Latest Posts by chqnverse - Page 10

I hope you will like it tehe :)

I just saw you followed me back… Brb need to write a something become you just gave me an amazing Drabble idea theee it involves Changbin with curls 🫢

I SAW THE TAG!! I'LL READ IT IN A WHILE BABES 🫶

My day was kinda bad cuz I am sick and I just wanna bang my head against the wall 😖

HOW ARE YOU TODAY PRECIOUS WIFEY <3 I hope you had a nice day and didn’t forget to eat and drink enough:(

today was a day, im just ready for some ice cream and a nap 😭 i hope your day was better than mine dearest!

💍 here you go*kiss* …there is a big ass Moskito in my room and it scares me…would you get rid of it 🥲

So uhmm… 💍 Marry me :) yes or yes ?

Well, I have no option but to say YES!

Put a ring on it, babe x

I wanna know why you do this to me with chan :(

Drunken Daze |🔞 Bang Chan x fem reader

Genre: smut

Rating: 18+

Pairing: Bang Chan x fem reader

Word count: 2,7k

Warnings: drinking, adult language, explicit descriptions of sexual acts

Summary: After drinking one too many, you confess to your friend that no man has ever made you cum, and he takes that very personally.

A/N: Yes, this is a repost, because it just makes more sense for it to be a one-shot. Don't kill me. Or do, idc

Masterlist | Network

The room spun around as you stumbled your way to the sofa, spilling the contents of your glass in the process and laughing at your own clumsiness. No effort was made to clean up the mess and, instead, you simply brought the cup to your lips in hopes that some of the drink would have survived the ordeal.

“Felix is gonna kill you,” he said in between heartfelt giggles, struggling to sit up straight for a minute until he just gave up and slouched.

“Not if I kill him first,” you retaliated, as menacingly as you could muster in your current drunken state. “He’s probably getting some pussy right now, he doesn’t give a fuck.”

“Wish that was me,” he commented, half-jokingly. You laughed, but you could feel heat pooling in all those places you wished were being touched. “It’s been a long ass time.”

His confession came as a bit of a shock. Sure, he was short as fuck, slightly awkward, and had the weirdest sense of humour that not everyone could handle but, if one could look past those character flaws, your friend Chris was a heck of a catch: cute face but not so handsome it’s intimidating, nice veiny hands, a six-pack and, to top it all off, a nice round booty. Not to mention the dimples when he smiled, his warm brown eyes, the way his voice went up an octave when he was excited, how he curled up in his sleep like a silly little cat and -

“Yeah, same,” you simply replied, unsure of how long it had been since he spoke, your mind racing more than usual - perhaps it was the alcohol or the fact that you suddenly became aware that Chris was wearing the perfume you had gifted him for his birthday a while back, something musky and sensual with a hint of sweetness, just like the man himself. “And it’s not like I’ve been having any good action, either.”

You were ready to lay the subject to rest and suggest watching some dumbass show, like The Tiger King or something equally outrageous but your last confession seemed to hit your best friend like a brick to the face.

“You’re saying your ex never made you come?”

You were glad he couldn’t see your face because you could swear it had turned as red as a fire engine. “N-no,” you stuttered, hyper-aware of your existence all of a sudden. “Nobody has, ok? It’s not that uncommon-”

“It’s a fucking tragedy, is what is it,” Chris protested, sounding like an activist fighting for equal rights. Which, in a way, he kind of was - fight for your right to orgasm, which was actually pretty valid. “Men are a nightmare!”

The way his voice swelled up with passion was funny, you couldn’t deny, plus he sounded genuinely appaled. You simply nodded in agreement, as if he could see it, and looked around for the bottle of rum. However, when you tried to get up to fetch it, your knees immediately gave up on you, much to Chris’s amusement.

“I bet I could make you come,” he said matter-of-factly and you froze in your tracks, unsure if you were hallucinating, checking your glass for some weird powders or something. “It can’t be that hard, those dudes are just idiots.”

You gave up on trying to climb back onto the sofa and just decided to lie down on the floor, eyes fixed on the ceiling, doing your best to ignore Chris’s musings. He was probably just speaking out of his ass, plus you were both pretty intoxicated.

“I bet they didn’t even kiss you properly,” he continued, and you wished he’d shut the fuck up, because his words were genuinely destroying you a little. “Probably didn’t even tell you you’re beautiful and that your hair smells nice.”

“Chris, shut up,” you spat, no longer amused. “Why are you torturing me like this?”

“What do you mean,” he asked earnestly. Standing up felt like quite the workout but you felt you had to do it in order to look him in the eye for once. He looked confused and awfully drunk, as expected, his brown eyes open as wide as physically possible, his lips slightly parted.

“I’ve been trying not to fall for you, you’re making it damn hard,” you confessed with a deep sigh, bottom lip quivering, tears forming in your eyes.

Instead of replying, his eyes lingered on yours for a painful while, before he got up and stumbled his way into the hallway. You wanted to cry, really cry and possibly sob even. Not only because you were horrendously unsure of what had just happened, but mostly because you were supposed to share his double bed with him and that would feel super awkward after your stupid confession, so you’d just have to drag your ass to his roomate Felix’s bed and hope the blonde didn’t randomly show up at 4AM high off his rockers, he was cool and all but you didn’t know each other like that.

You blacked out, you sure did. Your back sore from napping on the cold hard floor, head still spinning but not as bad as before, stomach growling and your mouth feeling drier than a convenience store sandwich. Rubbing your eyes, you made your way to his kitchen, wondering if Felix was back already because sleeping on the floor or on that busted-ass IKEA sofa seemed like your worst nightmare.

“Come to bed, you silly goose,” his voice startled you out of your skin and you nearly screamed.

“Fucking hell, Chris-”

Trying to brush him off, you took a pint glass from his cupboard and filled it with tap water which you proceeded to down before shamelessly stealing a pack of Tim Tams from his side of the pantry - you hoped it was his side, at least.

“Are you still drunk,” you raised an eyebrow, finally capable of looking him in the eye for a bit before embarrassment settled in once more.

“I mean, a little, but I want you in my bed,” he shrugged and had the audacity to give you his world-famous puppy eyes. Now you had to do whatever he said. Those sad little stupid eyes could convince you to commit murder, legit. “I prommy I won’t do anything.”

“What the fuck does that mean, Christopher?”

“I meant everything I said, but I wish I had said it in a less cocky, sober-er? More sober? Yeah… way. I guess.”

You had to stop chewing on your Tim Tam to fully process what the fuck was happening in that godforsaken kitchen at ungodly hours of the night. “Listen, let’s just get some sleep and-”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Chris, you’re not thinking straight-”

But before you could finish your sentence, his lips were on yours and you had to swallow the damn biscuit -cookie?- quickly before giving up your dignity to kiss him back, immediately moaning into his plush lips and feeling like an absolute fucking tosser. You started to wonder if you were dreaming or hallucinating, especially when his hand cupped your chin like in some fucking Keira Knightley movie. He seemed deadset on getting another moan out of you because his other hand immediately roamed inside your shirt, his fingertips very gently grazing up and down your side, that particular super-sensitive spot he had once accidentally found when he tried to tickle you.

“F-fuck-” You couldn’t believe how easy you were being and how shitty you’d feel the following day once the hungover had fully run its course and your brain was running optimally once more. “I love you-”

I done fucked up, you thought to yourself when his lips abruptly left yours.

“I’m gonna make you come so hard you’ll be forced to say that again.”

Without another word, he took your hand and guided you to his bedroom. You’d been there a thousand times, you’d slept on his bed next to him, you’d spent countless hours playing League of Legends with him in there yet, for some reason, it felt unrecognisable this time. Even though you had sobered up, you somehow still felt horrendously drunk, maybe drunk on him and his stupid sexy perfume - that you blamed yourself for - and his stupid curly hair and his dumbass muscular arms and…

“Say my name, baby,” he cooed, voice gentle but deeper than usual, a hint of darkness in his throat.

“C-Chris. Christopher-”

He chuckled, blushing as if he felt a little embarrassed by his own desire to dirty talk you.

“You’ll be moaning a lot more in a moment.”

The heat taking over your body was nothing short of overwhelming. Despite being uncoordinated and disorderly, his touch felt earth-shattering. The slightest feather-like run of his fingers across your skin was enough to set you ablaze and you weren't sure if it was the alcohol you'd both consumed, the love bursting out of your pores or some odd combination of both, but you could safely affirm that nobody had ever made you feel so full with so little. The way his lips paced down your neck, the way he would occasionally grunt into your skin, the way his hair brushed against your chest as his kisses made their way down… it was too much but not enough at the same time.

"So… hot," he mewled when his lips finally reached your crotch, his fingers gently pushing the garment to the side so he could take a look. "This is all for me." His dark chuckle so close to your core sent you into overdrive and you wanted to beg out loud, but forgot how to put words together when, in just a few seconds, his mouth was unceremoniously slurping you up.

"C-Chris," you whimpered, at least an octave above your regular register and you could feel his amused exhale against your skin.

"Come on, make me work a little harder," he cooed, looking up at you from his comfortable spot in between your legs. "It can't be this easy."

You were unsure whether to laugh, cry, be amused, or offended. So you simply decided to bury your face in his pillow, hoping the lack of air would somehow help calm your loins. You'd dream about this, you'd imagined this very scenario countless times in your head. Anytime you'd slept next to him in that very bed, anytime you'd cozied up with him on his couch watching some ridiculous D-tier shark movie, every time he smiled at you from across the room. That pesky crush on him you'd harboured for years thrown into the backburner, maybe for a later date, or a never date, because there was no way he felt the same. Even now, while he made all your dreams come true, you couldn't help but wonder if you were awake and, if you genuinely were experiencing this, was it just the alcohol, was he just using your feelings for him to get himself off?

No, no, no, you scolded yourself from your own shitty thoughts and tried to focus solely on his tongue and the way it languidly yet precisely moved along your folds until it finally landed exactly where it should. It felt almost like an electric shock and caused a moan to escape from your lips, muffled by the pillow.

"Move that thing," he mumbled as he reached out to pry the pillow from your hands and you were so lightheaded you didn't even attempt to fight him on that. "I wanna hear you, baby."

And the way he said it, the word baby, a pet name you didn't even like. Milk and honey rolled off his tongue, the masterful tongue causing you to whimper gently as your hands desperately searched for something to hold on to. You finally found his hair and your fingers latched on to it. He could sense you falling apart, but he knew there was something missing so he quickly pushed his index, middle and ring fingers inside of you, earning a loud moan you didn't even know could come out of your mouth.

"That's it," he said, voice deeper than usual, vibrating against your pussy. "You sound beautiful."

And with that, he curled his fingers inside, the pads of his digits hitting a spot you'd only felt a couple of times. Your entire body trembled and you had actual tears in your eyes. The sensations were all too staggering, your legs shaking like leaves in the wind, your hands left his hair and you genuinely didn't know what to do with your entire body, wuthering under his touch.

"Chris, I-"

"Hummm," he mumbled, not stopping his ministrations, simply looking up from his comfortable spot.

"I'm going to explode…"

And it did feel like exploding, like your body disassembling and reassembling itself back together with the intensity of a star imploding. Not that you knew what that felt like, but you could swear this was it. He slowed down his movements, probably not wanting to overwhelm you too much, and allowing you to ride out the feeling slowly. Finally, when your body stopped shaking and you could feel your heartbeat inside your head, he placed a little kiss in your pussy and resurfaced, like a deep sea diver returning from the most exquisite underwater cave. He chuckled when he caught a glimpse of your reddened, sweaty face and you looked for the pillow again to hide.

"I guess I was right all along," he laughed, pushing the pillow away before you could use it to conceal yourself. "I'm still gonna ask: did I make you come?"

