Jupiter’s Moon Io Is One Of My Favourite Looking Planets- And According To NASA, The Most Volcanically

Humans are weird

Okay this is my contribution to humans are weird / earth is space australia. I haven’t seen this done yet, but let me know if someone has and feel free to add to this!!

What if alien species don’t need to blink?

There are many animals on earth that don’t blink (fish, snakes, other reptiles, etc) so it’s not unlikely that there are some aliens who don’t, and have other ways of preserving their eye health.

My pitch: What if a human is sent down with a crew to begin negotiations with a new alien species, and they don’t understand why the aliens get on High Alert every few minutes. Eventually, they learn that the aliens don’t need to blink, and, in fact, blinking is taken as a sign of attack (much like how smiling at a gorilla is a sign of aggression)

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LES GOO

Humans Are Space Orcs: Vestigial Systems Edition

What if aliens don’t have the concept of vestigial systems? And so while they are a much, much older species and their bodies don’t really have cure-alls, when the problem solving thing kicks in, it pretty much just works.

Take the most obvious example for humans: appendixes. The prevailing theory is that it used to be important (like for digestion or immunity), but now we know it’s largely useless. So maybe a human has an appendicitis, they get taken to the med bay, the other humans are a little worried, but not overly so. Alien gets told about it and they flip.

“Human Barbara’s organ has exploded?!”

“Okay, not exactly exploded, but it got all swollen and filled with goo. So they’re taking it out.”

“Human Barbara is having an internal organ permanently removed?!”

“Dude, chill. This happens all the time, no biggie.”

“You are telling me that your internal organs will frequently, and without warning, cease to function entirely?”

“Well, it’s not really ‘cease to function’ per se, ‘cause the appendix doesn’t really do anything. I mean, some scientists think it might? Or like, it did a while ago? But not anymore. We don’t really know anything about it, it’s kinda there.”

“…you have an entire organ inside of your abdomen that simply has no purpose except to malfunction?”

“I mean, yeah, pretty much. It’s called appendicitis.”

“This specific condition happens on such a regular basis that you have a name for it?!”

And maybe even weirder, it’s not just physical stuff. Our social-emotional makeup flaws are responsible for a huge part of humanity’s problems. Our pack-bonding instincts manifest in tons of negative ways, like our nasty habit of “us verses them” conflicts. The fact that we define entire cultures and lifetimes by our dissimilarities is whack.

“Human Bob, I have just heard mention of something called ‘The Crusades.’ What is that?”

“Oh, they were these huge wars that happened during the Middle Ages. Basically it was Muslims and Christians fighting each other for, like, two hundred years over some land that was considered holy.”

“Two groups of humans systematically slaughtered each other for roughly eight generations? Why did they not just share the land?”

“They didn’t want to.”

“I do not understand. Why did they not wish to share?”

“It’s sort of a territorial thing. We don’t like other people near what’s ours. It’s how we survived when we were a developing species, by making groups and fighting off outsiders. That’s why a crew has to do a test run before they get sent out to space. When we first started sending out explorers, we didn’t do that, so lots of missions went to shit because crew members couldn’t handle living together and, in a couple of cases, ended up murdering each other. Pretty bad for PR back then.”

“Humans will become violent if someone they are not pack-bonded with comes near them?”

“Not even near. A lot of colonisation and wars happened because one group didn’t agree with another, so they went out and killed them all.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. Pack-bonding is super super important to us. Human infants will actually die if they don’t get enough physical affection.”

“What?!”

“Uh-huh. Remember when Brian and Steve weren’t talking to each other for a week because Brian’s favourite sports team lost to Steve’s? We don’t even have to belong to a group to get crazy about it.”

“…I must go update the Human Interactions Manual.”

Drew a merman :) Their name is Markus, and they use They/them pronouns :)

Ok so I know that there's this whole thing on Humans are space orcs about aliens being surprised on what we eat, like acidic food,etc.

But I've yet to see a post based on the opposite so what if they eat or drink stuff that we humans can't have and now it's our turn to be shocked.

Alien: Uhh still can't believe that you humans can eat all those things you call oranges,I mean that thing is filled with all sorts of acidic acids

Human: Well it's acidic to you and your species but not to us. I mean you have to have something in your diet that we humans can't eat right?

Alien: Hmmm let me think.I mean,the galactic cuisine menu on aboard is mostly edible to all species as it's meant to cut down on cost of having to order specific meals from all corners of the galaxy.And the drink you have hidden in your room doesn't count as I noticed it gets emptier every 7 cycles.

Human: What drink?I thought you were going to mention something I couldn't eat or drink but if it's in my room then it's most likely edible.Also where did you find this drink?

