Passive Voice Needs To Stop. Because Sometime I Forget How English Works And I Have Like Three Different

i- it has come to my attention that some of the journal articles i am citing, for a school paper, sound like tabloids???

examples:

How Enigmatic is Hans Christian Andersen?

Seeing Andersen as He Isn’t

Like bro?

ah, yes.

the sweet, sweet smell of procrastination.

research is such a wild ride.

like. one moment, you're doing find and you have the right paper and you know exactly what the major and minor alleles are, and what the frequency is, and then suddenly you get to trying to figure out what in god's name trichohyalin is actually doing. and. no one would like to tell you, because for some reason is hidden behind so many dang fancy words you don't know, which are hidden in different sections of a paper (is it in the abstract? or do i have to read to the intro? or is it in the discussion? or god forbid, the methods?) and that's hidden behind some stupid 40 dollar paywall. like. god.

....also the article is from either 1980 seems very sus or from 2018 but it's using math that's at least three classes ahead of what you can begin to comprehend.

i love describing acid base buffers as "they turn the extra pH-ey things into the less pH-ey things."

you ever self-study for something, think you cover all the topics, and then take a practice test and realize that. damn. you know. absolutely. f-ing. nothing.

cuz like yeah same bro.

to the chemistry demon: look. i already sold my soul to the algebra demon. and i know you guys are friends. you steal his torture tactics very often. so please. i can't sell you my soul for a 5 on your ap exam. i might be able to rent you a little bit, or convince algebra to lend it to you for a few minutes, but i won't be able to sell it to you.

...will you accept cookies in payment?

no? tears, blood, and souls only? *sighs.* fine.

the tear delivery should be around 2am, does that work for you?

writing a resume be like "i promise i don't suck and i am capable of the stuff i will need to do for u. i'm not incompetent i swear" ｡◕‿‿◕｡

google's auto responses are killing me..

my friend (the sweetest angel who looked over my paper for me) has highlighted the work "Lamarckian," asking "what does this mean?"

google's auto responses?

"i don't know" and "sorry."

"what is this?" "i don't know. i wrote this paper. but i just... don't know."

alternatively.

"what is this" "sorry." no context. just sorry.

bernadette banner just referred to someone as her "resident chemist" and i am quite sure that this is the profession i aspire to.

lysenko is the mansplain manipulate manwhore of genetics and agrobiology.

no, my mind cannot be changed.