Mentally A Living Corpse

Yess. Today for lunch I made my dad a cheese quesadilla with diced pieces of chicken sausage inside and a dipping cup with mild green sauce on the side, and for my mom I prepared a pb&j sandwich with blueberries and raspberries in her lunchbox for work :)

Does anyone else cook food for their family because you like cooking, You just don't like eating.

ok no longer suicidal i have weed

~Wieiad~

9•27•24

Breakfast:

111g Carrot slices - 46c

84g Celery slices - 12c

19g Small tomatoes - 6c

48g Red grapes - 33c

80g Plums - 37c

Lunch:

54g Peanut butter chocolate protein bar - 208c

Dinner:

43g Brownie batter puff protein bar - 151c

Total Cals - 493

Water Intake - 68floz

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~Macros~

Carbs: 71g

Protein: 33g

Fat: 12g

Fiber: 11g

Sodium: 820mg

Calcium: 218mg

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Decent day, it could’ve been better. Tomorrow I’m gonna start taking some vitamins, but the bad thing is that all of them combined are 100 cals * . * I got gummies so maybe that’s why it’s so much. I just have a really hard time swallowing pills so I thought gummies would be better for me, but idk…the only thing I can do is wait and see how it goes but I’m a bit concerned lol

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TW My motivation quote of the day

-Starvation is fulfilling. I will do whatever it takes. Colors become brighter, sounds sharper, odors so much more savory and penetrating that inhalation fills every fiber and pore of the body. The greatest food is actually found when a morsel never passes the lips.

-Pain is weakness leaving the body.

-Starving is not pain, it's the cure.

-It's not deprivation, it's liberation.

-Starving is an excellent example of will power.

-Hunger won't betray you like eating will.

-Hunger hurts, but starving works.

-Know that the pain will pass. When it passes you will be stronger, happier, and more aware.

-This isn't so bad. I can go another day.

-You've made a decision. You won't stop. The pain is neccessay, especially the pain of hunger. It reassures you that you are STRONG, can withstand anything, that you are NOT a slave to your body, that you don't have to give into its whining.

~ Vent ~

Something I keep thinking about is that my childhood friend told me ~4 months ago that she couldn’t imagine me skinny after she saw how different the pantry was at my parents house. Which is valid for her life experience with me, and great motivation, but wtf…. I’m kind of scared to meet up with her again after I lose more weight. I don’t want her to say anything else about my body.. and she’s one of the luckiest people on earth because she grew up SKINNY, and literally just because of genetics. Her whole family is thin.. lucky mfs lol -but we used to hang out frequently and we’d both eat a lot growing up, and she still does. The last time I hung out with her, she got a honey bun from a convenience store after she ate a sausage the length of a paper plate, and a slice of chocolate cake like 30mins-1 hour before… It’s possible she has some mental stuff going on as well because of struggling to gain weight, but to make such a comment about another person isn’t very mindful. My brain is kind of taking it as “I can’t imagine you being a healthy weight”. - not that I wanna be lol - but sis basically said that without actually saying it.. She knows I grew up FAT AF, a damn boulder, so I’m just struggling to understand how she could say that. In most cases, a persons health is the most important thing, and what she said really makes me feels like she wants me to stay big subconsciously. But, she picked the word skinny and not healthy, so maybe I’m just thinking too much into it lol.. Either way though, it’s still motivating me to do better so ultimately it doesn’t matter, but it does make me anxious about my relationship with her; and the pantry is so different now too compared to what it was the last time she saw it. So actually, I am very scared of her coming over lol.. and I don’t like that I feel that way, I love her a lot. I’m just not as comfortable around her now :c

dinner is served :0

Self-Harm First Aid: Cuts & Scratches

[Pt: Self-Harm First Aid: Cuts & Scratches]

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, all of the information below is based on my research. It is always best to see a doctor if you are injured. I do not promote self-harm.

1. Stop The Bleeding

[pt: 1. Stop The Bleeding]

If the injury is spurting blood, apply pressure and call for an ambulance immediately. Follow the instructions of the emergency line operator.

Apply pressure to the injury or injuries with a clean cloth that will not get fluff in the wound (e.g. a bit of shirt). For shallow cuts or scratches apply even pressure for 5 minutes. For deeper cuts apply presser for 7-10 minutes.

If bleeding does not stop after 10 minutes of applying pressure you need medical attention immediately. Call for an ambulance if you cannot get yourself to A&E.