Alien: Well I found it in the storage areas along with all the cleaning supplies, figured it must be one of those alcoholic drinks you humans enjoy,just thought you hid it away from anyone else.

Human: Wait, you found it next to the cleaning supplies?Dude those are strictly cleaning supplies and plus I don't have any alcoholic beverages in my room!

Alien: Really?Well I had a taste of it and it was very similar to a drink I've had from back home.I had no idea that humans made it as well.Though the name was kinda weird.Why was it called 'Bleach'?

Human:

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EXCUSE BUT WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU DRANK?!

Ok so we all know about humans being deathworlds/space orcs as well as some people saying humans are space dogs or humans are space cats or humans are space fae.

My I present to to you...

Humans Are Space Badgers

I have no idea if this has bin done but humans are a lot like badgers and even though badgers don't pack bond they are tough little shits that no one real wants to mess with as, if you try and take one down you now damn well they are not leaving this world with out biting and scratching the hell out of you as much they can, and doing enough damage that it will have a lasting mark on you. You may live to tell the tail but you will never attack one again, and if you don't live well let's just say anybody who witnessed it will say they tore you limb from limb and sprawled your insides, out onto the ground. Also we can look very cute and fluffy.

I wanna try writing situations about humans are wierd, humans are space orcs and ect

Got any ideas? Because everything i come up with is already written down 🧍

Humans are Weird: Burnout

I didn’t know how best to phrase this, and I definitely didn’t write this with the express purpose to romanticize mental health issues; this is just my own experience with the thing

tw: burnout

On Earth, it would be a Friday.

If Nora was back home, it would be 6:22 PM.

She sat back down at her desk, stretching.

-x-

Vullox was conducting their regular End Of Week check-in. They stopped outside Nora’s door.

Inside was silent, but that was regular for this human. She had called herself a “homebody” once, they had remembered. They opened the door.

Now that Vullox was inside, they could hear a faint scratching noise. Human-Nora, they saw, was at the desk. They called to her.

No response.

Vullox made it halfway through the room when they slowed to a confused stop.

Nora was slumped at the desk, her head resting on the wood, her red pen scratching against the journal.

Vullox wondered briefly how Human-Nora could even be writing at all without being able to see the page. They came closer, almost hesitantly.

Nora’s eyes did not so much as move. They were half-open, staring blankly at a point near the door. Her breaths made a few strands of her black hair quiver over her mouth, but she did not notice - or she did not care. Her entire body was completely still—except her hand.

(There was a human word for this they had read somewhere - something relating to felines, Vullox thought.)

A mounting dread growing in them, they looked at the page.

Things that I do just to take stock because I’m so

freAKING

DEAD

grad school full time

WORKING full time

dealt with a nice guy I think??

Idk, I’m just sick of him at this point

blocked him yeah he got annoying I can’t express it

Reeling I guess from it

ESSAYS????!!!! WHY

WORKING

WAKING UP EARLY

LIKE EVERY FREAKING DAY I

DON’T

WANT IT

GOING THRU MY ESSAY OUTL

Here the words stopped, and Vullox looked at the pen.

They stepped back. Tried calling her name again, but the word seemed to die out. Their scales bristled and stuck out on all edges - the feelings of confusion and dread.

Human-Nora didn’t need to look at what she was writing. But it wasn’t muscle memory, as Human-Dalton had explained to them.

No, it was simply the fact that Human-Nora wasn’t writing anything at all.

The red pen moved up and down the page in short, irregular lines—sometimes dragging, sometimes in a quick burst. Occasionally, she would lift up the pen and tap at the page, before resuming. The page seemed to sink in on the most numerous of the red lines, so dense was the ink there. It was some strange, unknown language - or just no language at all.

Very suddenly, Vullox remembered the human word they were searching for as they stared at the pen, as they stared at her unblinking eyes and slumped form.

Catatonic.

Scales rustling, they walked quickly out of the room and to the one on its left.

-x-

Human-Sascha flung open the door in response to Vullox’s frantic calling. “What.”

She sounded so thoroughly annoyed that Vullox briefly reconsidered asking her for help.

“It is Human-Nora,” they responded quickly. “I went to go to her room for her check-in - I think there is—something—something wrong with her.” Vullox’s scales rustled and clicked constantly, a sign of fear on their home planet Vulmien.

“Is she alright?” Sascha asked as she shut the door behind her. Her voice was no longer annoyed - rather, it held a considerable amount of urgency.

