I Don't Even Know If You're Still In The Matt Engarde Hype But Oh My Fucking God. Holy Fucking Shit.

I don't even know if you're still in the Matt Engarde hype but oh my fucking god. holy fucking shit. I am obsessed with the thought that this man would rather create a whole persona as an amalgamation of the traits he doesn't see as "acceptable", one who can carry the blow of Celeste's suicide because he's bad and independent and dettached and everything he was never allowed to be, one who can carry the anger he bottled up for the sake of images; the anger rooted so deep, burning him inside out at every ounce fear and the self-hatred and the neglect and the betrayal of being left behind he encounter. I'm going insane.

He sees "growing up" as something bad, as if being a fully separated entity from who nurtured you is shameful, and how this somated with the grayness of Celeste's relationship with him (and the fact all the people in canon she was in a relationship with, romantic or not, borderline or straight-up codependent) heavily implies that she, consciously or not, made him fully rely on her for everything and fed into the image that things should be like that forever: that he would never be someone if not "part" of her. And not to be an Engarde apologist or anything but the knowledge that this is a common strategy for abusers, especially parents and caretakers; to "mesh" with their targets to a point they don't know who they are without them, and how this causes long-lasting identity and self-image issues, much like that dude Matt?? It's driving me nuts.

Just. The littlest, tiniest voice in my head saying that Engarde would rather destroy the already poor image he had of himself as a person and wear the "evil" label like an armor than to acknowledge he might have been a victim won't shut up and i'm very sorry for the lenght of this but i've been running up my walls all day brainstorming about this and i need to sleep. I know this may be far-fetched, so feel free to add any divergences from my biased conclusions if you'd like!

i am always and forever in matt engarde hype anon....thank you so much for this ask that has been on my mind since i got it. your point about his relationship with celeste being part of his urge to "mesh" and stay childlike is really fucking me up. i love it so much it makes different aspects of the whole puzzle click in my head. also "would rather be evil than a victim" i think describes engarde deeply. anyway i just love all of this thank you so much for sharing<333

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9 months ago

chigiri yap session

i thought i'd just clarify my reasoning behind why i dislike the trans chigri headcanon so much since mfs got mad at me before when i said it without explaining myself

disclaimer, I myself am trans so this isnt me being transphobic, and its totally fine if u headcanon it, i literally dont care about any character being hit by the trans beam, go wild, but chigiri is my exception

i have different reasons for disliking mtf and ftm chigiri so ill be explaining both

yap session below the cut i guess

i understand that headcanons dont have to make sense but i feel like chigiri being trans would go against every part of him. My reason for disliking mtf chigiri is quite obvious i think, and that's that he makes it very very clear througout the entire story and almost every interaction hes a part of that he does not like being called a girl. He's always being called feminine things like princess or lady or missy but he always tells people to stop because he is a boy not a girl. So yeah thats why i hate that side of it so much

my dislike of ftm chigiri are a little harder to explain but uhh here goes. Its partly because of him being a more gender neutral/feminine looking character, because i love that men being feminine or not traditionally masculine can express themselves, but making him trans is kinda taking away from that by saying "a man expressing his gender in a way that isnt masculine?? i guess he must've been born a women then" Thats not actually that serious though because there are plently of feminine men who are trans, i love a ton of headcanons like that.

My biggest issue with ftm chigiri is actually how it affects every other character in the series. Because if he was, its basically character assassination for all of them. If chigiri was born a woman and transitioned into a man it makes literally every other character transphobic by default. Like he has repeatedly told them that he is a boy and not a girl but they continue to call him a lady, if chigiri was a trans man they would undoubtebly know, they've seen him in the lockerooms, they've seen him in the bath ykyk whatever. Point being they are constantly and non stop calling him a lady and if he was a trans man that makes the entire cast of blue lock all horrible people.

uhhh that's about all

obviously headcanon it if you want, im not trying to bash anyone and fandoms are suposed to be a fun space, but please don't try to tell me its implied because some people have tried to tell me it is and i literally cant think of anything less implied


Tags
10 months ago

sae as an infant:

Sae As An Infant:

A SEVEN YEAR OLD WOULD NOT SAY THIS

A SEVEN YEAR OLD WOULD NOT SAY THIS

Tags
11 months ago
An Emotaro

an emotaro

10 months ago

got really high last night and when i eventually fell asleep all i can remember from my dream is being in the bllk facility and chigiri was there we were hanging out we were chilling and then talking. reo also briefly was there. currently trying to figure out if the edible turned dream!me into second selection!kunigami .


Tags
1 year ago

Koby being a bigger part of the series while also being played by a trans actor fills my little trans heart with joy.

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cosmicallylyss - Alystair!
Alystair!

21, he/him || matt engarde enthusiast || hq atz bllk aa || cosmicallylyss/serpentcorelyss on ao3

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