You nodded vigorously, unable to speak. He thought your exasperation was funny. He gave himself a pat on the shoulder and that made you smile. "Good job, Christopher!"

He pulled you into his arms and pulled the covers over both of you, letting out a yawn. He always seemed to fall asleep at the weirdest possible times.

*

You looked out the window at the rain dropping loudly and sighed. Your phone hadn't pinged all day, or the day before, or the day before that. It had been about a week since you and Chris hooked up - well, more than hooked up - and he's been radio silent. You woke up the next morning to an empty bed, and he'd been awfully missing since then. You sulked. Maybe he was just horny and it meant nothing… Your phone finally pinged, startling you from your sad thoughts. Except it's not just a ping, it's ringing. Christopher's name flashed on your screen.

"Hello?"

"Please come to the door," was all he said before hanging up, you imagined he was low on credit as usual.

You sighed, sliding a cardigan and some slippers on and going down the stairs to your front door, popping your head out and looking around.

"Hey!"

He had a bouquet of roses in his hand, which he nervously handed to you, his ears red and eyes darting everywhere.

"I'm sorry I disappeared, baby, I-"

Baby… There it was again, the pet name you didn't even like unless it was coming out of his mouth. And the way he said, with such urgency, such longing. What did any of this mean?

"I thought you wouldn't wanna see me again after we-"

"After you fingered me?"

You laughed, somewhat bitterly, the flowers still in your hand.

"After I fingered you," he repeated, his voice low and eyes on his trainers as if he'd never seen them before. "I- I couldn't- I-"

"Listen, Chris, I," you swallowed and counted to three in my head, slowly, trying to buy yourself time to back out of saying what I was about to say. "I'm in love with you-"

Shit, I said it.

He sighed, looking… relieved?

"Fuck, I thought I was insane," he laughed, quickly walking past you into your house, closing the door behind him and wasting no time pinning you up against the wall and kissing you with such ardour you thought you were going to catch fire. You didn't kiss back immediately as your brain tried to process all the emotions you were feeling in such a short amount of time.

"I think this time we should go all the way-" you sighed in between kisses.

"Good, because I've been so hard thinking about how you moaned that time."

"Fuck, I love you."

"I love you too, baby."

The End.

Then I give you a biiiiiiig hug like chan tehe 🤗

Well you are amazing that’s why you get so many compliments because the way you write is so beautiful and your ideas are amazing you truly deserve every compliment and more *smooch*💋

you are so sweet what if i cry what then

Thank you Precious 😭😭🥹🥹

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬-BangChan&Minho

A/N:Here we Go!But this are just bang chan and Minho the others will follow soon 

Genre:🌻 - Fluff

𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐚𝐧:

You and Bang Chan had a Son his name is Jae he is 7 Months old.

You  where with Jae outside JYP waiting For Chris to come out.Jae was  giggling and babbling with his dummy in his mouth, he was sitting in his  stroller.

You giggle"Jae are you exited to see Daddy?“ He Giggle “Dada” You eyes got wide “What did you say Baby?”

Jae look to the door where Bang Chan was walking out.He points at him “Dada…” Chris came to you and gave you a kiss.

“hey  Baby how are you two?“You hug him "We are fine but…."Right as you where  about o tell Bang Chan what just Jae just said,Jae begins to whine  wanting attention form his Dad.

"Dada……Dada……Dada!"Chris looks  down at Jae and takes Jae from his stroller into his arms.Who am I  Jae?"Jae giggle and took his dummy out "Dada” Chris kissed Jaes whole  face you giggle “you two are cute…..but can we go Home and Cuddle how  does that sound?”

Chris nod and Jae babbled and squealed you chuckle “I take this as a Yes”

𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 (𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐡𝐨):

You wake up and groan you look at  your Daughter Yunai, she was sleeping in her crib.You where about to  stand up but something stopped you.

Arms pulled you back"Hmm.Jagi  where are going"You turned aroun and looked at Minho “I Wanted to make  breakfast” Minho pulled you closer to him.

You smiled and locked   up at him He smiled and kissed your Lips “Can i now get up please"Ge   groan "Fine” You smile and kissed him again.

You walked in the   Kitchen Minho followed you with Yunai in his arms she was on his   hip,her head was in his neck and she was  snoring cutely.Minho gave her head a kiss and sat down on the kitchen counter stool (does that make   sense..?i hope you understand what i mean)Yunai still in his arms.

You  begin cutting fruit for Yunai then you made Coffee for you and  Minho.“Minho can you wake YuYu up please?” He nod .“Yunai Baby wake up  breakfast is ready” She whine and look up at her Father Minho smiled at  her and sat her down in her Highchair she babbled loudly as she saw the  Plate full of fruit you set it down in front of her and got up again to  get the Coffee for You and Minho and sat down beside Yunai.She pointed  at the Strawberry Minho who sat on the other side hold up a  Strawberry “You want a Strawberry YuYu?”

She Giggle   “Strawberry…..” You look at her “Say that again Baby” She looke d at   you"S-Straw-b-berry?“ Minho gave her one and she happily chewed on it.

Minho looks at her "I cant belive her first word was Strawberry I thought it would be Mommy or better Daddy"You smile at him.

So cute 😖😖

sleepy thoughts ♥︎ bang chan

synopsis : a short n sweet day w your boyfie | based on a dream i had <3

if you have a blank blog [no bio, no user, no header or profile pic, nothing reblogged, etc] do not interact with my content. you will be blocked.

the sound of water boiling echoed through the room as you prepped your favorite mug. adding sugar and milk — or whatever you wanted in the moment — you ignore the sound a tapping keyboard. with your hands wrapped snuggly around your warm cup, you trapieze into the living room.

chan watches as you walk to him and sit on the couch, your knee knocking against his. the smile on his face is tender ; dreamy as he slides his headphones off his ears. "sorry."

"no need to apologize," you reply, you blow onto your drink and take a sip before setting it on the table to your left. you look to your boyfriend and return his gentle grin. "you like to work, especially when you have ideas in your head. i don't mind."

chan turns, his left arm slinging onto the couch behind you and drags himself closer. his right hand lays heavy on your knee, warm, familiar and comforting as he stares lovingly. "too good to me, baby."

"just loving you the way you deserve."

he hums before leaning in closer. chan's nose brushes against yours before he stoops down to place his lips on yours. he pulls away to meet your eyes, only to smile and kiss you again.

as you pull away, chan lets out a grunt, chasing after your lips. you give in and kiss his pout away. you giggle into the kiss as you feel chan's grin against your lips. finally pulling away, you grab the hand that's on your knee, lacing your fingers through his.

"feeling okay?" you ask. chan melts into the back of the couch, his eyes dreamy and soft as he leans his entire weight there. "hungry, thirsty, tired?"

"jus' fine, baby," he mumbles in response. he squeezes your intertwined fingers, scooting even closer to you. "want you for a bit."

your right hand is in his hair before you even think, twirling curled strands around your fingers. "have me for however long you want."

chan sighs, closing his eyes as he pushes his head further into your hand. you rake your fingers through his hair as he falls forward, his forehead falling onto your chest. chan's arms wrap around your hips, his breathing growing heavy as you spread your legs and allow his stomach to lay on yours.

he lets out a groan as you stroke his hair again. "want you forever."

you let out a hum, grinning down at him lovingly as you continue playing with his hair. "feeling's mutual, then."

——♥︎—— always remember the sappiest parts of my dreams <3

strawberyyjmilk © do not copy, plagiarize, repost, or translate my content on any platform. if you see my content under any other name than my own, let me know.

Sadly I got sick because I ate something I am allergic to without knowing but I finished my work project (I needed to plan out a house) it was exhausting and I’m tired but I am glad you had fun today precious baby *smooch*💋

How are you doing today Pretty? I hope you ate well and drank enough to stay hydrated :) I hope you had a nice day and didn’t overwork yourself. *smooch* don’t forget to take care of yourself please Precious :(

hiii honey!!! im good <333 spent the entire day watching goblin hshshshs wbyy?? hope u had a nice day bb <333

𖥻 teasing

♡┊ 𝐂𝐇𝐐𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 ; seo changbin

It was warm outside so you decided to wear your new 𖥻 sweet affection dress. The dress was a bit more revealing than your usual ones but you wanted to try something different today and with a supportive Boyfriend like Changbin it wasn’t hard to feel confident enough to wear things that are more revealing because every time you wore something like that Changbin couldn’t keep his hands off you, always needing to touch you in some way for example right now you where standing in front of him, between his legs, in the studio. Changbin was talking about the last song he wore you could see how much it meant to him, his warm hands where on your hips holding you as you stood between his legs. Sometimes one of his hand would leave your hips while he other one squeezed your hip. You couldn’t concentrate properly because of his thighs, his pretty thick thighs you could sit on them all day without getting up. Suddenly you feel one of his hands wandering down towards your thigh, squeezing your thigh “are you listening to me pretty baby?” Changbin asked circling his thumb on your thigh. You would have loved to answer properly but your mind was somewhere else…you remember sitting on your boyfriend’s lap, riding him while moaning his name begging him to let you cum. There were tears on your cheeks because he kept on stopping you every time you were about to cum. Changbin knew you like the back of his hand so every time he feels you clench around him tighter and hears you high pitched whines, he holds your hips still stopping your movement. It made you whine out his name “baby please…need to” your sentence got cut of as he started moving your hips again, hitting that spot deep inside you that made you see stars “need to what pretty baby? Need to cum? Want to be my pretty baby and cum for me ?” Changbin asked whispering in your ear. He feels you clench around him and you nodded your head wildly. You didn’t know what it was…maybe the way he spoke in a voice that made you shiver or the way you feel his thighs flex underneath you or his hands that where holding your hips with a tight grip.

you suddenly are torn from your thoughts when you feel Changbin pull you down on his lap his hands squeezing your hips “what is going on in this pretty mind of yours pretty baby?“ Changbin asked in much deeper voice that made you shiver, your hands around his neck one in his curly hair. You could only hide your face in his neck.

Will you tell your boyfriend what just went on in you pretty head or will you tease him to rile him up?

You are a pretty baby *smooch*🤭

Quick Changbin thought ::

Imagine sitting on changbins lap in the studio, kissing his pretty neck and complementing him in between for example telling him how handsome he looks and things like that. Imagine getting needy while he works so you try to move on his lap but he just holds your hips and tells you to behave :(

Kkskfkskdksno cuz imagine him with his fluffy poodle hair and lenseless specs on him while he wears his most comfy hoodie skfkdkfkdkdn kiss marks decorate his tan skin with your lipstick/lip gloss and him just being a giggly boy, hands holding unto your sides. And when you get needy enough he lets you use him to grind against him, maybe even ride his thigh until you cum. Best believe he's gonna be guiding your every movement, helping you grind against him while complimenting you this time, telling you how much of a good girl you are, looking so pretty grinding against him, so so needy and all for him skvkkdvmmxvmkgvkxm

Imagine if you just came and are out of breath hiding your face in his neck and he pulls your head back making sure you’re looking at him and only him and then he tilts his head and grins at you “did you like that pretty baby?” and all you can do is nod while Changbin just looks at you with heart eyes when he suddenly pulls you forwards on his lap making you realise how hard he is all while Changbin just looks at you. “you will help my with my problem now right my pretty baby?”

