OH, OHH SHRAP, AND THERES A WHOLE SUBCULTURE OF ONE OF THE BATBOYS BEING NEAL CAFFREY.

inaccurate Flashfam quotes #5

the adventures of people figuring out that all the Flash's are kleptos

Hal: Barry, we need to have a talk.

Barry: What about?

Hal: It's about the blankets.

Barry: The... blankets?

Hal: Every time you come over for a movie night and use one of my blankets, they always disapear.

Barry: ...

Hal: ...?

Barry: sniffs they're just so comfy...

...

Dick: knocks on Wally's door excessivly

Wally: opens it Hey Dickie. What's up?

Dick: Where are they?

Wally: I'm not kidding this time when I say I have no idea what you're talking about.

Dick: The hats, Wally. My hats. Where are they?

Wally: ... sighs and points to a drawr

...

Tim: ...

Bart: ...

Tim, staring at his sweatshirt: Bart-

Bart: OwO??

Tim: literally cannot say no ... You know what? Keep it.

inaccurate Batfam quotes #7

Batman: phone rings "Hello?"

Tim: "DadJasonjustshottheguninthehouseandnoweverythingisinabsoluteanarchypleasecomesaveme" dodges vase "oh my god, DAMIAN! GO PUT THE TIGER BACK!"

Justice Legue: ...

Batman: "Wait, slow down. Jason did what? Damian has a Tiger?"

Tim: "Do you really need to ASK? THERE'S A TIGER IN THE HOUSE, BRUCE!"

Batman: "I'll be home soon. Is everyone okay?"

Tim: "My mental stability isn't but I think their fine-" BANG "Nevermind, Damian's been shot."

Batman: "Where is Alfred?"

Tim: "Silently watching us in the corner of the room." pause of silence "OH GOD, THERE'S A FIRE! I gotta go."

click

Batman: Emergency. I have to leave.

Superman, that heard everything with Super-hearing: ... Right. So-

inaccuate Bamfam quotes

Bruce: Who's going to help me take down Superman?

batchildren™: crickets

Bruce: Really? None of you? You're my kids!

Jason, from the back: We're adopted!

Bruce: Damian isn't.

Damian: I'm dating Superman's son, I can't kill Jon's dad.

Everyone else: ...

Bruce: Tim?

Tim: I'm actually dating Kon...

Bruce:... Jason?

Jason: Fuck you, old man. I just don't like you.

Bruce: Dick, tell me you aren't dating someone from the superfamily, too.

Dick: Nope.

Bruce: sigh of relief

Dick: Only Wally!

Bruce, realizing all of his kids are dating the pupils of the colleagues he dislikes most: I'm gonna go take a nap...

New Bart Allen headcanon because I'm so so weak and my brain don't stop buzzing.

In Smallville, Bart Allen is being hunted down by the Black Flash (Basically the grim reaper of the Speedforce), because he's the only speedster who was born with the speedforce by two speedster family's, thus making his powers "Pure" untapped potential.

Superman is in the comic, he tries saving Bart, he's irrelevant. Jay Garrick was also there at some point but mans didn't do shit. Anyways. Eventually, Black Flash does catch up to Bart in Smallville, making all sorts of wild threats if Imp didn't give up his powers.

Bart, being the selfless sacrifice he is, agreed to the terms and Black Flash essentially killed him. A lotta lightning came down from nowhere and struck Bart. After the storm cleared, Bart and Black Flash were no where to be seen, and all that was left was a Flash insignia on the ground to remember him.

Obviously, Bart came back, but my headcanon is that he comes back with lightning scars traveling all down his body, from his hair to his feet. He's impulse again, but with these otherworldly tree branches of scars covering his face, arms, legs, everywhere. And no one really knows how to address it, they're just all relieved to have him back, and he doesn't seem bothered by them. He sometimes makes Harry Potter jokes, and it either gets a laugh or makes people uncomfortable, there's no in between.

He doesn't really have a social life anymore, since he's been legally dead a lot and Batman had to make yet another fake birth certificate and records for him, but even he's happy to do so to see the speedster around again.

Bart never really got along with Barry and Wally completely. They were his heroes before he even met them, but they weren't what he was hoping for and that always put a strain on their relationship. That and Wally just generally treated Bart like shit, and Barry acted like he didn't even want him sometimes. But then Bart's alive again, showing up on their doorstep like "SINCE WHEN IS IT 2019", and they're just staring at him like he's the ghost of Impulse, tattered and scarred just like the accident left them, and thing's are better now because Bart's filling up the silence that filled their voids again.

[Kitchen at Wayne Manor]

Dick: [picking through a candy bowl] Steph sure does date a lot doesn't she?

Cass: [with prejudice] glass houses

Dick: I didn't mean it was something bad!

Tim: She doesn't date a lot, she breaks up a lot.

Dick: Isn't that the same thing?

Cass: [unwrapping a chocolate bar] No

Tim: She has standards

Jason: [sorting m&ms] She dated YOU

Tim: She also broke up with me

Jason: ...did you just insult yourself to defend your ex?

Tim: [stares Jason down while slowly eating a piece of fudge]

Dick: [coughs awkwardly] so anyway. Isn't her dating so much a sign that her standards are TOO high?

Tim: [looks at Cass] Reasons Steph has dumped guys

Cass: [raises a finger] doesn't like cats

Damian: [from the other room] WHAT?!

