Then Vs Now

Jiang Cheng 's headline takes the cake.

MDZS onion headlines part 1?

Dragon Rider WWX who flirts with MM playfully just to his dragon LWJ drop his big head on top of him

LWJ does that everytime he is jealous or annoyed making WWX carry his head who is almost his height, just so he can have WWX's attention

i will always love and appreciate the irony and parallel of how in the first siege, the cultivators mass-attacked the burial mounds and destroyed everything, using wei wuxian’s cave to hide the aftermath of their brutality and in the second siege, it is exactly that cave which shelters the cultivators and infact, saves them from the fate they had once dished upon the wens without thought or mercy. it is how the place they had collectively condemned and looked down upon is precisely the place that keeps them alive when their circumstances finally turn on them. it’s the way that it is the home that had once occupied wei wuxian–the enemy of the cultivation world–that becomes their salvation in the end.

also, i don’t completely remember this but the array that protects them was missing bits that lan qiren helps remake and the thought that the reason the array was broken in the first place was because it was barged into by the cultivators during the first siege, whilst the remaining wens were inside it, a last ditch effort to save themselves, breaks my fucking heart. because the cultivators of the second siege were saved by the very tools that wei wuxian CREATED to help and protect and secure the wen remnants, the very people that these cultivators and their predecessors killed in cold blood.

College teacher Lan Qiren who is always complaining about this loud, annoying and disruptive student in his class who is always half asleep on his desk and submits his assignments four seconds before the deadline.

His nephew Lan Wanji, who is in the same class, who can't believe how attracted he is to this hot mess of a man that seems to be physically incapable of not questioning every single subject they learn and makes such good points about them every time. How is it possible for a person seemingly can't dress, feed OR control himself in public be so smart? It would be less annoying if this dude at least took notes or had books, but no, he seems to be doodling on actual craft paper every time he peeks at him. Lan Wanji wants him carnally. And maybe romantically as well. He looks like a good cuddler, you know? Not that LWJ knows much about hugs and all that.

Meanwhile, there is college student, part time worker and full time single parent Wei Wuxian that is constantly running on two hours of sleep, who is working himself to the bone on his engineering degree along with Wen Qing (med student) to provide for Wen Yuan, chronically ill Wen Ning, ancient Granny and half a dozen old aunties and uncles that would (and should) have retired decades ago if they could afford it.

Now imagine the Lans' car breaking down in some speedy neighborhood after dining out, and who comes to the rescue? Just-got-out-of-work WWX, who would try his hand at the engine if they weren't shaking like crazy but assures them that his uncle four will get it going in a sec, want to follow him home so they are not in the street alone?

And so the Lans get to see this twenty years old exhausted young man get home, get immediately jumped by his toddler, and going to help with dinner while simultaneously checking over A-Yuan's homework, answering Grannie's questions about his day and helping WN with mobility exercises.

Lan Qiren becomes more forgiving. Lan Wanji falls in love and has to reconsider his own prejudices before approaching Wwx and asking him out on a study date that quickly becomes an engagement. Lan Xichen becomes besties with Granny and is there every Sunday. He and Wen Qing may fall in love. A-Yuan gets a whole new set of family members.

The car? It was actually fine. It just ran out of battery.

Poster done for Lwj birthday flower event in S Korea. A bit early, but happy birthday HGJ! 🩵

Been having thoughts about modern au 15(?) yr old lonely teen Mo Xuanyu who lives alone (and getting by via hush money from local asshole billionare Jin Guangshan) semi-accidentally summoning yllz wei wuxian via demotic ritual

(He didnt really think it would actually work, he was mostly just trying to cope)

one (1) yiling laozu wakes up in Mo Xuanyu’s shitty apartment and decides that if No-One Else Is Going To Parent This Child He Will (He is coping. Will he look at the Horror of waking up in a completely different world from your own with nothing left of your family but old fairytales? No. There Is A Child That Needs Planting!)