Quick Changbin thought ::

Imagine sitting on changbins lap in the studio, kissing his pretty neck and complementing him in between for example telling him how handsome he looks and things like that. Imagine getting needy while he works so you try to move on his lap but he just holds your hips and tells you to behave :(

Kkskfkskdksno cuz imagine him with his fluffy poodle hair and lenseless specs on him while he wears his most comfy hoodie skfkdkfkdkdn kiss marks decorate his tan skin with your lipstick/lip gloss and him just being a giggly boy, hands holding unto your sides. And when you get needy enough he lets you use him to grind against him, maybe even ride his thigh until you cum. Best believe he's gonna be guiding your every movement, helping you grind against him while complimenting you this time, telling you how much of a good girl you are, looking so pretty grinding against him, so so needy and all for him skvkkdvmmxvmkgvkxm

Lee know stealing and holding Stays hearts <3

Did you see the pictures of Lee know for Gucci? I- my poor heart…like hog tf is he so pretty? Brb gonna cry in my pillow 😮‍💨

PRAISE THE LORD!

I am trying to love my thighs more but it’s not easy 😖 I also think it would be a cute Drabble idea letting for example chan colour your tattoos to relax him tehe

I sadly can’t get it back I tried it 3 times and it didn’t work only the first few words are back 😮‍💨

And it frustrates me a lot I am mad at myself for my stupid mistake 😭 but I finished my work project today yeeey and I booked a tattoo appointment for mt hyunjin inspired tattoo :D

Awh, well don't worry, in sure you'll end up writing something even spicier to make up for it, just remember to save it elsewhere with a title 😭

A hyunjin inspired tattoo?! What's it gonna be, or what's the concept?

I wanna get this on my left arm but without colour because then I can colour it myself when I have a panic attack for example (my dads idea) and I wanna get something on my thighs too not completely sure what but since I have slightly bigger thighs and I got teased about them so much so I thought that maybe if I put some art on them I will learn to love them you know?

I sadly can’t get it back I tried it 3 times and it didn’t work only the first few words are back 😮‍💨

And it frustrates me a lot I am mad at myself for my stupid mistake 😭 but I finished my work project today yeeey and I booked a tattoo appointment for mt hyunjin inspired tattoo :D

Awh, well don't worry, in sure you'll end up writing something even spicier to make up for it, just remember to save it elsewhere with a title 😭

A hyunjin inspired tattoo?! What's it gonna be, or what's the concept?

I think I will do it without colours tho because I think I could colour them myself when I am bored for example. I think a cute Drabble would be like when you have more tattoos on you and you let one of them for example chan colour them out when he is stressed 🤭

Honestly thinking about getting a skz tattoo tho maybe one of Hyunjins pretty drawn flowers 🌷 (that just gave me an idea for Hyunjin imagine like imagine him coming home and seeing you got one of his pretty tattoos as a tattoo 😮‍💨

WAHHH that's so cool :")) which one do u have in mind?? also that's such a CUTE IDEAAAA can i use it in an upcoming drabble (creds to u ofc <333)

That does help me thank uuuuu <3

Yesterday I accidentally deleted a full written imagine with 1.4 K words, because it didn’t have a title 😭😭 my poor Lee know fic. It was a soulmate au and now it’s goneeee😭😭😭

So how does it feel to be so talented like you precious?

Made me cry with that jisung imagine 🥹🥹 please give me some of your intelligence cuz honestly every time I write my brain just stops functioning at one point and then I don’t know how to continue you know what I mean and that frustrates me so much so I really appreciate how much you write tehe mwah

thank youuuu bb <333 and i understand that sm like writing is never a smooth process and i also get frustrated at times, just take ur time, take it easy u don't actually have a deadline to get things done,, do it for fun and be patient with urself,, i struggle with this too but it's a good reminder that we're doing our best yk, if u start criticizing yourself too harshly over this then it's not worth it, i promise

I don’t really criticise myself but it sometimes frustrates me that I am stuck at one point 😭

So how does it feel to be so talented like you precious?

Made me cry with that jisung imagine 🥹🥹 please give me some of your intelligence cuz honestly every time I write my brain just stops functioning at one point and then I don’t know how to continue you know what I mean and that frustrates me so much so I really appreciate how much you write tehe mwah

thank youuuu bb <333 and i understand that sm like writing is never a smooth process and i also get frustrated at times, just take ur time, take it easy u don't actually have a deadline to get things done,, do it for fun and be patient with urself,, i struggle with this too but it's a good reminder that we're doing our best yk, if u start criticizing yourself too harshly over this then it's not worth it, i promise

Lee Know for W Korea / The God of Love

I would be honoured if you want to write a Drabble about that 🫢 I thought about using this one for my tattoo because I honestly love these flowers ✨🌷

I am curious how you would write that 👀👀

Honestly thinking about getting a skz tattoo tho maybe one of Hyunjins pretty drawn flowers 🌷 (that just gave me an idea for Hyunjin imagine like imagine him coming home and seeing you got one of his pretty tattoos as a tattoo 😮‍💨

WAHHH that's so cool :")) which one do u have in mind?? also that's such a CUTE IDEAAAA can i use it in an upcoming drabble (creds to u ofc <333)

Brb need to cry… that was amazing love your writing the ending was just 😮‍💨🥹🥹

Volcano

pairing : han x reader. enemies to lovers. slow burn.

summary : you've never gotten along with han, your mutual prejudices ruining any prospect of friendship between you both. but you slowly realize that you are more similar than what you originally thought- your darkness recognizing his, and his light yearning for yours.

"I'll take care of you. It's horrible work. Not to me, not if it's you."

cw : depiction of a panic attack, minor injury, both reader and han say mean shit to each other, cursing, mention of alcohol, reader has she/her pronouns.

word count : 13.2k

a.n: highly recommend listening to "Let the light in" by Lana when Han starts playing it in the fic hehe feedback is highly appreciated as always <3

skz quotes series masterlist.

You remember being seven years old, sitting on the floor of your bedroom, while your mom brushed your hair. It was a late July night, a cold breeze swaying your white curtains, akin to the fluttering of a butterfly’s wing. Your eyes were slightly puffy, delicate red veins protruding the white of them. You had just finished watching a Disney movie- the Lion King; heavy sobs escaping your lips when Mufasa died.

There were still faint hiccups coursing through you, a slight shake in your hands as you fiddled with the hem of your shirt. Your mom brought you to her chest, her chin resting on your small shoulder blade. "You’re sensitive, my sweet girl" she had uttered, rubbing your arms soothingly.

It was the first time someone described you as such. You didn’t know what ‘sensitive’ entailed exactly, but it contained the word ‘sense’, so you assumed it was something good, a quality to be proud of you. You could sense, maybe more than others, maybe too deeply. That’s why you cried when you didn’t get a good grade, or when your friends left you alone in the park.

But you didn't mind back then. What was your heart made for if not to feel?

You should’ve paid more attention to the way your mom spoke, to the bittersweetness lingering in her tone. As if she knew exactly what it entailed to be sensitive- to have your heart overflow with delicate feelings for the rest of your life, with no safe destination to guard them in.

☄༄

You’ve forgotten the last time you cried in.

The tears are lodged inside your throat- you can clearly feel them, an uncomfortable weight sitting on your vocal cords, rendering them impossible to use.

You used to cry, freely, so much that you lost count of how much it happened. But you realized that every tear that escaped your eyes, made you vulnerable, weaker, in the hands of the people around you. Every tear that washed over you, only rendered you more transparent for everyone to peer at how they wounded your soul. 

So, you conditioned yourself to stop feeling as deeply, or at least to stop showing it. The sadness, the hurt, the anger were all stored within you; but your face remained placid, not betraying how you truly felt. You were like a pond, tranquil at the surface, raging from within.

But on days like this one, you miss the person you were. When the implications of being sensitive still haven’t weighed down on you. When you could get rid of your feelings in the essence of your tears. When you didn’t yet feel bad for feeling.

Chan's eyes are on you, as you type furiously on your laptop. Your vision is so blurry that you can no longer see your lit screen. But you’re afraid that if you pause then Chan would ask if you were okay, and you hated that question. Because you never truly knew the answer to it. Yes, you were okay. But you haven’t cried in six months and your friend didn’t greet you back this morning and you suddenly feel very small in a very large library.

"Hey," Chan taps your hand with his pen and you suck in a slight breath, before raising your head to meet his eyes. "Are you-" he starts but you’re quick to cut him off, knowing exactly where this was headed. "Did you answer question five? I’m stuck on what formula to use."

Chan raises a brow at you, and you blink repeatedly. His eyes travel to your feet tapping furiously against the floor, and he understands.

 "I'm still at number four," he finally says and you nod in relief. You’ve been close friends for a year and Chan has come to know you- he’s dropping the subject.

"Oh, and are you coming to the party tonight?" Chan asks, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He’s hosting it and there is hope twinkling in his eyes. You feel bad because you’re about to crush it.

"No, need to revise more for the upcoming test."

"Of course, you’ll still be buried in your books," a sarcastic voice quips up, and you stiffen inwardly. Han- one-third of 3racha, Chan’s self-made producing group, and the bane of your existence. You never liked who you were around Han, he brought out the worst in you. Made all your insecurities roar forward, plastered across your body in neon red.

He was friends with Chan, long before you came into the picture, back into their high school days when Han skipped a class and ended up in the same one as Chan’s. A genius, as everyone around you liked to call him. And they were right- excelling came easily to Han, in everything he ever did. Even tapping into each one of your tender nooks and crannies.

He knew how to expertly push your buttons, how to make his tone sound mocking, and taunting, but only to you. Because you were sensitive, and he knew it, finding it almost amusing to toy with you. 

You decide to stay silent because nothing good ever comes out of talking back to him. So, you bite your tongue, turning back to look at your screen. But Han’s elbow grazes your arm, as he leans a bit further into your face. "Come on, live a little, y/n. You’re missing out on the college experience," he makes a big show of opening his arms wide, a single red pen spinning between his fingers. "Quit being stuck up for one night." And it spins, and it spins, and it spins and something ugly inside you crumbles.

"I’m sorry I wasn’t born with a golden spoon shoved down my throat and I actually have to work for my future."

Han’s eyes widen at the raw animosity in your voice, before narrowing down promptly. He’s leaning onto your face again, and his tone is low and cold when he speaks again. "What did you just say to me?"

"Is it so hard to grasp that not everyone is as privileged as you? We can’t all afford to get wasted every fucking night and call it a life."

You’re being mean. This is the rudest you’ve ever been to someone else. You know that your reaction is disproportionate to what he said. But it isn’t just about this instant. It’s an amalgam of every moment Han made you feel small in, because you don’t go out as much as him, because you don’t understand as quickly as him. Taunts thrown your way under the guise of teasing, but you know better.

Still, guilt eats at you as your eyes lock with Chan’s. You should’ve stayed silent, as you’ve been diligently doing for the past year.

"How do you stand being her friend Chan? Is it out of pity?" Han muses, a pout pulling at his lips. You stare ahead as Han tsks lightly, before tapping your cheek with his pen, bringing your face back to him. "I think it is. Because isn’t she so fucking boring?"

Being near Han always makes you hyper-aware of things you never noticed before. Like how a breath has to travel from the depths of your body so you’d be able to release it, and how excruciatingly long it takes for you to draw in a new one. Because Han’s words are never harmless, no, they settle on the confines of your lungs, crushing down any bit of oxygen willing to leave you.

You've had enough.

"When you’re eighty, on your deathbed, and all alone. I hope you know that there is no one around to blame but yourself."

"Don’t cross the line, yn," Chan finally speaks and you scoff, as you get up to grab your things.

"What fucking line, Chan? So, he can insult me all day but as soon as I do it there is a line? Why are you taking his side?"

Chan stays silent and you chuckle dryly. "Of course, you are. You’re only friends with me out of pity after all."

"That’s not true-"

"Well, you didn’t deny it, did you Chan?"

"Yn, I-"

"Save it."

Han’s eyes are glossy as you take one final glance at him. But your heart’s bleeding too much for you to care about his minor cut.

☄༄

For how much time can a conversation haunt someone? Seventeen days, for your case. And you're still counting.