2. Assessing Damage

[Pt: 2. Assessing Damage]

Call for an ambulance if...

If the injury is spurting blood, you have hit an artery

You go into shock (link)

If you are unsure if you need immediate medical attention

If you do not think you can take care of your injuries alone and cannot get yourself to A&E

Seek immediate medical attention if...

If bleeding does not stop after 10 minutes of applying pressure

If you lose sensation or movement in any area, this is a sign of nerve or tendon damage

The injury is to a joint, palm, your face, or genitals

If the injury is internal

You can see muscle or bone. Muscle looks like meat

If you do not think you can take care of your injuries alone

If you are unsure how serious an injury call your local A&E's nurse line (if in the UK call 111 or use 111 online (link)).

If you seek medical attention follow their instructions.

3. Cleaning And Bandaging The Injuries

[Pt: 3 Cleaning And Bandaging The Injuries]

Make sure your hands are cleans. Rinse the injuries with warm water to remove any debris. Dry the area well with a clean cloth that will not get fluff in the wound. You do not need to use an antiseptic lotion or cream.

If a wound needs stitches, seek immediate medical attention. If you cannot/will not seek medical attention use steri-strips (link) or butterfly bandages (link) to close the injury. These can also be used for more minor injuries where the edges of cut do not meet.

Otherwise use a plaster (band-aid) or a bandage (depending on the size and spacing of your injury/injuries) to cover the injury.

4. Wound Care, Part 1: Normally Healing Injury

[Pt: Wound Care, Part 1: Normally Healing Injury]

If the plaster/bandage/etc. you used comes with instructions, follow them. Otherwise, change dressings daily or when they become dirty or wet. Steri-strips and butterfly bandages can be left on till they fall off or the wound has heald. Check for signs of infection (link) when you change dressings (more info on infections below). Never reuse dressings

There is no need to clean an injury again when changing dressings unless it becomes dirty. There is no need to apply antiseptic lotion or cream to an injury unless there are signs of infection (link) (more info on infections below).

5. Wound Care, Part 2: Infected Injury

[Pt: 5. Wound Care, Part 2: Infected Injury]

Seek medical attention immediately if you show symptoms of a serious infection, such as...

Confusion or disorientation

Feeling faint or dizzy

Irregular heartbeat and/or breathing

Cold, clammy, pale skin

Fever (body temperature of 38c (100.4 f) or higher)

Fainting

Severe muscle pain

Painful muscle spasms

And more (link)

If you do not feel safe to or cannot get to an A&E by yourself and have no one to take you, call for an ambulance. A serious infection can be deadly, DO NOT attempt to care for at home.

Symptoms of mild infection; spreading redness, heat, or swelling near the injury, increased or new pain, increased fluid leaking from wound. Some redness, pain, and fluid leakage can be normal.

If you are unsure how serious an infection is see a doctor or call your local A&E's nurse line (if in the UK call 111 or use 111 online (link)).

To treat a mild infection...

Clean the wound with warm water and unscented soap

Soak in warm water or apply a warm wet cloth for ten minutes

Apply antibiotic ointment to the infected wound(s)

Re-dress the wound. Do not reuse dressings.

Repeat this 3 times a day daily until infection subsides. If the infection worsens or does not go away seek medical attention.

If you are unsure how serious your infection is see a doctor or call your local A&E's nurse line (if in the UK call 111 or use 111 online (link)).

If you do not feel that you can tend to your injury alone seek medical attention.

have you ever been kissed so gently that you feel like you’re the only person in the world, with their eyes settled on the depth of your core after your lips separate - and although you feel so much there’s nothing to do but just smile ??? me neither pass the joint

~Breakfast~

9•27•24

•Details•

111g Carrot Slices - 46c

84g Celery Slices - 12c

19g Small Tomatoes - 6c

48g Red Grapes - 33c

80g Plum - 37c

Total: 143c

•Macros•

Carbs - 32g

Protein - 3g

Fat - 0g

Fiber - 6g

Sodium - 146mg

Calcium - 81mg

I’m not really a tomato fan so I only ate 1 and half instead of 3… and the amount of protein is pathetic, but I’m nearly out of fresh fruits and veggies so soon I can focus more on macros. I’m not using my own hard earned money to buy groceries rn so the least I waste the better.

me after any tiny inconvenience in my life: "it's because i'm f4t isn't it"