Cue the adventures or Wei Wuxian and the wonders of cutting Coupons, learning about facebook and attending Parent-Teacher confrences as Mo Xuanyu’s guardian

Found Family, all that jazz. Give Mo Xuanyu more hugs and Wei Wuxian more children. Throw him in a sea of toddles. (He is one of them. XianXian is three)

Over time mxy gets some actual friends (the juniors) and when they finally go over to mxy’s house wwx is there, casually talking with a ghost (The ghost is teaching wwx about late-stage capitalism. Wei wuxian agrees that a revolution is totally important but that he probably can’t create a talisman that incites systemic change, as that might veer into mind-control territory but that He Can Kill A Billionare)

Headcanon: Mo Xuanyu’s spice tolerance is actually about the same as Wei Wuxian’s (why else would he be able to eat his own food so easily in canon? Spice tolerance builds over time right???) So Wei Wuxian’s cooking doesn’t kill him actually. (They bond about it)

It does murder just about everyone else, though. Jingyi is offended on behalf of his tastebuds.

Eventually wwx meets lwj and the others (wen ning!!!! Baby wen ning!!!! I want to believe that he was able to move on someday because i would cry if he had to be alone as a corpse forever) (mayhaps??? Idk i havent thought that far) but anyway wangxian happens and so Mo Xuanyu gets two insufferable parents who care about him very much <3

The thing about Hua Cheng is that there is in fact two wolves inside him and one is the very cool extremely competent hopeless romantic ghost that rose to power to support the love of his life whenever he needed him and the other one is the cringefail 10 year old who saw a boy so pretty he forgot to hate the world and instead took a nose dive of a giant wall because he was experiencing being a fangirl for the first time and both those wolves start fighting when Xie Lian throws hands.

Wei Wuxian: I birthed you! Show a little filial respect!

Lan Sizhui: Didn’t you claim it was a c-section last time you used that on me?

Wei Wuxian: Oh yeah! *points at his abdomen where the scar from the core removal used to be on his old body* It was right here! Your auntie spent hours cutting you out of me.

Lan Sizhui: This is possibly the darkest joke you’ve ever made, A-Die.

Jiang Cheng: *flipping between turning green and purple with rage* I hate both of you. Lan Sizhui, you are his son, and I’m banning you both from Lotus Pier.

Jin Ling: But I think they’re fun, JiuJiu!

Jiang Cheng: I’m banning you too.

Wei Wuxian: I know we aren't on the best of terms right now, but I really need your help! I think someone's cursed Lan Zhan!

Jiang Yanli: But we ran into him in town. He seemed fine

Jiang Cheng: Yeah, except he's wearing rags and driving a cart. Did you steal his clothes or something?

Wei Wuxian: No! He said his normal robes weren't suitable for him anymore. I really don't know what's going on with him, and I'm really concerned!

Jiang Yanli: Calm down A-Xian. Tell us what happened

Wei Wuxian: I told you, I don't know! I walk out of the cave one morning-

Jiang Cheng: Right. "Morning"

Wei Wuxian: -And he's here! Tilling up the soil! He wouldn't answer any of my questions! Just throws a coin purse at my head and tells me to go to town and buy hay to thatch the roofs! When he does answer any questions, he gives the most insane answers!

Jiang Cheng: Doesn't sound like a curse. Sounds like an early onset midlife crisis.

Jiang Yanli: You said he gives insane answers? What do you mean?

Wei Wuxian: Oh he's back now. Just listen. Hey Lan Zhan! What do you have in the cart?

Lan Zhan: Blankets and cloth. We'll need them this winter

Jiang Cheng: Why did you get them? Don't trust the Wens with your coin?

Lan Zhan: The others are busy. It is no trouble for me to acquire these things. One should always aid their family and community

Jiang Cheng: Ok? Why are you here then? Your "family and community" are in Gusu

Lan Zhan: My husband and his family are here

Jiang Yanli: Who is your husband?

Lan Zhan: Wei Ying

Wei Wuxian: See!?

Jiang Cheng: FINALLY! I thought you two would never pull your heads out of your asses!

