Angst

More than meets the eye

Pairing: Chan x afab!reader

Inspired by Prison for life by Olivia Rodrigo

Summary: Chan is a pushover when it comes to doing things for you, but not so much when someone messes with his girl.

Warning: +18 MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

A/N: let's thank Chili(@baby-yongbok) for this brainrot, she's the one who planted this idea in my head.

Chan who's the sweetest person you have ever met, the one who blushed and stuttered when asking you out.

Chan who's always a gentleman, opening all the doors for you, pulling the chair so you can sit, throwing his coat over your shoulders so you won't get cold.

Chan who lingers a bit longer when he says goodbye to you after taking you back home, trying to gather the courage to kiss you.

Chan who's surprised by the way you grab him by the collar and crash your lips on his.

Chan who gets flustered when you ask him to come inside with you, so you can talk more.

Chan who can't help but feel his face on fire when you start undressing in front of him, not sure where he should put his hands.

Chan who eats you out slowly, enjoying every sound that comes out of your mouth, sure that he could make the prettiest song in the world with just your moans.

Chan who asks you to be his girlfriend the next morning, taking you by surprise when you wake up to a full table of breakfast.

Chris who loves to do everything for you, you want to stay home cuddling? Done, he'll make popcorn and prepare a list of rom-coms for you two to watch together. You want to go out with him and his friends? Sure, he'll make sure the guys are on their best behavior. You want to go shopping? Bet, he'll clean his schedule so he can spend the day buying you gifts, even though you always argue that you can buy things with your own money.

Chris who finds you amazing, you're strong, smart and capable, everything you have was earned with your hard work and he would never want to cross that line or take that away from you.

Chris who has to stand his friends making fun of him 'cause he's such a pushover when it comes to you. He would let you step on him if you asked him to and he would do it smiling.

Chris who loves to buy you flowers every time you have a date with him, so he always goes out of his way to buy you a bouquet.

Christopher who arrives late to your date because the flower shop messed up his order and witnesses a man grabbing you by the wrist while you argue with the stranger.

Christopher who sees red when he realizes what's happening, dropping the flowers and walking fast to where you are.

Christopher who puts his hand on the shoulder of the man, smiling softly and asking to talk to the man outside.

Christopher who's suddenly not a pushover anymore, not when it comes to someone messing with his girl.

Christopher who comes back inside after twenty minutes, dirty dress shirt and knuckles bloody.

Christopher who drags you out of the bar, hugging you tightly when the cold air outside hits your skin.

Christopher who fucks you in the backseat of his car, biting and marking you and calling you names, far different from the gentleman you are used to but you're not complaining.

Christopher who chants how much he loves you while you cum around his cock, overstimulated by the new side of your boyfriend that you're just getting to know.

Chris who helps you fix yourself so you can get out of the car to sit on the front seat, deciding that you should just grab some food on the drive thru and go home.

You're a feminist obviously, you don't need a man. But after that night you don't mind Chan saving you, you very much like his protection.

Hello 🖐

I am a amira from Gaza, the breadwinner for my sick mother in the midst of war and destruction. I want to leave the Strip and provide a decent life for them. I have created a donation campaign to achieve this. Can you help me achieve this please?

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everyone this is a vetted campaign that you can donate to to help Amira and her family escape from Gaza 🙏🏼 if you can’t donate please reblog to help her get a wider reach!!!!

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When sorrow and difficulties strike hard, hope becomes the lo… Abdallah Alanqar needs your support for Amira's Story: Between Hope and Resil

الله يصبركم ويحميكم ويطول بعمر امك يا رب 🙏🏼

Leeknow sent a pic on bubble 🫧

“Should I show you something cute

They're hugging my legs”

(Soonie & Dori)

Bang Chan (Stray Kids) Fics Recommendations

* - recently updated || 27 Mar 2024

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Kill this love

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Chan X gn reader

Summary: After a rough day, Chan's anger is taken out on you and it tends to bring up unhealed wounds from your past relationship.

Genre: Angst without a happy ending

Word Count: 2.2K

Trigger warning: Anger, implications of post-traumatic-stress-disorder, domestic abuse, and a panic attack.

A/N: This one was a request and I finally got around to it. Hooray!! I might have cried a little while writing this and I never want to ever write Chan angry again because this is the second one and it makes me feel bad, but here you go <3

_ _ _

It was hard to be a leader. It meant stepping forward and being a pillar on your worst days. Going the extra mile, even when you just wanted to collapse into a ball and cry. It meant carrying the burden for your members, trying to keep everything in order, and keeping your image squeaky clean. 

