them or humiliate them.  But in times of passion or even casusal conversation, asking how my ‘little friend’ is doing down here, or telling him to stroke his little dick slower or faster, if I allow it, or commenting on how cute his little penis looks all produce very effective results. I also love that I can get him instantly hard with my playful and sexy words.

3. Edging. The longer your man is locked up, the more handsy, horny and pleasing he becomes. One way to build that excitement more quickly is through edging. Edging is when he is stimulated to the near point of ejaculating, but he’s not allowed to cum. Either he can do the edging or you can. Personally, I like to do it because I have full control of his pleasure. I love laying next to him with one leg over his. I love stroking his cute little dick and talking dirty because I am causing him such pleasure but love even more that I have the power to take it away. “Does it feel good baby?” “Do you like when I jerk it?” “Ask me to stroke your little dick.” “You know you’re not allowed to cum, right?” Usually there is a whimper or sigh here which makes my heart skip a beat and my inner thighs tingle. “Tell me when you’re close because if you cum, you’ll have to start your lockup time all over again.” This goes on until he tells me he’s close, where his hips are deliciously grinding into the air, that’s when I stop stroking. He usually lets out some frustrated noises and I tell him to go clean up and lock up. The rush of excitement I get is intense. I used to feel guilty years ago with my first chastity boyfriend, but I have learned it is such an erotic rush for the man and the control I have over his pleasure, it gets me so wet. Once he returns and he’s locked up I have him use his tongue to bring me to orgasm. Nothing beats the tongue work and energy of a sexually frustrated, locked up, horny man! 

4. Ruining things. One very small step further from edging is a ruined orgasm. This happens when you push ever so slightly past the point of edging where the ejaculation process initiates just after stimulation stops. It is not full on “cumming” because the stroking, rubbing, stimulation ends before or immediately at the point of no return starts.  The result is the release of some cum but no reduction in arousal. I do this sometimes when I’m feeling very naughty. I may even take some of his cum and use it as a lubricant for a few moments of self masturbation before I climb onto his face. If you’ve never had your man go down on you with his cum on your pussy, I highly recommend it. You’ll be cumming from his tongue action in record time with amazing intensity!

5. Cage cumming. At times, just to drive him wild, I will take my Hitachi wand and run it on his aching balls and all over his cage. If I do this long enough, he’ll cum but I won't  always let him. If he does cum, it is basically a ruined orgasm because just before his little willy begins to spurt, I take away the vibration. Sometimes I make a game of it. I’ll tell him if he can last 5 minutes then he can get something he wants, except he can’t ask to be released. He usually doesn’t last, especially if he’s been locked up for any length of time. Remember the cum lube for masterbating? Another option if you let him cum is to rub his seed on your tits and let him suck on them - all very fun and very, very sexy!

6. Make love to your husband. Sometimes I will let him out of his cage and let him have sex until I cum. He may not cum and he locks up after I have had my orgasm. But when I tell my husband I want to make love with him, I literally want to fuck him in the ass with my strapon. Again, I’m not a dominatrix. I’m not fucking him, yelling, “take that dick bitch!” while beating his ass with a whip. We are moving lovingly and romantically. It’s me laying on his back, skin on skin grinding into him or it’s him laying on his back and we are passionately kissing while I play with his cage. There’s moaning with lots of dirty talk by me and sometimes we both cum together. I love sending him a picture of me wearing the strapon and telling him what a romantic evening I have planned.

7. When he fucks me. One of my favorite things to do, aside from getting oral pleasure is to get fucked with his strapon. I love the look of his small cage just below the dildo. I love feeling his little caged dick smacking against my ass while he’s fucking me. I love how this bigger dick feels inside me and the places it reaches. You can be sure that I’m telling my husband exactly how good this larger dildo feels and I compare his size to the dildo which drives him crazy! This excitement causes him to pound me even harder! Yes, we sometimes both grt to cum, but I cum every single time. 

8. Grab him by the balls. I like to caress his balls, especially when they are caged. They feel so full and firm! I love to squeeze them with some force at the request of my husband which I’ve really grown to love. The feeling of his 2 balls in my hand, the warmth and several nice, firm squeezes makes him moan. This also gets me turned on as well.