You have nit-picked your fight with Han in the library so much that it's driving you insane. His voice is drilled into your head- the coldness of it as he reeled back from the shock of your words, and then, the pure venom dripping from his tone, as he attacked you where it hurt the most. Chan.

Han chose his words carefully, stitched up the sentence perfectly to hurt you, to stick to your flesh like burnt skin, one that you peeled over and over, each time it threatened to scar.

You haven't talked to Chan in seventeen days. He tried to stop you; on your way out of class, in the line of your campus cafeteria, on the doorsteps of your dorm. But you always fleet away. His eyes were also imprinted into your brain- the disappointment in them when you clapped back at Han.

What about him? You wanted to yell. Why are you only disappointed in me?

But the tears in your pillow have dried. Then fallen again. Then dried once more. And you found the answer to question five. And you miss Chan, terribly so.

That's why you're pacing around his dorm, at 10 pm, when it's also terribly cold outside. Your fingers have gone numb from the ministrations of the wind, but you don't move from your place. You know that the chances of seeing Han- the second person you’ve been avoiding like the plague- would be higher here. But you didn't care anymore.

Your thumb hovers over the call button and you bite your lip harshly. Would Chan pick up? Would he hang up? Was he really your friend out of pity?

"Yn?" a voice calls out, and you startle, turning around to see who it is. Changbin, carrying two bags of groceries in his hand. He's Chan’s friend as well, the final member of 3racha. You like Changbin. He's always being very kind to you. You've grown much closer to him than to Han in the past few months; not that the latter has ever wanted a friendship with you. From the day you met and his eyes narrowed promptly each time you talked. You should’ve known from the start.

"Why are you out here in the cold?" Changbin asks gently, stepping cautiously towards you.

"Chan," you say simply and he nods, understanding what you mean.

"He's not here now, but he'll come home soon. Let's go inside, okay?" he smiles tentatively at you and you hum in reply.

Changbin opens the door and you follow inside. You help him take out the groceries silently, stacking them in their fridge and shelves. Lots of protein powder, and chicken packets. You'd laugh about it if you weren't so sad.

"Chan misses you," Changbin speaks up suddenly, and your heartbeat quickens at his words.

"I miss him too."

"Then you'll be okay."

You try to remember Changbin’s reassuring smile when Chan finally opens the door to the dorm, an hour later. He finds you sitting on the stool in the kitchen. His eyes light up once they settle on you.

And you unravel at the sight.

You're crying, sobs rippling from you as he brings you to his chest. He's patting your head and whispering that it's okay. And you know his shirt is all crumpled from clutching it in your hands. But he doesn't mind. He only hugs you tighter.

"I'm sorry, yn. So, so, sorry. I should've stopped him before, I just... You two are my best friends and I didn't want to add fuel to the fire by talking and-"

"It's okay, it's okay, I'm the one who should apologize for ghosting you."

"I understand why you did it. I fucked up but I missed you so much. Can we please never do this again?”

“Yes please,” you giggle, but the sound withers as the door opens once again.

"What is she doing here?" a cold voice breaks you and Chan apart, as your eyes land on Han. His gaze sucks the breath out of you, and the warmth in your heart fizzles out. Your hold on Chan’s shirt tightens and he takes an unconscious step in front of your body. Han doesn't miss the protective gesture.

"Get out, yn."

"You don't get to kick my friends out of my house," Chan is angry. And you regret ever coming here.

"Last I checked it's my house too." Han doesn't even bother looking at you. He's holding Chan’s gaze as if they're silently communicating. "You know damn well what she said why-" he takes a deep breath, running a hand angrily through his hair. "Fuck this. If she's not leaving then I am."

And with that he storms out, slamming the door behind him. You flinch at the sound.

Chan’s eyebrows are knitted as he stares at where Han stood seconds ago as if trying to conjure him up once again. You never wanted to strain their friendship. You knew how much Han cared for Chan, even if he didn't bear the same sentiment for you.

"Chan, I’ll leave. Call Han and tell him I'm gone."

"You don't have to."

"I know," you reassure, placing your hand on his forearm. "We'll talk more later, okay? It's cold and he has nowhere to go. Just call him, please."

"Fine," Chan concedes. "Call me when you get home, alright?" his eyes finally soften and you squeeze his hand in reply, before heading out as well.

The walk from Chan’s dorm to yours is fairly short, but tonight, it seems like kilometers are separating you from the safety of your bed. There is a heavy weight crushing your bones, most of it being guilt at what just transpired between Chan and Han.

That's what comes with being sensitive- you bear the weight of your feelings and the one of those surrounding you.

Were you out of place with what you said to Han? Yes. Was it eating you inside to see the consequences of your words? Yes. But he was also to blame, you repeated in your head. He was also to blame. Please. You plead, you don't know to whom, maybe to the voice in your head to stop being so mean. 'But none of this would've happened if you weren't so sensitive. So easy to bruise' the voice mocks and you stumble on your feet.

It happens so suddenly it takes you off guard- the way the breath is knocked out of you. You pause, chest heaving as you bend down slightly. Your hand is on your heart as you try to breathe again, but it's shaking so much. Your legs give out under you, and you plop down on the floor, eyes tightly shut. You can't breathe. You can't breathe. You're going to pass out.

"Yn, what-" A hand rests on your shoulder but you shake it off. You don't want to be touched. Not by him.

"Let me help-" Han speaks again, and you scramble away from him, as best as you can anyway. You end up kneeling on the ground once again, your back to him. "Get-get away."

"I know you're mad but you aren't okay and I know how horrib-"

"You aren't helping!" you shout through tears, as your heart threatens to spill out of your throat. "You’ve hurt me e-enough already."

You don't remember how you got home that night, how you managed to open the door or cross the road leading to your dorm. But you remember Han leaving you on the cold ground, just like you wanted. You remember the ache in your bones as you laid on your bed; the burning desire to stop feeling for a night, to cut your chest open and tear off your bleeding heart.

☄༄

One month later

If there's one thing you've always complained to Chan about, it's the fact that his building had an elevator in it, unlike yours.

Today, you’ve come to regret this fact. Tremendously.

You’ve been avoiding going to Chan’s dorm for the past weeks since the last thing you wanted was to see Han. But, he insisted on you coming over, reassuring you that it would only be him and Changbin at home since Han supposedly had other plans.

Well, Chan was wrong. Because Han just walked into the elevator you are in, mere moments before its doors closed.

Your breath catches in your throat as his eyes lock on yours. He looks like he wants to say something but he decides against it, opting for sighing loudly instead, before pressing the button leading to the fourth floor, rather harshly.

Your need to flee has never been this strong.

You watch anxiously as the numbers slowly go up. 1… 2… 3… Then a loud voice startles you and the elevator starts to shake in place. The door is suddenly opened and you are met with a cement wall, blocking your exit.

"What the fuck?" Han groans as you press the emergency button repeatedly, hoping that the elevator will resume its course and this nightmare will be forgotten.

It doesn’t.

"You’re going to break the goddamn button," Han pushes your hand away and you stumble away from him.

"Can you shut up? I’m not in the mood for your bullshit."

"Does it look like I’m happy to be here?" Han scoffs, as a ringtone plays in the elevator, cutting you off before you could respond. 

"Hey guys, this happens from time to time, so no need to worry. Is everyone alright?" Someone speaks and you assume it's the worker charged with the maintenance of the elevator.

"Yes," you both reply at the same time.

"Great. We’ve contacted the mechanics but they said there’s a lot of traffic, so it might take a bit longer for them to get here."

"How long?" Han asks the question that’s on your mind as well.

"Two hours, at most, for you to get out."

"Oh, for fuck’s sake," you groan, as hot tears prickle at the corner of your eyes. This is the last thing you needed today- to be stuck in a cramped-up space with the one person who sucks the oxygen out of any room you’re in.

"Thanks, man," Han sighs and you turn your back to him, facing the wall. You’ve had a horrible day, scratch that, a horrible week. Hanging out with Chan and Changbin was the one thing you were looking forward to, only for the worst possible scenario to happen- being stuck in the same place with Han. You feel an urgent need to sob but you can’t cry in front of him. Not when he’s all claws and your skin is tender.

"Wait, are you claustrophobic?" He suddenly asks, seemingly inches away from your body.

"As if you’d fucking care," you scoff, before heading to a corner of the elevator and settling down.

"I'm not a monster, you know," he mutters in an almost sad tone, one that forces you to look up at him. His hands are deep into his pockets, eyebrows knitted as he gazes down at you. "Do you really think I’m that much of an asshole?"

"Yes," you reply instantly, before staring forward again. The hurt that flashes in his eyes shouldn’t tug at your heartstrings, but it does, ever so faintly, like the last wave that grazes your feet as you get out of the ocean. "I’m not claustrophobic," you add after a while and Han finally sits on the opposite side from you.

It’s hot and stuffy in the elevator, and it’s quiet, too quiet for your liking. You’ve never really liked silence for too long, it made the small voice in your head only grow bolder, louder, impossible to ignore.

Thirty-five excruciatingly long minutes go by and the tension only grows more suffocating. It’s simmering, barely beneath the surface, waiting for the person who will finally make it explode. 

It’s Han.

“Can I ask you something?”

“No.”

“Come on, we have nothing else to do.”

“Have you tried being silent?”

"Yn," he says sternly and you begrudgingly concede. "Fine. Ask me."

You imagine him smirking slightly, the way he does each time he manages to push you over the edge.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

“We’re not doing this right now,” you shake your head, tone adamant.

"When’s a better time for it? We’re literally never in the same place."

“And whose fault that is?” You smile too sarcastically and he frowns. “So, I’m the only one to blame?”

“Can’t you see how full of yourself you are? Fuck, Han, this is exactly what I hate about you.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“You’re so immature, you never sit back to think of how your words might impact someone.”

"What words yn? I was teasing you!" his voice grows louder and so does yours. "You were hurting me!" you yell, chest heaving. There is something utterly terrifying in this confession- to let someone know how easy it was for them to get to you.

"But I didn’t mean to," he drags a hand through his hair, exasperated. "It's not my fault you felt that way."

An ironic chuckle leaves your lips, as you point at him. "See, you're doing it again! You're blaming me for my reaction instead of evaluating how your actions might have caused it."

"Look, yn," he scrambles to you until there are only a few centimeters separating your bodies. "I really wanna fix this, okay? Can we stop screaming?"

"Why are you so hellbent on fixing it?" you question, as you lean further away from him. He notices and takes a step back, giving you space.

"Because although I don't care about you, I care about Chan. And this is hurting him. So, I want to be civil with you."

The mention of Chan feels like a cold bucket of water dousing the fire within you. You know he’s struggling to be in the middle of two people he loves. He doesn’t deserve that.

"Fine," you sigh softly. “You talk. I’ll listen.”

"I didn't... I didn't know that my words would hurt you. In truth, it looked like you weren't affected at all. That's why I kept pushing you because… God Yn you're so perfect it maddens me."

Your eyebrows knit together at his words- the last thing you expected to stumble out of his mouth. "What are you talking about?"

"You never get sad, never get angry. Your emotions are always in check. You're always smiling, always laughing. Have everything figured out from how you want to be now to where you want to be in the future. And you know yourself, you never step out of order. And this is selfish and stupid but it irked me. Because I am the opposite of you. I'm a mess and too human it terrifies me, so I wanted to see if you had a breaking point. But each time I taunted you, you remained placid. So, I kept pushing to see if you'd break one day because, selfishly enough, that would make me feel better about how broken I am."

"Han, you're so stupid. Aren't you a literal genius? You excel in everything you do and you have fun on top of it, every single night. Don't you realize how lucky you are?"