Wei Wuxian: What!? No! I'm telling you he's cursed!

Jiang Cheng: Yeah, with shit taste in men!

Modern AU where Shen Yuan accidentally sugar-daddies everyone.

So for the purposes of this, Shen Yuan's family is basically $10 Bananas levels of cluelessly rich. Shen Yuan has almost never had to look at the prices of anything he wants. He and his siblings all get an allowance from the family's main account, which increases when they reach adulthood, and in the interest of fairness his parents made it all the same size. So Shen Yuan gets the same amount of money for his daily living expenses as his older brothers with their penthouse apartments and vacation homes and private jets, at least from the family account (since he doesn't work, he doesn't actually make as much as them in total because they earn more on top of their allowances).

And the thing is, Shen Yuan genuinely just lives a lot more humbly. He likes people but what would he do with a vacation house? Anything really nice would probably require him to fly to get out there, and he gets sick as hell on planes. Living in the central city is also not great for him, because the air pollution is so bad. Having a whole house to himself would also be ridiculous. So he has a reasonable apartment, in a reasonable area, and he splurges every so often on purchases that make him happy and take-out food that he likes, and of course he pays a cleaning service to come in twice a week. Most people assume he's comfortably middle class and has some tech job he does from home, but he's been getting a lot more than he's been spending in his monthly allowances for years now, and the figures are big.

Enter into this environment author Airplane and his trash novels. Novels, multiple, because in this AU there's no PIDW, and instead after some alternate PIDW prototype got popular in the harem genre, Airplane decided to churn out a series of copy-paste shorter stories rather than recycling the same subplots in one massively long epic.

Shen Yuan of course discovers Airplane's writing and becomes as obsessed with it as ever, except this time he notices that if there are delays between new stories, they seem to clear up faster whenever he throws some cash at the problem. And also that the drops in Airplane's writing quality coincide with times when Shen Yuan was having health issues and not keeping up with his VIP purchases. So, he works out that Airplane's probably doing the writing for the money, and that when Peerless Cucumber isn't paying the most for it, Airplane starts listening to the other buffoons in the comment section more to try and entice them to pay his bills instead.

Peerless Cucumber leaves a comment on one of Airplane's latest stories that kicks off the two of them actually chatting, and Shen Yuan eventually gets to the point of offering to fund all Airplane's writing, in exchange for Airplane not doing his crap sellout stuff to appeal to other readers anymore. Airplane thinks he's joking or maybe mocking him. Shen Yuan asks how much it would cost. Airplane fires off a ridiculous number. Shen Yuan doesn't even blink and wires him the first payment. Then he gets annoyed because Airplane leaves him on read for a while, but that's because Airplane is staring at his account balance in shock.

Of course, it's Airplane who starts referring to Peerless Cucumber as his sugar daddy. Shen Yuan is just like "based on your sex scenes I don't think anyone would pay you for that" and Airplane's all "but you WOULD pay for my sex scenes ^_~" and Shen Yuan's like "technically I am actually paying you not to write that shit" and so on. Usual banter. The quality of Airplane's writing improves dramatically, a lot of his readership drops off but he does get new readers and gradually builds up an even bigger fanbase than before, and so on, it all goes pretty well. He eventually writes a few things that take off to the point of getting physical publications and international translations. Technically Airplane no longer needs Shen Yuan to pay all of his bills by that point but he's not going to tell Shen Yuan that! The contract's still good as long as he keeps writing!

Then one of Airplane's online acquaintances runs into some financial trouble and asks for help.

Liu Mingyan used to beta read for Airplane back when he wrote fanfiction (she was like thirteen, Airplane was unaware because internet and hey free beta), and it seems her family has hit a rough patch. She wants tips on how to go pro, but Airplane explains that it was extremely difficult and he mostly lucked out by finding a single wealthy backer. Mingyan wonders if the same guy would be interested in her writing, Airplane sadly thinks not because Mingyan exclusively writes kinky danmei erotica and Peerless Cucumber seems pretty firmly in the closet still and also generally prefers plotty and world-building heavy stuff.

