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The 10 reasonable relationship expectations listed below can help you evaluate and guide a discussion with your partner if you find that some of these are missing from your current relationship.
Mutual trust in each other.
Equal commitment to the relationship.
Shared affection and appreciation.
Empathy towards experiences and emotions.
Friendship and admiration in the relationship.
A satisfying sexual connection.
Mutual understanding and compromise.
Respect for differences.
Quality time.
Shared kindness and generosity.
1) Trust
Be curious about each other’s inner world and practice empathy towards their experiences, feelings, and needs to build trust over time. Trust promotes a secure attachment in which partners can feel safe to engage in their own interests and activities knowing their partner will be there to support them and provide reassurance upon their return.
2) Commitment
Understand each other’s commitment to the relationship and discuss the behaviors that demonstrate the level of commitment to prevent burnout or feelings of resentment when one partner perceives that they are giving more than they get in return. Equal commitment is also essential to building a relationship where both partners feel validated and part of a team.
3) Affection & appreciation
Discuss expressions of love and affection especially when you and your partner prefer different love languages. For example, one may prefer words of affirmation while the other may prefer acts of service. Practice communicating affection towards your partner in their love language rather than your own to validate as this may be more impactful when appreciating your partner for who they are and how they contribute to the relationship.
4) Empathy
Express empathy by building curiosity towards each other’s experiences and validating the accompanying emotions. This can be done through asking open-ended questions about your partner’s experience and setting logic aside to consider why the emotions make sense for your partner given their background. The goal is to understand their perspective rather than needing to agree with their response or provide a solution.
5) Friendship
Cultivate friendship in the relationship through demonstrating interest in each other, which may include active listening throughout the day and making time to engage in the activities each person enjoys to combat feelings of loneliness or insignificance. Friendship builds safety and connection which may allow you to confide in and increase the amount of enjoyment shared between each other.
6) Satisfying sexual connection
Maintain a satisfying sexual relationship through open discussion about sexual needs and preferences including what to do when one partner is in the mood and the other is not. Conversations around the meaning of sex and where this was learned can also increase understanding and connection. For those that have experienced sexual trauma, individual therapy may be helpful in combating barriers and improving your sexual connection.
7) Understanding and compromise
Navigate unsolvable or recurring issues by understanding how each person experiences the situation to identify parts of the issue one can be flexible and inflexible about when seeking compromise. When compromising, prioritize the love in your relationship as each partner may need to yield in order to move past gridlock and potential stonewalling.
😎 Respect
Respect for each other’s differences looks like withholding criticism and using curiosity to listen to and validate differing values, customs, or beliefs. Sharing compassion for each other’s differences can remind each you are part of a team and make it easier to view their differences as a strength and hold space for expression of these differences in the relationship.
9) Quality Time
Quality time can look like going on a date together, doing housework together, or doing other enjoyable activities. The main goal is to be present with each other during these experiences to promote connection and shared meaning. Being present may look like making eye contact, engaging in physical touch, and actively listening and responding to each other’s bids.
10) Kindness and generosity
Increase love in your relationship through demonstrating kindness and generosity when you each need support or after completing an action you appreciate such as communicating effectively or making dinner. It may be especially helpful to incorporate one action of kindness each day to promote a culture of friendship and appreciation within the relationship.
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