The media is ruthless. One new article can destroy a career. One dating rumor can fuel acidic hatred. One fuck-up can destroy you in the eyes of your fans. When your number one fans morph into number one haters. When words of praise and smiles become scowls, glares, and castigation. 

There was always a blooming anxiety overhead. Storm clouds that threatened to downpour at any moment and when your company was constantly chastising you, well…being a leader was hard. 

It was a privilege to be a leader, but lately, it had been nothing, but a burden; a sheet of plastic wrap that was far too tight for him to breathe in. No matter what he seemed to do, it just wasn’t working lately. He couldn’t please the company, the fans were whining about something far from his control, and the members weren’t listening. He loved them, but sometimes they just wanted to bicker and screw around instead of cooperate. 

“What is going on today?” Minho mumbled beneath his breath. 

“You’re telling me,” Chan grumbled in response. The pair were attempting to teach yet another challenging dance, but nobody wanted to take the time to listen. 

After traveling out of the country and coming back this week, the company only gave them one day to rest. It was one day too little. The guys were exhausted and whiny. Nobody wanted to put in the effort to learn the dance and everyone just wanted to go home. 

“Hello?” Minho called out, a weak attempt to put the spotlight back on him, but it didn’t work. “Guys?” 

Seungmin and Felix were missing from the group. The two of them said something about using the bathroom, but that was nearly twenty minutes ago. Changbin had Han pinned down onto the floor. I.N was sprawled out over the couch and Hyunjin was bouncing on top of him while I.N weakly attempted to shove him off. 

“What’s the point of attempting to teach the dance if they won’t listen?” 

“Guys!” Chan’s sharp voice shot through the air. 

That drew their attention towards him rather quickly. Four sets of eyes met him and he crossed his arms over his own chest. “Get up and knock it off! We have work to do and w-” 

He was cut off by the door to the dance studio opening. He assumed that it was Felix and Seungmin, but when you headed over towards him with a frown, he only assumed the worst. The water bottle in his hand went flying out of anger. To your surprise, it swung past your head. 

Your eyes went wide at the sudden reaction. Chan took your breath away in multiple ways during the relationship, but for once, you really couldn’t breathe. You were sucked back into your past relationship. The vacuum of your brain pulled you in before you could do anything. 

You couldn’t breathe and you couldn’t scream. Everything you tried to rebuild, it crumbled; your self-dignity, self-respect, and self-love. They had been stacked on a pile of styrofoam and now it was melting. 

Chan began to yell at you, but you didn’t hear him. You were aware of his hands waving and his lips moving, but you couldn’t hear anything he was saying. The words never reached your ears as the memories from your last relationship came flooding back. 

You still remembered the scent of tobacco from them. The way it was always overpowering and seemed to burn your nostrils and coat your tongue. Even now without them, you could smell it again. You suddenly felt nauseous as your stomach twisted and churned. 

The rest of the guys sat shocked as Chan yelled at you. They knew his anger came out in rough ways sometimes, but they never thought he’d take it out on you. After all, the two of you had been dating for quite a while. 

You spun around and rushed out the door. Down the hall you flew and you didn’t stop. When Felix and Seungmin were giggling as they turned down the hall, you shoved your body between them and bumped into their shoulders. There wasn’t time to apologize, you just rushed away. 

Felix tried to call after you, but you didn’t stop to listen. Instead, you ran back towards the entrance of the building. Your heart was a hammer in your chest and fear clutched your heart. 

Sometimes people were fragile and vulnerable. You didn’t work up the courage to tell Chan because the truth was that you were terrified. When people hear about the abuse that occurs in romantic relationships, quite often, the first response is “why didn’t you just leave?” It’s never just that simple. 

Domestic abuse tends to follow the cycle of abuse. Everything seems okay for a while and suddenly things begin to get tense. Every action you take seems to be a ticking time bomb. You’re walking on eggshells and then you hit a landmine. 

You could still remember the redness of your past lover’s face. The way that a vein bulged in their forehead as they screamed at you until their voice gave out. Then came the sorrow filled apologies. 

“I didn’t mean to, I swear.” 

“It won’t happen again, I promise.” 

“I was just angry, I’m sorry.” 

And because you wanted to believe it was a one time thing, you believed them, but then it just kept happening. Over and over and over and over again. They call the peace after that burst of aggression the honeymoon phase. 