But like, Airplane has definitely gotten a vibe off of Cucumber-bro, and Mingyan's gorgeous older brother does video streams of himself doing cool martial arts and swordsmanship stuff. So he asks her permission and when she gives it, he recommends Liu Qingge's videos to Shen Yuan, being sure to mention that the guy in question can't really afford to keep up with his hobbies and oh what a shame it would be if he had to stop making art like that.

Haha, Airplane, you're not subtle.

Even so, Shen Yuan watches the videos and immediately agrees that Liu Qingge is beauty in motion, and that it would be criminal to deprive the world of more videos of his sword. Swordsmanship! That is the, the art of, martial arts! Definitely. He clicks the donate button, reasoning out that he'll just send a donation about the size of his usual monthly payments to Airplane and call it his good deed for the day.

Liu Qingge is very confused by this new follower from nowhere who suddenly dumped a little over a month's rent into his account. One thing leads to another, with Mingyan and Airplane conspiring to try and get Shen Yuan as a permanent patron, and then Liu Qingge being let in on it. Except that Airplane keeps referring to Shen Yuan as his sugar daddy, and well... it's not like Liu Qingge doesn't ever get 'those' kinds of comments on his videos. At first he's embarrassed, then offended, then mortified that his own younger sister is apparently setting him up to make premium private videos for what he assumes is some old pervert who is going to want him to do untoward things.

However, their options are pretty bleak at the moment, and Liu Qingge worries that if he doesn't do this then Mingyan might. She even mentions something to the effect of having planned to offer herself, and only didn't because she wasn't this "sugar daddy" guy's type!

Teeth clenched, Liu Qingge asks Airplane stiltedly for advice on how to... appeal, to this wealthy benefactor.

In the end though it's not nearly as bad as Liu Qingge feared. He winds up doing more videos in costumes and cosplay, which ought to have been an untenable expense, but Peerless Cucumber always ends up covering the cost of whatever he invests in plus extra. Sometimes he sends Liu Qingge stuff with a request to wear it, but so far it's just been like, badass warrior-themed or historical costumes. Nothing overtly pervy. He does some LARPing, he makes enough to start doing horseback archery again, convinces some of his good-looking peers from various clubs to spar with him, and ultimately the most risque videos he ends up doing are the ones where he demonstrates how to put on certain kinds of gear. He still locks those ones behind paid subscribers only, mostly because he feels like he's doing something illicit now, even if he used to show more skin on his older videos any time he took his shirt off.

Peerless Cucumber doesn't leave creepy comments, either. In fact he seems genuinely nice and supportive, it's hard not to like him, and so even once his situation levels out Liu Qingge decides there's not really much need to stop making videos for him. (He maybe even gets a little giddy thrill over... well, sometimes he finds it all a bit... just when he thinks about Peerless Cucumber watching him demonstrate his physical prowess and finding that alone worth... ANYWAY--)

So that goes on for a while, before Yue Qi enters the scene.

Yue Qi is the childhood friend of one of Shen Yuan's older brothers (Shen bros!) and Shen Jiu owes him a big favor for something that he won't talk about. At least he won't talk to Shen Yuan about it. But Yue Qi is also not the type to ask for help, and Shen Jiu is very bad at offering it, so when Shen Jiu gets word that Yue Qi is having some difficulties making ends meet, he tells Shen Yuan to act as the middle man. Go offer Qi-ge money, he knows you're nice he'll just accept it, and then Shen Jiu will pay the actual bill.

Well it turns out that Yue Qi doesn't just accept it, of course he sees right through it, and gently but firmly tells Shen Yuan that he's not interested in burdening Shen Jiu further than he already has. Etc, etc, stoic stiff upper lips and no proper communication all around. Shen Yuan panics because it's not working and he's also genuinely worried about Yue Qi by now, so he tries to figure out how to make it compelling and basically blurts that, well, see, the thing is that sometimes he pays men to entertain him. You know. To like. Do things, for him. So. He could also pay Yue Qi? To do something for him?

