Who Am I

Who Am I

TW: Christianity, Death, Abuse, panic attack, depersonalization

Adora needed a break after those classes. So much was on her mind so she decided to go down and walk around. It was a beautiful sunset, with pinks, purples, and blues as the stars began to come out. She hums softly walking around and noticing a cemetery. Of course, Adora has seen plenty of cemeteries in her time as an angel. It's a natural part of death but this one was different.

This one had an enchanting humming noise drawing Adora closer. Of course, it could just be someone mourning but it sounded soft and familiar. Adora continued to follow the humming noise until she was at a grave. It had a soft white glow surrounding it and the humming was obviously coming from the grave.

In Memory of

Mary Clara Wils

Loving Daughter

1829-1846

Adora stared at the grave in curiosity. Why was it humming, why was it glowing? Like it was calling her? Kneeling down, her hand reached out grazing the cold stone. Her golden eye widened a gasp leaving her lips.

A young girl, probably seven, with brown hair and amber eyes was playing outside climbing trees in her tattered dress. She was calling out to her father that just gotten home and he began to yell at her. “A lady shall not do that. What are you thinking!” He yells. Quickly the child gets down receiving a slap on the cheek

The girl, around ten now, her hair braided into a bun and a dress covering bruises. She washes dishes, she does laundry and cooks. Sighing she smiles and tells her father all the work she had gotten done that day and he yells at her “You made what! I told you to leave the cooking to your mother! You wasteful hog we don’t have enough money!” He slaps her again leaving a bruised eye.

She’s seventeen now. Smaller than she should be, her family isn’t getting enough food. Bruises litter her body as she completes the daily chores. When her father comes home she smiles saying nothing to not invoke his rage. It still wasn’t enough. After he was finished taking the rage of work out on his daughter he left her alone lying on the kitchen floor in blood.

Weakly she stood up grabbing the wall for support. She could barely walk but she knew one thing. She didn’t want to die in this house. So hobbling she walked out and continued walking to lay by some nearby trees. Blood filled her lungs with every breath, as she closed her eyes.

Adora gasps falling back. She cries shaking, who was that, why did she see that? Why was she hurt? That must have been Mary. Mary… that name was familiar to her and it pained Adora. She cried hugging herself tight. She needed help, she needed someone. Adora envisioned Xander best she could weeping as she called for him.

“Adora?” Xander asks softly behind her.

“Who is she?” She yells shaking.

Xander kneels beside Adora looking at the grave. “Ah. Your grave,”

“M-mine? I’m Adora?! I’m Adora!” Adora responds. “Marlo isn’t any different. Why am I different?”

Xander rubs her back softly. “Calm down, shh it’s okay. When you become a worker angel they alter your memory during school. It’s why you don’t remember. No one remembers they’re past life unless they find their grave and it’s unlikely they’d stumble across it. Or unless…”

“Unless they fall?” she finishes wiping the tears away.

Xander nods smiling, “you learn a lot when you fall.”

“So I’m Mary?”

“Adora. If you want to be Mary you can be but you’re still Adora. You may have lived and died as Mary but you’re Adora now, you keep people safe as Adora, you learn and help as Adora,” Xander explains.

Adora nods slowly processing everything. She grabs onto his hands softly to ground herself. So much is going through her mind still she doesn’t understand what to think. Who she is? Who she was?

“It’s okay, I had the same thoughts when I fell. I had a lot of memories come back. It was difficult to deal with but you don’t have to deal with this alone okay?”

“Yeah,” Adora says softly, “I have you, and Ariel, I wonder if she knows her past. I wonder who knows their past in the workers.”

“Many angels retire after finding our their past. Some can’t handle it but I am certain that you are strong enough. You can continue. I promise,” Xander states.

Xander stands helping Adora up. Adora nods softly hugging him. “You’re first day of classes were today right? How did they go?” 

Sniffing she looks up smiling, “good. My teachers seem nice but my Human Angel Safety teacher seems really strict. She’s scary. One of the girls in my dealing with death classes is a child angel, seems really cool. And I think I’m making friends with a cupid. He’s really old too. Roman era, we have matching eyes. He’s nice. In our death class he said he felt guilty when his same sex couples die and we share our safety class too,”

“Hm, that sounds cool. Pretty old. I died in roman times too. It was fun to be a cupid, before everyone became so strict and prissy,” Xander responds looking off to the setting sun.

“Hm, I wonder if you know him then? Addon, gold eyes brown hair. He was super nice and said we could help eachother with our strict safety teacher,”

“Addon?” Xander asked looking down his eyes fluffing out shocked.

“Yeah Addon, yknow him?”

“You should rest, you have a lot that you have to process. I’ll see you around,” Xander said. His voice hinted with annoyed as he gave her a final hug before leaving.

Adora watched Xander leave tilting her head. Why was he so defensive, I guess he does know him. Xander doesn’t seem to like the other cupids anyways though. Adora sighs soft and heads back to her dorm.

Ariel knocks on Adora’s door before opening it, “ADORA! How was your first day! Where were you. I wanna hear all about it!” she hums walking in.

“Hey Ariel. I’m pretty tired. I did chat with a cupid, I might be making friends with him,” Adora says smiling softly yawning.

“That sounds nice. You gotta tell me about it when you feel better okay. If you need any help, ask me.”

“Of course,” Adora hums waving Ariel away.