The kindness you experienced, you fell in love all over again. The occasional candybar you’d get. The apology with flowers and a handwritten card. The bags of greasy fast food with hushed promises to do better. 

Words without actions are meaningless. Promises mean nothing, if you keep breaking them. Just when you thought it was safe for you, your significant other burst again. You thought you were free of it, but here you were again. At least, at the beginning of it, and now you were terrified that it was going to happen all over again. 

When Felix and Seungmin got back to the dance practice room, it was oddly quiet. Minho glanced up when the pair walked in, but he didn’t feel like teaching anymore. The fear on your face when the water bottle was thrown your way, he couldn’t get it out of his head. 

“Why are you all so quiet?” Seungmin asked. 

“Chan, did you see-” 

“I don’t wanna talk about it!” He snapped. “Let's just learn this stupid dance, so we can all go home.” 

“Did something happen?” Felix asked. 

“He chucked a water bottle at his significant other’s head,” Minho blurted out. 

“You…you what?” 

“It’s not like I meant to! Like you haven’t done dumb shit before!” 

“I’d never throw something at the love of my life, you asshole!” 

“Fuck off, Minho!” 

“Wait! Shut up for a minute!” Seungmin interrupted. “Did you seriously throw a water bottle?” 

“No, he also yelled at them and made them cry,” Hyunjin added. 

A look of terror was shared between Felix and Seungmin. Chan’s angry demeanor dropped instantly at the sight of it. “What was that? What did you two just do?” 

“Why would you ever do something like that? You know that they’ve been in an abusive relationship and now you ju-” 

Chan’s eyes widened. “They what? What are you talking about?” 

“You…you don’t know?” Felix’s voice softened. “They never told you, did they?” 

“Say you’re kidding.” 

“No, I thought you knew. They talked to Seungmin and I one day when they were struggling. They were looking for you, but came across us instead and they were having a mini breakdown about it and…” He trailed off. “God, you really did it now.” 

“What are you waiting for? Go after them!” Seungmin reached over and gave Chan a small shove. “Go try to win them back now that you fucked up your relationship. Don’t come back until you apologize.” 

Chan stumbled, but he didn’t fight Seungmin’s suggestion. Instead, he jogged to the practice door, swung it open, and disappeared outside. He cursed himself beneath his breath. How could he fuck it up this badly? 

Meanwhile, you rushed into your apartment with tears in your eyes. Your bottom lip quivered and you hugged yourself tightly, a weak attempt to soothe your soul, but it wasn’t working. The warmth of your hands rubbed up and down your arms, but it still didn’t help. 

You barely made it onto your couch before you curled into a ball and pressed your legs against your chest. How could he do that to you? He didn’t know, but how could he? Even when you were angry and outraged, you’d never imagine throwing something at someone. It was hard to wrap your head around. 

All those feelings from the past relationship were bubbling up again. You thought it was a one and done thing. You didn’t think the hurt would linger so much, but it did. The sting of betrayal and the hurt overflowed your heart. You were drowning in the feelings that you thought had washed away. 

You wanted the warmth and comfort of Chan, but now you were scared. The warmth you once craved became a fire. Too hot to touch and too dangerous to love. What if he did it again? What if next time, it turned into physical assault? What if? What if? What if? 

You squeezed your eyes shut and buried your head in the floral cushion. He was supposed to be your safe place, your rock, and your world. What happened now that it had fallen apart? What were you supposed to do? 

The idea of breaking up with him was unbearable, but you were so scared. You promised yourself you’d never settle for anything like the last relationship. What if it continued? The thought haunted you like a ghost. 

When the front door to your apartment slammed open, you jerked up on the couch. Your heart bucked wildly and your eyes widened when Chan rushed into the living room. When your eyes met, you felt yourself unable to breathe again. 

“Baby, I’m so sorry I-” He started to come towards you. 

“Don’t!” You barked and pulled back. 

“Let me just-” 

“Stop!” You cried out as you climbed over the arm of the couch. “Stop it, you’re scaring me!” 

He suddenly stopped with his arms outstretched towards you. “Please don’t say that, I just want to touch you. I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. The guys were being a pain in my ass and I had no right to take it out on you, but I did. Please let me hold you.” 

“I-I can’t.” Your voice quivered and tears built up in your eyes. “I’m so afraid. I-I…please…” You sucked in a shaky breath. “Just stay over there and don’t come closer. I should have told you, but I-I was scared and-” A sob threatened to escape your lips. 

His heart broke all over again. It was like glass shattering over and over and over in his ears. What had he done to you? What did he do?