Yue Qi gets the wrong idea entirely, and at first is like, oh, no, A'Yuan, you shouldn't be paying people for that! These things should just happen organically! But Shen Yuan is very adamant that he believes in compensating people for what they do for him, it's not like he can't afford to, and it gets awkward but Yue Qi is like well he does have health problems. It's perhaps difficult for him to meet people. So then he starts worrying about Shen Yuan and all these strange men he's apparently paying for "entertainment". Does his brother know about this?

No of course Shen Jiu doesn't know! He'd hate it, and Shen Yuan doesn't want to hear about how he's doing everything wrong with his life again!

Then Shen Yuan mentions that his prior house cleaning service up and quit on him (they didn't), and if Yue Qi would like to earn fair compensation he could just come over sometimes to help instead, and Shen Yuan would pay him just to tidy up and hang out for a few hours! Which Yue Qi thinks is a fantastic idea, actually, even if Shen Yuan is only doing this because of his brother, this will give Yue Qi a chance to keep an eye on him and his so-called entertainers. Even if he sort of... ends up also being one?

Shen Yuan keeps everything above board, though his apartment always seems perfectly clean and he overpays way too much (Shen Jiu is still footing this bill after all), and Yue Qi starts to think maybe he actually is being paid for intimacy. Of a sort that they're maybe still working up to? Shen Yuan usually has a very thin face after all. He's kind of got two minds about this prospect. On the one hand, he's got his situationship with Shen Jiu, so dating his brother would be absurd. But on the other hand, it's not actually dating, and he does like Shen Yuan, and maybe if they can be good company for each other then Yue Qi won't feel so depressed and Shen Yuan won't need to hire strange men so often.

Meanwhile it's come to Shen Yuan's attention, perhaps through an offhand comment he read online somewhere, that people who are struggling financially often also struggle to "treat themselves". Because even when they have enough money to be comfortable there's often the looming specter of deprivation, and etc, so he figures he should start buying some of his dependents more treats and things. Since they might not buy them for themselves? And also he's enjoying doing this but shhh no he isn't, it's a huge hassle, he's only doing it out of basic moral decency, etc.

So like, Airplane starts getting little things that he'd put on some public wish lists, clearly sent by Peerless Cucumber. And he tells Mingyan to make a list for Liu Qingge too, and sure enough, Liu Qingge (bewildered, slightly flustered) tries to figure out what he's supposed to do with an album from a band he likes and some high-end leather polish. Ultimately settles on playing the music and wearing his nicest leather in his next video. Yue Qi starts arriving at Shen Yuan's place to be plied with his favorite coffees and to have scented candles awkwardly foisted onto him (Shen Yuan does not know what Yue Qi likes in gifts) (he buys these presents himself they're not out of Shen Jiu's pocket).

So finally Shen Yuan's parents start to notice that he's been spending a lot more than usual, and start to worry that he's either been taken in by a scam artist or is secretly dating a gold digger or has developed a drug addiction or something. But asking things directly like normal people is basically illegal in the Shen family, so they decide to hire a private investigator.

Enter Luo Binghe, a young man of humble background who is struggling to make ends meet after the untimely death of his adoptive mother, and is using his P.I. job and his online cooking videos to help pay his way through school (scholarship student). Usually his cases are more like, cyberstalking someone to find out if they're cheating on their spouse, or helping someone planning a lawsuit accumulate evidence on their corrupt employer, or other things like that. When he gets the Shen Yuan case, the idea that the Shen family's son is paying for "company" is well within his list of probable answers.

Though this one is a little... peculiar?