She stepped through Nora’s open door and stopped for a few seconds. Nora was still at her desk, eyes glassy and pen scratching lifelessly. Vullox now could absorb the sight in full, and it rooted them to the spot.

Slowly Sascha made her way over to the desk and laid a hand on Nora’s back. She surveyed the writing in the journal and gently began rubbing Nora’s back, murmuring words that Vullox’s translator could just barely pick up:

“What makes you think you can’t do it?”

She murmured this a few times over, each with a pause between the sentence, each with some variation — as if she was having a conversation with Human-Nora’s brain.

The pen scratched on, still in the same irregular rhythm. Nora lay still, breathing through her mouth. The few strands of hair that lay in front of her mouth quivered with a severe regularity that (strangely) unsettled Vollux even though they knew normal human breathing patterns were set to a tempo.

The pen slowed—at least, there seemed to be more pauses between the lines and taps Human-Nora was creating.

Slowly, the pen grinded to a halt, wobbling on its tip. A few more taps.

The pen fell onto the messy page with Nora’s hand covering it. Her eyes closed and opened, and she blinked a few times. She stirred slightly, her back shifting. Her breathing grew deeper, inhales sharper, almost as if it itself was sentient.

Vullox reflected that it was rather like... watching someone coming back to life.

It took even more time for her to push herself up into a normal sitting position. She leaned into Sascha’s arms, sniffled, and a guttural sound escaped her, quite unlike her regular voice.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. Vullox was struck by how much like a child she sounded - a child apologizing to their mother.

“You’re alright,” Sascha murmured into the girl’s hair. “You’re back here now.”

Nora sniffled again. “I don’t wanna… do complex thinking.” She brought a hand up to her face and wiped something on her jeans; she had been crying while in her previous state.

She continued, still in the same child-like tone. “I just wanna… be a cat… and think of cat things… all the time…”

Sascha hid a smile, patting Nora’s arm rhythmically. “Which cat would you like to be?”

“A really fluffy one. Like that Minuet cat, with the fluffy tail.” Nora’s mouth twitched a little. “I’m not even… a cat person. I like dogs. Small dogs.”

“Come.” Sascha wrapped an arm around Nora and led her to the bed. “Come. Rest now. You’ve done a lot for the day.”

Nora curled into herself, beneath the blue blankets, until all that was visible of her were messy tufts of hair sticking up onto the pillow.

Vullox watched Human-Sascha swipe through Human-Nora’s phone and set it down on the little table near the bed just as a man’s voice began to speak from it:

“Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much…”

-x-

Sascha led a highly-confused Vullox out of Nora’s room and gently shut the door behind her.

“She put too much on herself,” she said quietly. “She’s suffering from burnout, so I put her to sleep with some Harry Potter. It’s always been comforting to her whenever she was sick, so I figured this would call for that.”

“But - what is - what about the… red markings in her journal?”

Sascha nodded. “She was initially trying to take stock of everything—trying to see what she had to do so she wouldn’t go on worrying for longer than she needs to. I guess… it turned into a vent, and then it got too much for her. So she just broke down.”

“So… this - this burnout… it does this to her? This strong of a reaction? She seemed quite… catatonic when I first found her.”

Sascha sighed. “This time was particularly strong. But other times she just vents it in her journal, or to someone. She’s not too confident in herself either, so those words that I kept repeating seem to help her.”

There was a pause.

“Thank you. For calling me.” Sascha's eyebrows were drawn with worry, but they cleared quickly.

There were good reasons, Vullox knew, that the two friends had requested to be put next to each other on the ship.

This had to be the strongest one yet.

Alien oc based off worm on a string

No but seriously, their capacious fur have me flinged to oblivion itself

Humans Are Weird: Pack Bonding

Archivists note to the reader: It seems you are viewing this item in the human language English. For this reason names have been transliterated, units have been converted, and the content has been ontologically translated. Apologies for any inconsistencies.

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Ziet rounded the corner of the shuttle carefully, the human and the second deathworlder following close behind. The shuttle was only to be docked for a little under sixty minutes, left empty for less than fifteen, and unguarded for a mere seven.

There! The cockpit hatch! She reached a tendril toward the handle, but before she could open it the door opened by itself, revealing a short, but defiantly menacing individual holding a nasty looking weapon. Ziet froze in horror, before speaking frantically, the normal perfection of her grammar lost to the urgency of the moment.

“Kakia! Please just let us go, you’ll never need to see me again.”

The individuals mouth stretched into a wide, unnatural imitation of a human’s grin.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old,’ she spat out the word, “friend. Ziet, the highly esteemed logistics technician, how are you? And what are you doing with the recently escaped, and even more recently declared dead prisoners?”