“About your past relationship?” He sank to his knees on the floor. “I found out from Felix and Seungmin. I didn’t know and if I did, I would have never done what I did. I shouldn’t have done it in the first place and there’s no excuse for it.” 

“Can’t you just get out?” 

“W-What?” 

“I don’t want you here right now. I need time and I-” The image of him blurred from your tears. “I need to think and I hate to say it, but I’m so scared you’ll do it again.” 

“I won’t. I’m not going to hurt you. I-” 

“Please!” You cried out with desperation. “Chan, please, I can’t do this right now, I-” You struggled to breathe. It was a fight to capture air in your lungs. 

He knew a panic attack when he saw one from you. They didn’t happen often and they were rare, but he used to comfort you during them. He used to rub your back and speak softly. The warmth of his breath on your neck as he helped coach you through deep breaths. 

“Sweetheart, don’t do this to me. I know you’re struggling to breathe, so just let me-” 

“Get out!” You shrieked. “Get the fuck out of my apartment! Get-” You sucked in a shallow breath. “Out!” 

His own tears began to fill his eyes. You were a wreck and it was all his fault. When he hesitated, ragged sobs fell from your body as you collapsed to the ground. It was as if someone was ripping up your heart. Your brain was fighting comfort and fear at the exact same time. 

“Please,” he whispered. 

When you shook your head with those watery eyes, he knew he had to go. His presence here was just making you worse. He couldn’t help you, no matter how much he wished he could. 

He pushed himself to his feet and took a final glance at you. You were curled up and half-hiding behind the couch arm for security. His eyes met yours and he managed to get out an “I love you.” 

And the worst part? 

You couldn’t find the strength to say it back. 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

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this is so lovely

You have surgery | Han Jisung

ᑉ³pairing; Boyfriend! Han Jisung x Reader

ᑉ³genre; Sickfic, Comfort, Fluff,

ᑉ³warnings; Wisdom tooth removal, dentist, Anesthesia, amnesia

ᑉ³Authors Note; Other members coming soon! Based on a true story (me!)

Part of the "He helps you when.." collection. Other members parts: Chan | Minho | Changbin | Hyunjin| Han | Felix | Seungmin | Jeongin

As the nurse administers the anesthesia, you squeeze the hand your holding tightly, drawing strength from their steady grip. You feel a cool sensation spreading through your veins as the anesthesia takes effect, gradually enveloping you in a blanket of warmth and tranquility.

A wave of anxiety washes over you, but it feels distant, muffled by the encroaching haze of unconsciousness. Your palms grow clammy, and your breath comes in short, shallow gasps. He reaches out, His touch is barely perceptible, a faint brush against your cheek. His whispered words of encouragement are like echoes from a far-off place, reaching you through layers of fog.

"Hey, you've got this," he murmurs softly, his voice fading into the recesses of your mind. "I know you're scared, but you're the bravest person I know. I'll be right here when you wake up, holding your hand okay?" His words cling to your consciousness like a passing dream.

With one final breath, you faintly hear the words "I love you" as you close your eyes, letting go of your fears and surrendering to the gentle embrace of unconsciousness.

-

As consciousness slowly returns, you find yourself floating in a hazy fog, your senses dulled by the lingering effects of anesthesia. Your eyelids flutter open, revealing a dimly lit room swirling with shadows and blurred shapes.

Confusion washes over you as you struggle to make sense of your surroundings. The faces that hover at the edge of your vision are unfamiliar, their features distorted and indistinct.

Panic begins to rise within you, a knot of fear tightening in your chest as you search desperately for something familiar, something to anchor you. Your heart races in your chest, each beat echoing in your ears as panic tightens its grip around your throat.

You try to push through the fog, to grasp onto fleeting fragments of memory that slip through your fingers like grains of sand. But the harder you try, the more elusive they become, slipping further and further beyond your reach.

Desperation claws at the edges of your consciousness, urging you to flee, to escape this nightmare world of shadows and uncertainty. But where can you run when you don't even know where you are?

And then, amidst the chaos of your mind, a voice breaks through the fog, a soft whisper that cuts through the darkness like a beacon of light.

"Hey there, sleepyhead," his voice trembles slightly, gentle yet filled with love. "It's me, Jisung. Do you remember?" he asks softly, his tone laced with a mixture of hope and fear.

"Who are you?" you manage to croak, your voice trembling with confusion and fear. The name 'Jisung' means nothing to you in this moment of disorientation.