9. Vacations. There is daily teasing that goes on at home whenever my husband is locked up. Me brushing my ass against his cage, flashing him my tits or ass, or fondling his cage or balls. I like to keep him locked for a minimum of 2 weeks at a time or longer to get the full effect of the frustrated, horny man. I also don’t tell him how long he will be locked because it is MY decision, not his. Sometimes a vacation lands in the middle of his lock time.  First, my husband’s cage is metal and if you are going anywhere with a metal dector, like an airport, you should have a backup plastic or resin cage. Prior to leaving, I will have him switch cages to the plastic model then we’ll fly to our destination. I’ve had him caged at the beach and scuba diving, at a several weddings, 2 different countries and 4 theme parks (cages and roller coasters are amazing!). Yes, there have been times I’ve let him out on vacation and we’ve been a ‘normal couple’ which is a fun surprise for him.  But more often than not, his little boy is locked up and his mouth and hands are quite busy during most of our vacations

10. Inner bum. The art of a prostate massage can be quite pleasurable. Inside of a man’s anus, about a half of a finger length in and opposite the spine is the prostate. If massaged, it can give an intense feeling of pleasure. This is the area where the fluid of semen is produced. By massaging the prostate, you can also make him expel this fluid which appears like cum minus the sperm which are.produced in the testicles. It is amazing that you can make him “cum” several times until he has ejected all of the seminal fluids that were built up and boy is it sexy to watch. I prefer using my finger so I can feel what I am doing but they also make prostate massagers that you can insert that do the same job.

I hope these ideas, suggestions and tips help to make a more sensual, enjoyable and pleasurable chastity experience for you because YOU are what it is all about.

You Tell Him He Can’t Cum

The first time and you feel awful.  It hurts you as he begs and tells you how much he needs it.  As he curses and his hand shakes as you make him put his cock away.  As he wheedles and tries to undermine your command and you aren’t so sure anymore this is what he wants, but you shore up and are firm and you tell him how it will be.  

It turns out he loves you for it.  It drives him mad.  Hearing stern rules almost makes him cum on the spot untouched.  Being denied fuels him in a way you can’t quite comprehend, and this first time as you fight guilt and relief in equal measure you don’t enjoy the power.

Oh but the next time… the next time you barely breathe in his direction and he’s hard?  You work him up with such little effort to the point where he tells you he needs to cum, asks you to cum… and this time you deny him with a smile.  This time the commands fly off your tongue.  This time wonderfully evil ideas spin through your mind and sorting through to pluck only one or two this time occupies far too much of your time.  You are soaked through.  

It is not just a no for now.  It is a no for the afternoon.  It is a no for the evening.  It is a no as you cum and he listens.  It is a no as you send him favorite porn of his.  It is a no as you let him choose what toy you will masturbate with.  It is a no as others tease him.  It is a no as you cum again.  A world of denial coming easily, and with each no his desperation is evident, but he doesn’t fight it.  He’s so grateful.  Drowning in lust and hotness and your attention.  Denied but not forgotten.  Allowed to edge and edge so pleasure builds, if not release.  

He has a time limit.  A count down.  He knows when his torment is set to end.  That does not stop him from asking.  From needing.  From begging.  From cursing, but with a smile.  Enjoying the teasing nearly as much, if not more, than he’ll enjoy his release.  That’s okay… you’ll enjoy that release enough for both of you, over and over and over.

A blast from the past! You have been missed - very happy to see you again. Thank you for coming back around! Please stay… 😎❤️

July 1 in the year 2024... just thought I'd drop in and was lucky enough to have saved my password. Is there anyone still out there who I know? Is tumblr even close to what it was when I walked away so many months ago?

Ruined Orgasms

What is a Ruined Orgasm?

I guess the biggest misunderstanding about ruined orgasms comes from the word “ruined”. It has a negative connotation. It suggests something unpleasant or unfinished. It's also often called a "touchless orgasm", which is more accurate I believe.

"Ruined" is simply inaccurate. A perfectly “ruined” orgasm is still an orgasm! It will feel profoundly different, but it will always be WONDERFUL – especially if you use it as a way to prolong your lovemaking! Males have been giving themselves orgasms for many years, but one thing that it is basically impossible for them to do is give themselves a "ruined orgasm". This, among other things, is what makes it so mind-blowing.