"Do you really believe I find joy in being wasted and not even remembering what happened that night? I do that because I'm in my mind most of the days and it isn't the best place to be in. So, I like to forget."

“Why do you think I always bury myself in my studies? Because it's safe and it makes me forget too. Did you really think I didn’t feel? I feel too much and that’s the problem.”

Han remains silent as you curse under your breath. "Do you even realize how selfish this is? To test a human's breaking point? All because what? I didn't shove my struggles down your nose? Would you go around and do this to everyone who looked fine to you?"

"I know, I know, I was just in a bad place, and this isn't an excuse but I... I felt as if you were just showing me everything that was wrong with me."

"That is how I felt around you," you chuckle bitterly and he hangs his head low. He’s much quieter when he speaks again. “I guess we’re more similar than I thought.”

"Doesn't excuse what you did. You targeted me and made me feel insane because no one was hearing the hostility in your tone like I did."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I really am. I never thought it'd get this bad and I deserve every name you called me."

"You do." You close your eyes, as Han’s words wash over you. There is so much more you want to say, so much you want to spit out in his face because of his selfish coping mechanism. But you also want peace, for Chan’s sake. So, you try to bury your resentment, just like you do with every other feeling. One day it’ll turn into indifference. You’ll make sure of it.

You bite your lip, before clearing your throat. Your tone is softer when you speak again. "I'm sorry for what I told you in the library. About you dying alone and whatnot. That wasn't nice of me."

"You really hit the nail with that one," Han chuckles quietly, and guilt floods your heart at the expression on his face. "And I'm sorry for calling you boring. You aren't. And for everything I said before that."

"Okay. It's okay." You reassure, a tiny smile drawn on your lips.

He nods before a sly grin grows on his face. "Should we hug it out?" he teases, cocking an eyebrow at you and you stare pointedly at him. "Don't push your luck."

"Yes, ma'am."

An hour later, the mechanics finally manage to get the elevator going, which in turn allows you both to get out. Han opens the door to the dorm, and you find Chan lying on the couch, scrolling down his phone.

"Han? I thought you would..." he starts before trailing off as he looks up. "Yn? Where were you, I’ve been calling you for the past two hours."

"I didn't have signal."

"Why where were-" Chan goes to question before stopping once again. He hurriedly stands up and walks toward you.

"You... Are standing next to one another."

"We are," Han replies, glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

"And you aren't... Fighting?" his statement comes out more like a question, which makes both you and Han chuckle.

"We aren't."

"We talked it out, in the elevator which we were both just stuck in," you add and Chan’s eyes grow wide, as a breathtaking smile breaks out on his face.

"Oh my god. Finally. We'll talk about the elevator bit later but it's been so hard trying not to be in the same place as the both of you."

"We know. We're sorry," you both pout in sync and Chan shakes his head, before opening his arms wide. You giggle, before walking to him and sinking into his embrace. Han follows you shortly after, and your eyes meet behind Chan’s back. He shoots you a tiny thumbs up.

Is this how a dandelion feels, you wonder, when someone blows on it in the hopes it'll grant their selfish wishes. Only to be tossed away afterward, lifeless.

You drown out the thought before smiling back at Han. It doesn’t reach your eyes.

☄༄

Befriending two-thirds of 3racha holds within it a lot of privileges. The first one is listening to unreleased music, the second is having exclusive insight into their upcoming performances.

Their gigs don't happen as often as they'd like, because they're still students who unfortunately have lots of assignments. But when a window of free time materializes, they unveil their latest productions at vibrant parties, dimly lit bars, or even the occasional club. Which attracts a lot of people, some even coming from neighboring towns to listen to them play.

Everyone can recognize raw talent, even if rap doesn't happen to be their favorite genre.

This is how you know that they'll be performing Heyday, their latest creation, at Seungmin’s party. You've met him in passing, and Chan insisted that you'd come. Not that you needed much convincing anyway, you fell in love with this song the minute you heard it.

There is an exhilarating energy in Seungmin’s mansion, a palpable anticipation preceding 3racha’s performance, as you all gaze at the makeshift stage. The place is packed, bodies pressed tightly to one another. You feel slightly uncomfortable but you swallow it down. You're here to support Chan first and foremost, you can leave if things become too much for you.

The introductory chords materialize abruptly, and 3racha takes the stage. Chan is clad in a white shirt with huge gaps on his sides, revealing glimpses of his chest each time he bends down. Changbin, on the opposite end of the spectrum, is wearing a tightly fitted black shirt, hugging each muscle of his to perfection. Han, the last one to walk in, sports a loose black shirt, with a low neckline. His nails are painted to match the color of his attire, you notice.

The song kicks off with Changbin's incendiary rap as deafening cheers ring all around you. You make sure to scream on top of your lungs too, as Changbin’s loud voice commands the attention of everyone in the room. You’ve always held a penchant for his rap style- how powerful he sounds, and how addicted you quickly become to hearing him on stage. You remember once telling him that any song that starts with his rapping is a successful hit. He playfully nudged your shoulder but his appreciative smile was hard to miss.

Chan’s part is next and you try to rap along, as best as you can anyway due to your fleeting memory. It sounds mostly like gibberish but you don’t mind, especially when your eyes meet Chan’s and he grins at you, before morphing into the mesmerizing stage persona that's peculiar to him. You clearly remember the first time you witnessed him on stage, and how enthralled you were by the sheer power he exuded. His destiny was intertwined with music, no one could deny that. 

A bed squeaking sound comes next, followed by the knocking on the door and you giggle against your will. That was Han’s ingenious touch, as Chan had shared when you'd raised a quizzical brow at him while listening. “Is this based on a real-life experience?” You asked, a knowing smirk etched upon your features, and he pretended to zip his mouth, earlobes turning a vibrant shade of crimson.

Han finally starts rapping in his inimitable style, exuding an effortless, laid-back aura. Your gazes meet at the "let's go play" line, and he tilts his head quizzically at you as he utters his confused "huh?". You raise one eyebrow at him prompting a sly smirk from him, before redirecting his attention to the opposite side of the stage. Yet, your eyes remain on him throughout his entire part.

The boys step off the stage, and you watch from the corner of the room with a wide grin as a swarm of people surrounds them. Congratulations and praise fill the air, and you can tell that 3racha thrives on this moment- it's what they live for, what makes their souls rise up from the ashes. 

Chan catches your eye, and you applaud enthusiastically, letting out a happy giggle. He blows you a kiss, and you playfully pretend to catch it, eliciting a small shake of his head. Changbin, who's standing near him, catches the exchange and winks at you from a distance, to which you respond with two thumbs up.

Even though you're a bit far from them, you're certain the boys can sense the pride radiating from you in waves. There's something truly magical about humans existing in their element, particularly people you care about.

Your gaze shifts to Han, and your smile falters slightly. He's also glowing, but signs of discomfort are starting to creep onto his face. You recognize them fairly well, as you've felt them too at times when emotions become overwhelming. So, after a brief internal debate, you decide to act and begin making your way toward him, pushing through the crowd despite the rising complaints behind you.

They fall on deaf ears.

You grab Han's forearm, pulling him with you through the sea of bodies toward the bathroom. He doesn't fight, following diligently behind you. You open the door and pull him inside, pausing as you realize you don't have a specific plan for bringing him here. This is also the first time you've been alone together since the elevator conversation.

"Thank you," Han whispers, and you nod, your eyes softening. "I'm okay, I love performing, I just needed a breather," he quickly adds, as if feeling guilty for being overwhelmed. 

"That's completely understandable. You are running on a lot of adrenaline, and the room is so crowded," you say with a smile, turning to the mirror to touch up your makeup.

Han remains silent for a while as you powder your face, before reapplying your cherry lip gloss. You can hear him taking in deep breaths, and you avoid looking at him, worried he might feel embarrassed.

"What did you think of the performance?" he finally asks, and you raise your head slightly. You lock eyes with him through the mirror, as he leans against the door, arms crossed in front of his chest. His black t-shirt falls a bit, revealing more of his bare skin, and your eyes trail down for a moment.

"It was really good. I think this song might be my favorite of all yours."

"Really?" Han grins, his words filled with an excitement that warms your heart despite yourself. He's just received heaps of compliments from hundreds of people, yet your words still seem to affect him deeply.

"Yes. I loved your rap, how it started in a laid-back manner, and then you cleared your throat and picked up the pace. It added a unique edge to the song."

"Thank you, really," his smile is genuine, and you giggle softly, shaking your head.

"What's funny?" he asks, walking up to you. You're still facing the mirror, and he's now only inches away from you.

"I didn't imagine you'd appreciate my compliment this much."

"It feels sincere," he shrugs and you nod, finally turning around and leaning against the sink.

"It is sincere."

"Good."

You hold his gaze, eyes only trailing down to go across his face. He looks far different from how he did on stage. Shier, more eager for praise.

"You have..." he steps up until the scent of his cologne tickles your nose. His hand raises ever so slowly to your face, and you hold your breath, as he picks up something from your cheek. His hands are warm.

"An eyelash fell. Make a wish."

A surprised chuckle escapes your lips. "You wish on fallen lashes?"

"You wish on everything when you need hope." his voice is low, a timber so foreign to your ears it sends shivers down your spine. So, you close your eyes, wishing for your heart to quit beating so fast.

"Done," you whisper and he blows the single lash away, his gaze still on you.

"Thank you for coming."

"Of course. I had to support Chan and Changbin." It slips from your mouth before you can stop it, and Han slightly recoils from your words.

"Right, them. Yeah. Of course," he finally backs away, and oxygen fills your lungs once again. "I'm good now. Should we go out?"

"After you," you nod tightly and he walks ahead first, his perfume trailing after him and pulling you into a dizzying dance. 

☄༄

The party Seungmin hosted was your last time having fun for a while. Your preparation for midterm exams began soon after, and you found yourself swarmed with assignments left and right. Thankfully, you and Chan were going through it at the same time, which meant you met at the library each day, revising silently near one another.

Except this time, you were joined by Han.

Goosebumps ran across your skin as he pulled the chair next to you, not the good kind of shivers. You were reminded of the fight you had right here, three months ago. Which still left a bitter taste in your mouth.

You don't hate Han anymore. He's actually funny, and you enjoy listening to his ramblings when you go over to Chan's dorm. He's also really different in his home, much quieter, and softer. Much more like you.

But you're also human, and there is still a part of your brain sending off warning signals at his presence. Maybe because the hurt was never buried properly. You just brushed it off under the carpet after your elevator conversation. Most of it was spent shouting anyway.

"Hey," he greets and you just nod in reply. You can feel his gaze linger on you a bit after that, and a pang of guilt twists in your heart. "Hi," you finally reply, but you tune out his response. Why is it that you're sensitive to everyone's emotions but your own?

Twenty minutes go by, then forty, and you can no longer take the uncomfortable feeling clinging to your skin. So, you excuse yourself, hurriedly stepping out of the library.

Han follows you; you can tell it’s him because someone's chair scraped loudly against the floor as soon as you stood up, and that couldn't be Chan because he is always careful with the silence in the library. So, you put on your headphones and walk faster.

This is childish, surely it is, but you can't control your emotions. You've apologized and so did he, you talk from time to time and you even held his arm and took him to a quiet bathroom. So where is all this bitterness coming from?

"Dammit, yn, how are you so fast?" Han grabs your arm pausing you. He's panting slightly and you just blankly stare as he takes in a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" he finally asks and you nod, turning around to walk away. He stops you again.

"I made you uncomfortable, didn't I?" he asks quietly, and you sigh, rubbing your forehead wearily.

"You didn't do anything, I just... Being in that library reminded me of certain things."

"I know. Me too. Can we please talk?"

"We are talking," you raise your brows and he stares pointedly at you. "Come on you know what I mean."