A flicker of sadness passes through Jisung's eyes, but he quickly masks it with a reassuring smile, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm Jisung," he repeats gently, his voice tender yet tinged with a hint of disappointment. "Your boyfriend. We've been together for a few years now."

You blink, trying to process his words, but the fog in your mind refuses to dissipate. "I'm sorry," you whisper, your heart heavy with guilt. "I don't remember."

Jisung's expression softens, sadness passing through his eyes once again , but he remains silent, his concern evident in the gentle squeeze of your hand. As you slowly regain awareness, you find yourself in a dimly lit room, the faint scent of antiseptic lingering in the air.

Your gaze sweeps the unfamiliar surroundings, confusion clouding your thoughts. "Where am I?" you murmur, your voice tinged with uncertainty.

"In the hospital," Jisung replies, his tone gentle yet urgent, his words a beacon of reassurance amidst the fog of confusion. "You had your wisdom teeth removed, but you're all done now. Everything's going to be okay," he adds, his voice laced with a desperate plea for recognition, his eyes searching yours for any sign of comprehension.

"Maybe going for a walk might jog your memory," the nurse suggests as she walks into the room, her voice a gentle interruption in the stillness.

You try to sit up, only to realize you're cocooned in warmth, covered in two blankets and a coat. "What's all this?" you say, puzzled by the unexpected comfort.

"You got cold, and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't see you tremble, so I tried to cover you as much as possible," Jisung explains, a slight tremor in his voice betraying his concern as he gestures to his coat draped over you.

With the help of Jisung and the nurse, you slowly stand and begin to shuffle around the hospital corridors, the steady rhythm of your footsteps echoing in the quiet hallway. As you move, the motion seems to stir something within you, coaxing snippets of memories to resurface from the depths of your mind. With each step, the fog of confusion begins to lift, replaced by a growing sense of clarity.

And then, like a dam breaking, the first clear memory floods back, washing over you in a rush of recognition.

You pause mid-step, a look of realization dawning on your face.

"BBama," you murmur, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "I remember BBama."

Jisung's expression changes, a mix of surprise and mild disappointment crossing his features before he quickly masks it with a forced smile. "Yeah, BBama," he replies, his voice tinged with a hint of sadness. "He's a good boy."

You sense a shift in his demeanor, a subtle tension in the way he grips your hand a little tighter. Guilt washes over you as you realize the impact of your words, the inadvertent reminder of your forgotten memories hitting Jisung harder than you expected.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, reaching out to touch his arm in a silent gesture of apology. "I didn't mean to—"

But before you can finish, Jisung shakes his head, his forced smile softening into a genuine one. "It's okay," he reassures, his voice gentle yet tinged with a hint of sadness. "It's just... funny how memories work sometimes."

As you walk, Jisung's disappointment hangs heavy in the air, his silence speaking volumes as you navigate the hospital corridors together. You can feel the weight of his unspoken thoughts, a palpable tension in the way he holds himself.

Guilt gnaws at your insides as you realize the depth of his disappointment, the fear that perhaps you'll never fully remember the moments you've shared together. You want to reach out, to erase the hurt etched into the lines of his face, but words fail you in the face of such uncertainty.

Lost in thought, you suddenly remember a fleeting moment, a snapshot of a memory that cuts through the fog.

"The ferris wheel," you say, a smile playing at the corners of your lips as you recount the memory that has surfaced in your mind. "It was a sunny afternoon, and we went to the carnival. We got on rides, and we laughed and talked for hours."

Jisung's eyes light up with recognition, a spark of joy dancing in their depths as the memory comes flooding back to him. "I remember that day," he says softly, his voice filled with warmth and affection. "It was one of the best days of my life."

"You were afraid of heights and got scared at the top of the wheel. I kissed you to calm your nerves," you recall, a blush tinting your cheeks as you relive the tender moment. "And in that moment, everything felt... perfect," you add, your heart fluttering at the memory of Jisung's comforting embrace.

Jisung's gaze softens, his eyes shining with love and longing as he reaches out to cup your cheek, his touch sending shivers down your spine. "It was perfect," he agrees, his voice barely above a whisper, his thumb brushing gently against your skin.

After spending some time reminiscing in the hospital corridors, Jisung helps you gather your belongings and leads you out of the hospital. He takes your hand gently, guiding you with careful steps as you navigate through the corridors and out into the crisp evening air.

As you step outside, you're greeted by the cool breeze, a welcome relief after the sterile confines of the hospital. Jisung flags down a taxi and helps you into the backseat, ensuring you're comfortable before climbing in beside you.

