Please Somebody, Get Bichen Away From Wwx

Exactly.

To whom it may concern,

Nie Mingjue’s blind spot

That part where Nie Mingjue asks Jin Guangyao something on the lines of ‘are you different than them/ what makes you different’ and then claiming that he himself would never use his privilege for his own benefit is so funny…

Like babe, you are great and have your own trauma to deal with, but you know… you managed to openly attack and injure your sworn brother with zero consequences because you are the privileged legitimate sect-leader, and he is the whoreson grudgingly recognised.

Talk about privilege blindness of the elite… really!!!

“He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.”

Madam Yu: *Kicking out wwx after the broken engagement thing* AND STAY OUT

Lan Zhan: Finder's keepers

Wei Wuxian: Where did you come from?

Lan Zhan: Gusu

Madam Yu: What do you think you're doing!!?

Lan Zhan: Going back to Gusu

Madam Yu: With my head disciple!?

Lan Zhan: You didn't want him. I do

modern au wei wuxian would have a career sorta like bridgit mendler, super successful child star turned weirdly well adjusted tiktok star (everyone say ty to lwj and wq for the well adjusted part), and he's a household name for his celebrity activities, but if you google him the first thing that comes up is his absolutely stacked linkedin profile - ivys all the way down and a litany of charities and non-profits that he either founded or chairs - followed by article after article about the life saving world changing research he's headed, and you (average citizen of this AU) are just like "i just saw him doing a couples dance trend on tiktok and wanted to see if he was married when did wei wuxian from like 5 DCOMs get a phd in physics and start 3 non-profits???"

winning card

Lan Wangji heard Beyoncé sing “If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it” and took it to heart

Local deity Yiling Laozu was not prepared for such a short engagement💀

Au where Wei Wuxian does a blood sacrifice thing as he's dying, so no one he loves can be injured by another person. If someone tries, they are injured instead.

Lan Zhan gets whipped three times before the whole thing is called off. He has to carve the new rules condemning his love instead. His attempts at branding himself fail so he paints the mark on himself every day until he figures out how to make it permanent

Wen Ning can't be controlled, and so he goes to Cloud Recesses to watch over A-Yuan.

A-Yuan excels in long-range combat and music cultivation since it's difficult for others to properly spar with him.

Jin Ling becomes even more cocky. After all, what's going to happen? Is someone going to hurt themselves trying to hit him?

Jiang Cheng has several crying sessions over this because how can Wei Wuxian care for him after everything and how dare he do this

The only time someone has successfully hurt these people is when Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan get tired of the other man's shit during a discussion conference and try to punch each other in the face. The result is that they are both thrown into the air, with Jiang Cheng cutting his head open on a table and Lan Zhan spraining his ankle by landing wrong

Medusa!Wwx AU : Wei Ying got blind when he was a kid due to an eye infection after some jerks tried to steal his eyes, making him lose the ability to turn people into stone.

On top of that his snakes arent even venomous, but they do guide him around.

The Jiang familly's best kept secret. Probably.

He can turn his snakes into hair using Qi but hates it because he cant feel nor hear them anymore, making him feel really blind and lonely. Wwx can use illusion talismans but its not the most viable option.

If cut, his snakes don't grow back but it heals into a tail.

The younger disciples love feeding snacks to their Da-Shixiong's snakes.

Is your mission important enough to miss on a local dilf (deity I’d like to fuck)? I don’t think so

Ridiculous idea. LWJ being ok with his emotions and willing to talk about them

Wei Wuxian: I'll give you one of these jars if you forget you saw me

Lan Zhan: How could I forget such a beautiful person?

Wei Wuxian: Oh. Well... um... that is to say....

Lan Zhan: You're still coming with me for punishment

Wei Wuxian: The sexy kind?

Lan Zhan: Not this time