Me N Rob

We are, indeed, out here creating media.

we are out here, creating media

Crush.

your heart a flower,

encapsulated by my

shielded garden walls.

~ceramic-feelings

You have a nice chest. You should show it off more in your photo posts here.

My chest?

You mean like this?

I snuck out last night and made frog bread

Tree hugger☺️

Reflection

The water from the reservoir

Is entirely stagnant.

As I hover the water,

The eyes of my reflection rendezvous.

In that moment I began to apprehend

That I truly looked demoralized.

The tears from my cheeks cascade,

And the still of the water is interrupted.

The soft undulations ripple away

Along with the depiction of my reflection

That had scarred the human psyche.

~ceramic-feelings

over high garden walls, this sweet echo falls, as a soldier boy whispers goodbye.

Raymond B. Egan

this is a rant, but i feel like i need it.

all of high school i submersed myself

with band

and it was quite competitive, really.

so much self hate,

surrounded by both the kindest people and

the most self-absorbed losers.

i really beat myself up trying to climb the hierarchy.

i even tried to quit when it became

too much to handle.

gaslit into staying, i still felt unwelcome.

i wasn’t necessarily on the bottom, i was

a section leader and was loved by my

section.

i still craved a sense of belonging.

marching didn’t come easily to me,

not like it did for most everyone else.

i couldn’t physically do it and i just figured

maybe i’m not pushing myself like everybody

else?

maybe i’m just lazy and don’t want to put the work in?

but that’s not how i truly felt.

i was going to physical therapy but nothing

was improving.

maybe everybody else is in pain too,

and i’m the only one not pushing through it.

constantly beating myself over the head

and then sitting out for reps.

i really did feel terribly embarrassed.

turns out all along i’ve had a rare genetic

connective tissue disorder.

And what the hell is Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome anyways?

I often wonder what I could’ve done differently

for my friends to have liked me.

I understand why many peeled off when

i had a kid,

but i felt the falling out way before that.

perhaps i get too excited that i drive people away.

it just feels terrible that i don’t have friends

that i can look back on the memories and laugh.

all i feel is hurt.

i’m getting married next year.

i won’t have any bridesmaids

or a maid of honor.

just the strange faces of my siblings

that have also outgrown me,

and the parents i worked so hard to leave.

travis’s family beside mine,

in a broken room

listening to broken music

with our broken families.

i almost would rather not have a wedding.

i have close to nobody

and my only happiness is within travis and niamh.

haiku

the act to conjure

a haiku may take patience

and finger counting.

what had once filled me with

a feeling of happiness and satisfaction

has left me with ugly horizontal scars,

many that are still healing.

what once was beautiful red blood

has become pink and white scars,

they now fill my body...

and i feel so ugly.