During the ride home, you lean against Jisung's shoulder, the events of the day catching up with you as exhaustion washes over you. Jisung wraps his arm around you protectively, offering silent comfort as the taxi makes its way through the city streets.

When you arrive home, Jisung helps you out of the taxi and supports you as you make your way inside. Once indoors, he settles you onto the couch, fluffing up pillows to make you comfortable.

"Minho hyung dropped off some soup for us. Let me serve you some," he says softly, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead before disappearing into the kitchen.

As you sink into the cushions, the sharp ache in your jaw intensifies, signaling to your senses that the anesthesia is wearing off. Every movement sends a jolt of agony through your body, and you clench your teeth to stifle a cry of pain.

Your eyes brim with tears. Talking feels like shards of glass scraping against your raw gums, and even breathing seems to exacerbate the throbbing ache in your jaw.

With Jisung in the kitchen, you try to compose yourself, not wanting to alarm him. You take slow, shallow breaths, trying to find a way to cope with the overwhelming pain that courses through your body.

But despite your best efforts, silent tears slip down your cheeks, betraying the torment you're enduring. You press a hand to your mouth, muffling the sobs that threaten to escape, not wanting to disturb Jisung as he prepares soup to ease your discomfort.

Minutes feel like hours as you wait for Jisung to return, each second punctuated by sharp pangs of agony that seem to intensify with every passing moment.

Finally, you hear the soft shuffle of footsteps as Jisung reenters the living room, a tray of steaming soup in his hands. He pauses as he sees you, his eyes widening in alarm at the sight of your tear-streaked face.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asks, his voice filled with concern as he rushes to your side, setting the tray down on the coffee table before gathering you into his arms.

You cling to him desperately, unable to hold back the flood of tears any longer. "It hurts," you manage to choke out between sobs, the words barely audible as you bury your face against his chest.

Jisung holds you close, his heart breaking at the sight of your pain. "I'm so sorry," he whispers, pressing a tender kiss to the top of your head. "I'll make it better, I promise."

You cling to him desperately, your tears soaking into his shirt as you surrender to the overwhelming tide of agony. Each sob racks your body, a symphony of suffering that echoes through the silent night.

"I'm so sorry," he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion as he presses another kiss to the top of your head. "I wish I could take away your pain."

As Jisung holds you, he whispers soft words of comfort, his voice a soothing melody in the midst of your suffering. You feel a flicker of relief in his arms, a fleeting respite from the relentless ache that grips your body.

Eventually, Jisung guides you to sit up, his hands gentle as he helps you into a more comfortable position on the couch. He retrieves the tray of soup he prepared earlier and sits beside you, offering you the spoon with a tender smile.

You try to eat, but the pain makes even the simplest of tasks feel like an immense effort. Each attempt to swallow is met with searing agony, and you can't help but feel a sense of incompetence wash over you.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, tears welling up in your eyes as you struggle to eat. "I can't do this."

Jisung's heart breaks at the sight of your distress, but he remains steadfast in his support. "It's okay, love," he murmurs softly, his voice a soothing balm as he takes the spoon from your hand and gently feeds you, " Let me help you."

With each spoonful of soup, Jisung's movements are deliberate and gentle, his fingers cradling the spoon as if it were the most precious thing in the world. He watches you intently, his gaze soft and reassuring as he anticipates your needs.

As the warm broth passes your lips, you can feel the tenderness of his touch, his fingers brushing against your skin with a feather-light caress. It's as if he's not just feeding you soup, but pouring his love and care into every bite.

Despite the pain that still lingers in the corners of your mind, you find solace in the simple act of being cared for.

As Jisung continues to feed you spoonfuls of soup, he notices the heaviness in your expression and tries to lighten the mood. With a playful glint in his eyes, he brings the spoon closer to your mouth but then pulls it away with a mischievous smile.

"Here comes the plane!" he says, his voice filled with playful enthusiasm as he mimics the sound of an airplane soaring through the air. He moves the spoon in a swooping motion, as if it's about to land in your mouth, his expression hopeful for a glimpse of your smile.

Despite the pain and discomfort, you can't help but chuckle at his antics. His determination to bring a smile to your face melts away some of the tension, and you find yourself playing along, opening your mouth wide as if ready to accept the imaginary "airplane" spoon. Jisung grins triumphantly as he feeds you the soup.