Tim: [also starts counting on his fingers] refused to learn how to do laundry

Cass: Had his mother clean for him

Tim: Told her to calm down

Cass: Wanted to become a stock broker

Tim: asked if she was on her period

Cass: mocked people for wearing crocs

Tim: said he'd never read a book with a "female protagonist"

Cass: Said she was too emotional

Tim: was way too into sports

Cass: Said women with short hair was unattractive

Tim: kept using 'literally' when he meant 'figuratively'

Cass: told her she was putting on weight

Tim: didn't like Cass

Cass: didn't like Tim

Tim: mansplaining

Cass: kept talking about the wine list

Tim: kept talking about his car

Cass: [running out of fingers] thought "me too" had gone to far

Tim: [also with all his fingers outstretched] told her she "wasn't like other girls"

Dick and Jason:

Dick: I feel like some of those were more valid than others

Jason: [to Tim] so which one of those was the reason she broke up with you?

Tim: I didn't like Tim.

Kon and Bart: *eating insane amounts of Pie*

Kon: Tim, you gotta order a piece of this pie.

Tim: I did. You guys immediately ate it.

Wally: If you're coming with me on this mission, you need to follow my orders, understand?

Bart: I promise to follow you to the Letter.

Bart: As long as that letter isn't 'Q'.

Bart: Or any other vowel, for that matter.

Inaccurate Flashfam quotes #2

Bart Allen: Okay, this is it. I'm battling a Evil supervillain trying to kill me and probably my worstest enemy.

Bart's mind: Make casual conversation and playful banter the entire time.

Bart:

Bart: Let's do it.

THIS

I've been thinking a lot about Jaybart lately, even wrote half of two one-shots that I might post soon, since I'm bored, and have nothing to do, here are some hcs of them that I have and intend to work on some future fanfics:

Sometimes, while the other is sleeping, they lie awake counting the other's breathing just to make sure they are alive. Neither of them knows about it. Bart does this more often, but Jason spends more time awake counting his breaths.

Jason cooks and Bart cleans. Bart can't cook to save his life, but he makes decent coffee.

Bart has freckles all over his body and Jason often compares them to stars, when they are alone he tries to kiss each of his freckles.

Bart's love language is physical touch and words of affirmation, so Jason has always one arm around his shoulders or waist, sometimes he lays his head on Bart's shoulder and when no one is looking he leaves a kiss on his neck or whispers in his ear 'I love you'

Jason's love language is quality time and acts of service. Bart always tries to find a way to go to Jason's apartment and spend some time with him, they talk, watch movies and sometimes just enjoy each other's company. 'I love you' for Jason is not in words, but it is in the little things. In the coffees that Bart makes for him, in the early hours of waking up together, in the silence while Jason cooks and Bart helps him chopping the vegetables.

Bart made (read: forced) Jason to watch all the Star Wars films

Whenever the two watch a film/series, Bart develops a crush on one of the actors and talks about it for weeks and Jason just agrees that most of them are actually hot

Most people don't know that they date. Bart always says he has a boyfriend, but never says his name instead he describes his boyfriend as 'a literature student who loves cooking and Jane Austen and Virginia Woolf books' and he always has fun seeing people's reactions when Jason appears and kisses him.

Roy can't stand being in the same room as them, he always says that they look at each other with puppy ​​eyes or like they're ready to fuck right there

Sometimes Bart wears skirts and dresses, Jason thinks he looks really beautiful wearing it.

Tim was the first to know they were together, he accidentally walked into the kitchen and saw them kissing (his reaction was similar to Ross's in friends but with less screams)

On their first Valentine's Day together, the two forgot it was Valentine's Day and spent the day watching horror movies and eating pizza.

Bart always listens to Tim and Jason's complaints about each other and finds it funny how the two always end up saying "How is he your best friend/boyfriend?”

Bart always pulls Jason's blanket over while sleeps.

Tim constantly walks over while they are almost having sex, most of the time he screams 'my eyes!' and Jason finds something to throw at him.

They are not a clingy couple, no pet names, no matching accessories, not so many pda, except for a few kisses, and a hand on the other's shoulder or waist, and they barely talk about the relationship with others, the reasons many people don't know they are dating is precisely this. They are very private, and none of them are afraid to provoke, disagree or upset the other.

Jason and Bart tropes #3

Jason doesn't like metas or people with abnormal capabilities too much because they rely on their powers, but Bart doesn't.

Bart grew up in virtual reality, being constantly experimented on and watched by scientist assholes without his knowledge. He also grew up in the Apocalypse, or what was considered one. So he knew what it was like to be completely powerless and live normal, or as normal as you can get in a back-water, end of the world, totalitarianism planet. Even when he was rescued by his mom and Iris plus sent back in time to keep him safe, he was trained by all of LAPD and Tim Drake in combat, on the chance that he lost his speed again. It came in handy later on when he did lose his speed in the battle against the Rouges and his clone, Thad. And then his mentor Max Mercury taught him to slow things down and live in the present, that not everything is about speed and how fast you can do something, but how well you do it. So as you can assume, Bart is always alert. Probably why he's so jumpy. He never knows what to expect and thus he expects everything, cause with his powers he's able to predict every possible outcome in a situation. He also uses it to his advantage and He's memorized the complete human nervous system (talk about Crash).

That's probably why Jason likes him so much; even with his powers, Bart expects to be jumped any moment. (Likes in headcanon, of course, but c'mon you can't tell me he wouldn't)