The basic concept is very simple, in theory at least. Let’s say that his point of no return (the precise moment, no matter what happens, once reached, the body gives the “kick-off” and inevitably triggers the orgasm) is very precisely seven minutes, then you must stimulate him for just under seven minutes (and not a second more). At that moment, release his nub and absolutely stop all your stimulation. As long as he doesn’t receive physical stimulation, his orgasmic reflexes will lead him straight to a ruined orgasm. Mission accomplished!

The key to a ruined orgasm is to find the right moment to interrupt the stimulation. Instead of “letting go at the last second”, you can stop much sooner. The goal is to leave him on the verge of orgasm, as if time were suspended, for as long as possible before his body triggers the ejaculatory reflexes. If you do it correctly his semen should just flow effortlessly drip down along his straining nub.

Do you see that “floating” moment, the time it takes for the semen to flow without caressing it? If so, congratulations, you’ve done it!

Benefits of a Ruined Orgasm

If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more, even though he just ejaculated. Ruined orgasms are great when you want to give him an orgasm but still leave him horny when you lock him back up. Or, if you plan to have an all-night love-making session but you are afraid that he will cum to quickly, you can start your evening with a touchless orgasm.

He will experience no 'refractory period' after a ruined orgasm. Whereas a normal orgasm causes him to lose his erection and enter what  is called the “refractory period” where he is no longer motivated to  have sex, a ruined orgasm has the opposite effect – it causes him to  stay hard, fully aroused, hyper-energized, and HIGHLY motivated.

His recover period will be MUCH quicker, and if you have sex after a ruined orgasm, he will last must longer too!

Most of the benefits of a long period in chastity (for you - i.e. motivation, energy, increased oxytocin etc) will not be lost after a ruined orgasm.

How to give a Ruined Orgasm

I'll start by saying that there is no 'one right way'. But this is what I like to do...

SETUP:

Tell him to lie down on his back.

Ideally, restrain his hands behind his back, or tell him to lie on his hands. Most males can't be trusted to not touch their nub at the crux of the ruined orgasm! Tell him he is at no point allowed to touch his (your!) nub. Throw in a blindfold for fun, if you feel like it.

Tell him you are going to give him a ruined orgasm, and that he should not cum until you tell him he can.

TIP: If you don't feel like direct skin contact or don't want any 'mess', tell him to wear tight lycra shorts or swim briefs, and then stroke him through the fabric, rather than have him completely naked.

PROCESS:

With your male on his back, take one hand (i.e. my left hand), and grip his balls and pull them away from his body until his penis is pointing up at almost 90 degrees.

With your right hand's index finger, stroke upwards (from the balls to the tip of the nub) slowly and deliberately. his most sensitive part is the area on the underside of his nub just before the tip. Stop just short of this area. It's much harder for a male to orgasm with an upward stroke as opposed to a downward one.

Keep this motion up for a while. Don't speed up - slow and steady is what you want, so that you don't drive him over the edge too quickly.

Every 10-15 strokes, slowly rub the sensitive area a few times, or gave a few circles along the head of his nub, and then to go back to the slow upward stroking motion.

If you feel his balls contract, or his nub twitches, let go with both hands immediately. Tell him to not cum - "no cumming... don't cum yet". Or you can ask him to announce when he is getting close. When he says "I'm close", let go with both hands. Count to 20, and then pull his balls away again and start with the slow upward motion.

Eventually (or soon, depending on the lockup period!), even letting go completely will cause him to go over the edge. Don't stimulate him at all at this point. The cum should ooze gently from the tip of his nub and down the shaft - no spurting, no major twitching... a perfectly ruined orgasm.

ADDED EXTRA: The second you see any cum being released, tap / slap his balls with the flat of your hand for 20-30 seconds or until all of the cum has been released. Be careful not to touch the penis at this point, only the balls.

Tell him to clean up and re-lock his nub immediately.

Bravo - you've done it!

As mentioned, everyone does it differently, but this is a basic 101! Trust me, he will be begging you for more in no time!!

Pro Tip: If your male is caged and you don't wish to unlock him for a ruined orgasm, use a vibrator or vibrating massager and simply place it on the base ring of his cage, underneath his balls. The vibrations will eventually bring him to the point of orgasm. Ensure he tells you when he is close to climax. At this point, stop the vibrations and cease all contact. If you time it right, his cum with leak out of the front of the cage in a perfectly ruined orgasm.