"Fine," you giggle, "we can talk."

"I didn't apologize properly to you in the elevator. Truth is, I did it because Chan was mad at me and I couldn't stand it anymore."

The bitterness- you understand where it comes from now.

"But I am sorry. Truly sorry. I was selfish and I hurt you and this will sound like a joke, but I hate hurting people. I really do. I was just too wrapped up in my problems that I didn't realize how it would affect you and I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I also shouldn't have tried to kick you out that day, but dying alone is my biggest fear, and seeing you in my home made me want to lose my mind because I couldn't get what you said out of my head, but it was so cold outside and again I shouldn't have told you to go out and I am so sorry-"

"Han, breathe," you smile, cutting him off and Han sucks in a deep breath, chest slightly heaving from talking uninterrupted for a minute straight.

"I'm sorry I just wanted to apologize, properly this time. I'm doing it because I'm guilty, not because of Chan. Nothing excuses my behavior, I know. And I wish I could turn back in time and actually get to know you because you're really cool and very nice, but I can't. All I can do is apologize. So I'm sorry, Yn. I really am."

"I appreciate it," you smile, and Han exhales a little from relief. "I didn't know that was your biggest fear, but even if it wasn't, that was uncalled for. I shouldn't have said something so mean. So, I'm sorry for it too. But I'm not apologizing for being mad, you deserved that."

"I did, I did, I know." He's quick to agree. "I don't want us to be awkward around one another. I'm not telling you that you have to be my best friend but, we can be friends, right? But you also don't have to. It's enough if you forgive me and... You know what? Never mind forget I said anything, I'm just nervous and-"

"Okay."

"Okay?" he repeats.

"We can be friends. I accept your truthful apology."

"Actually?"

"Yes."

"Like we can start over?" he grins and you chuckle at the excitement in his face. "Yes."

"Can we hug it out?"

"Too soon," you pout and he nods, a faint blush dusting his cheek.

"Right. Should we go back to the library? I saw that you were stuck on a question. I can help you."

"You won't make any comments?"

"No. Pinky promise." he outstretches his pinky towards you and you muse over it for a bit, before wrapping your finger around his. You grin at Han- your first genuine smile since he's known you. His hold on your pinky falters.

"Okay. I'm in."

.☄༄

Five weeks later- 1:13 a.m.

You were still slightly cautious near Han as if you were both threading along an invisible line. You could talk, but not too much, afraid any old animosity would shine through. And you could stay together, but not too long, in case it gets awkward and you wouldn't know what to do. So, you never mixed, just like water and oil, each of you knowing their place, away from the other.

But you still didn't want to miss out on outings with your friends. So, when Chan invites you for a movie night with Han, and Changbin, you don't say no.

The night runs smoothly, the warm beer you had easing your nerves bit by bit. It was also easier to forget that you once hated Han when he brought tears to your eyes from laughing so hard.

2:56 a.m.

An unbearable heat suddenly envelopes you, your very blood boiling from within. You hesitantly look down, to find your entire body bathed in red, as if your skin had melted away, exposing you to the scorching heat embracing your tender flesh.

You are in the heart of a volcano, with lava bubbling dangerously below. Hanging by a frail thread, you dangle over the edge of death.

And then, you plummet. 

You startle awake, your heart pounding in your chest, your hand clutching it tightly. Cold sweat clings to your skin, and it takes you a few moments to realize that you're safe, far from the inside of the volcano that had threatened to consume you.

You glance at your phone- 3:43 a.m. You read. It's only been a mere hour since you went to sleep. You don't think you could drift back into slumber. 

Dragging a hand tiredly across your face, you walk into the pitch-black kitchen. You pour yourself a glass of water, hoping that the icy drink will cool you down. You are safe.

"What are you-" you startle, dropping the glass and spinning around, hand pressed to your heart.

"Han, fuck, you scared me," you sigh, tugging at your hair slightly and he's quick to your side, a string of hushed apologies tumbling from his lips.

"I'm sorry, here let me clean it up," he kneels and you follow suit, grabbing his hands and gently pushing them away. "No, I dropped it, let me clean," you reassure, but your hands are trembling as you pick up the shards of glass, any bit of logic clouded by your racing thoughts.

Your heartbeat's ringing loudly in your ears, you barely register the glass cutting your skin until an uncharacteristic warmth oozes from your hand. Blood.

"Shit," you curse lowly and Han illuminates the place with his phone flashlight. "Did you cut yourself?" he asks and you shake your head, walking over to the sink.

"It's nothing, don't worry."

"Yn, let me see," he's standing behind you, the ghost of his breath grazing your exposed neck.

"Han, really it's-" he cuts you off, grabbing your forearm and walking you over to the couch. He finally turns on the lights before crouching down in front of you.

"Show me?" he asks gently and you're too tired to fight him. You open your palm tentatively, taking a look at your cut for the first time as well. It's not too deep, it won't require stitches. But it's also not shallow, blood oozing from it at a steady rhythm.

Han simply frowns upon gazing at your wound, before walking over to his room. You don't move from your spot, gaze lost into the space before you. What would happen if you never woke up? Would you feel your flesh burning? Bones melting as the searing lava-

"Here," he gently holds your wrist, as his eyes meet yours. "This will hurt a bit. Hold my arm as tight as you want and tell me if it becomes too much, okay?"

"Okay," you simply nod.

He dabs up your cut with a cotton pad soaked in alcohol. You hiss softly, as the liquid burns your open skin. Han abruptly stops at the sound. "Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry I didn't mean to I just-"

"It's okay," you smile reassuringly, "I can handle it."

Han nods, resuming his treatment. He's even softer this time, if that is even possible. He's careful when he rubs a soothing gel on your cut, before wrapping your palm in a gauze. He can't find a pair of scissors so he cuts it with his teeth, his lips brushing against the back of your hand. You account the warmth you're suddenly feeling to the aftermath of your nightmare.

"Why are you even up?" he finally asks as he settles next to you on the couch, eyes looking up to the ceiling.

"Nightmare."

"You’re okay?" he asks gently and he sounds truly concerned for your well-being. You aren't used to this. To Han acting like a friend to you. But it feels nice to be cared for, so you don't mind him blurring the lines tonight.

"I'm still a little bit scared," you admit sheepishly and Han's eyes soften under the dim moonlight.

"It passed. You're okay now."

"Am I?" you drag a hand tiredly across your face and Han frowns, inching closer to you.

"Is it a recurring dream?"

"Mm. It tires me out."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I just want to forget." 'Help me forget' you want to add, but you decide against it. "Why were you up, anyway?"

"I got inspiration for lyrics so I had to write it down."

"Can you share some with me?" you ask, tone a tad too hopeful. Han catches it and smiles warmly at you.

"Sure. This is probably going to be in the chorus..." he pulls out his phone, heading to his notes app. "This is what I have so far... I let my frustrated screams out hoping that they’d be washed away in the rain. I send it off with a smiling face, down to the last drops left on my fingertips." he pauses, scrolling down a bit more. "I also wrote this; I think it'll be nice in a verse... I’m sure it’ll get better... Just like the earth hardens after the rain and flowers bloom again."

"You're such a talented lyricist Han," you whisper in awe, and Han’s cheeks warm up at your words, reminiscent of a setting sun. "But I also wish it was as easy as this. To let out all the emotions you bottle inside and for them to wash away with the rain." You bite your lip, as Han’s words echo in your head. "I think... I think that's why I get this nightmare. I don't free my emotions anymore, and they show up in my dreams to torment me."

You don't know where these bouts of honesty are coming from. Maybe because you're too weary to keep up a happy facade. Or maybe because you know that the person who wrote these lyrics must understand exactly how you feel.

"Well... It's raining." Han whispers after a while and you look at him, confusion plastered across your features.

"And?"

"Should we test it out?"

"Test what?"

"Screaming under the rain," he says as if it's the most evident thing in the world.

"What? That's insane, Han we will get sick and..." You pause, as the words dissolve in your mouth like the seafoam meeting the shore. "You know what? Let's do it!"

"Really?" he asks incredulously, a huge grin on his face.

"Yes!"

"Okay, let's go!"

You both abruptly stand up, still only clad in your pajamas. You quickly slip your shoes on before running outside. The rain envelops you in a cold hug as soon as you step outside, rain droplets trickling down your clothes. You don't mind, you have lots of bottled-up feelings to free. 

"This needs music," Han smiles as he takes out his phone, putting his playlist on shuffle. 'Let The Light In' starts playing, and you shoot him a thumbs-up.

"It fits the rainy mood," you grin and he nods, squinting his eyes to be able to look at you.

"I think if we scream here, we'll scare the neighbors."

"I know!" you chuckle, wiping away the rain droplets on your forehead. "Where should we go?"

"The empty parking lot!" Han shouts so you'll hear him over the growing rain and you nod. He takes off running and you chase after him. You're both completely drenched once you're a bit far away from the house. But you don't care. Not when there is pure adrenaline rushing through you.

You finally stop, loud giggles escaping your mouth at the thrill of what you're doing. "You should start!" you yell excitedly and Han nods, taking in deep steadying breaths.

"Okay, I'm ready!"

"On the count of three! One... Two... Three!" and Han shouts at the top of his lungs, his screams getting lost in the rain. An incredulous smile breaks out on his face as you giggle loudly, the sound of it ringing out in the downpour.

"You looked insane!"

"I feel insane!" He yells honestly and a fit of laughter takes over you both. You hold his arm to steady yourself. 

"You should try it now!" Han urges and you nod, willing yourself to calm down. 

"Okay, will you count down for me?" 

"Yes," he assures and you clap excitedly. Han can't help but smile at the excitement on your face.

"One... Two... Three!" And you shout, continuous screams spilling from the depths of your soul. Han wasn't wrong- your pain, your fear, your anger are all dripping along the rain droplets, from your bruised heart to the tip of your fingers.

You've never felt this free before.

The two of you don't notice the passage of time, the rain acting as a cathartic release to all your pent-up emotions. It was as if your pain intertwined with each rain droplet, and you were letting go of everything that had held you down. Each scream acted as a break from the burdens of the past, and the worries of the future. 

As you finally stopped, panting and soaked to the bone, you looked at each other with raw exhilaration in your eyes.

"So, how was it?" Han yells over the rain and you break out in a relieved smile. "I don't think I’ve ever been this happy my entire life," you beam at him and the sight makes the rain feel less colder to Han. 

He watches, a small smile on his face as you twirl around, face looking up toward the sky, a deluge of rain grazing your cheeks like a lover's tender touch. The smile doesn't leave your face as you spin around, happy chuckles leaving your mouth from time to time.

You look... free. As if there was an invisible weight on your shoulders that the rain washed away. A heavy burden that you carried within you, like a secret secret. He likes the sound of that. Maybe that's what he'll name his song. 

Han slightly shakes his head as he watches you skip around, clothes completely soaked. You are now standing a bit far away, right beside a street lamp.

Ooh, let the light in

Its light shines on you alone.

Time seems to slow down, as Han’s steps falter. You're smiling, not at him, but at the universe. A happiness so raw filling you that it needs to come out, even if no one's watching.

You're spinning around, delighted giggles spilling from you like the most mesmerizing chorus. Something is building up inside Han, begging for a release. It refuses to come out in a scream- violently. It's tender and soft. He thinks that if you held his hand right now, you'd be able to free it.

Look at us, you and I back at it again

Is it possible to feel something other than an emotion? Because right now, weirdly, all he feels is you.

Cause I love to love to love to love you

I hate to hate to hate to hate you

Your eyes land on Han and there is pure joy dancing in your pupils. He's glad you no longer despise him. He doesn't think he can stomach it anymore.

Cause I want to want to want to want you

You run to him, holding his hand before twirling him around.

