Wishys... For My Friend...

For my friend Cinnamon... Almost, there...almost! If you can make this you are alllllllllllright.

lessons learned...

so... today i have learned the following:

-that Lamictal sucks.  it takes away my high, it makes my nose stuffy and makes me eat like a pregnant heiffer...  that which i am not.

-that GAK must be made with Elmers glue... seriously.  it wont work with the cheap stuff.

-that homemade playdoh is a ZILLION times easier to make than Gak, and the kiddo loves it more.

-that i like my highs.  i get some *winks* and go to sleep late, sleep through the night, and wake up early at 630 refreshed, and can make-coffee-unfriend-120-FB-peeps-clean-the-bedroom-unmake-the-bed-put-the-blankets-and-pillows-in-the-wash-and-dryer-feed-the-frog-surf-pinterest-for-twenty-yoga-plans-and-scrub-the-toilets all within about an hour...

but when i take that d@mn Lamictal i freakin CRASH.  it was at 10 i finally took it, b/c i knew, i just KNEW it would kill my high.  and it did.  at 1220 i was telling kiddo to go watch some tv on the ipad and Mommee is taking a nap.  i slept for a whopping 30 minutes (who can sleep with a kid in the house, alone anyway?).  this is an evil drug.  hate it hate it hate it.  three hours later, it finally wears off  - "drivers, start your engines!... and they're off!"

i come out of the fog and make s'mores for the kiddo, drag her to the grocery store, pick up the four things i need, head over to the drug store for a return, go home, mangle the Gak recipe, and make three batches of play doh stuff.  and i realize i am brilliant- as i think of a zillion new yoga classes i can totally teach, invent a new seat cover for the kiddo so she doesnt burn her arse off in this heat, and plan out next years garden in our new home (which, of course, we havent actually bought yet... but i digress... ).  life is good - well, except for the whole stuffy nose thing, STILL.

again -i hate the Lamictal.  its worse than the Seroquel, which is going away next week (commence countdown- night 8... tonite).  i cant tell if the other one, the Risperdal -i hate spelling that- if its working or if its the one that chops me down.  although, i can totally pinpoint the two hour half life of the Lamictal... so im blaming it.  the good doc says that the hives are a sun sensitivity from both meds, and that my aches and pains are from the highs -HA!  i laugh at the thought.  tooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.  i like my highs.  i said that.  oh well - i DO.

what else?...  ...  ... 

OH -i dislike immensely the saying that "you should do what you dislike doing first..".  only a-holes do this, i have decided.  i cleaned the upstairs bathroom- like, scrub-the-doorknobs-and-lightswitches-with-a-toothbrush cleaned.  i LIKE doing them - they are small, i know where everything goes, and it is DONE and i move on.  even the master bedroom is okay.  it is the dining room/office and living room i DESPISE.  there is just NOT enough room, and too much CR@P.  they are still not done.  neither is the laundry to put away (not even WASH, just put away!) or the sewing (yes, i mend things... when i want to be cheap... ). 

i have a brilliant idea again... i salvaged a tv stand from a front yard curb, and i am going to repurpose it as a scrap corner!  whahoo!!!  cant wait.  it is a project for my niece and i for the summer.  cant wait to pick out colors- i am thinking tiffany blue and black.  love that.  and i love blue, and black.  this also will be in my new house, in my new office and craft room.  oh - i do so love a good fantasy. 

okay.  rant closed.

this view is within walking distance of my house. ...also behind me is a four lane highway, but, whtevs.

Bliss in a cup- a Greek coffee frappe. <3 Love.

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"Any resemblance to persons living or dead should be plainly apparent to them and those who know them, especially if the author has been kind enough to have provided their real names and, in some cases, their phone numbers. All events described herein actually happened, though on occasion the author has taken certain, very small, liberties with chronology, because that is his right as an American."

The memoir A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, by Dave Eggers, because of its autobiographical nature, features the above play on the usual disclaimer... If you believe I have used your character without proper recognition, please feel free to sulk about and stew on the idea that either 1) I didn't know your phone number, or 2) I didn't know you well enough to notify you of said use of your character, or 3) that I believe that you are mature enough to get over it... Consider that last one a compliment. Thank you!

...she talks to angels... ...on our fridge.

THIS!!!!!!!!!! most of us feel like we aren't doing enough because we can't physically stop a genocide but speaking helps!! pressuring helps!! boycotting helps and protesting helps!! please don't give up on Palestinians not when the entire world has turned their backs on them

here is how YOU can help Palestine

Coming down...

I hate this feeling... I've said before "these mess are not helping me come down, they are not bringing me down... The are pushing and pulling and forcing me down"... I can totally understand why people with Bipolar Disorder go off their meds. These things suck. I'm still on the Lamictal and the Respirdal, ended the Seroquel and Klonopin. So only two meds now. I hate them both. The side effects are horrid. Blurry vision, stuffy nose, no sleep- or poor sleep... no appetite then only wanting to eat sugar or have coffee, weight gain, mind fuzzies... I can't read, can't comprehend, cant retain any information, no attention span... How much of these are side effects or just the disorder I'm honestly not sure. I just don't like feeling this way. I honestly think I feel worse coming down than i do in my High. I like my Up. I like the productive feeling. I get it, I might not actually BE productive, but maybe if you give me back my high I can figure out how to reign that in. Just let me feel better again. This apathetic place is just sad and too "normal" for me to handle. My friend said yesterday "oh so you poor thing, you have to be normal like the rest of us now" -- I don't WANT to be NORMAL. I want ME back... The me that was social and exciting and happy. That wasn't irritated and grouchy and negative thinking. How many times have I said to myself "I don't care" or "whatever" in my mind? Too many. But I DO care, and I want to care... I couldn't even get online to get on here to write because I didn't feel creative enough to produce... Hate that too. The creativity is like gone. Where did I go? And I blame the meds. Yes, yes I do. I will faithfully and blindly take them, but I hate them. I hear everyone say they will balance out, that I will find a balanced place on them... Prove it. Cause I just went from High to Low, no middle. ...

I hope my daughter someday appreciates this rainbow in her closet, and doesn’t loathe me for it…