Teasing in T&D or Chastity Play!

A girl doesn’t feel like playing all the time and chastity gets sort of ruined if you let him out every time you don’t feel very frisky. On the other side of the spectrum, simply ignoring him while in chastity is actually the most cruel, effective punishment for a locked man who is not behaving or who is constantly breaking your rules.                                           

So what do you do to get through the dead spots (for me it’s mostly if I’m really tired, stressed or busy) without being neglectful? After three or so years of playing this game with my wonderful husband, I’ve observed the following about the two of us and extrapolated it to apply to everyone since everyone else is exactly like us, I’m sure.                                           

Part of the magic of chastity play is that the male, who usually has the higher sex drive, is “playing” 24/7. He’s eating, sleeping, going to work, everything really with his penis locked up. Any stray sexual thought quickly reminds him about the game he’s playing. His keyholder probably has a lower libido but that’s okay because she just has to give him the occasional nudge to keep him at a full simmer. A little bit of attention on the days when you just don’t feel very playful will keep him happy and from feeling neglected until you’re a little more enthusiastic and ready to turn the heat up to a full boil.

Here are some of my tips for low maintenance chastity play. I try to make sure I do some combination of these every day when the nub is locked up. They take hardly any time, and I know they make him feel loved. They’re little things that get magnified in his mind by the cage.                                           

Fondle his balls every day. Ideally once in the morning and once at night. No matter how busy or tired I am, I can always find two minutes in bed to do this. I don’t even have to remove the CB. Our sleep schedules are a little different. He’s a night owl and I’m a morning person, but that doesn’t stop us. When I’m going to bed I just whisper in his ear that I want to see him in the bedroom. He never says no! I fondle his poor trapped balls for a few minutes (two to five is plenty) and then say good night. He can go back to his computer after that. If I feel like kissing a bit, I can do that, but if I don’t I just tell him to lie there and keep still while I “play with my nub” I wake up before he does in the mornings too. But he never seems to mind if I wake him up by playing with his balls! Again, just a few minutes. Enough to get a groan or two out of him and then I go take my shower or get my breakfast.                                           

Remind him of his situation. Of course he already knows he’s locked up and you have the key, but reminding him lets him know you’re thinking about him. You haven’t forgotten about him, you’re just waiting for the right time to make use of him. I’ll walk by him in the kitchen, give him a quick squeeze in front and ask “how is my nub doing? Still all locked up?” Or I might just say “being a keyholder is fun.” Or “Aren’t you lucky to have such a fabulous keyholder?” I’ve noticed that the more out-of-the-blue the comment is the bigger the impact it has on him. If he’s not really thinking about sex or expecting me to be thinking about it, mentioning his chastity jolts his libido into high gear.                                           

Take possession of his (your!) nub. Get in the habit of referring to his cock and balls as yours. Kiss him and ask “how is my nub doing down there?” Or while sitting on the couch fast forwarding through a commercial with your Tivo, casually ask him “Are you taking good care of my nub darling? One of these days I’m sure I’ll want to play with it.” If you get in this habit, then just a few words here and there add to his excitement and keep him happy and horny.                                           

Turn routine requests into chastity play - for example talk about it in terms of ‘points’ . Instead of asking him to pick up a gallon of milk on his way home, text him “Your keyholder wants to you pick up a gallon of milk on the way home.” Or say “a neck rub would earn you some much needed nub points.” Creating the fantasy that you are holding his release hostage to your whims is pretty powerful. Keep it fantasy and don’t abuse it (very much). Back rubs and foot rubs are nice even when I don’t feel very amorous, but they’re still physical things and he really likes it when I tie them to his chastity.                                           

Take chastity seriously. Don’t leave the key laying around or act like it’s no big deal if he gets out before you’re ready to release him. Do surprise “inspections” to make sure he’s still locked up. Ask him if he’s tried to get out, or tried to get at the key without permission. Use a no-nonsense manner to let him know it’s important to you that he only get out of his chastity device when you want him out. Every once in a while mention you’d someday like to get a more secure device. That keeps him from starting to doubt your commitment to the game when you haven’t seriously teased him for a while. Remember that’s he’s committed 24/7. The whole idea is he can’t check out of the game until you let him, so reminding him that you’re still in it helps.   

