the pine-needle tea that she made before you woke up and remembered the world flexes with green lines on its way to your lips.
the fire is low, orange, and smoking like your uncle used to.
you have brought candied orange slices cut so thin that they look like warped photographs of fruit rather than actual sugar.
you toss a rind into the fire the orange crinkles the orange and makes it go brown.
The citrus collapses in like an airless chest or a star that’s done being a star.
you take your tea up again, the tea that existed before you started the morning or believed in the sun for the seven-thousand-four-hundred-and-second time. that tea.
you woke up the same way you always have: mid-person, with human humming over your every bone, and a name that slips past your freckles and sinks, like an unskippable stone, into your rivered grey matter.
and then you had tea. and then you had tea.
- C. Essington
candle on the wax of a boy’s face, hemorrhaging light, palpitating the picture into morse code. his eyes comes out on letters no one reads.
the bloom of skin skips in and out of the night — a scratched record or a good throw embossed into a flat stone sent, alive, across some river’s softest verse.
- c. essington
some of them have hands that are on knife-hilts all the time, walking Macbeths who keep repeating marriage vows to excuse the stainless steel between their fingers; they cannot tell their wedding bands from the bands of light glinting off blades used forty one times on bread-crust and one time on something else.
- C. Essington
drawing excerpt.
Here’s a poetry book review I wrote published by Cleaver magazine.
my dead uncle’s house gleams like a sore bone
a neighbor’s dog could have brought in, slicked with saliva and dedication.
the more-chip-than-paint walls stand skinned by the storm
that sawed through this county no more than two half-hours ago.
my dead uncle adjusts his death into the still-dying/ still-living cells
that hum on inside him without understanding. parts of him glimmer,
still bright, his hair growing like something shocking
that doesn’t know its shock— the silent video of those years-ago fireworks
pasted to the limp tongue of an elderly VHS tape, its fire
broken, vivid but mute, the cheers I know are there stuck in the air—
like the dark sticks to the night— I can’t see either. all those blank
shouts careening through the screen without their bodies or mine. my dead uncle’s hair
grows down to his knees, no one whispers the secret of his new reality to his follicles
so they all just go on spinning straw-colored beer-calories
into gold. I am outside the house and its long sore silence
which bends the water off its arthritic boards like an old victory I never fought for.
he was not a good uncle. it is july or it was about an hour ago. here is my uncle’s house
I am outside of it, trying to think up something new to call the place that doesn’t belong
to anyone anymore except maybe to those blond locks buttered across the floor like light.
I stand under the gutter and hit it with a stick. old rain,
which sat still long enough to lose its name, hits me cold.
I say hello, think about the hurt of throats in the old video from the picnic on the 4th,
how happy everything must be from behind the camera lens. my uncle doesn’t know he’s dead
like the cold in the gutter doesn’t know its name isn’t thunder any longer.
- c. essington
hey just really fast because tomorrow in america, things are occurring, this is a queer-positive, and in general, queer blog that’s safe and small and mostly words. you can send me asks, I can try to offer support as best I can, I’m always willing to attempt to direct people to resources and hotlines. I hope everyone can find safety and comfort, you’re beautiful. we will exist tomorrow and on other days and we’ll be breathing and laughing through the terms of other leaders to come.
feel free to reblog if desired.
best,
c. essingotn
waking up mid-self, she saw the window snarl with a girl in its teeth, skin and hair and eye-contact caked between the panes. it was her size, though grey and smeared, but not her girl.
afraid the light would hear, she kept her mouth half-closed in the shape of a cut, the depth of slick and coming rain. behind the window’s molars, the winter woods, white and black and curdled with the night: undrinkable.
beyond her body, in the shape of her chest, birches rose and fell like breathing. they kept tempo with her lungs but took in more air than she could ever court behind her throat.
the tree transposed behind her left eye hefts a knotted burl into her head, a whorl of bark, a way of stopping, a tumor in the brain, exactly her type of cold.
she diagnoses in the dark, in her mind of snowbank and its thoughts, unmigrated birds, that she wings over her dimmed out cells, those fallen branches, ribbed as though with veins.
she traces lengths of skin. the glass has a purl of flesh dressed up like the early morning and the storm that never came. waking up mid-self, she saw the window snarl it was her size, though grey and smeared, but not her girl.
- C. Essington
I love your writings. You are truly a talented poet and I love seeing your work on my dashboard. Congratulations on the publication in werkloos xx (take care)
Hey thank you, this is so sweet and lovely, just like you.
your writings, especially your poetry are so well done. I get so excited when you post new ones! Your imagery is so strong, but not overpowering and your voice is just wonderful. Please carry on <3
Thank you for your sincerity and kindness, hearing that people read and get something from my 3 a.m. labors makes it enormously more valuable. I will certainly keep hitting keys with my fingernails in sequences that I think embody pretty ideas so long as sweet eyes like yours traipse about the page.
I really love your piece that starts with, "I covered her neck with my left palm as I carried her up the hill." It's stunning!
Thank you! That’s very kind and much appreciated.
Queer Writer, Repd by Janklow & Nesbit, 2020 Center for Fiction Fellow, Brooklyn
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