Once you've finished eating, Jisung takes care of everything, cleaning up the kitchen and washing the dishes with meticulous attention to detail. He returns to you, draping a soft blanket over your shoulders and ensuring you're comfortable on the couch.

Then, he gathers you into his arms, holding you close as you cling to him. He wipes away your remaining tears, whispering words of love and comfort until your sobs subside.

"Shh, it's okay, my love," Jisung murmurs softly, his arms wrapped protectively around you. "You're safe. Just breathe," he whispers, his lips brushing against your forehead in a gentle kiss. "Let me kiss the pain away," he murmurs, pressing another tender kiss against your temple.

As your tears gradually subside, Jisung holds you close, his warmth enveloping you like a comforting embrace. He brushes away your tears with his thumb, his touch gentle and reassuring. "I hate seeing you in pain," he admits softly, his voice tinged with regret. "I wish I could take it all away."

You nestle closer to him, finding solace in his embrace. "It's not your fault," you reassure him, your voice muffled against his chest. "I know you'd do anything to make me feel better."

Jisung's arms tighten around you, his love evident in every gesture.

"I was so scared," he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. "When you didn't remember my name or my face," he begins, his words carrying the weight of vulnerability, "it felt like my world was falling apart. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you, of having you look at me as if I were a stranger."

Your heart aches at his confession, realizing the depth of his fears. "I could never forget you, Jisung," you assure him, lifting your head to meet his gaze. "You mean everything to me."

A soft smile tugs at Jisung's lips, his eyes reflecting the love and adoration he holds for you. "Knowing that means more to me than you'll ever know," he whispers, his voice filled with emotion. "I love you more than words can express." he whispers, pressing a tender kiss to your lips. "I'm sorry you're in pain. I'd rather it be me than you."

You lean into his touch. "You're my everything, Jisung," you whisper, your face close to his. "And I wouldn't want to go through this with anyone else by my side."

As you lean into his embrace, you feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against your chest. And as he lulls you to sleep with soft murmurs and gentle caresses, you drift off into dreams, knowing that no matter what, you'll always have Jisung there to hold you and kiss the pain away.

·˚ᑉ³ M.LIST | Ko-Fi | Thank you for your support | Consider leaving a comment, reblog or like. © Valkyrieeeee 2024

Poly SKZ!Fake Texts - Texting the Group Chat to ask for "help"

Genre: Sexually Explicit Content - MDNI

Warnings: Mentions of oral sex - that's actually the ENTIRE theme, Minho is cranky, Seungmin has a smart mouth, They are all way too cocky.

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Dear Christopher,

-> Pairing: Ex!Bang Chan x Reader

-> You write a letter to Chan one year after he breaks up with you, asking questions you wish you had answers to before he left.

-> heavy angst, bit of smut

I thought love was everything I needed. You said it was everything we needed. I believed it. Truly did. Because even if everyone likes you, even if I am everyone, everyone is not me. They don't get to see you when waking up, they don't get to touch your face like I wish I did, don't get to hold your hand or look into your eyes when we were dinning - that, I wish I did too. I'm just realizing that I might as well be just everyone, don't you think so too?

"I will love you, to the moon and back."

Was your trip to the moon too short that it did not last long? Was trying to reach out for the stars too tiring? It wasn't even what I asked for...

I met you on a sunny day, remember? I bet you do, because as much as I want you not to, so I can blame you, I know you do. You're just like that, so perfect that it's actually hard for me to write this letter. I want to point at your flaws and scream and screech at that blank, virgin piece of paper. But I can't. It holds too much meaning to me. I still have it. Why do I still have it? Ah, seriously...

So yeah, we met on a sunny day. I think it was holidays? At least for you. Those are rare aren't they? You were nobody, walking down the street. No holy glow, no charming or alluring walk. Just you, your cap and your way too baggy black clothes. I wasn't sucked it, did not look twice at that strange man covered like a person would if walking in Netherlands. And you came to me and told me a weird pick up line with that accent of yours that made me think about what you said twice just because I couldn't comprehend it. I wouldn't have answered if it wasn't for your giggle. You were giggling. Giggling for God's sake. What man giggles in 2022? But you sucked me in, just like that. With those charming dimples. Suddenly, the ocean wasn't enough to quench my thirst, no weight was heavy enough to hold me down and no colors was enough to paint you and picture you just like you were that day. It was so overwhelming I wish I hadn't met you, that day. I was a blushing mess (I still am when recalling that scene), my hands were sweaty and I was feeling dizzy. How dare you sounding so pretty? Because yeah, you made me realize that a sound could be pretty too. I fell in love for the first time in my life. I fell when I met you.