I need to need to need to need you

Han can't believe he ever thought you weren't human enough. You are a mosaic of every feeling that makes one human. There are lyrics writing themselves in his head and they're all about you.

Ooh, let the light in

You clasp both his hands, before crossing them over. And then you're both spinning around until the world around you blurs. All he sees is you, and the light surrounding you alone.

Ooh, turn your light on

He thinks he might, if the light is you.

5:22 a.m

"There is a heater in my room, you should come," Han offers as you dry your hair with the blue towel he just handed you.

"It's okay I’ll stay here," you point to the couch but he shakes his head adamantly. "You'll die from hypothermia. Do you know how mad Chan will be if I let you pass away?" he whispers in fear, a hand clutching his heart.

"So dramatic," you giggle, before following him into his room. He goes on his bed first before tapping the spot beside him. You sigh before lying next to him, snuggling further into the hoodie he gave you to change.

"You're still shivering," he remarks, as your teeth clink together.

"It's okay."

"You shouldn't have gone out with just a t-shirt."

"I didn't exactly plan on this, you know," you smile sarcastically and Han chuckles before tapping your shoulder softly.

"Come closer."

You debate for a second before complying, the cold tuning out all the rational thoughts in your head. 

Your arm brushes against his and you can't breathe once again. But it's a different type of deprivation. Han always seems to steal the oxygen from your lungs, but for once, you don't mind. Red embers are burning within you and their flames keep you alive. You press your chest to his back, as your forehead rests on his shoulder. Maybe he'll turn you to ashes. Will you rise from them?

"You're so cold," his hand reaches behind to rub your arms soothingly, an earnest attempt to warm you up.

"I’ll be fine, go to sleep. Don't worry about me."

"I can't control it."

In the dark room, Han can't see you curling your hand into a tight fist at his words. 

"If you stay quiet then I’ll sleep," you say after a while and Han giggles softly.

"That's the goal. You need to rest."

"You should sleep too."

"I will."

"Okay. Good night, Han."

"Good night, Yn."

You think he's fallen asleep when you speak up again. "Hey, Han."

"Yes, Yn?" He replies instantly, voice slightly hoarse. 

"Can you repeat that lyric to me, about the flowers blooming again?" You ask quietly, and you feel him nodding against your chest.

"I’m sure it’ll get better... Just like the earth hardens after the rain and flowers bloom again."

His warm voice vibrates within your body. "That's a nice lyric."

"I hope you'll dream of it instead."

☄༄

Against Han’s strong belief, he's the one who fell sick after your rain-soaked outing. 

You knew of it from Chan, who texted you saying that Han caught a nasty cold, and then got food poisoning, which meant he couldn't be there for their highly anticipated meeting—after their electrifying Heyday performance, a record label expressed strong interest in signing them. 

"Can you come over and stay with Han?" Chan implores as soon as he answers your call.

“That bad?” You ask, a pout pulling at your lips.

"I don't want to leave him alone. He's been really sick for the past week now, and… it's partly your fault"

"I can’t believe you’re guilt-tripping me into coming," you chuckle even though you know he is right. Han wouldn’t have gotten out in the rain if it wasn’t for you.

"I'm sorry it’s just I don't think he's been good, apart from the illness. And I’m worried, and I don’t know I thought maybe you could talk to him. He reminds me of you, in his sadness, so you might understand what's wrong more than me."

You think it over for a second before rising up from your bed.

"I'm coming"

As soon as you step inside their dorm, Chan pulls you for a side hug, placing a quick kiss on your forehead. “Thank you so much,” he whispers, clearly grateful that you agreed to come. It worries you even more for Han.

“No problem. You can go, I’ll be with him.”

“Thank you, Yn” Changbin smiles before hastily pulling Chan outside the door. You wave them both goodbye.

You cautiously crack open the door to Han’s room, to find it completely engulfed in darkness. The stream of light from the door falls upon Han, who squints his eyes, trying to see who disrupted his fragile peace.

"Hi," you speak softly, finding it a bit odd to raise your voice in such a still room. Han attempts to sit up, before doubling over, hand tightly clutched around his stomach.

You rush to his side, kneeling beside his bed. It's the only lit-up part of the room.

"Still hurts?" you ask, your hand moving in soothing circles on his back. He nods, eyes squeezed shut, and you feel your heart crack at the sight.

"Have you taken any medicine?"

"A few hours ago. I need to eat something before I can take more, but I can't get up to the kitchen."

"Why didn't you tell the boys?"

"Didn't want to be a burden."

"You aren't. I'll make you something to eat. Okay? Try to sleep meanwhile."

"You don't have to," Han shakes his head, his eyes finally meeting yours.

"I know," you smile softly, before exiting the room.

Minutes later, you're back in the room, a bowl of sliced fruit in your hands.

"Do you guys live off protein powder and frozen chicken?" you ask, earning a quiet laugh from Han as he lays his back against the headboard.

"We do. Please save me," he jokes and you laugh, shaking your head. "Good thing I grabbed some fruit before leaving."

"Thank you," he grins, eyes slightly squinting closed. 

"Here," you grab a strawberry, bringing it to his lips. His eyebrows raise up in surprise, a sheen layer of sweat coating them. "What? Look at how tightly you're clutching the comforter," you point to his hands and Han sighs, before parting his lips slightly.

His mouth brushes against your fingertips, igniting a cascade of emotions in you. You'll think about what it means later.

You grab a green grape next, feeding it to him gently. A drop of water trickles down the corner of his mouth, and you wipe it away with the back of your finger.

"I can- I can do it," Han mumbles, voice wavering like an unpredictable storm. His trembling hands reach for the bowl, but they struggle to hold it right.

"Han, it's okay, I don't mind," you try to keep your voice gentle, sensing that there is an impending doom awaiting just below the surface.

"No, I- I need to do it. Just let me-" A tear falls into the fruit bowl. "Let me do it, please. I can- I can do it, I’m not useless, I…"

The floodgate opens.

A stream of tears escapes Han's eyes as he looks down at the bowl between his hands. He's crying, eyes tightly shut and the small whimpers escaping his lips feel like a dagger piercing your heart.

"You're sick. Let me take care of you."

"It's horrible horrible work." His voice cracks as his eyes finally lock on yours, and you can tell that his anguish isn't about his illness. These are the words of the shadows threatening to swallow him whole. You have to fight them off with the light.

"I will do it."

As Han lays on his bed, the sound of you washing the dishes resonating from the kitchen, your voice bounces off the dark walls in his head. You didn't try to convince him that it was easy work, you told him you'll do it, even if it's horrible. You'll do it because you want to, not because you can, not because it's accessible. The thought sends a warmth in his chest. It's faint, like a flickering candle trying its best to withstand the wind. But it's there. He holds on to it. He'll shield it with his cupped hands so it wouldn't fizzle out. 

"Hannie, you’re okay?" you peer into the room. Hannie- the candle's flame grows higher.

"Mm," he hums, too weak to turn and look at you.

"You're shivering," you remark, and he tightens the blanket around his body. "It'll pass."

You stay silent, and he thinks you've left the room. But then he feels the left side of the bed dip, with you climbing tentatively on it.

"This worked last time when I was cold," you smile softly at him, before bringing his head to your chest and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He feels frail and fragile in your embrace. You hug him tighter to you.

"Warming up?" you ask and he nods against your chest. He's burning.

"Try to sleep," you urge quietly, your hand moving to pat his back. "It will pass."

"What if it doesn't?" Han asks faintly. Please don't let the candle die, he wants to plead.

"There is always light at the end of the tunnel."

"What if the tunnel is closed?"

"Then you go back to the start and find a new one," you respond.

"Can I find it later? I'm so tired tonight." His voice is drowsy, sleep already clinging to his achy bones. 

"Just rest for now. You did well," you scratch his back lightly, as he nuzzles further into the crook of your neck. 

There was never a candle to begin with- you were the light.

☄༄

Had someone told you five months ago that you'd be lying on Han's bed, watching "Howl's Moving Castle" at 2 a.m., you would've thought they were utterly delusional.

Yet, here you are now.

A lot of things had changed since your rainy outing with Han, as if the universe had shifted into alignment, two stars in the sky finally colliding and making way for something new. You saw him under a different light, understanding that no one picks up a dandelion unless they desperately need the solace it provides.

You've grown to care for him, in the course of the past two months. And funnily enough, you've started to like who you were next to him- just yourself, with no pressure of making conversation, or catering to his expectations of you.

He saw you at your worst anyway, and so did you, there was no use in filtering things anymore.

You've been there through the entire process of writing, composing, and producing Secret Secret- the song whose lyrics had captured your heart. You didn't expect him to ask you to be there with him, he just shot you a text, three days after you came over to his house. 'Wanna be there while I work on the song? I know you liked the lyrics.' It was an offer you couldn't pass up on.

You weren't, in your opinion, much help. Han was gifted in the music realm and song-making flowed naturally from him. But he noticed how interested you were in music, so he called you over each time he worked on the song, even asking for your input at times.

That's why, when the song was finally done and released on 3racha's Spotify account, you decided to celebrate by baking him a cake. You may have dropped an eggshell in the batter (you recovered it later on), and the icing's color turned out less vibrant than what you hoped for. But you managed to adorn it with a garden of little flowers, and with store-bought icing, you wrote the words "after the rain flowers will bloom again."

You showed up to the dorm and Changbin pointed you to Han's room, where he had apparently been holed up all day. You shot him a grateful smile, before pushing the door open with your foot.

"What are you doing here?" Han asked, an incredulous smile drawn on his lips.

"Surprise!" you grinned, pushing the cake his way. "Congrats on making Secret Secret."

"Are you serious?" he chuckled, jumping out of his bed. He peered at the cake, eyes softening as he gazed down at the design.

"You drew a little garden..." he whispered in awe and you nodded, a faint blush creeping up your face.

"I'm glad you recognized what it was. I'm not the best baker," you admit a bit shyly but he shook his head. "It's perfect. I can't believe you did this to celebrate our baby!"

"Your baby," you corrected, although the use of 'our' warmed up your chest, weirdly enough.

"You were here with me every step of the way. She's ours."

"It's a she?" you giggled, and he smiled proudly.

"Mm. Do you accept being her mother?" he mused; hands clasped in front of his heart like he was praying you'd say yes.

"It would be my greatest honor," you nodded solemnly, and he let out a breathy chuckle, grabbing the cake from your hands and setting it on his bed.

"Should we hug it out?" he teased, arms stretched wide but you merely stared at him, unimpressed.

"Come on," he whined, "you can't reject me for the third time. And, in front of our child. On her birthday!" his tone grew louder and you couldn't help but giggle at his mock outrage.

"Try harder."

"Our child won't know what a loving parent relationship is and then she'll seek out unhealthy love from the ones around her and-" you cut him off by finally wrapping your arms around him.

You've always known that being near Han left you breathless, but this time, it felt as though he was breathing life into you. You close your eyes instinctively, as his hold tightens on you. He smells immensely nice, like pinewood and soap. You should've hugged him sooner.

"Thank you," he said quietly, forehead pressed against your shoulder blade.

"You did well," you whisper back.

"We did. She's our child, remember?" he reprimanded and you laughed faintly.

"Yeah, ours."

Hours later, the movie's credits finally roll down, and the finished cake sits idly by Han's desk.

"I should go," you rub your eyes tiredly, and Han stares at you as if you are out of your mind.

"At this hour? Do you want our kid to lose her mom?"

"Han," you drawl, hitting his head with the pillow next to you. "You can't hold me hostage."

"I can, as your husband."

"Since when are we married?"

"Since you agreed to be Secret's mother." Another playful hit to his face.

"Stop attacking my face, how will I get laid then?"

