Doc. How Much Would It Cost For You To Do A Drawing Of Jason With His White Streak? You Absolute God

Vicki Vale: Mr. Wayne are you Batman?

Bruce Wayne: What is a “Bat man?”

—

Vicki Vale: Mr. Drake are you Red Robin?

Tim Drake: Like the restaurant?

—

Vicki Vale: So Cassandra, are you Orphan?

Cassandra Cain: No I’m not an orphan. I have a dad.

—

Vicki Vale: Mr. Thomas are you Signal?

Duke Thomas: Am I what?

Vicki Vale: Are you the Bat Signal?

Duke Thomas: That is the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked.

—

Vicki Vale: Damian, are you Robin?

Damian Wayne: Tt, I am not a bird. Are you well, Ms. Vale? I’m concerned for your mental state.

Translation: WHAT?!? You egg!!

So listen i have this book coming out in uhhh 10 days and I am Worried about it, because it is a Comedy, and comedy is really hard to market (why????? it's funny pirates, what's not to like??) even when it is, yanno, normal mainstream comedy.

It is even worse when it is Unhinged Comedy That's Mostly Going To Be Funny To People On Tumblr. (For example, the main character being a supreme gremlin made of 90% memes by weight (examples: carries around a bag that is never called anything but his "little rucksack"; has a near-verbatim "stick me legy out real far" moment; talks about his metaphorical "orphan gruel bowl" which is a direct reference to that one Oliver Twist gif) because those are funny to me personally.) Unhinged Tumblr Comedy is difficult because tumblr is not a platform where it is easy to market things to people, because we are generally violently anti-capitalist and LOATHE advertisements and reflexively resist being marketed to for most anything. I LOVE that about this website. Except for right now, because I have bills to pay and a cat to feed. So look, fellow tumblr gremlins, I am just trying to say that if your personal brand of comedy is laughing at the kind of jokes that could only be produced on this hell website, and:

you like pirates

you're queer and want to read more books by queer authors

you want your fictional queer characters to be a hell of a lot more Messy and Unhinged than they often are depicted as being

you're interested in seeing a love triangle (M/M/NB) that resolves into polyamory

you want books where the hottest character gets to makes Passionate Speeches about rebelling against oppressive institutional regimes like governments and organized religions

you believe that capitalism is the most oppressive institutional regime of them all

you think it's fun when two characters have been in a 15-year-long relationship where the vibes have been "We're Newly Divorced" nearly since day one

you believe that All Cops Are Bastards and want to know what to do when you get pulled over by the boat cops

you think the Great British Bake-Off would be improved with weaponry, ritualized bribery/coercion of judges, and elaborate shit-talk

then this book might be for you. Beneath the wall-to-wall hijinks, it is political and it is righteously angry and it is the funniest thing I have ever written (which is saying something, because I have written some funny shit). It's called RUNNING CLOSE TO THE WIND. Here's a picture of it.

If all that sounds cool, you can read a review of it here and the first chapter of it here to see if it as funny as I am claiming it is, and then if you think that it is, you can preorder it here. It comes out on June 11! Ten days from now!

Thank you for letting me market to you for a minute. Signal boosting would be very much appreciated.

i drew my thing: here

click on image for better resolution

(Context: I'm AuDHD and have ZERO ability to do the thing when I think about doing the thing. I'm trying a new stimulant, Azstarys, and it's given me that ability.)

What it's like having executive function: The moment I think about doing something, it's done. For the first time ever I can make my body move as fast as I can think.

I've been awake for 5½ hours and this is what I've completed:

Went to say hi to a friend for his birthday, which involved: Driving across town, driving into downtown, and finding parking at a parking meter to go to an unfamiliar restaurant.

Dropped him and his wife off back at their house, which involved: Navigating on slippery and unfamiliar roads at night on semi-plowed roads.

Got home and cleaned my room, which involved: Putting all the crap I had strewn about into bins, putting the bins into the halls, picking garbage off the floor, pulling out the broom and dustpan, sweeping, pulling out the vacuum, vacuuming, pulling out furniture, pushing the furniture back, walking up and down the basement stairs to get things, putting the broom back, putting the vacuum back, putting the bins with crap back into my room to sort through later.

Made myself a milkshake, which involved: Pulling out all ingredients, making the milkshake, putting all the ingredients back, and hand-washing the blender and lid. And then I cleaned the few dishes left in the sink and cleaned the sink itself because it looked a little crusty.