Muse about the length of his lockup. Sometimes I’ll tell him that I’ve decided to let him out the next weekend, then the next night tell him I’ve changed my mind and I don’t know when I’ll let him out. Sometimes I’ll tell him I’ve been wondering how long I should leave him locked up and just leave it at that. Tell him how you are noticing the benefits. No further information, just that I was thinking about it. I’ll ask him if he thinks he could go six months, or a year. If he asks if I’m planning to keep him locked up that long, I’ll just shrug and say “maybe.” It’s another verbal tease that takes very little energy from me but amps him up.                                           

None of those things take much time or energy from me. They’re easy to do on days when I’m stressed or tired or just not feeling very sexual. And they keep him feeling loved and cared for. I’ve really gotten into the habit of doing them. So much that I usually keep doing them even when he isn’t locked up. That’s not really a problem, but if he wakes up to my hand on his balls and he’s not locked up, I’m not getting out of bed without finishing what I started! Of course that just makes his lockups even more delightful for both of us.                                           

More Teasing Ideas                                           

The big changes that you must make in yourself to make a chastity relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself.                                           

Teasing does not need to be a time-consuming activity.  There are almost an infinite number of ways that you can tease him, both  physically and verbally. Every woman needs to develop her own style.  You can keep things fresh by continuing to experiment. It may seem like a  lot of work sometimes, but he will shower you with attention. The  hardest thing will be getting that much attention again.                                           

There are some basic teasing ideas in the 101 article above. Find more low maintenance examples for how you can tease him here:                                           

Be physical, give him lots of kisses and hugs throughout the day. Grab his crotch.                                           

Ask him to give you a full-body massage.                                          

You can wear sexy clothes around him, for example miniskirts, yoga  pants or whatever clothes he really likes. When you’re home you can walk  around just in your underwear – I promise you he won’t be able to take  his eyes off you!                                           

Conversation takes very little energy and allows you to increase his  arousal without having to do anything. Telling him what you like about  his predicament, letting him know how much you appreciate what he has  done to become a better spouse, partner, friend, and lover. Let him know  how his being chaste turns you on, if seeing him struggle to get erect  entertains you let him know. Maybe you find his penis cuter when it’s  all small and locked, or you enjoy his not being able to touch himself,  whatever it is communicate it. You should also not forget that all  those things that used to drive you crazy like porn and ogling young  girls can now be used against him. There is nothing like knowing that  the chastity tube is really biting as his favourite eye candy passes by.  The beauty of a good chastity device is that not only does it prevent  him from getting an erection and masturbating but that the device is  always working for you, and you should let him know how happy it makes  you.                                           

You can tease him about his lock-up time, for example you could say  things such as “it’s so hot that you can’t touch your penis, I don’t  think I will ever let you masturbate again”, “your penis looks so sexy  when it’s locked, I think I’ll keep it like that for a bit longer”,  “these balls don’t look full enough yet, let’s wait a bit more” – and  then when you finally let him ejaculate you can follow up with “oh not  much came out, I think next time you need to wait longer”. Remind him  that he’d better be good if he wants to be unlocked.                                          

Play around with his locked genitals whenever you get the chance.  For example, when he sits next to you, simply squeeze or slap his  balls. When locked, he will want his balls ‘slapped’, not'stroked’. Use a flat hand and start slowly, building up intensity. Even better, use a bonger (massage ball with handle) or riding crop. Tell him at the start you want to reach 100. This is great teasing play because it takes a couple of minutes max and then you can say goodnight!                                          

Or you could give him a very frustrating “blowjob” with the  chastity device still attached – teasing him orally while locked will  drive him crazy like nothing else.                                           

Pinch / twist his nipples. Men’s nipples are almost 5x more sensitive than female nipples. With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity further. You may have even noticed they stiffen or harden more quickly or for longer than usual. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!                                           

Give a man an orgasm and he’ll forget it in a moment – deny him the  same orgasm and he’ll never stop thinking about it. You can unlock him  and allow him to masturbate or give him a handjob – however, at any  point (especially effective just before he is about to finish), you can  “change your mind”. Kindly tell him “let’s save it for later” or “that’s  all for now”. You may find that you have to ice down his penis to get  back in the tube!                                          

Tell him to go down on you while he is locked in his chastity  device.