She focused her weapon at Ziet. On a human’s face a grin can be cheery. In the rest of the universe that grin is taunting, threatening, menacing.

“Please just let us go, please. Please?”

“With the price on their head? With the human ambassador to the GA right here? Why, that would be treason.”

She leaned in close, close enough that the puff of breath that accompanied each word ruffed the fur on Ziet’s face.

“And you, my wonderful, treasonous colleague, here, at my mercy?”

The grin stretched wider, more teeth appearing, ivory white. The words came exaggerated, theatrical.

“It was self defense. She attacked me with the deathworlders. She committed treason.”

Ziet recognized the weapon, specifically the three white dots on the side, and her blood ran cold.

“You’re right about one thing Ziet.”

Her grip tightened on the trigger.

“I’ll never have to see you again.”

The human lunged for the weapon, but no race in the universe was that fast. Ziet felt an impact against her chest, and then a horrible anticipation, like the moment between an injury, and the inevitable agony it would cause. No! Please no! Then malice, pure hatred, flooded through her from the point of impact, coursing through her veins, attacking every nerve and cell in her body. She felt the thaumutic energy in her system recoil, and than start to fight the attacker, but the attacker was sly, and as each pulse of power attacked it was converted, joining the ever-growing tide of hatred and pain. Her body decided that it wasn’t going to win this fight, and instead chose to jettison the power through whatever route necessary.

The human watched in horror as his friend was shot by the attacker, this Kakia person. Ziet’s eyes went out for a moment as the latent entropic energy was called inwards for the battle, and than shone with the power of a spotlight as pure energy was dumped en mass. This wasn’t fast enough however, and more and more energy poured out. It started to leak from her mouth, then nostrils, and then it started to leak through her skin as thousands of amps of power were discharged. The entire volatus was shining with the brilliance of the sun, and nobody in the entire shuttle could see anything but white.

Just as quickly as the light had started it stopped, and the volatus fell to the floor like a spent battery. Kakia uncovered her eyes, and grinned at the human, raising the weapon for a second shot, but the human was already charging. She fired and fired, but had only time to learn one thing before the human’s vengeful body slammed into her own.

Humans don’t use magic.

Ziet felt the weight of several jumpsuits rapped around her. She knew they were jumpsuits because of the wafting smell of Squalus detergent, the brand used to wash clothing inside the personnel wing of the spaceport. There was a gentle tap on her cloak, over her left shoulder. She felt another. Tap. Tap. Tap. Then hand shook her, and she obligingly opened her eyes. There was the human, crouched before her, eyes locked on her face. The eyes were leaking, clear fluid running over the human’s flat face, and dripping off his nose and chin. Behind the human lay the crumpled form of Kakia, a rivulet of dark fluid leaking from the corner of one eye. The human had bound her with another jumpsuit, so presumably she had survived her first encounter with a deathworlder.

“Ziet? Can you hear me?”

The human was still looking at her, and she noticed now that his breathing was erratic, and saw proper fear in those alien eyes.

“I can”

The human’s mouth turned into a grin, a grin that spoke to intense relief, as well as to the effort the human was putting into not showing teeth.

“You ok?”

The Volatus pondered this question. She felt gutted. Every ounce of strength had left her body. She couldn’t even feel the slightest scrap of power in her system. Her head hurt, terribly, and nothing came to relieve the pain. But she was ‘ok’.

“I’m ok”

She winced at the grammar.

“Sorry, I am going to be fine.”

“I’m glad. You scared us. I was so worried”

“Where are we?”

“Flying. He says he can.” The human pointed a limb toward the second deathworlder sitting in the cockpit across the room. “We leave the air five minutes. In five minutes, sorry”

The volatus felt a wry happiness settle over her, despite the fatigue that overwhelmed her The human’s grammar was improving. The human reached beside him and produced the weapon Kakia had shot them with.

“What’s this?”

Ziet didn’t need to study the weapon to answer the question.

“It’s a malice gun, made by Simplicity. It’s like a computer virus.”

The human gestured to himself.

“I’m ok”

“It works by converting the thaumutic energy in your system, and I don’t think humans have any.”

“Oh”

They waited in silence for a moment.

The other deathworlder, the one piloting the shuttle, grunted a single word, the only word it had learnt of galactic common so far.

“Hey!”

The bio-luminescence on its arms lit up, and the human watched the flickering pattern closely, before saying a single word.

“Space!’

The volatus glanced towards the cabin window, and saw the blue curve of her home shrinking. Soon it would be a full circle against a black canvas, painted with thousands of stars. Then it would faded away into the distance completely.

She was free.

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