We met later. You were late. I did not think much about it. I am not one to care for those kind of things. Still am. How could I known it was a telltale sign? How would I known? You asked me questions about myself. You were the first to actually make me feel like an interesting person. Is it fool? I don't know. But I loved telling you about my life. You always hear, you always listen. I love that about you. I could have told you about how I saw an ant carrying another ant, how funny I thought it was, and you could have laughed like you were here to witness it, like it was actually funny. I could have told you about this really sad movie that I watched a few days prior and you could have scrunched your face and furrow your eyebrows as if you were trying not to cry. I could have told you about that stain on my table that I just can't clean and your fingers would have itched to do it for me. I fell in love a second time. I fell when I got to know you.

And then you left. I appreciated spending time with you. I appreciated the way you asked me if you could hold my hand. Just by that I could tell that your mother was a lovely and respectable person. I appreciated the way you were always trying to find something to do. I did not care about that suffocating thing covering half your face.

"I wanna see you do plenty of things so that I can know what you like and what you doesn't. I wanna get to know you when you are surprised, sad, happy, delighted. I wanna fell in love with every facet of your personality." you said. Was what you found not attractive enough? Was it not enough to keep you entertained, Chan?

Then you told me you had to leave. I hoped it wasn't just a summer fling. But you asked for my number, and we talked even after you left. Even in my sleep I was thrilled about waking up and reading your text in the morning, can you believe that? Who gave you the right to take my heart hostage and to care for it? Your texts were sweet, your voice in our weekly phone calls sweeter. And those pictures of landscapes even more. Got me thinking about how I wanted to be by your side. How I wanted to watch this sunset with you, how I wanted to hold your hand and kiss you until I can't breathe.

We never kissed. I regret that. I despise that. But maybe it is because we weren't meant to. And yet, in the darkest of night I was thinking about how I wanted to be next to you. How I wanted some warmth, some love. How I wanted to trace your body with my tongue. How I wanted to hold your hands while I'm making love to you. For the first time in my life I was horny. I wanted you to fill me up, to caress and to touch. I wanted to feel your fingertips on my body, to feel you fingers in my private part, to hear your whispers in my ears as you are delicately rocking my body. For the first time in my life I was a stranger in my own body. Touching and trying to please myself just like you would do if you were there. How funny, I'm sounding like a perv.

But you slowly started to disappear. Photos getting blurry. Texts getting shorter. Phone calls getting rare. Affection being yearned for.

And then you told me that you could no longer be with me. And that's when I fell in love for the third time. I fell because I realized how our one year relationship meant to me. You took everything with you. After that, the sun rays were burning flames, the smell of coffee was suffocating, the laughs of people was defeating, my thoughts were deadly.

You got me thinking about me. About I could would have be if I never met you. A happier version of myself. Confident and proud. But instead, you got me thinking about what was wrong about me. Was I not enough? Were my quirks and habits too weird? Was my voice and my laugh repulsing? Was my body disgusting? You got me dreading looking at my reflection, you got me dreading meeting new people. What if they didn't like me? What if I was not interesting enough? What if I was too loud? too obnoxious? too silent? too shy? too quiet? to weird? too ugly? too clingy? too distant? too mean? too nice? What if I was me? What if they didn't like me?

And I hate myself for saying this, because this is not all your fault. I was insecure before meeting you. But you gave me a taste of self-confidence, and it was like drug, addicting. But it was a you thing. The way you made me feel like we were on top of the world. You took it with you. I don't know how to go back to my old self.

I hope that one day I will heal feel again. But for the moment I will try.

It's been a year now. I still love you. I'll never love someone like I loved you. But you'll never love me like you love music. And I respect that. I only found out a few months after our break up that you were a world wide star. Mask and cap be damned, your voice is one that I can't forget. I think I understand now. Why you left. And again, I respect that.

I love you. We could have talked about it

I love you. If only you had told me

I love you. I'm sorry you didn't feel loved enough to tell me about your job

I love you, I wish you just told me why you left

I'm sorry. I should have try harder.

But maybe I was just that. Maybe I was just everybody. I'll try to forget because I genuinely wants to see you happy. Maybe one day I'll thank you for helping me growing up as a person. Maybe one day I'll tell about my first love to my friends. Maybe one day I'll write you another letter and write:

"And one day, your name didn't make me smile anymore."

To Bang Christopher Chan

From A Baby-Stray Stay