Mostly because Binghe can't find evidence of Shen Yuan actually getting what he would, presumably, be paying for. At first Luo Binghe just goes through the online paper trails, using the info that the Shen parents give him to figure out that Shen Yuan is paying Airplane and Swordmaster Liu (*cough*) what seem to be exorbitant prices just for trashy fiction and cosplay videos. He assumes this is a cover, that someone's actually delivering drugs or going over for "private meetings" or at least actually sending dirty videos as well, but even when he pays for Liu Qingge's VIP access it's just tutorials and such. Neither of these guys are even on any of the sites that are more lenient towards hosting explicit content. Luo Binghe's aware that kinks aren't always obviously sexual, but people don't usually pay through the nose for the kind of content they can easily find for free all over the place, either.

He digs a little more but keeps coming up empty on evidence to clarify which of the many vices the Shen family's son is actually indulging in. Which is a problem because that's the information they're paying him to find out. Plus his curiosity kind of piques as he reads Shen Yuan's seemingly quite invested comments on Airplane's writing and Liu Qingge's videos, looking to see if there's any kind of clandestine code or pattern. But near as he can tell, whatever else Shen Yuan might be getting out of these arrangements, he does genuinely like the stories and videos too? Well. Sometimes. Sometimes he's actually scathingly vitriolic towards Airplane's writing.

Luo Binghe decides that surveilling Shen Yuan himself is probably the way to go. That gets more complicated in court cases, but since the Shen parents just wants to know what's going on and aren't planning on prosecuting their son for anything, it doesn't matter as much if Luo Binghe gets information in sneaky or underhanded ways.

So, Binghe uses the account he created to access Liu Qingge's videos to chat with Shen Yuan a few times, and then recommends his own cooking channel. Shen Yuan doesn't seem too interested in cooking, so Luo Binghe makes sure to include a video that has an image of himself in his recommendation, and then films a few new videos of himself cooking with his shirtsleeves rolled up to three quarters and a few more buttons than usual unbuttoned, adopting a more flirty persona than he typically does for his shows. He takes his cues from some of Liu Qingge's more popular videos for how to be enticing bait.

It takes a few videos, but eventually Shen Yuan comments. Luo Binghe latches onto the chance to start talking to him, playing up a persona of a vulnerable young man with little means who is trying hard to make it through school, etc, and sure enough Shen Yuan seems interested. Well, most predatory people like vulnerable targets, don't they?

However... Shen Yuan just sends him a chunk of money.

Luo Binghe is confused.

Isn't he supposed to ask for something or create some kind of expectation of repayment first? But, maybe this is his approach to handling new targets. Maybe he's just trying to lull Binghe into a false sense of complacency, before he starts indicating what he wants from all of this. Luo Binghe makes sure to move the money Shen Yuan sends him into a separate account, so that if the Shen parents get angry about it then he can return it as a gesture of good faith.

But Shen Yuan just keeps sending supportive comments and donations. Eventually he leaves a comment that alludes to how badly he'd like to taste Binghe's cooking, and Binghe is like finally, but when he implies that they could perhaps meet in person and Luo Binghe could thank him for his support by making him something, Shen Yuan backs off.

Things eventually progress to the point where Luo Binghe, who is a totally normal person treating this like a totally normal job still thank you very much, is basically camping out in the bushes in front of Shen Yuan's apartment building. At some point he conscripts the aid of his weird cousin (finding his birth family was how he got into this business initially), and then almost immediately regrets it because Shen Yuan helps get Zhuzhi Lang a job doing landscaping for his building.

Why would he want Zhuzhi Lang close but not Binghe? Binghe is much handsomer! He'd make an excellent target for seduction! >:(

Anyway eventually Yue Qi catches Luo Binghe lurking around like a creeper and is like, finally, I have caught one of these suspicious men, whilst Binghe is like oh so he does have a lover, well this guy sucks and is clearly not good enough for him, and they both try and chase one another off and Shen Yuan comes home to a heated passive-aggressive-politeness war being waged in front of his apartment. Eventually he realizes the misunderstanding and calls everyone together (zoom conference? in-person meet-up?) to clarify that he is not paying any of them for "special favors", that was just Airplane being deranged about his sense of humor, and then he has no idea what to do when the prevailing response seems to be disappointment.