Me: I Don't Get It. I Thought I Was Doing A Lot Better Than I Was A Few Years Ago. I'm Like 10 Times

The brain is just 8 lbs of meat that sits in complete darkness and plays a video game of what it thinks is the most realistic thing ever.

God, I can’t tell you how much the “there’s not enough enrichment in my enclosure” joke has helped my mental health. Because, for some reason I can’t comprehend, pretending that I’m a zoo keeper caring for an animal (which is also me) just makes everything easier to comprehend. Like “Your head gets screwey when you’re apartment is messy” just doesn’t carry as much resonance as “The tiger becomes agitated when its enclosure is cluttered” because then I’ll be like, no shit? The tiger? I’ve gotta keep things nice and clean for the tiger.

Hello World

I have been on the website long enough as a spectator and now is my time to shineee Quick question how much of myself is an okay amount to share?

I am 26, an only child, science enthusiast, currently pursuing a business degree and overall an overthinking bag of contradictions

me at family gatherings

genuinely wild to me when I go to someone's house and we watch TV or listen to music or something and there are ads. I haven't seen an ad in my home since 2005. what do you mean you haven't set up multiple layers of digital infrastructure to banish corporate messaging to oblivion before it manifests? listen, this is important. this is the 21st century version of carving sigils on the wall to deny entry to demons or wearing bells to ward off the Unseelie. come on give me your router admin password and I'll show you how to cast a protective spell of Get Thee Tae Fuck, Capital

it's always popular to ask "why is dating so difficult right now?" and the obvious answer is to gesture at the people asking this forever and perhaps rhetorically wonder why you would expect finding someone to share your life with to be easy, end of question.

but some people will plunge on and say it must be because young men have been misled by the manosphere and now they want the wrong thing or behave the wrong way or whatever, and that's such a tempting straw to grasp because Social Media Makes People Worse is a compelling hypothesis when we see it every day (and of course you can ask what all those makeup tutorials and true crime podcasts are doing to young women besides raising their suicide rate).

personally I don't think young men behaved better in the 1970s or the '90s or the early 2010s or whenever the supposed golden age of heterosexual dating was supposed to be, and while the manosphere is obviously a problem (in the sense that it's awash with ideas that are untrue, unkind, and unhelpful) I don't think it is the problem, it seems like a typical exaggerated social media response to other problems (gender segregation on social media doesn't seem more extreme than the gender segregation that ruled most of human history, so that can't be the entire story).

women will say that men don't want to commit (despite all wanting tradwives!) and men will say uh stuff about women that doesn't bear repeating to be honest but let's politely say that both sides will accuse each other of having unrealistic expectations or overly picky standards -- and of course that's a very real possibility, that people can be fixated on fantasies and find real life doesn't measure up; one of the original critiques of social media was that it could give a misleading impression of how good everyone but you is having it (until it became in vogue to post about your mental illnesses).

but if we want to look for material changes that could potentially have impacted the heterosexual dating market, there's no getting around the fact that staying single is a much better deal for women now than it was for much of the 20th century, and indeed the centuries before that, when the desirability of marriage was enforced by incentives that strongly penalised not settling for a man, in the worst case including institutionalisation for single mothers and even the forced sterilisation of unmarried women deemed promiscuous.

as the legal barriers and overt discrimination against women were dismantled in the 20th century, the wage gap followed: in the US prior to 1980, women earned about 60% of what men earned, but by 2002 this had risen to 80% (the rise has slowed, it's 82% today); this reduction in the pay disparity has the side effect of reducing the value of what a man would bring to the household.

it's not a good look for men but there's no denying that some of the value they used to bring to a relationship included privileges like:

access to higher paying jobs

protection from harassment by other men

ability to live independently of controlling parents or guardians

ability to have children without having them taken away

now that many of these privileges are extended to everyone in a more egalitarian fashion, having a man around is simply less necessary than it was; you would expect this reduction of privileges to push some relationships that were already marginal prospects into being nonviable.

and perhaps that's a good thing, for the relationships that survive to be mutually beneficial arrangements and less like hostage situations.

im cleaning out my phone and found that i have saved this tiktok no less than Five separate times

To everyone who's not mortally offended by subtitles, I highly recommend watching

THE SILENT SEA

It's 8 episodes, each one is just 50-ish minutes; and it really shines a light on where we as a race, and as a planet, are eventually headed.

Would definitely put it right up there with Squid Games. I seriously don't know why more people aren't talking about this.

Cats (2019) - Review

Watching Cats in the midst of the COVID-19 quarantine was a surreal experience. I guess this movie should have been one of the first hints of the rollercoaster year that 2020 is currently shaping up to be. 

Most of the movie made me narrow my eyes in search of the mission of this film. For one it's really funny that the ‘cats’ in this movie look a lot like humans dressed in cat suits who are really drunk and so want to put in a little more pizzaz into showing off their cat skills. Also ‘Jellicle’ sounds a lot like genitals at times which is highlights the fact that none of the male ‘cats’ have any visible genitals but all the female cats do have visible breasts (real cats were apparently never consulted during costume design). Also for a movie where the characters are visibly trying to come across as cats and they them selves identify as cats there are a surprising number of Cat puns that try to lighten the mood but just make it more cringe worthy.

Watching this film made me understand the need to be more self-compasionate. We all make mistakes and questionable choices. If Dame Judi Dench who has Macular degeneration and Sir Ian McKellen who suffers from memory loss chose to be part of this movie I guess I could live with my poor life choices as well (if only my life choices could pay me as well).

All in all, this movie gives Cats bad PR, really bad PR. It reduces these complex, majestic little furry beasts into laughing stocks and cats world over should consider suing.

Notable mentions: Why are  cockroaches the same size as rats? That just shows that either they have teeny tiny rats or super massive cockroaches in their made-up universe.

Add on: The performances of the all the humans who are masquerading as cats are really really good individually but sewn together just cannot make you distracted from the fact that they are humans in digitally enhanced cat suits.