Heres A Handful Of Ilimas Because I Adore Him

Minecraft: *Ominous spooky noise* Me,easily spooked: d…don’t do that,,

I was a professional juggler for like five years and all of my friends politely pretend it never happened.

WIBTA for sabotaging my boyfriend's hookup with his girlfriend by filling his sex playlist with DJ Crazytimes

I (28NB, they/he) have known my boyfriend (call him C, 29M, he/him) for some 15ish years now. As long as I've known him, he has been on and off again with his girlfriend (call him T, 29NB, he/him). Respectfully, and with love, C and T are two of the worst and most annoying people I know. I want to marry them both specifically so that I can study them under a microscope like a parasitic virus.

Technically they're monogamous, but they're both hooking up with other people (myself included), usually the same people, because they have the same taste in lovers (bad). I have suggested that they give actual polyamory a try, and they reject the idea wholeheartedly. I think they get off on their dynamic, and far be it from me to try more than the bare minimum to dissuade them from it.

A couple months back, they got into a fight and broke up (again) because T (who was unemployed at the time) stole $50 from C (who works at GameStop) so that he could pay for a tank of gas (using C's car) to go hook up with another guy a couple states over. C was not upset that T was hooking up with another guy (because he was Also hooking up with that guy and knew he would not have a leg to stand on), but because of the stolen money + car.

C and I currently live together, because you can't afford an apartment on a GameStop salary, and also, like I said, he's my boyfriend. I'm making carnitas tacos next Friday, and T is coming over, because despite everything, he has nothing else to do on a Friday night. I know that C and T are going to get into a huge fight, and I know that it's probably either going to end with them getting back together out of spite or with someone's vehicle getting keyed--I'm betting on both.

Here's where I think I might be the asshole. I would really like to get inbetween them. Not in a "I don't want you to date each other" kind of way, but in a "holy shit you are both so insufferable i would like to get in on that" kind of way. I currently have my thing with C, and I've hooked up with T once in the past, but I would really like to make it official with him as well.

My plan is as follows: C and T are going to be in the same space again next Friday. They're going to fight, then hook up, then get back together again. C is one of those cybersexual "i built my own computer and run it on Linux" people, which is to say, he thinks tiktok and youtube are evil, and he he thinks spotify premium is supporting megacorporations. So, his sex playlist for T (we do not have our own sex playlist) is just an actual folder of mp3 files.

While C is at work, I'm going to log into his computer and change several of those mp3 files to DJ Crazytimes' Planet of the Bass, which I play often, and he is frequently annoyed by. My hope is that he'll realize it was me, he'll come and yell at me for ruining their hookup, T will take my side to piss him off, and the tension will get to the point where they let me join their hookup, and I can ask to date both of them after that.

To be clear, I recognize that I'm also Incredibly Toxic for enabling and encouraging this behavior. That said, I feel like I'm justified in this scenario considering C and T are both Also toxic, and furthermore, it is a known fact that I'm dating C right now, so for them to hook up, C would technically be cheating on me. I asked C's sister (a childhood friend of mine) for her take on whether it would be funny or just annoying, and she just told me that we all deserve each other, so I think I should be good. Am I being uniquely shitty here?

What are these acronyms?

I wanna see Kirb.... N yosh.... Be frens Pls

best friens share burgie

el tigre es pequeño y gordo

this is a callout post

Ok what the FUCK is animorphs

Things that happened in Animorphs that people don’t talk about enough:

A man was forced to cannibalize his former student

It’s canon that humpback whales are telepathic and can communicate complex ideas such as the locations of shipwrecks

One of the kids was infested by a yeerk and literally saw Satan when the yeerk died. It wasn’t a vision. Satan is a canon character

God randomly shows up once in a while to help them out?

Dogs have been genetically engineered by furry androids

One of the kids is knocked unconscious and eaten alive by bullet ants but it’s okay because it happened via time-travel magic, so she was fine in the next book

One of the kids is allergic to alligator DNA and ends up expelling an entire fully grown alligator from her back, Alien: Covenant style

This universe’s version of Jonathan Taylor Thomas gets controlled by a yeerk, sees someshit, and moves to Uzbekistan after it’s all over

That entire book that was just about horses and an alien toilet

Zone 91, the secret military base where they supposedly keep aliens

The Animorphs crashing a party at the amusement park (because it was a cover to infest high-ranking military officers) and all the attendees thinking it’s a parade

Living, but remote-controlled, hammerhead sharks

The internet was designed by a yeerk who lives in a mansion and cannibalizes other yeerks and is the brother of Visser Three

They travelled back in time and killed Hitler

God is just a gamer who was given too much power on accident

Me: ugh I HATE this character

Also me: I only hate this character because they remind me of myself and I can’t stand myself

Me: but like yeah I guess they’re cool

Gillette really made an ad that told men “don’t be a dickhead cause society allows you to, be a good example of what a man should be.” And men turned around a said “bUt WHat iF I wANna bE a PieCe oF sHiT, fUcK oFf sPeciAL SNOwFlAkes”