Happy Posting On The Blr?!!??!?
Happy posting on the Blr?!!??!?
More Posts from Countthefighters and Others
i can't fall asleep, but i can't stay awake and my body is so uncomfortable to be in
That one was too edgy for the blr my bad
Top surgery recovery has involved an onslaught of emotions that I'm still figuring out how to express, but this grief was not something I anticipated would be part of it.
did it ever mean anything to you?
the adolescent kisses in the dark, the shared cigarettes, the late nights, the early mornings, the drunken words, the secrets only we knew, the gifts, the letters, the “i love you”s and shared wardrobes really meant nothing?
was i always that disposable?
i know i wasn’t what you wanted, but i thought that maybe i could be what you needed. i know that’s selfish, i’m sorry. you were everything to me. the light in the inescapable darkness, the sugar in my coffee, the luck of finding a $20 bill on the ground. you were everything valuable in my world. everything worth living for.
i know now that our legacy is nothing but tainted memories and forgotten polaroids, and i know i should shelf the image of you, but i can’t help but miss you. i miss my boyfriend, i miss my best friend. no one knows me like you did, and i’m terrified no one else ever will.
i know to you it was just one summer and some change, but to me it was the most idyllic period of my life. it was the summer of love, though later unrequited. did you ever mean it when you told me you loved me?
whatever i’m just rambling and stuff, no one really sees these posts anyway. i just miss the feeling of being special to someone.
Riff with Patrick Greatest Hits PART 2 (Part 1 here) x x x x x x (some MORE of the best flirting banter from tourdust/2ourdust mwah mwah)
I am so jealous of those who have hope. I am so envious of those who continue to search for light when everything around them is enveloped in darkness. I wish I could see something in me that would make me believe in a future for myself. When I think about the future, it is nothingness. A void, an old, empty blackboard with no chalk to write anything new. I can’t see past falling asleep with the metallic scent of blood lingering, I can’t see past going to bed with sore eyes, I can’t see past waking up with nothing but heavy shoulders, and I can’t see past spending every waking moment aching. I am so scared this all leads to nothing. I am so scared that I will be nothing.
I feel like I am wasting every second of my life, I feel like I have dissected myself into nothing but a disordered mess, acutely aware of my flaws and bad habits, with nothing to rectify my sins. I feel like I’m just wearing down everyone and everything around me. My violence is slowly creeping its way to center stage, and everyone sees it. People see how destructive I am. I feel like I break everything I touch, a perverted Midas.
And this is all very selfish of me, I am sorry for this. Spilling over, asking for more. I always want more and more and more. I want too much, and that is my tragedy.
ok i’m locked in and riddled with shame. lowkey need to stfu
smoked the type of weed that makes you accept that there will always be beauty and pain in everything, and the only thing you can do about it is welcome their co-existence