The main takeaway I've learned from all this?

Efficiency is a bio-mechanical function, and how well this mechanical function works is NOT a matter of self-discipline or willpower.

When you have working executive function—when it doesn't cause your nervous system pain to set-switch and to execute tasks—doing tasks is EASY. SO EASY. MINDLESS. The moment I'd think about doing something, my body is suddenly doing it.

Additionally, none of this exhausted me. None of it inflicted pain on my nervous system. In fact, the only reason why I'd stop doing a task is purely because it gets boring to do, NOT because I'm burning out from constant pain-exposure.

Fuck literally everyone who claims this shit's a matter of willpower or discipline. If it feels like that to them, then that's testament to just how fucking easy they have it.

ill figure it out <- common utterance of a girl who is completely fucked

today at work a man brought a pug in on a leash and that pug was so excited and happy to see me it was as if we were old friends who havent been in contact in 7 years i felt so loved in that moment

Danny wasn't sure what to do. Was this legal? He knew the bats were part of the Justice League and whatnot but surely they can't just pick him up off the street after he got into a brawl with some creeps trying to mug him!

Sure, Nightwing had jumped down to help and Danny, still in his living form with its crappy human vision, thought he was another mugger because of the dark and attacked him too.

Now he's sitting in the back seat of the batmobile with his hands in wierd bat handcuffs.

Was everything these guys owned bat themed? Yeah his parents put there last name in all the titles of their inventions but they had a brand to sell so it was excusable. Batman however, is clearly living out his bat shaped dreams. Usually Danny was all for the furrys doing thier thing, one of his best friends was a proud furry and Danny 100% supported him, but there was a line you don't cross and tall dark and fuzzy crossed it when he kidnaped one 14 year old Danny Fenton.

He couldn't Go Ghost right in front of Batman and Nightwing but he could use the one thing his mom made him take with him everywhere since he was a little boy.

His panic button.

It was powered by ectoplasm and could get through signal jammer with no problem. If he pressed the button his parents would drop everything to come save him. They made sure to put little sirens and flashing lights in thier own hazmat suits to make sure they didn't accidentally miss it. Sure they looked hilarious the few times he had seen it go off in his life but it was highly effective.

So he pushed the button and his parents were charging torward them in record time, the GAV playing chicken with the freaking batmobile. Suddenly his mothers voice came from the panic button, "Are you in the front of back, sweetie?"

"I, uh." He stuttered, looking up at the shocked face of Nightwing before answering, "The back."

"Perfect." He mother said darkly.

A trio of high mechanical whines filled the air and Danny didn't need to look through the windshield to know the buzz saws were out.

----

Bruce just wanted to know why Danny Fenton, youngest of the Fenton Family and son of Jack Fenton and Madeline Walker, two people whose marriage brokered peace between thier prospective mafia syndicate families, was doing in Gotham beating up low level thugs.

He was not expecting overprotective mad scientist parents.

Head Cannon

Bruce never actually learned how to act rich till he was already in his early 30's due to traveling for training and still forgets most of the stuff he learned because he so used to just focusing on his family and being Batman. The perks to being rich? Your rich! There are no other perks!

Dick was raised in a circus, and despite joining Bruce and the world of rich at a young age, Bruce still doesn't teach him anything about being rich other than how to act nicely and how to hide from paparazzi,

Jason is notoriously from Crime Ally, he knows less about being rich and how to use the power of being rich, he will learn the proper way to act like he has money, just to do the exact opposite because F the rich. And Steph has the EXACT same mindset

You would think Damian knows how to act rich and all the perks to being rich because he's the famous Al Ghul the demon head's grandson right? Nope, he trained how to kill people and how to lie, not how to flaunt money

Tim drake is the only Wayne that is raised on what it's like to be rich and rich perks and sucky parts. You want to get into that one really exclusive club on 14th Street? The one with the 4 month long waiting list? Tim could bring you and 10 other people and still get in without a reservation. Tim can tell you how to properly mix 40 different types of alcoholic drinks because rich people are obsessed with alcohol . Hell you want a free drink just join Tim at a bar near the diamond district because people who are famous get 2 bottles of whiskey free of charge.

Hey! I have an INPRNT now and I'm really excited to set it all up, i only have one print available so far, but you can follow me there and get updates for when i add new ones!