"So, you are cheating on me?" you ask, feigning outrage.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry baby you're the only one I want." You falter at the nickname before hitting him even harder, matching the tempo of your quickening heartbeat.

"You're crazy," he laughs, grabbing your wrists and pinning you onto the bed. He's hovering over you, eyes hooded with a tender intensity as he gazes down at you.

"Will you stay, please?"

"The couch is uncomfortable," you reply, avoiding his eyes. He lets go of one wrist before holding your chin gently, urging you to look at him.

"You can sleep here. We've done it before."

"You were freezing both times. That's why I did it."

"I'm very cold tonight," he pouts, eliciting a surprised chuckle from you.

"Are you now?"

"Very much so."

"Fine. Only because I don't want you to die from hypothermia."

"Thank you!" he grins excitedly, finally letting go of your wrist. You bring a hand to your flushed cheeks, as he tosses a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants in your direction.

"Get changed! There is a spare toothbrush in the cabinet."

You make sure to groan theatrically, before heading into the bathroom, where you splash your face repeatedly with water. You aren't used to this- being a blushy mess, because of Han, nonetheless. It was dizzying you, how things took the complete opposite turn between you and him.

At least, back then you weren't alone in your hate, you couldn't stand being alone in your affection.

So, you'd stop this, whatever feeling that's coursing through you. Tomorrow, you will firmly close the door on the blooming feelings within you. But tonight, you’d both lay on the same bed, arms brushing against one another. It's completely dark and quiet, but there is an entire symphony playing within you.

"Thank you for today," he whispers, turning around and tucking his arm under his head, this way he's facing you.

You mirror his actions, and your fingertips brush against one another. You can't see him but you can feel him. He's everywhere, wrapping around all your senses. 

"Thank you for making this song. It's very comforting to me."

"Why is that?" he questions, inching closer to you, you can feel his minty breath fan all over your face.

"I’ve always felt like I carried too many emotions within me. Like a volcano, bubbling over until the day I explode. I never liked feeling this way, so I tried to hide it," you confess softly.

"Like a secret secret."

"Like a secret secret," you repeat, glad that he understands.

"You don't have to hide with me," he says after a few silent beats, and you swallow nervously.

"I know." you lick your lips as the music inside you grows louder. "Still cold?"

"A little."

"Come closer," you beckon, and he complies instantly, wrapping his arm behind your back and drawing your chest close to his. Your legs entangle with one another, as your face lays on the crook of his neck. It's intimate, far more than any time you've done it before. You don't want to sink in his hold in fear of never resurfacing again.

"Good?" he asks, voice tinged with a newfound raspiness. 

"Mm," you hum, and he releases a relieved sigh.

You've once read that everything in this universe sings. Every atom's vibration creates a sound, contributing to a grand celestial chorus. It's an unscientific, but lovely thought, to wonder who our hearts sing for.

Right now, it's for Han.

☄༄

The music echoes through your being, an ever-present melody that refuses to fade into silence. Even with no audience to enjoy it.

Han always found his way back to your side, no matter how many times you've tried to distance yourself from him. And you couldn't bring yourself to refuse him, because you were friends, first and foremost. And friends don't abandon one another just because a mere glance at them sprouts a blush across your cheeks. 

That's how you find yourself on your way to Han's dorm, for the third time that week. Watching movies together has become your little tradition, for the past few months, and sometimes even Chan joins in. Although he mostly enjoys shooting you a knowing smile, to which you flip him off.

Your phone rings and Han's name illuminates your screen. You smile against your will.

"Can't wait to see me this much?" you singsong and Han's chuckle rings through the phone. It's rich and deep, causing you to tighten your hold on the device.

"Yes. And can you please go to the store? I'm out of snacks."

"What do I get out of it?" you muse, changing directions to the nearest convenience store.

"Snacks."

"Asshole," you giggle on your way to cross the road.

"And my eternal gratitude of course."

"Right, because I can't-" Loud tires screech right beside you and you startle, letting out a loud yelp as you drop your phone.

A hand on top of your heart, you bend down to pick up your fallen device, as the driver gets out of the car that grazed your body, mere inches away from hitting you. 

"Are you okay, miss? I'm sorry I didn't see you." The middle-aged man is quick to your side, and you glance at the small kid in his car, willing yourself to calm down for their sake.

"I'm fine. Just a bit startled. Drive more slowly, there is a kid with you."

"I know, I'm sorry," he drags a hand through his stressed features and you couldn't help but feel sympathy for him. "It's okay, don't worry about it. Just pay more attention to the road, okay?"

"Thank you so much. Thank you," he clasps his hand in gratitude before getting back to his car and you wave him off, your heart still wildly beating in your chest.

You head into the convenience store, picking up the snacks you know Han loves before paying for them. But as soon as you step back outside, you spot a disheveled Han crossing the road, sprinting toward the store. His pace quickens upon spotting you.

"What are you..." your question is cut short as his arms wrap around you, pulling you to his chest instantly. You can feel the frantic rhythm of his heart, and you're confused as he pulls away, hands cradling your cheeks and turning your face left and right.

"You're alright, nothing happened to you, right? You’re okay?" he inquires urgently and you let out a confused giggle, as you grab his arm to steady him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I heard the tires screech and you yelled and then you didn't pick up when I called and I thought-" his voice cracks. "I thought something happened to you."

"No, no. I'm okay. Nothing happened, I promise." you reassure, as he brings you to his chest once again, his hand smoothing the top of your hair.

"I was so scared," he kisses your temple, as his thumping heart resounds within your chest. "So terrified that something would happen to you. I thought I'd lose my mind."

"You don't mean that," you shake your head slowly, peeling yourself away from him.

"Can you really not see how much I care about you? How I crave being near you?" his voice raises a slight octave. The music in you picks up.

"How long do I have to pretend to be cold to have you nearby? For god's sake, I'm never cold around you, yn. When I see you, I ignite." He takes in a deep breath, pressing his forehead onto your shoulder. "And I... I couldn't have lived with myself if something happened to you. I... You drive me crazy, Yn. When we became friends it felt like I was stepping inside a home for the first time, and yet I already knew each turn in it."

He grabs your arms, shaking you slightly as his chest heaves up and down. "My darkness recognizes yours and my light is you and you- you think I wouldn't care if anything happened to you?"

He shakes his head as tears prickle in the corners of his eyes. Has his music always been this loud, were you just not listening properly?

"I'm scared because we didn't start well and I understand if a part of your heart still resents me, I do. But I don't think I can pretend anymore. Not with you," his voice softens as his gaze locks on yours.

"Were you pretending too?" He asks, hope dripping from his tone. "Do you feel it too?"

A split second goes by. A candle flickering somewhere. A dandelion plucked from the ground. The shadow of a cloud passing over the sun- and you pick.

"I feel it too. So much that my heart feels like it’s singing for you, Han."

"I'll sing for it in return," he whispers, before crashing his lips onto yours. His hand slides up the back of your neck, drawing you closer. You drop the bags of groceries as you cradle his cheeks, feeling them warm up beneath your touch. You can't believe you've ever disliked your heart for feeling too much, not when the lovely emotions flowing in your heart threaten to burst it at the seams, submerging you in a warmth you've never known before- Han. 

Two months later

You have 3 new messages from: hannie

"kept this song a secret from you baby but i wrote it for you so you can't be mad"

"i don't know if you remember but you’ve once told me that you are a volcano. as if that’s something that’s supposed to put me off. well, some people dedicate their lives to studying volcanos. and i would dedicate mine to learning you."

"Volcano.mp3."

Light.

Lee Know x Gucci's The God of Love

Lord safe me my brain just went 🤯

You deserve a big smooch for this so here you go *smooch* 💋

I feel like he would also look at the marks you left the next day and smile cuz he can walk around with these marks the whole day now and if he notices they are fading he will just ask you to do it again. Like sit on his lap and kiss every part of him you can reach while he grips your waist or thighs and whines your name :(

@kaciidubs

LISTEN TO ME sub!chan would probably enjoy when you just chomp his muscles

Like imagine he is just walking around shirtless and you see him for example chopping fruits… and you walk up behind him and bite his shoulder HE WOHLD STRAIGHT UP TRY TO HOLD HIS MOAN BACK like he stares at you and just goes like “do that again please”

and who are you to refuse him when he looks at you with those pretty brown eyes😮‍💨

thank you for coming to my ted talk about subby chan :D

Biting Sub! Chan?! Honestly, that's the easiest way to rile him up without directly touching him; nibble his ears or neck, graze your canines against those pretty wide shoulders of his - hell, even if you kiss him and bite his bottom lip he's practically putty for you!

And those eyes, god, what his mouth wont say, his eyes surely would tell - the faintest of fog over his irises, wide and soft and looking at you as if you'd hung the moon in the sky as a gift for him, baby boy's got it bad.

OH MY DID YOU JUST CALL ME GIRFRIEND BRB NEED TO TELL MY PLUSHIES HOW AMAZING YOU ARE TEHEEEEE

also I am just impatient cuz you made me impatient after telling me they will spend the most money so it’s your own fault @seospicybin :(

You’re evil for keeping thth chan from me so that’s your punishment :)

So sorry I am corrupting your thoughts (not really tho)

You're so impatient, girlfriend! It's coming sooner than you think!

Gimme a second… I have the perfect picture

Wanna see a pretty man?

So uhmmm now tell me how you feel hehe 😈

Found my new hobby trying to drive @seospicybin insane with these pictures 🤭

Need a place to sit down? Here you go :D

I just wanted to leave this here for you since I can’t be the only one to simp over these thighs 😮‍💨

Oh my god, I feel faint now.......

too bad IKEA doesn't sell this chair!

So for you I found another picture of Lee know

If that doesn’t give you ideas… :D

Need a place to sit down? Here you go :D

I just wanted to leave this here for you since I can’t be the only one to simp over these thighs 😮‍💨

Oh my god, I feel faint now.......

too bad IKEA doesn't sell this chair!

Just realised I have almost 400 followers mskdoirnr

THANK YOU EVERYONE I APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT AND LOVE 😭😭

Just got back from work and I got screamed at by at least 3 people because I wasn’t fast enough to get the drawing done and that made me anxious and then I had a mental breakdown and cried for at least 10 minutes in the bathroom and sadly I couldn’t eat much today because I needed to get my project done but I drank so much coffee 🙂 but I hope you have at least a bit of fun at work my precious love 💋

How are you today ? I hope you had a nice day and didn’t overwork yourself…don’t forget to eat and drink enough so you stay healthy 💋🤗*smooch*

Aahhh I'm just now waking up, definitely don't wanna go to work but I'll survive somehow 😭 I hope you had a nice day and ate something good! Mwuah💖

Please vote so I know what to post next :D

EVERYONE LISTEN THIS IS MY DATE IDEA FOR MY PRECIOUS WIFEY @kaciidubs

So first breakfast in bed is a must probably after sum cuddles and sum smooches because I deserve all of them :((

after that a shower and then we go to a pretty park and draw together while eating snacks again CUDDLES AND SMOOCHES cuz ur precious hehe :D

after thaaaaat I would take u on a late night drive to get some food and after that you can choose what we do tehe :)

ANYTHING YOU WANT JUST TELL ME WHAT AND ITS YOURS!! UR SO PRECIOUS *big smooch*💋 god u know what would be amazing? Going on a date and paint together while cuddling :(

Here you go your ring 💍

*gets down one one knee* Please marry me so I can smooch your pretty face I promise to always listen to your subby chan thoughts you can gladly rant about it to me I promise to always listen 😮‍💨

I do!!! 🥺🥰🥰

I promise to give you ALL of the subby chan thoughts that pop up in this tiny brain of mine, and give your pretty face smooches back because you listen to me and my horny rambles 💍