20/01/2019

13-14/11/18 - 65-66/100 days of productivity

14th - well today has been long. I had an applicant visit day to the uni of Birmingham, which was so much fun - until it came to getting home. I was supposed to be on a quarter past four train to be home for half seven. It is now ten to seven and I am waiting another 30 minutes for the final leg of my journey home to start after standing for 2 hours on a packed and very late train. I should arrive at my finial station at nine.

It’s not the staff’s fault necessarily, but we were turned away by a staff member when our train was actually boarding, so we missed it.

HOWEVER I did get to make good progress with Selam Berlin! And I got to play with sodium alginate and calcium chloride, and experience a lecture on why transition metal compounds are coloured.

I did my German catch-up work on the train to Birmingham, too. Now to make some important emails!

I hope your studies go well and have a great day! x

Thank you so much! I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know xx

(I am still alive folks - I’ve got my German speaking exam on Friday 17th May and I’ve just done my French oral, which went fantastically!)

Self-care is not always pretty.

Self care is not all about masks, drinking chamomile tea and taking bubble baths.

It is also about doing the things you need to do. Like getting groceries, not buying that tub of cookie dough because you know you’d feel sick later. Cleaning your desk filled with tissues and vacuuming your room filled with crumbs and dirt. Providing yourself with a clean environment to pick your motivation and drive up again. Doing that assignment earlier on because you’d thank yourself later for not having to procrastinate till the last minute and stay up with cans of red bull. Eating healthily because caring for your body is important when you’re not indulging yourself in junk food. Maintaining conversations and relationships with friends and family even when you don’t feel like it, to not regret mistakes and spontaneously cut people off.

These are all acts of self care, not pretty, but necessary for you to continue to push forward.

27/08/18 My wonderful French teachers always lend me books - this one is Simone de Beauvoir’s “L’invitée”. It doesn’t feel like studying when you’re totally chilled out 😊

Reading is so important and something I think we should all make time for. It’s a shame our high-powered lives don’t allow us much time for this :(

You know when you *should* work but you are having such a bad day you can’t? That’s me right now. And I’m cool with that

My motivation is also saying 📈📉📈📉 at this point!

28|07|2020

Day 16 of My Summer Studying Challenge

✨ 28th July ✨ How do you stay motivated to study during the summer?

my motivation is quite up and down at the moment actually but i’ve just been trying to break down the tasks as much as possible and set achievable goals. but as well as this i’ve been trying to take time to relax. there’s also been some tasks that just generally i’ve wanted to do more so i’ve been way more motivated to do those than ones that just seem a bit boring 

I love bees!

save the bees🐝

Omg how is ur writing so good

A lot of it is finding the right pen, honestly! I have at least 10 styles of handwriting I can switch between and not all of them are neat. When I’m taking my class notes with a biro my writing is disgusting 😂

Elemental Tag!

Thank you @littledonkeystudies and @teaandanightowl for the tag! :)

Rules: bold the statements that apply to you, italicise your aspirations, then tag other people

air

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch small animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

fire

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

water

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love dimly lit diners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids’ shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

earth

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love the chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

aether

i go without makeup /  i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time (most of the time) / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

Tagging (for those that want to/haven’t done it already) : @problematicprocrastinator @waldenlustcafe @goodtea-studies

To lost dreams...

From 5 years old, I was dead set on being a writer. I have always been interested in language and was rewarded with a great sense of satisfaction when the nuances of words resonated in my head. It didn’t matter to me that I have aphantasia because I didn’t know it existed. (It’s like a play in my head where the actors are playing behind a closed curtain - and I’m the wrong side of it.) All I knew is that each word was unique even in the face of its synonyms, and I felt those differences coursing through my very own neurones. I still do!

I was the child who, instead of going out to play, curled up in the corner and took herself to a world of her own invention through the means of the written word. I saw sheets of paper more than I saw the sun and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Who cares if I’d have to be the starving artist for a while? Who cares that I’d likely have been hit by more rejections than acceptances?

And then secondary school started. English became more about regurgitating someone else’s analyses in essays than being creative. People used to look at me as if to say, “A writer? What a waste of a brain.” My mind became aware of its blindness and I became severely depressed - and I stopped writing altogether. I am scared to admit that my mind fights to find words sometimes. I am even more afraid to admit that I have nothing about which to write at all anymore.

My five-year-old self would be so disappointed... she sacrificed her imagination - the greatest part of herself - to the hands of an education system that moulds us into depressed conformists.